"Alright, girls. The game starts in ten minutes, so I want you all to be ready in five. Get some water, stretch a little, do what you need to. Sound good?" Coach Kevin asks us, and we all nod.
I get up to grab some water, and I hear Shay mutter to someone that she's coming too.
"Look," she nudges me and points to the stands. I look up, shocked to see him here.
"What the fuck," I mutter as I look up to see Nate sitting in the stands. I nudge her with my hand as I turn to face away from him. "What is he doing here?"
She shrugs, "Beats me. Nate has come to every game, though."
I reach the table and get a cup of water. "What? I've never seen him here before."
Tasha laughs from behind us. "Just because you don't see him. That doesn't mean that he disappeared."
"True," Shay nods, "I mean," she looks over at Tasha and laughs. "She has been avoiding him."
"I'm not!" I try to argue, but they don't even glance at me.
Tasha looks over at me with an unamused expression. "You have, Mi."
I blink a couple times and give her a look of pure confusion. "I have not," I throw my hands up.
"You've ignored him for almost two weeks now!" Shay confronts me.
I haven't been... avoiding him. "We haven't crossed paths," I shrug as I fold my hands over my chest.
"Mia!" Shay laughs, and Tasha joins in. "You literally saw him at that restaurant and ran away from him."
I huff and walk away, "It was hard to see him."
"What about the fact that you drive a different route to campus, so you can't cross paths."
"And the fact that you walk to a different entrance to go into the locker rooms," Tasha adds.
"Or the way that you text Luke to see if they're at the diner," Shay shrugs.
"Or at any restaurant, really," Sage adds as she walks past us. I groan, and she laughs, "It's so clear, Mia. Why can't you see that you do that?"
I throw my hands up, "I don't fucking know! I-I just can't see him. I have to do it, okay?"
"Nope," Shay shakes her head. "Mia," she points back at the stands, "What if Nate needs you right now, and you had no idea?"
I take a peek at him and see him sitting there watching me with a genuine smile. I give him a small smile and look away, "I still don't get why he's here. He doesn't even like soccer."
I look down at my shoes, and I can hear Tasha grumble, "Yeah, but he loves you, idiot."
I give her a nudge to move aside as I run back to the team huddle. "What you get when you're not on your game, Tash!"
"Who is Tash?" Shay laughs from behind me.
I turn around and wave her off, "Oh, fuck off, Shaybae."
"I'm really questioning these nicknames, Mia!" She smiles, and I laugh.
"Great game today, girls. Proud of you all," Kevin smiles and waves his hands around, "Now, go. Get something to eat, please."
We pick up our bags and walk toward the locker room. I take a look to the left of me, facing the stands, to see one Mr. Jackson.
I frown when I don't see him, and I look back at my feet.
"Girl, don't be disappointed," Shay nudges me, "He comes right when the game starts and then leaves right after it's over."
"Maybe he really comes for the game," I mumble, and Shay laughs right in my ear.
"That's funny, really, Mia. That's hilarious that you think that-"
I wave my hands around to stop her. "I get it. You don't believe me. Stop repeating your sentences."
Shay slings her arm over my shoulder and pulls me toward her. "Mia," she hums, "let me tell you something. How many games have you had since you and Nate broke up?"
"Uhm, three now," I mumble into the cold air. I'm starving. Looks like I'm coming to see you tonight, King Paul.
"And, on the third game, you found out that he's here. What about the other two games when you didn't look up to the stands because you thought he wouldn't be there. The fact that you think you play better when he's watching, so you make yourself believe that he's here." She pauses for a minute and continues, "The very fact that he was always there, but you were scared that he wasn't. Does that tell you something?"
"Sounds like a lot of words," I grumble as I pick my head off her shoulder. My head started to get sore, staying in that position.
"Mia," she whines, "did you really not listen to me?"
"No," I argue, "I listened. It was just a lot of words."
"Oh my go-"
"Hold on," I put my hands up. "I listened, Shay. I think I have this hope that even though what we've done, that he'll still be there." I shake my head, "But, he shouldn't be." I take a deep breath and look over at Shay, "I don't deserve him. I was the one who pushed him away, broke up with him. I should be the one begging for his attention. It's like we've switched spots, and I don't know how I can help him."
