AVRIL
"Girl kain tayo, libre ko!"
"Ano ka ba? Para na kitang kapatid."
"Ano Avril, gala tayo?"
MADALAS AY naririnig ko ang mga 'yon mula kay Hera. Well, she's the most talkative person I've ever known. Pati yata color ng panty niya, iku-kuwento niya sa'yo. She's the epitome of expressiveness, friendliness, keenness, talkativeness and enthusiasm overworked.
However, I can never forget that aside from Hera, ay may kaibigan pa akong tinuturing kong kapatid na medyo madaldal din. Hindi nga lang kasing-ingay ni Hera, sa tuwing naalala ko naman siya, 'yon agad ang pinakaunang tumatatak sa isip ko.
"Hoy Avril, nakikinig ka ba?" Natauhan ako nang ikaway-kaway niya ang kaniyang kamay sa harap ng mukha ko.
Meet Jessel—my best friend. She's probably telling me something crazy again today. Base pa lang sa excitement niya, halatang mala-bulkang chika na naman 'yong sasabihin niya sa'kin.
"Ano?" Agad kong inilayo ang hawak kong report sa Gen Math. Baka mamaya, mabasa pa 'to ng hawak-hawak niyang Coke Mismo.
"May tanong ako," sabi niya. Tumingin-tingin pa siya sa paligid bago ibinalik ang kaniyang tingin sa'kin. We are currently at a small café near our school. Nilibre kasi ako ng bruha.
"Tanong? Akala ko ba may chika ka?"
"Kaya nga! I have a question first bago ko i-spill 'yong tea."
Saktong pagkasabi niya no'n ay dumating ang waiter sa tabi namin at inilapag ang aming mga order. I ordered chamomile tea and cheesecake. Siya naman, leche flan lang. She didn't buy a drink anymore since she already had the Coke Mismo. In-order niya agad 'yon sa counter pagkarating namin dito.
"Oh sige, ano 'yon?"
"If someone tells you that he likes you? What will you do?"
My eyes widened. "OMG? Did someone tell you that he likes you?"
I immediately confirmed the answer when she bowed her head and remained silent. Bahagya akong napatili pero agad ko ring pinatahimik ang sarili ko dahil pinagtinginan ako ng mga tao.
Kung ganoon nga, then I'm truly happy! Finally, magka-ka-lovelife na 'tong BFF ko. Oo, alam ko, hindi pa niya 'yon sinasagot (kung nilagawan man siya) pero do'n din naman papunta 'yon. Jessel's not like me na humaharot lang ng mga lalaki without commitments.
Sabihin na nating may pagka-Disney princess din siya. She's the typical girl who wants to experience romance. Hindi katulad ko na pang-Dora lang na puro laro at exploration.
Well, kung nakahanap man siya ng lalaki, masaya na ako.
But not to the fullest. Kasabay ng galak na 'yon ay ang dismaya. Medyo na-di-dismaya ako para sa kaibigan ko. Because like some Disney princesses, Jessel's also the type of woman who isn't really in full control of her life.
In short, her parents are strict. 'Yon ang kina-dismayahan ko pero pinili kong huwag 'yon ipahalata sa kaniya.
"Nako girl ha, siguraduhin mo lang na 'di ka lolokohin niyan," I told her.
"So ano nga'ng sasabihin ko? Should I reject him? Alam mo namang bawal ako mag-jowa diba?" aniya.
"Huwag!" I immediately reacted. "Hindi naman ibig sabihin na nagtapat 'yong boy sa'yo ay magdedesisyon ka na agad diba?"
"What do you mean?" Her brows knitted.
"You may choose to know him more first. Date him, kumbaga. Eventually, you will come up with the perfect decision," sabi ko.
She smiled at my answer then took a bite of her leche flan. "Maybe you're right," aniya. After that, we heard the sound of the chime above the entrance door, signaling us that someone went inside the café.
Dahil medyo kalapit lang ng table namin ang pintuan, sabay kaming napalingon dito. Jessel waved her hands at Hera and Karl na sabay na pumasok sa loob.
Hera is our band's bassist while Karl is our lead guitarist. At kung hindi niyo na itatanong, mag-jowa ang dalawang 'yan.
Just a little background about our band—since I've mentioned it already, hindi pa talaga kami nakakapag-debut. I mean, we had no official public exposure yet. Nakapag-perform na kami one time sa school namin pero intermission number lang kami no'n sa isang pageant event sa founding anniversary namin. Pero outside the campus? Nah. Hindi pa kami nakikilala.
