My heart paused as his voice welcomed my ear. Tell him you love him. “Hi. Uh it’s Rein.” I mumbled. IDIOT! He obviously knows that.
“Yeah.” Kale responded in a bored tone that almost seemed to just say ‘uh duh I knew that.’
I paused for a long moment. What should I say? “Can you uh . . . tell Christine and Michael that I’ll be staying at a friend’s for a week or so?” I asked numbly trying to buy some time.
The line went quiet for a long moment. “Yeah okay.” he finally grumbled.
I waited for him to say something more. Anything more. Anything at all. But all I could hear was his breathing. “Thanks. That’s it then.” I paused and looked down at my sneakers. “Uhm bye.” I mumbled.
He didn’t say bye and I heard his breathing stop. “Wait Kale-“ I said in a rushed voice but it was cut off with the sound of him hanging up. My face fell and I could feel the anxiety raising inside me. He couldn’t have meant it last night. He couldn’t have.
“You okay?” I looked up to see who had spoken just in time to rip me from my depressed thoughts.
“Oh hey Megan.” I said wiping the look of hurt from my face and replacing it with a smile. I wasn’t the type to be a Debbie downer.
Megan shook her head and sat down next to me. “Don’t you dare hey Megan me. Spill, what’s on your mind?”
“These clothes are just really awkward.” I said hoping she’d go for the bait.
Megan’s long black hair caught the light of the hall just right making it shine beautifully as she turned to gaze at me. I couldn’t help but feel envious. I had always wanted to try black hair. Short black hair. It had always seemed like it would be shockingly pretty with my fair skin. I never dared to try it though. “We should get back to shopping then. Where did Morisa go?” she asked, thank god, playing along.
I nodded. “She’s in there with Kayla I figured I’d wait until they finish.” I pointed to the jeans store behind me.
“Well then that means we have time to talk about what’s on your mind.” Brittany pitched in as she gave a triumphant smile.
“It’s nothing.” I shrugged. Their eyes bored into me, waiting for more. “Really.” I insisted lamely.
“So Kale’s nothing now?” Brittany asked cocking an eyebrow. His name stung and I just looked away from her. “I heard about what happened.”
“Everyone did.” I mumbled.
“Look, Kale’s an asshole. That’s just the way he is. I’ve always hated him.” Megan pitched in.
“You and him had a thing.” Brittany announced sounding confused.
Megan flushed as I looked over at her. I wasn’t surprised. Lots of people had thing with him at some point in time. She blushed seeing my gaze. “Well he is really hot. And oh is he good in bed…” she trailed off for a moment before catching herself. Her hand covered her mouth mortified that she’d just said that out loud. “But he was a total ass. No feelings at all. Just a physical thing.”
“Yeah.” I grumbled. If the last part was supposed to make me feel better it wasn’t.
She removed her hand and tried again. “But with you he wasn’t like that. I mean the guy actually settled down with you. That was a big step in his book.” Brittany gave her a look to tell her to shut up. “Look,” Megan continued instead, “the point is that he actually was tolerable when he was around you.”
This wasn’t helping. At all. Just thinking about Kale was hurting. “I don’t want to talk about it.” This is why I avoid having girls as friends.
“Rein You need to talk to him.” Brittany announced, realizing that Megan wasn’t helping. “If you don’t make up at least let him know what an ass he is. He deserves more then a punch from some random guy.” she added, patting my knee gently.
“Spencer is the one who punched him.” Megan pitched in as she scooted onto the bench besides me. “He’s like his second hand man. That probably hurt more than the punch itself that it came from him.”
“How’d you know that?” I asked looking over at her as she slung her arm around my shoulder. Everyone knew the rundown of what happened, news spread fast, but she was the first person who had known who had struck Kale. Everyone else was only focused on the breakup.
“I was there.” Megan said simply with a shrug, then as if trying to get my mind off of the party she added; “Now come on let’s get you some jeans. No offense but those, not your style hun.”
I chuckled and looked down at the slightly large rumpled pants. “Yeah sounds like a good idea.” They tugged on me and I got up with a little numb smile and followed Megan and Brittany into the store. Getting new clothes would cheer me up a little bit.
The moment we stepped foot in the store Morisa’s eyes landed on me. “There you are!” she said with a big grin as she hooked her arm in mine and dragged me to the cash register. “I’m so sorry about Kale.” She whispered as she set the pile of jeans on the counter the second we were away from everyone.
Why can’t people stop bringing it up?! I nodded. “Yeah.” I didn’t know what else to say.
“I personally always thought you guys were a weird match. I mean…. He’s just so… well he doesn’t settle down. Like he’s Mr. free lance all over the place.” She nodded at the cashier and handed over her credit card, too lazy to scan it herself.
“Yeah.” I repeated.