"Talk to him, Mi," she grabs onto my arm. "I'm sure that it will make him feel better. To know that you still care."
"He thinks I don't care?" I widen my eyes and cover my mouth with my hand.
"Mia," Shay laughs and rubs my back, "You are so ignorant sometimes."
I hit her chest and look at her, "You're so mean."
She throws her hands up. "Am I wrong, though? Like Mi, look at yourself. You had no idea that he came to your games. You don't know how he feels--"
"Okay, okay." I put my hand up to her face to stop her from talking. "I understand."
"But, Mi," I look up at her, "Don't think that I'm pushing you to talk to Nate. Because I think Nate would slaughter me for pushing you when you don't want to do something," I giggle a little, "Just think about, m'kay?"
I nod and sigh. "Let's take it one day at a time, Shaybae."
"Not the nickname," she laughs and bumps into me.
I'm watching a movie. Not exactly paying attention to it, though. I'm not even sure what it's called. I've been scrolling through Nate's Instagram for the past probably hour or so.
He still has the pictures up that are of him and me. I keep looking through the comments and looking at every minor detail of each photo. Isn't that weird to keep pictures of your ex on your Instagram? Or is that just me?
I guess I'm not much better. I haven't deleted any of mine. I don't know if it's the lack of wanting to let go of Nate and our memories, or if it's this sense of hope I have that we'll one day be together again.
I will confess that I wasn't totally ignorant of this whole situation. I call Luke every day to see how he's doing, and well, most of the time, he tells me that Nate isn't doing well.
So, I get into a fit of whether or not that I should go apologize and get back to him. Friends or not, I'll always love and care for Nate.
I wonder what he's doing today. It's March fourth, and I don't think they have a game.
I look down at the water bottle in my lap and how it's almost empty, and then I realize I have to pee. Fuck, why do I always have to pee when I think of all the water I've drunk?
I get up from the sofa and do a little jog to the bathroom. I hear my phone ring from the sofa where I left it. Who could be calling?
I finish up in the bathroom and wipe my wet hands on the towel on the rack, and walk back over to the couch, where my phone is still ringing.
The person on the other end hangs up when I pick up the phone. I yawn before reading the screen.
Four missed calls from Luke.
I scramble to call him back, my fingers tapping furiously on my phone until it finally rings him.
Not even two rings later, he picks up. "Mia?" He asks me, frantic.
"Luke?" I answer him, worried.
"Do you know where Nate is?" He gets his sentence out quickly.
"Uh, no, Luke. I haven't seen him today. Why?"
"Mia, Nate's been missing for four hours."
My hand goes straight to my mouth as I start to pace the floor. "Oh my god. Have you looked for him?"
"Have I looked for him?" He yells through the phone. "Mia, I've been on a fucking wild goose chase for four hours, searching the whole fucking campus for where this asshole is!"
"Okay, calm down, Luke," I whisper. "Where have you looked?"
"The whole fucking campus, Mia! I thought I said that!" Luke's voice starts to raise, and I take a deep breath.
"Okay, hulk. Stop and take a deep breath. Do it," I can hear him blow a breath that's like a dragon. "Okay, I'm going to teach you how to train a dragon," I laugh. "Okay, I'm kidding. I'm being serious. I'm going to tell you a list of places that we've been to, and tell me if you've already been to these places, m'kay?" He grunts, and I take that as an okay.
"The diner?" He grunts out a yes, "The basketball court?" Another yes, "The soccer field?" I hear a hum and take that as a yes. "The parking lot of any places?" Yes. "Mhm, the rooftop of the parking structure that we went to one time?" Another yes. "The park?"
"Mia, I've been literally everywhere." He grits out. "The grocery store, the mall, the nail salon, the pizza parlor, every-fucking-where."
"Okay, no need to get yourself upset. Take a deep breath. Nate is smart-"
"Not in this state," he grumbles.
"Why don't you tell me the events of today," I mumble as I sit back on the sofa with a huff.
