[rodrick's pov]
i stare at my phone screen feeling incredibly frustrated with myself. why the hell did i have to go and do that? why the hell did i have to fucking kiss her? she said she wasn't ready for this type of thing. she's probably still hurting from eric. she needs a friend right now, not some guy pining after her and trying to kiss her any chance he gets. i feel like such a dick.
i should probably head home, i feel more sober now. hopefully mom doesn't hear me sneaking back in. she would totally kill me. i look up at my radio as i turn my van on, checking the time.
4:38 a.m.
holy shit. i didn't realize it was that late. maybe tate is asleep? maybe she's not mad at me. i would do anything for things to go back to normal, she was finally starting to feel more comfortable around me. i wonder what happened while she was with eric to make her so cautious of a new relationship. what did that fucking dickbag do to her? i take a deep breath, trying to shake the thought of something like abuse out of my head. god, the shit i would do to him if i found out he did anything like that to her...
rodrick, fucking stop. calm the hell down.
i back out of heather's house, trying to focus my mind on the road instead of tate.
i don't turn the radio on, it would only remind me of her singing along in my passenger seat, her hair blowing back and a big smile on her... holy shit this is so fucking hard. how am i not supposed to think about her when she's been the only important person in my life recently? my whole world revolves around her now.
my eyes well up with tears, blurring my vision. i have never been this affected by a girl before. it sucks.
i make it home in about ten minutes, then sneak in the back door to my room. i let out a sigh of relief once i make it to my room. mom and dad are asleep, im okay.
i curl up under my blankets and into a fetal position, not bothering to take off my costume. i sigh loudly. sometimes i am such a dumbass. im going to text her again. double texting isn't really something i tend to go for but this is tate.
to tater tot: pls just let me know if ur okay. see u at school? miss u. im sorry.
i throw my phone down onto the carpet and rub my eyes.
this is going to be a long weekend man.
monday
"hey tate!"
here i am. about to fucking embarrass myself. why the hell is she walking with eric? that little shit.
"oh, uhm, hey rodrick." tate smiles awkwardly.
"can i talk to you for a second?" i glare at eric, who is standing guard at her side. "alone?"
"sorry, i have to get to class, but maybe later?" she grimaces and turns around heading to class.
since when has she actually gone to school or taken it seriously? is eric making her do this? i knew something was up ever since he started tutoring her. he's definitely looking for a way back into her life. and ding ding ding! he hit jackpot with her failing math grade. i wish i wasn't in stupid remedial math or else i would be her tutor instead of that jackass.
my chest feels empty and raw. i get that empty aching feeling like bella talked about in twilight. was my life just going to be meaningless without her? without my edward? how is that fair?
°°°
to ben: shits going downhill with tate. idk what 2 do man.
ben: u don't need her. fuck bitches :P
to ben: u sound like a fucking incel u douche
ben: ya ya ok wutever. u comin 2 practice today?
to ben: it's monday
ben: so? we need the practice dummy. also!!! u need cheering up!!!!!
to ben: ok ye i will b there
°°°
"rod, you look seriously depressed. are you good man?"
"ben, i literally told you that im-"
"oh yeah, that tate chick. it couldn't have been that serious, we never even met her!" he insists, dumbly.
yeah she never met you guys because she was a separate part of my life that i wanted to keep to myself. woah, when i admit that to myself i sound crazy as fuck.
"well she was busy a lot, okay? and it's not like i see you guys outside of band practice anyways." i roll my eyes.
"ouch." chris pouts.
i shrug. "sorry"
thursday
i stare blankly at the wall in my room, letting myself zone out. should i call her? should i leave a voicemail if she doesn't answer? should i show up at her house? would her dad kill me?
i decide that if i call and she doesn't answer, i will simply erase her from my memory. this shit is so painful. i don't want to deal with it.
i snatch up my phone and press on her contact, smirking at her contact photo, which is the only one in my phone. it was a picture of her close up to the camera from one of the times she spent the night. she insisted that i kept it. i sigh and press the call button.
1 ring. 2 rings. 3 rings. holy shit is she not going to answer? 4 rings.
"hey, what's up?"
oh my god. her voice. she answered?
"hey, it's been a while." i respond.
"rodrick, it's been five days."
"still, that's a long time. are you avoiding me because of the party?" i ask way too directly. i don't have the patience to beat around the bush right now. "i told you im sorry, i shouldn't have-"
"it's fine." she interjects. "im not avoiding you, i've just been really busy, okay? don't make this out to be something it's not."
"okay." i sigh. "can you come over tonight? are you gonna be busy?"
"actually yes, i am going to be busy." she states, blankly. "i have to babysit my younger brother."
"i can come over then. i'll bring greg and they can hang out." i decide. "see you then!" i hang up before she can make some shit excuse about how her dad doesn't want anyone in the house. im going to make things right with her again.
