"These," Killian watched carefully as Jasper strolled across the living room, with two—very familiar—metal-clawed gloves in his hand. "Are for you." The new group leader ungraciously dropped the gloves on the ground, right at Jackson's feet.
The morning had gone surprisingly well, considering the circumstances. Jasper had organized a search party to look around the barn in case they'd missed something. Cohen was kept in the basement for the time being, until Jasper officially decided what to do with the healer. Killian wondered exactly what Jasper was planning. Killing the doctor would put everybody on edge about Jasper's future decision-making, banishing Cohen could lead to even more outcry—but getting rid of the man entirely would rid them of any medical assistance either way.
Killian had volunteered to lead the patrol, but Jasper had insisted he take a break that day, along with Aubrey, Jackson and Casimir. He had to assume the leniency stemmed from Jasper's inability to admit he needed the help—expressing his gratitude in a different manner instead. Killian had been surprised with the work amount dealt out to the others, it was just as fair as it always had been. He'd half-expected Jasper to get some sort of silent revenge. Of course, that could change a bit later down the line. But it wasn't as if they didn't deserve it. Sometimes, Killian wondered if Jasper really was too sympathetic for his own good.
"Finally," Jackson snorted contemptuously, "It's about time." Killian could have sworn he saw Jasper's jaw clench the moment those words left his cousin's lips. When the half-biter bent down to retrieve his most valued possessions, Jasper slammed his foot down on the ground. Jackson jerked his hand back just in time to avoid his fingers from being crushed.
Killian's lips parted to say something, but in his shock, he couldn't muster any words. Aubrey raised her brows and took a hesitant step backwards. "Jackson." Jasper's voice was deceptively calm, silky-smooth. But Killian could easily recognize the tensing of his lover's muscles, the clenching of Jasper's fists. He watched as Jasper's fingers curled against his strong palm, the way he set his jaw, even the way his shoulders broadened...before he knew it, he'd caught himself staring a bit too intensely and looked away with a blush heating up his cheeks.
"Yes?"
"If you ever break whatever small amount of trust I'm putting into you, I will personally gut you like a fish and hang your body up for the biters. Understand?" Jasper's huskier, deeper tone when he grew irritable--it definitely stirred something in Killian.
"Of course, as any reasonable individual would." Jackson replied, sharing the new group leader's exact tone. Killian's eyes flickered back and forth between them, barely holding back a smile as he watched his two favorite people attempt to get along, if not for his sake then their own. Killian couldn't help the slow smile that tugged at the corners of his lips.
When Jasper had decided Jackson was given enough of a warning, he crossed the living to Killian, abruptly pausing. He then tilted his head to side ever-so-slightly. Just from the look Jasper gave him, Killian knew the other man had practically read his mind. He knew exactly what he'd been thinking about, why he'd been watching so intently. Killian hated it, the way Jasper so easily trapped him beneath his gaze. He squirmed a bit as those pale blue, beautiful irises focused on him directly. "What's wrong, Boy Scout?" He teased.
Killian quickly cleared his throat and snapped, "Nothing. What's wrong with you? Idiot." As soon as he insulted Jasper, Killian got up and leaned against him to let him know he didn't actually mean it. Jasper's hand caressed his cheek, easily forgiving him. Killian nuzzled his face even closer, curling his fingers around Jasper's shirt. He'd gotten Jasper to wear his jacket again so he could steal it later.
"What's on the to-do list this morning, boss?" Darren inquired, leaning against the doorframe of the area between the living room and the kitchen. Killian bit his tongue, barely resisting the urge to snap at him. He'd ruined his and Jasper's moment.
Jasper's strong arms crossed against his chest. Killian didn't like the look on his partner's face when he said, "Cohen. I'm going to deal with him when the rest of the group gets back to the farmhouse." Killian shuddered at the man's phrasing. Deal with him. As if he wasn't a human and nothing more than a problem to dispose of. It was at moments like these that made Killian question just how bad Jasper had been truly hurt by his past surroundings. To be fair, Cohen had hurt them all—as the group leader, Jasper needed to protect them—but it didn't seem like him to be so...dismissive.
"You're not going to kill him, are you?" Casimir asked, raising a single brow.