Though, that one is already settled in our minds. Next week, magkakaroon na kami ng sarili naming band room, thanks to Andres—our drummer and band leader—who isn't here today. Since he's kinda rich, siya na ang nag-sponsor na mag-rent ng isang unit sa isang commercial building sa syudad para gawin naming band room.
At kapag meron na kaming band room, pwede na kaming doon mag-practice, mag-meeting o tumambay-tambay. For now kasi, sa school lang kami nag-pa-practice o nag-ja-jamming-jamming. Usually, nakikihiram kami sa music room ng mga taga Music Major.
Naupo si Hera at si Karl sa table namin. Ito namang si Hera, muntik pang maitumba yung upuan dahil sa sobrang OA! Hindi na raw siya makapag-hintay sa chika ni Jessel.
So ayon, inulit ni Jessel ang kuwento kay Hera. Si Karl, parang na-third wheel sa sarili niyang jowa. Ako naman, dinadahan-dahan na lang sa pag-kain 'yong cheesecake habang nakikinig at nakikisabay na rin sa chika.
These are just the usual days we do. Mas close pa yata ako sa banda namin kaysa sa mga kaklase ko. Hindi lang sila basta banda. Barkada na ang turing ko sa kanila. We hangout most of the time. We eat. We travel.
Lahat yata ng mga pwedeng gawin ng mga mag-ba-barkada, ginagawa namin. Puwera na lang sa pag-inom ng alak. Hindi ko naman kasi gusto ang lasa no'n kaya sa tuwing may isa sa'ming nag-yayaya, ako 'yong nagiging gwardya. I'm the only who remains sober when the rest knocked out.
Pa'no nga ba kami nagkakilala? To tell you straight, all of us have the same passion—which is music—that's why despite having different college courses—we still feel like we're connected.
Pero paano nga? How did we meet? Fine. I'll tell you. Let's have a little trip down memory lane.
***
IT WAS A RAINY and cold night my freshman year. Looking at the moist window, where the tiny droplets of water continued to kiss the transparent glass, mapapasabi ka na lang talaga na mas mabuti pang matulog na muna. Take note of the pronoun I'm using which is "ka".
Kasi kayo lang naman ang mapapasabi no'n.
Not me. Kanina pa kating-kati ang mga paa ko. May imporante kaming lakad ngayong gabi ng kaibigan kong si Jessel and I couldn't afford to stay home. Bakit ba kasi 'to pinaulan ni Mang Tani?
You: Girl, ano?? 2loy tayo now ha
Kapipindot ko pa lang ng send button ay nag-seen na agad si Jessel. Mabuti naman.
Jessel: Ofc! Magpapahatid ako, daanan na lang kita jan sa house niyo:))
The moment I received the text. Agad akong tumakbo papunta sa closet ko. In about 3 minutes, nakapagbihis na ako agad. I wore something sexy despite the cold weather. Crop top shirt, denim jacket at jeans lang naman. Syempre, kailangan ko ring magpaganda 'no? Who knows if may boylet akong mabibingwit later duh!
Agad akong bumaba sa sala. Nadatnan ko ang mga nakababata kong kapatid na nanonood ng TV. Bahagya pa akong natawa kasi teleserye pa 'yong pinapanood nila. Not that I'm judging their taste but I just didn't expect na nanonood pala ang mga kapatid ko ng ganiyan, especially my younger brother, Clark, na kakaapak lang sa high school.
"Hala nanakaw niya na tuloy ang brilyante ng mga diwata! I really hate the eldest sister!" komento ni Elise—kapatid kong nasa elementary pa lang.
Nangunot naman ang noo ko roon. "Eldest what? Elise, do you hate me?"
Nabaling ang kaniyang atensyon sa'kin pati si Clark. "No ate! Yung serye yung ibig kong sabihin!" sagot niya tapos natawa.
Of course, I was just kidding!
"Aalis muna ako ha. Lock the doors," sabi ko. Then I both gave them more instructions like feeding the dog and washing the dishes. Pagkatapos no'n, lumabas na ako ng bahay. Saktong kararating lang din ng sasakyan nina Jessel sa labas ng gate namin.
Two blocks away lang ang layo ng mga bahay namin 'no!
