a/n:
hi, all!! thank you so much for your patience with this hiatus!! life's been hectic (in the best way, worry not!) but in the midst of it all my desire to write this has returned with a vengeance. i'm not coming out of hiatus just yet, just because i'm still v busy and i want to make sure i've got rid of the last of the burnout before i do come back, but i thought i'd check in and drop a chapter :) i'm pre-writing them so that when i do come back i'll be posting everyday again. thanks again for your love and patience! hope you love!! <3
***
Posey had never considered herself someone who could fully appreciate the joys of a public house. Perhaps it was because she'd been with a bunch of Americans the first time she'd ever been in one, or perhaps she simply just wasn't someone who much liked to drink. Either way, in spite of this, she had to admit she'd had some rather good times in pubs since being in Aldbourne.
This was not one of those times.
Luz had been giving her the cold shoulder ever since they'd gotten back from visiting John and it didn't look as though he was planning on relenting any time soon. And whilst Posey had other friends, it was only when he was avoiding her that she could truly appreciate how much she enjoyed Luz's company. She watched from afar as he lit up the other side of the room with some story or other, his gift for impersonation making an appearance whenever he needed to use dialogue to propel his tale onwards. From this far away she couldn't discern which story it was, even squinting to try and read his lips as she was.
"He'll come around," Shifty spoke up softly as he sat down in the chair beside her. She hadn't realised he'd gotten back from the bar.
Posey offered him a small smile before watching as Luz earned a hearty roar of laughter from the men gathered around him once more. She shrugged. "Maybe." Shifty didn't know the reason Luz was avoiding her, after all.
"Say, Duckie," said Tab, sliding into the seat opposite her. "Shouldn't you be over there with your usual crowd?"
Posey rolled her eyes, though when she spoke there was nothing biting in her tone. "I'd have thought you of all people would understand the merits of seeking different company every now and again."
In response, Tab shot her a grin that she couldn't help but mirror; she'd been referring, of course, to Tab's reputation for promiscuity amongst any women he laid eyes on. He was exceedingly good at charming women into letting him go home with them, it seemed, though not so good at keeping his interest on any of them afterwards. Posey couldn't help but wonder what they all saw in him - Tab was attractive, sure, but when you'd seen him pull the same trick on every single one of your friends, how could you bring yourself to fall for it yourself?
Maybe that was just the memories of boot camp speaking, though; she could still remember Talbert with regurgitated spaghetti smeared all around his mouth and sweat covering every inch of him. He could probably remember seeing her in that state, too. And he was just Talbert. A great friend, yes, but also such a boy.
Her smile faltered a moment when she realised he probably thought much the same of her. The vast majority of the men likely did. Perhaps that was what had really thrown Luz through a loop, why he was avoiding her so avidly now. She was a girl who had done a decent enough job of pretending to be a boy that hardly anyone had known. Perhaps he just didn't know how to act around her now.
How would she have reacted if one of the girls at boarding school had turned around one day and told her they were a boy?
The question had to be locked away for later consideration when Tab fired back, "Oh, I understand it perfectly well. You're not one to stray from the pack though, Duckie."
Posey laughed under her breath to mask any traces of uncertainty that may have been lingering on her face. "Call it sharpshooter solidarity," she told him, and shot Shifty a wink. "I can't be hanging around with just anyone anymore, now, can I?"
Tab laughed. "You two are gonna be thick as thieves now, huh?"
"Just be grateful we're in different platoons, Tab," Shifty replied. Posey laughed.
"Yeah, you two are two of the biggest company liabilities," Tab retorted drily. "Can't imagine the kinda chaos you'd cause together."
"And you don't want to, either," Posey added, joking.
A particularly loud burst of cheers from the other side of the pub had all attention turned that way. When Posey looked over, she found what must have been a drinking competition taking place between Bill and Luz.
"They're gonna be so wasted," Skinny commented, joining their table along with Chuck.
"You mean like you and Duckie that one time back at Toccoa?" Tab replied. "When you thought you could outdrink Guarnere with milk? About as wasted as that?"
Posey groaned loudly and dropped her forehead onto the table whilst Skinny scoffed. "You know, I think you're making that story up, Tab."
"Do you?" Tab taunted.
"I don't think that happened at all," Skinny went on. "Duckie?"
Posey raised her head to shake it. "Nope. I don't think it happened either."
"I guess we'll just have to get you drunk enough that you do remember," Chuck put in, almost philosophically, before taking a long draw of his beer.
Posey shared a look with Skinny and shrugged; getting drunk didn't sound half bad, now that she thought about it. Between the emotional rollercoaster that had been the visit to her brother, the almost-jump back into combat, the exhaustion of the following day, and Luz's cold shoulder, she thought that, actually, it might do her the world of good to lift the weight off of her shoulders for a little while.
So that was what she did.