"Well," he breaths out, "we had an early practice this morning. Seven am, and Nate took his truck. No one came with him, no one left with him," he pauses, "And the weird thing is, he hasn't been driving all that much since, well, you know." I nod, even though he can't see me. "He raced out of practice as soon as it ended and didn't even go to the locker room. Then, he jumped into his truck and drove off. We all thought that maybe he would drive past your house, or some shit like that, and come back home. That was almost five hours ago. So, I'm sorry that I had to call you-"
"Don't apologize, Luke. I'm glad you called me. Have you talked to Marie? Maybe she knows something?"
"Ben called her earlier, and we called Matt. They both don't know anything other than the obvious."
"And what's the obvious?" I ask as I hug my legs to my chest.
"That it's one of the toughest days of the year for Nate," he answers.
"What do you mean?"
"It's his brother's birthday," he finishes.
"I didn't know that Nate has a brother. Why haven't I met-"
"He's dead." My hand goes straight to my mouth as he finishes what I'm saying.
"What the fuck," my heart feels like it just dropped into my stomach, and my body is surrounded by chills. "Oh my gosh."
"Mia," Luke calls out but feels in the distance.
How could Nate never have told me?
Did he not trust me enough to tell me?
Did it just slip his mind that he forgot to tell me?
"Mia," Luke yells into the phone. "Mia! Listen to me! Please!"
"What is it, Luke?" I whisper as my hand shakes over my mouth.
"Trust me, Mia. He wanted to tell you," he mutters, "Don't be mad at him."
"I-I'm not mad," my eyes water a little, "I just wish he would have told me."
"He wanted to, Mia. He really did. I think he couldn't find the words."
I nod my head, "Yeah, I mean. What? We were dating for-"
"Three months and four days, yep Nate counted," Luke finishes.
"Yeah, and that's not long enough to tell someone something like that," I whisper under my breath.
"Mia, look, I understand if you're mad at him, and you want to hang up the phone right now. But, do you have any idea where he could be?"
I think about it for a minute. I rack my brain far and wide for an idea, "I think I have an idea. It might be crazy, and it might not be right, but I think I know."
"Oh! Great," I can hear him take a deep breath out. "Where is it? I can go right now-"
"I'll go," I mutter.
"What do you mean? Do you want to drive me there?"
"No, Luke," I mutter as I get up from the sofa and run up the stairs to my room. "I'll go alone."
"Woah. Are you sure that's a good idea, Mi? I mean, you haven't talked to him in weeks. Let alone looking at him without crying."
"Okay, shut it," I sniffle a little. "I have not-"
"You have been. Don't lie to me or yourself."
I huff and grab the most random jacket in my closet. It's one of Nate's. I huff out a breath again and walk back into the closet, and then back out. I just throw it on and run down the stairs.
"Look, Luke. I have to get over it. Life moves on, and so I need to too."
I grab my keys off the counter and grab some water and Advil. I have an idea that Nate is definitely not sober right now.
"Don't you think you need more ti-"
"Do you want me to go or not? Do you want me to help him or not? Make the decision, Luke. I don't have all night." I deadpan as I open my car door and wait for him to answer.
My foot patters on the ground as I wait for a response. A minute later, there's no response. I wonder if he's having an inner battle in his head. "Okay, go go go. Please, Mia. Go help him," Luke begs.
"Okay, I have to go. Bye Luke, love you," I call to him as I hang up the phone.
I jump into the car and put it in gear. I quickly back up in the driveway and onto the street. My Bluetooth connects to the car speakers, and I turn the music down low. I drive through the streets quickly and onto the freeway.
It's fast to get there, but it feels like forever. I get off the familiar freeway and turn towards the place I was looking for. I park in the lot and find his car, and I look down to find exactly the man I was looking for.
Nate's sitting on the beach, probably fifty yards away from the water, bringing the beer up to his lips. I think I can see three empty bottles close to him that he's thrown away from him.
There isn't anyone else here, but I check as far as I can see to make sure.
Before I leave my car, I send a quick text to Luke that I've found him and that he's safe before I grab my keys and leave my phone sitting in the car.