Pagkapasok ko pa lang ay sumalubong na agad ang napakaraming chika ni Jessel. She's babbling about almost everything that happened in her day. Well, I had no choice but to listen.
Thank goodness, hindi kami na-traffic. It was kinda heavy but we were able to arrive just on time. Pagkababa pa lang namin ni Jessel sa sasakyan nila ang sumalubong na agad ang napakaraming tao.
The crowd was overflowing. There were elderlies and some adults. May mga estudyante ring naka-uniporme pa.
Tonight, we are attening—or watching an event called Amateurs Band Night. Sabi nila, event daw ito na inilulunsad kada-taon para bigyang pagkakataon ang mga aspiring bands na magpakitang-gilas.
I really didn't know about this before. But last week, ikinuwento iyon ng isa sa mga prof ko na mahilig rin sa musika. He told us it would be a best experience for freshmen to watch.
And that's how I discovered this event. Agad ko itong ikinuwento kay Jessel at naisipan naming pumunta.
Pumasok kami sa isang malaking gymnasium kung saan gaganapin ang event. We joined the overflowing crowd as we went inside. Walang entrance fee kaya kung sino-sino lang talaga ang nakakapasok as long as gusto mong manood.
"Andaming tao 'no? Ansarap siguro sa feeling no'n para sa mga performers," ani Jessel.
"What feeling?"
"Yong feeling na hindi pa nga kayo kilala ay napakaraming tao na agad ang willing na sumoporta sa inyo." She smiled. "Someday, I want to perform here too."
Kung hindi niyo na itatanong, Jessel is a very good singer. Hakot awards yata 'yan sa mga singing contest dati sa high school.
"Yeah," I replied.
"What if gumawa tayo ng banda?" I was caught off guard with what she said. I turned to her and furrowed my eyebrows.
"Huh? Tayo? Anong gagawin ko dai, sasayaw? Hindi naman ako master sa kahit anong instruments."
"Tsk. You are also a singer so shut up!" Inirapan niya ako.
Well, that's kinda true. I sing. But I really don't see myself excelling in it. Those people who heard my voice would tell me to sing more but I refuse. Ewan. Kung extroverted siguro akong tao, yung boses ko lang 'yong introvert.
"Uy, andito kayo!"
Jessel and I both faced our back. Bumungad sa'min ang isang lalaking naka-clean cut at may hikaw sa isang tenga. He's waving his hand at us.
"Oy, Andres, kumusta?" bati agad ni Jessel.
Andres is Jessel's distant cousin and our friend since Senior High School. For a moment, I thought of the reason why he's here but that was quickly solved. Mahilig rin yata sa musika si Andres.
If I'm not mistaken, he's a triple drummer in our marching band in high school.
"Heto, pogi pa rin," he joked as he touched his chin.
Sandaling napalingon sa'kin si Andres. We exchanged smiles. Pagkatapos no'n, ibinaling niya na ang kaniyang atensyon kay Jessel.
By friends, I meant the "not-so-close" type. We're classmates in Senior High kaya kami naging mag-kaibigan kami ni Andres pero hanggang do'n lang 'yon. Not that I don't like him, pero may isang bagay lang talaga na hindi ko bet sa kaniya.
He's the bossy type of person. 'Yong para bang trainer ng mga sayaw sa elementary? Sa tuwing may mga group activities, gusto niya, nasusunod 'yong mga gusto niya. But, don't get me wrong okay? I'm not holding that against him. Kung pipiliin niyo naman siyang maging leader, the output will surely be beyond amazing.
Dahil sa dinami-dami ng tao sa gym, nakatayo lang ang mga tao. There were no seats, except the bleachers surrounding the gym. Para kaming nasa flag ceremony pero hindi nakapila.
Habang busy sa pag-chi-chikahan ang mag-pinsan, humarap na lang ako sa unahan at pinagmasdan ang paligid. But my brows knitted when I saw a familiar someone standing just a few meters away from me.
I was about to approach him but then he unconsciously turned to my direction, causing for our eyes to meet. Mula sa kaniyang kinatatayuan, mabilis siya sumsiksik sa mga tao para lumapit sa'kin.
"Couz! Andito ka rin pala!" My cousin—Kent, gave me a high five. Meetup pala 'to ng mga magpinsan ngayon ah. "Anong ginagawa mo rito?" tanong niya.
"Malamang manonood," sarkastiko kong tugon.