After drinking competition followed by drinking competition followed by drinking competition, not even half an hour later both Skinny and Posey were completely out of it.
"I knew you were a lightweight, Duckie, but goddamn," Lieb said around a sip of beer, laughing as he watched her bounce in place on her seat. He'd come over to join their table with More at some point or other, likely roped in by the usual cheers that came with a drinking race.
"Skinny's a bigger lightweight than I am!" Posey protested around a pout.
"You're both as bad as each other," Chuck commented, chuckling to himself.
"Chuck, what's your real name?" Posey wondered, drumming a beat onto the table and continuing to bounce up and down where she sat.
"Charles," he replied, hiding his amused smile behind his glass.
"Charles," she repeated, nodding. "You don't look like a Charles. Maybe a Charlie, though."
"You don't look like a Joe," Chuck countered.
"But no one calls me Joe."
"No one calls me Charles."
Posey considered his words before a grin spread slowly across her face. "Fair enough," she replied, then clapped her hands and turned her attention to the table at large. "Lets play a game!"
"What game?" Skinny asked, swaying where he was sitting.
Posey sighed, exasperated. "Do I have to be the mastermind behind everything?"
"It was your idea!"
"Well," she began evenly, considering her drink for a moment before nodding to herself, "you can think up a game whilst I go get another drink. How's that?" Before anyone could respond she threw back the last of the beer in her glass and stumbled to her feet, glass in hand, making her way towards the bar.
The pub was a blur of movement as she made her way through the chaos. Warm lighting, made brighter with blackout blinds, sprayed yellow spots across the picture, figures of khaki moving in and out of it. It was loud but somehow comforting. Maybe pubs weren't so bad after all.
Once she got to the bar, she came to stand beside someone whose figure had been too blurry to recognise from behind, but once he turned to look at her she found Luz.
"George!" she cheered, plonking her glass down so that she could clap. "I haven't seen you in ages!"
Luz's eyebrows furrowed, his eyes tracking her movements. "Wells, how much did you drink?"
Posey shrugged. "I don't know. Enough to feel happy!" As though to demonstrate her point, she spun around in a circle and ended up having to cling to the bar for support once she'd turned back to face it again. Her wide grin, all the while, never faltered, not even when Bill came up behind Luz with his eyes narrowed.
"Wells," he said.
"Bill!" she replied.
"Oh, Jesus."
"She's wasted," said Luz.
"Yeah, no shit." Bill shook his head. "Time to go back to barracks, Wells," he said, turning to face Posey entirely.
She frowned. "No."
"Wells."
"I don't wanna." She crossed her arms and pouted as though to emphasise her point.
"Wells," Luz warned, his eyes sweeping across the pub to check for eavesdroppers, "your accent."
"My accent?" Posey echoed. When she realised what he meant, her eyebrows hopped up and a hand slapped itself over her mouth. "My accent!" she squeaked.
Bill glanced behind him and huffed a sigh. "Come on, Wells. Lets go."
Posey didn't bother to lower her hand, instead choosing to speak through it. "But I don't wanna go." Her words emerged muffled and still in her normal voice and accent. Her mind raced, trying to recall how she was supposed to be speaking, but everything was just a tad too blurry for that at the present.
"You want everyone to find out?" Bill demanded.
Posey's eyebrows furrowed. "Find out what?"
"Fuckin' Christ," Luz commented, reaching across the bar to pick up her empty glass. "What the hell was in this?" he wondered, pretending to inspect it. "Whatever it was, I want some."
"About you," Bill explained, speaking across Luz. "You want everyone to know?" he asked again.
"No," Posey replied, as though that much should already have been obvious.
"Then get your ass back to barracks."
"I don't want to!" she exclaimed, stamping her foot all the while. Only now did she lower her hand, just so that she could cross her arms back over her chest. "Just let me remember how to do the voice and I'll be fine. But I am just so sick and tired of doing that stupid voice. I have no idea how anyone believes it anyway -"
"Wells!"
"Y'know, when I was getting my injections for boot camp the nurse knew the moment I opened my mouth that I'm a girl -"
"Jesus Christ," Luz commented.
"So I have no idea how I've managed to pull any of this off -"
"Get your ass outta that fuckin' door before I kick it there -"
"Stop interrupting me, Bill!"
"Wells -"
"Anyway -"
"Should I go get Johnny?" Luz asked.
"No," Bill snapped. "Wells, we're goin' back to barracks. Now."
Posey rolled her eyes. "You're not my dad, Bill." The idea amused her a moment and she let out a small laugh, and then it saddened her and she sighed quietly. "Suppose that's a good thing, really, 'cause my dad doesn't love me. He doesn't even like me. Did y'know that? I lied about it back at Toccoa, 'cause I just can't seem to stop fucking lying -"
"Wells, get your ass out the door," Johnny ordered, appearing from behind Bill and wearing his signature glare.