There was a grim silence, raising Killian's nerves even more. But Jasper's expression was more incredulous than angry or vengeful. "Of course not. I would just be a hypocrite if I repeated what the group tried to do to me. No, I'll let him explain himself and make a decision what to do with him then." A silent huff of relief leapt through Killian's lips and the tension immediately left his body. He was an idiot. Of course Jasper wouldn't just kill Cohen. But...he had been planning to before the latest outcome of events. Killian shook his head wildly to remind himself, Even if he was planning to, it doesn't mean he would have gone through with it. Plus, he didn't actually do it. And even if Cohen was killed, he brought that upon himself, too. Killian bit back those thoughts immediately. His head was spinning. But you can't justify killing somebody like that...can you? Not unless it's self defense.
Before Jasper's conversation could continue with the others, Killian grappled onto the larger man's wrist and backpedaled against the ground, using all of his strength to tug Jasper out into the hallway. Jasper raised a single brow. Killian wasn't strong enough to budge the other man, but he was amuse when his partner played along anyways, dramatically stumbling out of the room along with him. But as soon as the short-lived antics were over, Killian's smile faded. He bit the inside of his cheek, not being brave enough to look Jasper in the eyes immediately. "Hey Boy Scout," Jasper murmured softly. Killian leaned into his partner's touch when Jasper held his cheeks, "You've been thinking by yourself a lot lately. You know I get worried about you. What's going on, love?"
Killian reached up to take a hold of Jasper's hand, still laying on the side of his face. He squeezed it for comfort. There was an irony in his situation, Killian knew. How he was still worried about speaking to Jasper--but also seeking support all at the same time. It was definitely a conundrum he'd never found himself stuck in before. "Jasper," He said shakily, "I know...I know sometimes we have to hurt people, or else they'll hurt us. Or sometimes they're doing something that's not good. But I don't want..." Killian's breath hitched in his chest, but Jasper only waited silently, patient as a boulder. "I don't think I want you to kill Cohen. Even when you said last night, that we'd only kick him out, I know you don't lie--but we both still don't know." Killian shook his head, frustration wrinkling at his nose. His brows narrowed with concentration. Sometimes, it was nearly impossible to find the words for what he wanted to say.
"I'm listening," Jasper simply said, his blue eyes patient and voice calm. Killian nodded, blinking a few times to collect his thoughts. As his frustration only mounted, his hand tightened around Jasper's and he bit his tongue to stop himself from snapping. Finally, he could only decided to ramble and do his best to make sense of his meanderings if Jasper still didn't understand afterward.
"I know Cohen is bad. Maybe it would be different if he hurt me directly, or hurt somebody else real bad too. Or maybe it's because we thought we knew him, and the only thing I can see him as is still just the group medic. I know he needs to be taken care of. But I don't want...I don't want you to kill him, okay?" Killian finally managed. He summoned a deep inhale of breath before continuing, "Maybe I'm just soft," He was shocked when Jasper only jerked him forward into a hug.
"Killian, you're not soft for wanting me not to kill somebody." Jasper said urgently, pressing a warm kiss onto Killian's forehead. Killian leaned into his lover's embrace, closing his eyes peacefully. "You're not soft for wanting to spare somebody. Trust me," A morbid chuckle rumbled through Jasper's strong chest, "It haunts you the first time. Then you start to get used to it, gradually. I never want you to get used to it, love. Nobody should ever get used to this." Jasper lifted Killian's chin, "I know you're strong, you've survived on your own for so, so long. You've never asked what I had to do and I'll never ask you. But don't ever think you're soft, Killian."
With a nod, Killian hid his face in Jasper's shoulder. Once again, the relief was overwhelming. "But sometimes," Jasper said softly, "We don't get a choice. Sometimes we can't save people, no matter how much we want to. Sometimes people try to hurt us, or innocent bystanders, our loved ones." Jasper sighed, "It's not pleasant. But sometimes it's the only option. Thankfully, we have that option." The man pressed another kiss onto Killian's head, "So I'm not planning to waste it."
❖ ❖ ❖
Jasper stared down at the doctor, the two men's eyes meeting, unblinking. A silent challenge. Jasper had seen the same look in other people's eyes before, a look of pure resentment and nothing but hatred. He's felt the other end of those stares before--many, many times. Every time, his pride had gotten the best of him. Now wasn't any different. This man had hurt him, manipulated the people around them. Jasper remembered the first time the group had found him, Cohen was the one who'd patched him up. It hadn't been the start of a friendship, but it'd been the start of a mutual respect. There had always been some sort of rivalry between the two, a power struggle left unspoken about. But Jasper had won. These people were now his, not Cohen's or Tom's, his.