°°°
"get in loser." i tell greg as he walks up to the van, confused. "im taking you to a friend's house."
i realize in this moment that i really haven't told anyone about tate. i've kept her my secret because... i don't know why that is. i guess i didn't want anyone to take up any of my time with her. i've been a bit possessive, haven't i?
"i am not going to ben's house. the last time you took me there he gave me nightmares for three weeks!" greg exclaims, crossing his arms.
"we're not going to ben's house idiot, we're going to my friend tate's. she has a younger brother and you two would probably hit it off. i heard he likes twisted wizard too. besides, i can get mom bucks for this." i explain.
shrugging, greg climbs into the passenger seat.
"hell no." i shake my head. "get in the back."
"I AM NOT GETTING IN THE BACK AGAIN. I WONT GO IF YOU MAKE ME!"
i snicker at the thought of him flying around in the back with rowley. good shit.
"fine, but don't get used to sitting there. it's for cool people."
"obviously that's why you never sit here.." greg mumbles.
"greg, i will kill you."
on the drive there, greg sits in silence, the way i prefer it. everything that comes out of his mouth drives me insane. you know, people say im the mean one but he's genuinely a sociopath. i kinda feel bad for his chubby friend. poor kid's always getting bossed around by greg.
when i pull into tate's driveway, i scan my surroundings for any sign of her parents. nope, they're gone. sick.
when tate answers the door she looks like she's... glowing. she seems a lot healthier than the last time i saw her. has she been sleeping? man, is eric the reason for this?
"hey." she smiles at me, going in for a hug. when she pulls away she looks down at greg and smirks. "so this is the greg heffley i've heard so much about."
greg lights up. "you have?"
"absolutely not." i grin mockingly at him before stepping inside.
tate introduces our brothers to eachother and then leads me into her room. she sits on her bed looking up at me with those fucking beautiful eyes. i feel my cheeks warm and look away, pretending to look at her room.
"you've been in here before, rod. whatcha looking at?" she snickers.
"shut up." i roll my eyes and plop down next to her. "how are you?"
"i'm okay. been getting my grades up recently. kind of boring to be honest." she raises her eyebrows at me. "how about you?"
"lame." i say flatly.
"why's that?" she pushes, although im almost positive she knows why.
"miss you, that's all." i admit.
"oh come on, stop being so sappy."
um. ouch. holy shit.
"well i mean it's hard when you're hanging with eric all the fucking time and you just leave me to be lonely and miserable." i reply, bitterly.
"he's tutoring me you ass. don't you want me to graduate highschool?" she looks disgusted with me.
"there's something you're not telling me. he's trying to fuck you, how do you not see that? how are you being so fucking stupid?" i stand up, my face red with anger.
"get out." her eyes fill with tears and she bites her lip.
fuck. im an asshole.
"wait, i didn't mean-"
"get the fuck OUT!" she throws a pillow at me, the tears streaming down her face. "and don't fucking come back."
in shock, i leave her room and call for greg, who's already waiting for me with a worried expression. he definitely heard us.
we walk to the van in silence. my heart thumps in my chest loudly.
what did i just do?
november 10th
i wonder if she still wears my jacket.
december 1st
my phone buzzes and i grab it off my nightstand, frustrated. how come the only time anyone ever texts me is when im trying to get off my phone and actually get a few hours of sleep?
tater tot: hey i feel rlly bad about what happened. i miss u. hang with me on my birthday tmrw ok?
oh my fucking god. tomorrow is her BIRTHDAY???? i totally forgot. well i mean it's not like we've talked in the past month at all so i've been trying to push her out of my mind. that shit hurts, lemme tell ya.
...do i get her a gift?
why must our relationship be so complicated!!!!!!! i have no idea what to say or do most of the time im around her. god, i wish we were normal best friends.
...i take that back. you can't make out with your normal best friend.
to tater tot: absolutely. i miss u too but u already know that. meet u at rise cafe? chocolate milkshakes babyyyuuyyy :D
all it takes is one text from her and im her #1 simp again.
i start to question what kind of gift she would appreciate. definitely something home made or well thought out. she's sentimental like that. maybe a letter. something has to go with the letter... she loves when people make her playlists... oh! oh my god! a fucking mixtape. that would be dope as hell. i'll burn some of her favorite songs onto a cd.
im a fucking genius, baby.
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a/n yoooo what's up folks!!! i just moved and my life is a total shit show rn. who knew that your dad dying would turn your life so completely upside down! haha... man i hate my life lol. n e wayssssssssss pls tell me what ur thinking of the story i love reading y'all's comments :))))))) they make me so happy. this chapter was really hard to write bc it made me sad :( i just want them to kiss and cuddle all the time but that's not how life is 😩!!!!! next chapter some SHIT is gonna go down so get ready 😏😏 love u guys so so so much <33333 don't forget to vote + add