Posey nodded. "Sir, yes, sir!" She mocked a salute and an about face before heading to the door in as straight a line as she could manage.
Once outside, she wrapped her arms around herself in a vain attempt to ward off the chill of the night. It was dark by now, which meant they must have been in there a while because it didn't get dark until really late. They really must have been in there for hours.
A rush of warmth from behind her and the sudden spilling of light out onto the pavement alerted Posey to her company. She knew who it was without having to look. She'd been expecting them to follow her.
"Blackout blinds always make me think of the Blitz," she said, speaking to the newly illuminated floor. She watched as the rectangle of light collapsed, the door to the pub closing and thrusting them all into darkness. The blinds ensured no light slipped through. "And they're everywhere, so I think of the Blitz a lot. Did you know that?"
"Come on, Wells," Johnny said quietly. He rested a hand on her shoulder and guided her gently down the pavement in the direction of the barracks.
"I used to have nightmares about it all the time in boot camp - memories and things," she went on, kicking at stones in her path and allowing herself to be led down the street. She couldn't see Bill and George behind her but she was confident in the knowledge that they were both there. "Then they went away for a while but now they're back 'cause I can't stop thinking about my mum -" Her words cut off, faltering a moment as she imagined the German plane dropping the bomb that would land on her home, her family, her old life, her future. Everything destroyed in one direct hit, one flash of orange, one resounding bang.
She stopped and listened to the sound of her breathing mixing with the whistling of the wind between tightly packed houses. Her eyes were set on the ground before she lifted them to the sky.
"Wells -"
"Do you think it hurt?" she asked abruptly. She gazed up at the stars and imagined the underbellies of German bombers, the Heinkels and Junkers and Dorniers whose rumbling engines she still heard when she closed her eyes at night. "Do you think the bomb hit and it took her right then and there, or that she was crushed by rubble and had to lay there for hours waiting for help that never came?"
Silence followed her words. When no answer came, she looked up at Johnny and then turned to Bill and George. "Which one?" she prompted.
It was Johnny who found his voice first. "I think it would've been quick and painless. She wouldn't've felt a thing."
Posey nodded, her eyes glazed over and her eyes staring past Bill and George, now. "There one moment and gone the next," she agreed, her voice soft. "Kind of like my dad." She let the thought hit before continuing, "I wonder if he knows."
"Lets go back, huh, Wells?" Johnny asked gently, lifting a hand to place on her shoulder once more.
Posey nodded and let the hand on her shoulder lead her home.
The four of them didn't speak the rest of the way back to the barracks. Posey listened to the regular beating of their footsteps and bobbed her head along to the rhythm. Her mind was away with the fairies all the while. Thoughts of sunrises and butterflies and cool summer breezes whirled around in her head, hope that tomorrow would bring happiness. Unfounded hope, but hope all the same. What else was there to get her out of bed in the morning?
Arriving back at the barracks, Second Platoon's was deserted aside from one Eugene Roe. Posey smiled when she saw him. "Hi, Gene!"
At the chirpiness of the words and the nickname she'd used, Roe raised his eyes from the book he'd been reading - a book on something to do with being a medic, Posey could tell from the cover, though she couldn't actually read the words - and looked expectantly at the three men who'd accompanied her home.
"She's wasted," Johnny confirmed, letting go of her shoulder only once she'd sat on her bunk.
"Hey, isn't this everyone?" Posey asked, glancing between the faces staring back at her. "Our secret society! This is like a little meeting, hm?"
"'Part from Nixon," Bill drawled, at the same time as George muttered, "Except Nixon," under his breath.
"Oh yeah," Posey replied, nodding. "Except him." In a moment she was on her feet again. "I need to clean my teeth," she declared.
"You need to sleep -" Johnny began.
"I can't sleep with dirty teeth!"
"I'll go with 'er," Roe cut in, getting to his feet. "I can take it from here."
True to his word, Roe accompanied Posey to the bathrooms and waited while she brushed her teeth. When she complained of her dress uniform being itchy, he jogged back to the barracks and got her PT gear for her, knowing she tended to sleep in that. Then he waited whilst she went into one of the stalls and changed. Once she was finished, Roe led her back to the barracks and unlaced her jump boots for her so that she could get into bed.
"Thank you," Posey told him in a small voice, holding back a yawn which she lost the fight against eventually.
They didn't say anything but Posey could feel the presence of the others. Johnny, Bill, and George hadn't gone back to the pub.
After Posey had crawled under her blanket, the five of them lay in silence in the dark, each of them awake but pretending not to be. Into the quiet, Posey spoke up for what would be the final time that night as the world tilted back and forth around her. "George, I don't want you to be angry at me anymore."
A sigh punctured the stillness that followed. Eventually, George replied softly, "I ain't angry at you, Duckie."
Posey was already fast asleep.