I take a deep breath before I walk down the walkway and onto the beach. Once my feet hit the sand, I sink into a little bit. I take off the flip-flops that I brought with me and stuff them into the pockets of Nate's sweatshirt.
I keep my eyes on Nate the whole time, never once leaving his frame.
I start to tip-toe as I get closer to him. Wait, shit. I'm not trying to scare him, but I'm trying to see if he's talking at all.
I can hear him mutter something as I get close enough, but then he stays silent for a minute.
I slide in next to him and sit down, staying far from the beer bottles and closer to Nate. I don't look at him. I avoid his eyes and look out to the ocean.
I can see him turn toward me out of the corner of my eyes and take a sharp intake of air.
He takes a deep breath and puts his beer onto the sand. He folds his hands into his lap as he sits there looking at me. "What are you doing here, baby?" He whispers to me as he puts his hand out to me and then retracts it and puts it back into his lap.
I turn my head to the side and look at him, "Nate, you're an idiot. Did you know that?"
He turns his head to the side, and I realize I forgot he's drunk. "Sorry, never mind," I mutter as I look out to the ocean in front of me.
He grabs onto my hands that are behind me and holds onto them like it's his lifeline. "I've missed you," it's just above a whisper, but I still get it. "I've missed everything about you, Mia."
I look back over at him with tears in my eyes. Oh fuck, I am so emotional. It's too easy to cry. Why am I crying? "I'm sorry, Nate," I whisper as I cup his face into my hands. "I'm sorry for being insensitive. I'm sorry for your pain. I wish I could take it away. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," I keep repeating my sentences over and over as I look into his eyes.
He pulls me onto his lap and puts his arms around me tightly. "It's okay, baby," he murmurs as he runs his hands through my hair. "I would do it all over again if it meant that you didn't have any pain."
I pull back slightly to look into his eyes, "It doesn't make it okay, Nate. I should have talked to you about it better, and I could have been here for you on your brother's birthday."
"You're here now," he rubs my shoulder, and I close my eyes.
"But, you're drunk, Nate. I don't think being drunk solves any problems."
"But it helps me forget," he whines.
I run my hands through his hair, and he smiles as he looks up at me. "I can see it's difficult, Nate. I'm sorry," I give him a little smile.
He looks down at his hands and fiddles with my sweatshirt. "Hmm, it gets bad sometimes. I miss him."
"Mhmm," I hum as I pull his hair with my hands. "Do you want to talk about it? Anything? I'm all ears," I say as he lays his head on my chest. "Well, if you're not comfortable with telling me, then that's okay, too--"
"No," Nate interrupts me. "I want to tell you. I've wanted to tell you, but I don't want you to hate me when I do tell you-"
"Why would I hate you, Nate? I lo-"
"Because I caused it."
I let go of his hair, and I swear my heart stops beating. Then I start shaking my head, "No, no, that's not true. Don't lie to me, Nathaniel," I press my hands into his chest. He holds my wrists in his hands and looks at me, "Maybe I didn't kill him, but I sure didn't help when he needed me."
"You can't blame yourself for something you didn't do," I shake my head.
"I do every day," he clicks his tongue, "he would still be here, Mi, if it wasn't for me."
I climb off his lap and sit beside him. "Liam, his name-" I nod. "Obviously. I'm such a dumb ass," he laughs. "He was the best older brother in the world. He was my role model and my best friend. We have matching rings," he plays with the ring on his middle finger, "and even though he was two years older, I felt like I was the older sibling."
I laugh and look at the ring. It's thick and kind of simple, but it's beautiful. A wave design in the center of it that's silver with the background of black.
"I've always wondered why you have it." I hum, "It's beautiful," I rest my head on his shoulder as we both look at the ring.
"Thanks, Mi," he mutters as he kisses my head. "I've missed you."
I nod and look out to the ocean. "I have too, Nate."
"I've missed this," he points to our hands that somehow got interlocked. I guess it feels natural, so I don't really think anything of it. "Just us, spending time together."I hum in agreement and squeeze his hand. "Me too. I've missed watching TV with you. And cooking- and-" I pause, "Well, everything."
"Then why can't we be together?" He turns my head to look him in the eye as he pleads to me.