"Cohen." Jasper said softly. He could feel the growl rumbling at the back of his throat, his muscles stiffening and ready for a fight. His fist clenched, he became all-too aware of the gun in his hand. It was pleasantly heavy, a security he hadn't felt for a long time. Power.
"Jasper." Cohen's tone contrasted Jasper's to an infuriating level. It was teeth-gratingly calm and collected. The doctor showed no fear, no remorse or guilt. Only resentment. He tilted his head to the side ever-so-slightly. "So, what's your first action as their leader?" Cohen murmured softly, just barely enough for Jasper to hear. "Are you going to show your true colors, a killer?"
A cold sweat broke out across Jasper's forehead, his heart pounding in his chest. "What makes you say that?" He demanded. Jasper's fist was clenched so hard that his fingernails almost broke through the skin of his palm. Through clenched teeth he hissed, "You know nothing about me, nor what I've done."
"Oh, but one can guess." Cohen purred. "I can see the look in your eyes every time you pick up that gun. Every daydream you have, it's only of violence, is it not? See," The doctor nodded to Jasper up and down, "I'm completely calm. The rest of the group are waiting. But you, soldier, are violently angry."
Jasper swallowed back a hard lump in his throat. No matter how hard he tried to squash down his emotions, he could feel it. The boiling rage in his veins, the burning desire right what had been wronged. After a single deep breath, he managed to collect himself. Jasper had felt that part of him before--when he'd embraced it, bad things happened. He never, ever wanted to be that person again. He refused to return to what people of the past had made him, what they'd turned him into. If not for himself, he would do it for Killian. He wasn't a soldier anymore, he refused to follow anybody's words but his own.
"That's where you're wrong, Cohen." Jasper raised his voice enough for the group to hear him. "You care about nothing but a cure that was a possibility long ago. One that won't ever be found." Jasper could see Cohen's jaw clench, a sickening satisfaction churned in his stomach. It didn't matter how much he hated it, knowing he'd gotten the better of somebody was enough for him. "There are only us, outsiders--good or bad--and the biters. You're chasing a fantasy, a reality that's made up in your mind. But the rest of us," Jasper's eyes glanced towards Killian. Just seeing his partner's face helped him relax, gave him the extra confidence he needed. "We're here. I won't let people like you get away with what you've done."
In a split second, Cohen took a step backwards. Jasper raised his gun, pointing it straight between the other man's eyes. His finger lingered on the trigger, a snarl tugging at his lips. He could see the doctor's uncertainty, his fear. A terrifyingly pleasant torrent of adrenaline flooded his veins. He held the other man's life in his hands. He could deliver the justice the group desired, with one small twitch of a single finger, he could end Cohen's life.
Breath tickled Jasper's ear, raising the hairs on the back of his neck. A familiar voice murmured like a ghost in the wind, Do it. You've got him just where you need him, pull the trigger. It only takes just one tiny move. Feel it? The power. It's nice, isn't it? In this world, you can be a king. We can be kings Jasper, you and I. Jasper's stomach clenched, his heart pounding against his ribcage. He could feel somebody standing close behind him, a familiar and hypnotic warmth against his back. You don't have to listen to orders anymore. You have a purpose with us, a new purpose. With me.
"Killian," Jasper said softly. "I need you."
What was just an instant felt like a lifetime. Killian's delicate footsteps barely rustled through the grass. The presence of his lover dissipated the presence of old haunts, melting them away as if they were frost on a summer's day. A gentle hand rested on his, a musical voice murmured, "This isn't you, Jasper." There was something fighting in Jasper's mind, a push and pull of two forces battling for control. Instinct and morality. "Come now, love." Killian slowly pushed Jasper's arm down to his side, prying his hand away from the firearm he held so tight. "You're not this person. Don't let them in."
Jasper could feel the eyes of the group burning into him, staring. Tension crackled through the air like lightning. Everything was still, as if the world itself was holding its breath. "Leave," Jasper finally decided. Breaking through his clouded mind, he closed his eyes tight and repeated stronger, "Leave, before I change my mind." He nodded to Casimir, "Pack a few things for him then escort him out of our territory. We'll double the patrols, keep an eye out. And," Once again, he whipped around to face Cohen. "If I see you here again, I will kill you."