“He’s a hottie.” she continued on not noticing my depressed gaze. “I mean like it’s hard to tie down someone like that. You can’t help it that girls want a bit. And well he has plenty to give.” she giggled and looked over at me, finally noticing my tight lips. “Well I mean you should be glad. You were together what… a few months? You satisfied him for longer than most. You should be proud.”
I nodded and got out a stressed, “Yeah. Guess so.” Is this girl retarded? I thought angrily. Could she have honestly thought her words were helping? It seemed like the moment I lightened up someone had to go and bring it crashing me back down. And it was always when they mentioned Kale. Kale. I thought and my shoulders slumped.
Morisa must have realized that the topic was bothering me because she ruffled my hair. “Don’t worry. Things will straighten themselves out.”
“It’s called empathy you ditz.” Megan sighed as she came up and set a hand on my shoulder, trying to take over the situation and turn it back around.
Morisa got the hint and nodded, walking a step away with her bags. “Well I’m heading out early. The boyfriend is waiting. Bye Rein!” she gave a grin and a wave before sauntering away.
Boyfriend. I sighed and turned back to the three girls who were watching me. God did I miss Kale.
---
I rolled over in the bed that Jakeson had been so kind to make for me. Like the perfect little angel he was he’d taken my time away with the girls to set up the room for me. I curled into the soft sheets and hugged one of the new pillows to my chest. Always so thoughtful. I thought as I buried my face in it and realized he’d even gone as far as spraying them with my body spray so they’d smell familiar to me.
My eyes closed and I listened to the quiet house. I felt depressingly alone. I hadn’t slept a night alone in so long. Kale had always been with me the past few months. Every morning and every night his face was beside mine. Kale. . . I don’t know what to say to him. I don’t know how to face him.
I shook him roughly from my mind and rolled onto my back to stare at the ceiling. Maybe I can sneak into Jakeson’s room? I wondered feeling another ripple of loneliness wash through me. He’d give me space but still be there for me. I realized as I thought of how sweet he’d been to me. How sweet he always was when it came to me.
I bet if I curled up against him he’d hold me without a second thought.
I knew this was true. He was always happy to be in my company. He loved me after all. He’d do anything for me. Don’t break his heart! My mind suddenly screamed and I shook my head roughly. How could I ever think of using Jakeson? He was much too good for that. He respected me and I needed to do the same to him. I couldn’t hurt him ever again. I refuse to lead him on just to make myself feel better. I concluded.
So Jakeson wasn’t an option to keep me from the depression threatening to sink in from the darkness of the room. I knew Matthew was just down the hall and probably not even in bed yet. It was a Saturday night after all, and my first night alone. I sat up suddenly tempted to go seek out his company. I knew that he liked me. It was obvious enough from all the little passes he made at me. I could go spend time with him and not hurt his heart!
Jakeson. My mind warned me. He’s Jakeson’s brother. I groaned. My mind was right. I couldn’t very well go seek comfort from Matthew. Not only would he read it as interest but it would hurt Jakeson. I couldn’t hurt him. And it would also be best not to stir up any drama while I hid from Kale in their house.
Kale. Again my mind wound up on him. I needed desperately to think of something else. Someone else. But who? Normally I’d call Brendon but no, I couldn’t. I had no clue what was going on with him. One moment he was Brendon the next he was so passionate. I loved the feel of him. I liked how he made me feel like I was his and no one else’s with how fiercely he gripped me. But calling him over would only further confuse me. I couldn’t face working through what was going on with him just yet. I hadn’t even gotten past the shock he wasn’t gay.
The temptation to call Spencer passed as quickly as it had come. I knew Kale confided in Spencer. I couldn’t very well talk to him about what was going on. As much as I trusted him I knew that if Kale found out he may try to force things out of him. Just for his amusement he’d make Spencer tell him things I’d said. I frowned. I didn’t want to put Spencer in a position to choose between me and Kale like he’d had to at the party ever again. I was still shocked he’d chosen to stick up for me. Shocked and grateful.
A little smile settled on my lips. Every party I’ve ever gone to has ended up poorly. I thought and gave a tiny chuckle. And every one had also ended up with at least one punch thrown. Guess I’m a drama magnet. I sighed. Suddenly my heart picked up and I scrambled across grabbing the phone. I picked it up and dialed without even thinking. The idea had come so quickly. I knew who to call. It didn’t matter if there was no answer. I had to try.
The phone only managed to ring twice before it was already being answered. My mouth opened in surprise as Jared’s voice greeted my ear. “Rein?” he asked sounding as surprised as I felt.
“Jared.” I breathed in response. I hadn’t thought he’d answered. It’d been so long since he’d talked to me. I’d tried and tried until finally I gave up. “Hi.” I added stupidly not knowing what to say. I hadn’t expected him to actually answer.
“Hey.” he responded and I could hear the hesitation in his voice.