I shake my head. "We're not a good match, N-"
"Oh, for fuck's sake. Mia, doesn't it look like I've been tortured enough? Or do you want-"
I look away from him and look down at our hands. "I don't want you to be upset, Nate! I want you to move on."
"I can't," he murmurs as he maneuvers himself down so I can see him. "I can't move on from the only girl I've ever loved."
"Nate," I whisper as I cup his cheek. "You'll find someone else that you'll love and care for just as much as me, and it will be okay-"
"Did you know," he closes his eyes and smiles. "Did you know that I didn't want a girlfriend?"
"Well, no. I'm sorry that you had-"
"All throughout high school, and the start of college, I never wanted a girlfriend. I guess I should tell you the whole story of my brother, and maybe it will make sense why." He interrupts me and sits up.
"Nate, you don't have to tell me-"
"Mia, let me stop you right there." He holds his hand up to my face. "I should have told you the day I met you like you're the only one I've ever wanted to open up about it. I'm just nervous about your reaction, so I'm sorry in advance."
I nod my head and lay down on the sand. He does the same, and we look up at the sky. Sometimes, it's easier to tell someone something that's your mind when you look up a the sky. At least, that's what I've always felt.
"It seems like my memory constantly fades of him, and I can't stay afloat. Every corner of our town that used to be super important to us is starting to lose its memories, and all I'm trying to do is stay alive. It gets harder every year as I'm starting to forget the minor details of our friendship.
"Liam was my best friend, but it was more than that. He was my brother, and the bond we shared was like no other. Even though he was only two years older than me, we were each other's rocks." He laughs, "I swear he would give me play by plays of his day, every single day without a doubt."
I listen along and watch as the clouds pass us, different shapes and sizes, but there's a hint of darkness within them.
"When he was eighteen, he got a girlfriend. I-I was sixteen, with a rising basketball career, so I really didn't understand why he wanted one, especially with his rising career. He was really good at basketball, but I was better, and so I think he got jealous and wanted to be better than me at something, so he got a girlfriend. He would still be my role model for basketball. But obviously, I thought that your dad was my role model because he really got me to play and love the game. One night, he got me really pissed off," his voice changes, "and- and I was so pissed off at him that I had to hit him with an insult. And saying that he wasn't my role model, but in fact that your dad was, really got to him." His voice wobbles as he finishes his sentence.
I can hear his tears through his voice without looking at him, so I squeeze his hand in comfort. Why don't I look at him? I know he's staring at me right now, and he doesn't need extra pressure.
"And so he went over t-to his girlfriend's house," he pauses and gives me a fake laugh, "She was terrible. The 'hottest' girl in school with the worst personality." I nod at him because it's understandable. Some people are like that.
He continues, "He went to her house, where she was cheating on him," he huffs, "I really don't get cheaters. Like why are you with them if you don't want to be with them? And then to actually cheat, worthless people. I can't stand them," I smile a little because I agree. It's the worst.
"He was so upset about it and yelled at her, and was so fucked up, he went to one of his friends' houses and drank for hours. Literally hours, he must have had twenty beers. It was insane," I look over at him, and he continues to look at his jacket that's on me. "Then he called me and told me that on top of his best friend telling him that he wasn't good enough, that his girlfriend cheated on him, and he had no fucking idea why he was alive." His tears keep rolling down his eyes, and I wipe every one of them as he sniffles.
"So, he made the stupidest decision ever," he plays with the string of the sweatshirt.
"He drove home,
"Crashed into a tree and died."
Oh, fuck, now, I'm crying. Tears are coming out of my eyes, and when I see Nate, he's just looking at me.
"Oh, Nate," I get right in front of him and envelop him into my arms as best as I can. "I'm so sorry, Nate. I'm so sorry."
"That's why I never wanted a girlfriend. I didn't want anything to do with them." He mumbles on my shoulder through sniffles.
"Understandable," I mutter back as I rub his back.
He pulls back and looks at me with a small smile. "But, then, I met you, and you changed me. I still had my flaws and my imperfections, but you loved me for who I was. You love everyone that way. And that's how I knew that you were the one for me. The one to fix me. The one to love me."