I wouldn't ask him the same question. The answer to it is obvious already. He's here tonight to witness the performers. Kent is fond of music as well. Pero hindi katulad ko, he's putting his fondness to it into action.
Siya yung klase ng tao na mahilig sa musika kasi kaya naman niyang lumikha ng musika. Kent is a prodigy of musical instruments. Wala siyang hindi kayang tugtugin. Pati yata ballpen, nagagawan niya ng ritmo.
"Oy Kent! You're here!" Jessel exclaimed when he saw my cousin. Agad namang lumapit si Kent sa kaniya at nakipag-chikahan. Kent and Andres also exchanged greetings. Ang totoo niyan, magkakilala na kaming apat bago pa kami tumungtong ng kolehiyo kasi pareho naman kami ng pinanggalingan na high school.
A few minutes had passed and the crowd got even bigger. The lights dimmed a bit then the performance started.
Isa sa mga pinunta ko rito ay ang maghanap ng pogi. But I couldn't concentrate. Masyadong agaw pansin ang unang banda na tumutugtog sa stage.
The next thing I knew, my eyes were already locked to the performers. Everything just seems so magical. The vocalist, the instrumentalists, the stage, the colorful lights, the crowd, the surrounding? Everything just seemed to blend. It felt like everything was all connected for a few hours.
Hindi na nga namin namalayan ang oras. I was too drawn with the different music I heard and witnessed. Minsan, sumasabay na ako sa mga tugtog. Minsan, natatawa at naluluha ako sa mga performers.
I don't what this feeling is called but if I were to name it, it's called magic.
"Yon na 'yon? Tapos na lahat?" wala sa sarili kong sabi habang tulala pa ring nakaharap sa entablado. Mukhang tapos na yata ang event kasi nagpaalam na ang host.
"Maybe not," sagot ni Andres. Nangunot naman ang noo ko at napatingin sa kaniya. "Maybe, this is the beginning."
"Huh?" My forehead wrinkled as I averted my gaze on Andres. "I'm sorry, were you talking to me?" I jerked my thumb to my chest.
"Ayan, masyado ka kasing focus sa performers!" pagsingit ni Jessel. Mas lalo lang akong naguluhan. "Hindi ba't sinabi ko kanina na baka pwedeng gumawa tayo ng banda?"
"Yeah?" Halos mag-abot na ang mga kilay ko.
"Nag-usap-usap na kaming tatlo just now! We can create our own band!" aniya. Then she gave Andres and Kent a high five.
"Ano?!"
"Don't worry about your role. Marunong ka namang mag-gitara 'diba?" ani Andres.
Hindi agad ako nakasagot roon. Hindi ko pa rin na-proseso ang sinabi ni Jessel. Ba't bigla-biglaan naman yata? "Uhm—k-konti lang," pautal-utal kong sagot. I motioned 'little' using my fingers. "Pero please, kung may balak talaga kayo, h'wag niyo akong gawing gitarista utang na loob! I'm not that good yet."
Walang sumagot. Nagkatinginan lang silang tatlo.
"Edi ako ang mag-gi-gitarista. You can be the backup vocalist instead. Marunong ka namang mag-second voice 'diba?" This time, it was Kent who spoke.
"Teka Kent, hindi ba't balak mo nang mag-audition next week sa—"
"Yeah but i-ca-cancel ko na lang 'yon. I'm more interested with this one," he said as he cut my words. "Mas mabuti na ring kita ang mukha ko 'no. At na-realize ko lang 'yan ngayong gabi habang pinapanood ang mga performers."
Balak na sana kasing mag-audition ni Kent sa isang national production and recording studio bilang instrumentalist. But look at him now. After a couple of hours chatting with Andres and Jessel, nag-bago na agad ang desisyon niya sa buhay?
"Sure ka na d'yan? Hindi bat' mas malaki ang opportunity mo do'n?" sabi ko.
"Sure na nga! I trust 'us'. Ikaw na lang yata 'yong 'di sure eh. So ano, game ka na?" sagot naman niya. Meanwhile, I had to look up to think about what to say.
"Tsaka girl, pwede na tayong mag-sign up para sa Amateurs Band Night next year! Ayaw mo ba 'yon?" Jessel added.
"Well—" Pansalamanta akong nag-isip. If I join their plan to make a band, then I will have the chance to perform here next year? If I join the band, then I won't just be experiencing the magic but make it? Next year?"