Instantly my heartbeat picked up again. “I’m sorry. Are you busy? I know it’s kinda late. I can call later. I didn’-“ I began to rumble off my nerves utterly shot. He answered! I thought still stunned. I’d missed his voice so much. I’d missed him and his down to earth comforts.
“Relax.” he interrupted me and I could hear him shifting, I could only assume moving the phone to his other ear. “I’m not busy.”
“Oh.” I breathed, nodding. “Sorry.”
He chuckled and I relaxed a considerable amount. “It’s all right Rein.”
I gave a little nod feeling an odd sense of comfort at just his voice. “Yeah.” I muttered not knowing what to say. It’d been so long. “Wait,” I suddenly blurted out, “why did you answer?”
I didn’t mean it to sound ungrateful. On the contrary I was stunned. Jared hadn’t answered no matter how many times I’d called before. It’d ring until answering machine. Even my voicemails went without a reply. Jared knew what I meant the moment I asked it. For a moment he was quiet before he said, “I heard about Kale,” in a soft voice.
“Oh.” I mumbled feeling like an idiot. Of course he’d heard. Everyone heard. There was no one on the planet who didn’t seem to know. It hadn’t even happened but two nights ago and already people were talking about it as though it were old news. Silence. Awkward long silence came as I tried to think of what more to say. What could I say but oh?
“You all right?” he finally asked and I found myself once more thankful for his voice.
Even though he couldn’t see me I nodded as I said, “Yeah I’ll be fine.” Surprisingly just talking to Jared made me feel like maybe one day that’d be true. He was a reminder of what it’d been like before I’d fallen for Kale.
“I missed you.”
His words made me smile and lay back into the soft bed. “I missed you too Jared.” I admitted. And I had. Everything about him brought me comfort. Just his voice alone was calming my nerves. “So…” I paused a little afraid to ask the question on my mind but I couldn’t very well stop myself, “does this mean that we can be friends again?”
“You still want to be?” he asked sounding surprised.
Again I nodded profusely. “Yes I do.” I told him and closed my eyes. “I miss spending time with you. And picking on you. I miss your pathetic singing voice,” I teased my heart growing light just from talking to him again, “hell I even missed your truck and its broken doors.”
He laughed at this and it was a glorious sound. I found myself chuckling with him. It was as though we’d never been apart. “You must be crazy to have missed me bad enough to want my singing back.” he teased back.
“You’ve always known I was crazy.” I responded. My grin sunk into my face. I felt happy. Not artificial or forced happiness. Genuine relief at knowing that he was talking to me. Jared. Jared was joking with me again.
“Rein,” he said his voice suddenly sounding more serious, “I’m sorry.” I took a breath about to ask for what but he continued on, “I’m sorry for how I acted. And avoiding you.”
A little sigh left my lips as I opened my eyes to look again at the ceiling. “It’s okay Jared.”
“It wasn’t because of you.” he added. “I just… I don’t like Kale.” his voice hardened a little and I waited for him to say more. I could tell he was going to. “It was stupid and childish. I let my dislike for him affect our friendship.”
“Really, it’s okay.” I insisted at how distressed he sounded.
“You forgive me?” he breathed sounding astounded.
I smiled brightly again. “Yes, yes I do.” I could hear him give a little breath of surprise mixed with relief into the phone. “Now tell me you’re my friend again or I may change my mind.”
He chuckled and I smiled at the sound. “You know I am.” He said and the smile became a full fledged grin. We sat in silence but it was finally a happy one. I was too busy smiling to talk. Finally after a long time Jared said, “Well I have to be up in a few hours for my Sunday work.”
“Right.” I nodded, taking the hint. “Probably should let you go then.”
“Do you want to sit with me Monday?” he asked hesitantly as though worried I’d reject.
“I’d love that.” I nodded enthusiastically. “But you’re buying since I went through the trouble of calling you first.”
Jared chuckled and I knew he was rolling his eyes. “Fair enough.”
“Well, good night then.”
“Good night.” he agreed. I hesitated hanging up and was glad I did because he suddenly asked, “Rein?”
“Yeah?”
He hesitated before saying, “I really have missed you.”
I smiled and closed my eyes, the darkness of the room not feeling depressing any longer. “I know,” I breathed my heart finally calming, “I missed you too.”
~-+-~-+-~
Meanwhile-
Matthew leaned back in the chair as he listen to his friend carry on with his pointless story. After being around Jakeson and his friends for so long he felt out of place with people his own age. He wasn't sure if it was just because he could now see their immaturity or if it was because he realized that Rein thought of him as younger. "Yeah, that was funny." he commented mindlessly, for he was too busy considering how he can change his current lifestyle to include a few more opportunities to see her.
~-+-~-+-~
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--Special thanks to karmah5 for her amazing editing skills--