I give him an embarrassed smile. He chuckles and runs his thumb over my cheek. He's still crying, which doesn't make a lot of sense. "Why are you still crying, Nate?"
"But, now you don't want me. And now I'm all alone. And more depressed than I've ever been because I lost the love of my life."
"Come on," I whine as I grab his hand and try to pull him up from where we were sitting on the sand.
"Mia," he draws out my name as he stumbles up and falls on top of me.
"Nice going, idiot," I mumble as he's over me. He grumbles out a dark chuckle as he switches us, so he's on the bottom, and I'm not getting all his weight on me. "You're kind of a fattie, Nate. When did you start weighing so much?"
"Since forever, you ass," I laugh as he grumbles. He picks me up as he stands, and he runs toward the water.
"Please, Nate," I beg, "Don't do this."
"You asked for it when you called me fat, babe," he winks as he races down the beach and stops right where the ocean starts.
"Don't do this, Nate," I pout as he starts to put me down. "Wait, you're drunk. How are you running and not in a circle right now?"
"I'm a smart drunk," he shrugs as he lets me down.
I laugh and shake my head, "Why can't I believe that?"
"Because you don't trust me?" He crosses his arms with sass.
Drunk Nate is kind of hilarious. I rest my hands on his chest, "Because, Nate. You- I don't know. I can just tell that you're not a smart drunk."
He narrows his eyes at me with a small smile, "You're rude."
"I'm not," I cross my arms over my chest and mimic his stance. "What? Can't take the heat?"
"Oh," he smirks, "I can take the heat, flower. Have you seen these guns-" he questions, but Nate gets caught off when he loses balance and trips on his feet before plummeting into the ocean.
It's only small waves today, but still, I'm laughing hysterically. "Oh my-" I interrupt myself with a laugh. "Are- are you okay, Superstar?"
I regain my composure and look at Nate, who is beaming at me.
"All good," he smiles. "I love your laugh. I missed it," he pouts as he plays with the water that's surrounding him.
I stifle my laugh as I lay my hand out for him to grab. I use all my muscle and help him up. I start to tip, but he catches me and pulls me to his chest.
"Can't be having you falling for anything or anyone else, Mia," Nate hums as he brings me even closer.
I laugh and put my hands on his chest. "Nate," I whine, "Please get off me. You're going to get me all wet."
He chuckles and rubs my back, soaking me. "Guess we'll have to take a shower together."
I roll my eyes and push him off me. "Oh, you-"
He cuts me off with a splash of water that drenches me and fakes a gasp. "Did I get you?"
"Did I get you?" I mimic in annoyance as I walk away from him. "This is what I get for being nice."
"Hey!" Nate yells from behind me, a little bit more slurred, and runs toward me.
He trips over his feet again, but somehow, this time, Nate catches himself.
"You okay, Superstar?" I mutter to him as I walk over to him.
"All a part of my master plan," he grins. I roll my eyes and walk him back to where our stuff was.
Nate stumbles down and lays on the sand with his eyes closed. I sit next to him and grab the water I brought to give him.
"Here," I mutter before shoving the bottle into his arms.
He hums as he opens his eyes and takes the bottle. "Thank you."
"Drink the whole thing. I want you soberer," I pat Nate's back and roll the sleeves over my hands as a breeze kicks up. "I'm not putting you into my car until you can control yourself."
"Hey!" He yells offended, "Wait, I have my car here, I'll just drive it back-"
"No," I shake my head, "You're not driving back. I'm taking you home, and Luke can come and pick it up. You don't need that extra stress."
"Mhmm," he hums as he drinks the rest of the water in one gulp. He closes his eyes as he swallows and gets up. "Ready," he says perfectly fine and picks up his beer bottles. We walk to the end of the beach and up the walkway back to the parking lot.
After Nate discards his trash, he's by my side again. "Can we stop for food?"
I nod, "Sure, that sounds good too-- have you not eaten anything yet today?"
Nate shakes his head with a shrug, "Wasn't very hungry."
I smack his chest, "Nathaniel! You have to be eating!"
"Alright, alright," he nods and takes my hand off his chest. With a squeeze, he holds in his and hums along as we walk to the car. "Can I grab my shit from my car?"