"Fine," I answered, heaving a sigh.
"YES!" sabay silang sumigaw na parang nanalo ng lotto. Then after that, they told me more about their plan. Habang pauwi kami ni Jessel, 'yon pa rin ang topic namin. She said she's excited.
Well, ako rin naman. After I learned more about it, I got excited. I truly am.
"So, for our bassist, kilala mo naman siguro si Hera Ruiz 'diba? 'Yong childhood friend ko from architecture?" ani Jessel habang nasa sasakyan kami, pauwi.
"Yeah." I snapped my fingers as soon as I remembered. "Marunong pala siyang mag-bass?"
Hera is Jessel's friend in elementary. Hindi kami pareho ng high school but since she's friends with Jessel, parang naging acquaintance ko na rin siya. We're not that close though. Yet.
"Yep, sasabihan ko siya tungkol sa plan natin. She can join us!" she exclaimed.
Kinabukasan, nag-meetup kaming lahat and this time, kasama na ni Jessel si Hera. Akala ko, maging-mailang kami sa isa't isa but it turned out na mala-social butterfly para 'tong si Hera. Believe me, she's really talkative.
"OMG, so ako 'yong magiging bassist? Magkakaroon tayo ng banda?" nananabik na wika ni Hera.
"Sure! Game ka naman diba?" ani Kent.
"Of course!"
So that's how our band was formed. Sa bawat araw na lumipas, we become close with each other. Naging ka-close ko na si Hera at naging mabuting mag-kaibigan na rin kami ni Andres. We even elected him as our leader.
Noong una'y tutol ako roon but as the days and months went by, nakilala ko ang mabuti niyang side. He's actually helpful and a good friend everyone might want to have.
After a few months, nadagdagan kami ng isang member. He's name was Karl Dominico. Siya na ang humalili kay Kent bilang lead guitarist habang si Kent naman ay naging keyboardist na namin.
Marami pang magagandang alaala ang nabuo ng banda namin. While looking forward and waiting for the next Amateurs Band Night, we did a lot of things to strengthen our relationship. Speaking of relationship, naging mag-jowa pa si Hera at Karl!
As much as I want reminisce all of those memories, it would probably take me until dawn to narrate everything.
But you know what? If there's one thing I can wish for, it would be more of those. How I wish those moments didn't end. Hindi ko akalaing matatapos ang mga maliligayang araw na 'yon.
And I blame myself for not realizing the clues along the way. Amid every laughter and smiles that we shared, were tears of one member I wasn't aware of.
"Girl, paki-plug muna 'tong microphones namin ni Jessel please. CR lang ako saglit," sabi ko kay Hera. Si Andres ay naghahanap muna ng mga kanta sa playlist habang si Kent at Karl naman ay nagtulungang i-tune ang mga instruments.
We are currently at our bandroom, rehearsing for the upcoming Amateurs Band Night next week. Hanggang ngayon, hindi ko pa rin lubos maisip na isang linggo na lang ay makakapag-perform na kami sa parehong gym kung saan ko naramdaman ng ang mahika ng musika.
"Sure, akin na," ani Hera. I handed her the wires and I immediately went to our band room's CR. Dala na rin siguro ng sobrang pag-pipigil ko ng ihi kanina, I quickly slammed the door open.
But the moment it was opened, the world just froze. Parang bigla na lang akong nawalan ng hininga. I couldn't even move my body.
I felt my jeans getting wet. Dahil sa gulat, hindi ko na napigilang maihi sa sarili kong kinatatayuan.
"J-jessel..." I muttered. "JESSEL!"
"Avril anong nangya—" Kahit si Kent ay natigilan. I felt my fingers shaking as I tried to bite my nails.
Mabuti na lang at dumating si Kent sa likuran ko. Dahil matapos no'n, naramdaman ko na lang ang panghihina ng tuhod ko. Parang ilang segundo na lang ay matutumba na ako.
Soon enough, my eyesight blurred and my consciousness just faded away.
Pero kahit nawalan ako ng malay, paulit-ulit pa rin na bumabalik ang nakita ko. It was traumatizing. It was a sight I would want to forget and get rid of.
It was my friend—hanging herself in the ceiling.
RTG5
A/N: Again, sorry for the very late update. I was so busy and I wasn't feeling well these past few days. Nonetheless, thank you so much for waiting! Love you all! I hope you like this flashback chapter!