"Yes, nicer words, please."
He nods along and opens his truck door to grab a jacket for his soaking wet body, his phone, and car keys. "Oh, shit. That's a lot of messages and calls from Luke and Ben. And the boys," he shakes his head as he goes through his notifications.
"We were worried about you," I rub his back as we walk back to the car.
He turns right when I speak, "You were worried?"
I roll my eyes, "Of course, I was. That's not even a question."
He smirks and walks, well, almost skips, to the car.
"What do you want to eat?" I ask as I walk over to my side.
"Whatever you like," he sings as he pulls the door open.
I roll my eyes and hop into the car. "Why don't you pick-"
"Chicken fingers," Nate finishes.
I scrunch my nose as he talks, "But, you don't even like the-"
"We're getting it, Mia. I know that you love it, so that's what we're getting."
"Are you-" I start, but he cuts me off again.
"Yes," he finishes as he puts his seatbelt on.
I nod and back out of the parking lot. I drive down the road and toward the freeway.
"Can- can we stop somewhere, Mi?" Nate mutters as he taps on the center console.
"Sure," I take a glance at him and look back at the road. "Where to?"
"The cemetery?" He murmurs as he takes my hand in his.
I nod and give his hand a squeeze before turning left at the signal. "Which one is it?"
"Come on," Nate pulls me out of the car, and I groan.
"Nate," I grumble, "I'm coming, geez."
He's bouncing on his toes as I get out of the car. "I'm so excited, Mi. I'm having you meet my brother. He would have loved you. He probably would have tried to get you to go out with him," his eyes crinkle as he laughs.
"Mhm," I hum as I walk with him.
Nate guides me through the cemetery on the trail, and we walk over to his grave.
Liam Thomas Jackson. Beloved brother, friend, and son. May he forever be in our hearts.
I bring my arms around Nate and pull him close to me. I rest my head on his chest, and he crosses his arms to hug me tighter. I pat his back and stand with him until he pulls away and sits in front of the grave.
"Hey, bubs. I miss you," Nate picks the grass below where he's sitting. "This is Mia, my -well- the love of my life," he smiles at himself. "I know you're probably laughing at me right now because I used to preach the fact to never have a girlfriend, so shut the hell up. I'm sorry about what I did, I know that I made so many mistakes, and I could never forgive myself for it, but I love you, bro. You were my best friend, my rock, and part of my soul. I miss you more and more every day, and I wish that you were here with me right now."
He takes a quick glance at me, with tears in his eyes and a wobbly lip.
"Thank you for coming, Mi. I love you," he whispers and pulls me into a tight hug. We sit there for a couple minutes until I pull back and look at him. I kiss both his cheeks and his forehead, along with his nose.
"I love you, too, Nate," I pull him toward me and run my fingers through his hair.
We sit there for a while, and Nate sits in my lap. Nate is reminiscing on all things of their childhood that they spent together. I watch the clouds move above me, and the trees sway back and forth.
"Okay, Mi, let's go. I'm ready," he groans and as he stands up from where he was sitting.
I laugh a little and stand. "Okay, I'll meet up with you in a second, m'kay?"
He nods and walks a little out of earshot. I look back over at the grave, and my mouth turns into a small smile. "Hi Liam," I whisper. "I know this is probably weird," I laugh, "I'm so sorry for what happened." I run my hands through my hair and sigh. "I'm not sure if you ever forgave Nate, but he's wonderful. I'm sure that you were too, and I'm sorry that you're not here anymore. I would have loved to meet and get to know you. Your family is some of the best people that I've ever met. Thank you for watching Nate for me. I really appreciate you. I hope we'll come back soon and visit you."
I take a deep breath before I stand up and jog up to Nate, and we both walk back to my car.
"Thank you for coming, Mia," he mutters as he slings his arm over my shoulder. "You've really helped me today more than I can even imagine."
"Natey, why are you drunk, though?" I whisper into his ear as he crouches down next to me.
"It numbs the pain," he mumbles to me as he bites my earlobe. I laugh and walk a little further until we stop at the car.
"I know it's hard, but you can always talk to me, mhm?" I ask him before I let go of him and walk to the driver's side.
He gives me a lazy smile as he climbs into the car and sits there watching me.
I start the car and drive to the nearest chicken finger drive-thru. We sit in line for a while and hold Nate's hand as we wait.
"There you go, thank you for coming," the girl smiles at Nate and me as she hands over the bag of food.
"Mhmm, thank you so much!" I smile as I take the food into my hands. "Have a nice night," she smiles at me and walks away.
"Mhm, give me my food, Amelia," Nate happily hums as I give him the food.
Nate starts chewing on the fries in the bag with a small smile as I drive through the parking lot and onto the main road.
"Want one?" He points a fry at me and waves it around for me to see.
"I would love one," I smile and bite it off his hand. "Thank you."
I turn back to looking at the road and get on the freeway. The sun is starting to set, but it's almost all the way down. So all you can really see is the end of the sunset.
We drive for a while on the freeway, and finally, I get off the freeway. I turn onto the boys' street and park in their driveway.
"Do I have to go in?" Nate groans and throws his head back against the headrest.
I smile and nod, "I think so, Superstar. You need to get some extra sleep tonight. Call me if you have any nightmares, okay?"
He scrunches his eyebrows and looks at me, annoyed. "Could you come in? I-"
"Nate, that's not a good idea-"
"Just until I fall asleep?" He pleads with puppy dog eyes in those midnight-blue eyes.
I roll my eyes. "Fine, let's go." I open the door and jump out of the car.
He smiles and races out to get right next to me. "Thank you, ba- Mia," he murmurs as he takes my hand. I put my hand around his waist and pull him close to me.
Nate and I keep walking until we get to the door, and he opens it for me. I murmur thanks as I walk into the house.
I spot Luke out of the corner of my eye, sitting on the couch, and he looks over at us with a smile. "Well, hello, you two. It's been a while since I've seen you guys. I've missed you," he smirks.
I shake my head and roll my eyes as I help Nate walk into the house. "He's a little... intoxicated, Mr. Johnson," I put my hand up. "Do not talk right now. He needs some rest."
He keeps his cheeky grin on his face as I help Nate walk up the stairs. "Come on, sweetie," I mutter as we both walk into his room.
"Mi, I'm not fucking intoxicated. Why are you saying that?" Nate whispers to me with his eyes closed.
I pay his chest and help him sit on the bed. "Let me grab you some pajamas, okay?" He nods his head, and I go over to his dresser and grab him some pajamas before walking over to him and going into his bathroom. "Change quick, and I'll come back in!"
I gather his toothbrush and toothpaste as he changes and grumbles, "It's not like you've never seen it before. Plus, it's not like this is a family show!" He lauds for a couple seconds and then yells out to me, "I'm all good!"
I walk back into his room and smile at him. "Hi," I pull on his hand to come to the bathroom with me when I get to him. "Come on, let's go get your teeth brushed, Mr. Jackson."
He hums along happily as we walk into his bathroom. I laugh at him as he brushes his teeth and gets his toothpaste all over his face. He starts humming a One Direction song as we wait, and to be honest, I'm pretty impressed with him.
"Good job, bud," I rub his shoulder as he finishes up.
He spits what's in his mouth into the sink. "Thanks, I've been practicing." He beams at me and walks back into his room. Nate climbs into his bed and pulls the covers up to his chin, waiting for me to walk over to his bed. Nate pats the spot on the bed that's next to him, and I smile.
He positions himself, so he's laying on my chest, waiting to fall asleep.
I don't know how long it took, but it felt like seconds before he fell asleep and I was climbing out of his bed.
"Goodnight, Nate. I love you. Always and Forever."
AHHHHHH! hey!!
I missed you guys! lol, it's been literally like two days, but it's felt like forever. I was so excited to write this chapter, so I hope it didn't disappoint any of you.
Gosh, I had the worst day today, but I saw something on Instagram, and it said 'Choose Happiness,' and I thought it was a good reminder.
Choose Happiness!
Okay, love you all! Let me know what you thought of this chapter, please!!
Much love! ❤️❤️