When everyone woke up the next day, they didn't even notice that Toni was back and leaning against Martha. Everyone just couldn't get over how fucking cold it was first thing in the morning.
"Fatin... FATIN" Dot shouted, whilst roughly shaking Fatin who literally was sleeping like the dead.
Fatin jolted awake, and turned grumpily to face the anxious girl. She wasn't the only one who was annoyed at Dot, as now the whole camp was rudely awakened and staring blearily at Dot. Shelby whistled slowly, characteristically a morning person.
"Damn, everyone, if looks could kill." She grinned, welcoming a warm smile from Martha. Toni refrained hard from rolling her eyes or scoffing, as she knew she couldn't lose Martha at a time like this.
"You're back. Where did you head off to last night then?" Dot asked, starting to stand up from her makeshift bed.
Ava rested on her stomach, staring intently at Toni. "she went for a wank, it's obvious guys." She smirked as she saw the annoyance brew in her eyes.
Fatin burst out laughing, and Nora too surprisingly. Ava chuckled too at her own joke, but she met eyes with a disdainful Rachel.
"I'm heading up the mountains. Texas, you went up there yesterday, I want you to come with me." Rachel announced, and then faced away from Ava specifically. "Any volunteers?"
Toni studied Ava's expression as Rachel excluded her. To anybody else, she'd seem unbothered. She simply rolled over slightly to stare at the ocean, the remnants of her smile lingering on her lips. Toni looked closer, and saw someone who almost seemed used to it. You know, used to being forgotten about. Toni itched to know what it was, the thought intruding on her usually monotonous brain. The fear just held her back from entertaining it.
"I'll come, if you want..." Nora ventured, gazing up at her sister as if she was God herself. Leah and Shelby had gathered next to Rachel, catching cans of diet coke from Dot.
"No offence, Nora, I feel like you'll slow us down." Rachel shrugged, before striding off in the direction of the tallest mountain in the distance. Ava breathed a sigh of relief- the Jesus freak, the weird girl and the bossy girl would be gone for at least an hour.
Shelby exchanged a look with Leah, and the two followed. None of the remaining six girls envied them. Nor did they get a moment of peace.
"Let's see this suitcase then, Fatin." Dot spoke out, grabbing the pale pink suitcase from near Fatin. Fatin raised her eyebrows slightly, as if she trying to hold back a laugh. Ava was puzzled, and tried to exchange a look with Nora who wasn't even emotionally present at that moment. Ava sort of felt bad for her, but at least she had somebody, even if her somebody resented her and pushed her away at every given opportunity.
The two girls sifted through the rabbit hole that was Fatin's suitcase. Occasionally, Fatin would distract her and grab a watch or some earrings for herself. Ava could respect that - Fatin was only looking out for herself. Dot pulled out pack of condoms, birth control and curling wand, much to everyone's amusement. Fatin grabbed the birth control pills and counted off how many pills were remaining on the packet.
"Day 15. Let's hope we're out of here by day 21, I do not want to be on my period in this hellhole." She grumbled, tucking the pills in her pocket.
"You think anyone's on theirs right now?" Dot thought out loud, and they both scanned the other four girls briefly.
"Hey Nora," Ava butt in, "your sister was acting like it before." she shook her head slightly, reminiscing on the treatment she received from Rachel about five minutes ago.
Toni and Martha looked up from their conversation as Nora's neck snapped round to Ava, who suddenly was quietly aware that she'd hit a nerve.
"Fuck you." Nora spat at her, making Ava's eyes widen slightly. She'd never to hurt Nora, maybe aggravate her a little- that was it.
Ava leaned back from Nora, giving her a menacing look as if to challenge her. Toni was on high alert at this point, her eyes darting to Nora, to Ava, back to Nora.
"God, that's the second time someone's told me to go fuck myself. It's almost getting boring at this point." snickered Ava, trying to pick at a split nail without shaking too much.
"Yeah well maybe if you stopped being such a nit-picking bitch, people would actually like you." Dot scoffed, not meeting Ava's eyes to avoid an argument.
Something clicked in Ava's memory that made everything come crashing back. Who was she kidding, it wasn't something that clicked, it was the fact that someone had said almost those exact words to her two months ago. She blinked, almost expecting tears to come falling down. She expected to have to hold them back and turn away from the others. But she'd stopped really feeling anything at all two months ago as well.
-
"You always make everything about yourself, all the fucking time." She snapped, fumbling with the lock on her rundown apartment door. She flounced inside the apartment and slammed her keys on the counter. Her beautiful, sharp face was creased with lines and was burning red with seething rage. If Ava had the courage to caress her face right now, she was convinced she'd be singed.
"I don't, all I ever wanted was for you to just care about me enough." Ava shot back, folding her arms. "You barely even spoke to me tonight, I looked like a fucking clown."
"You look like a clown regardless of whether I'm there or not, all that slap you've got on. Have you looked in the mirror, Ava? Vain cow." She snickered back, setting her bag down and began to take her phone out.
Ava put a hand to her cheek as if she'd been slapped. "You don't mean that. You tell me all the time how pretty I am." She insisted, but they both knew she was only trying to convince herself.
"Doesn't mean anything if you've not got the chat. You don't fit in at my scene, no wonder I don't want to talk to you." She walked a step closer to Ava, their height difference making her seem like she was towering over Ava. "Maybe if you stopped being a bitch, people would actually like you."
She kicked off her heels and tossed them next to her guitar case, sending sheet music flying across the kitchen. One of the papers flew over to Ava and landed at her feet. She picked it up and sighed: the first song they'd written together. Ava knew she had to pull herself together, or it would all fall apart.
"Come to bed, if not get out."
Ava tied her hair up and walked into the bedroom.
-
Toni watched intently as the other brunette excused herself from the group - something about going to look for some fruits for everyone. Yeah, right. Everyone knew that Ava had done jack shit since they arrived yesterday. She especially wouldn't be doing anything for others.
Dot knew that she'd hit a nerve with Ava, but she had bigger fish to fry. She turned her attention to aimlessly jabbing Fatin for packing non-essentials, as if she was her Mother. Fatin certainly sat there as if she was a young child, picking at a patch of dirt on her jeans and smoothing out her top.
Toni turned back to Martha, who was subtly trying to look for Shelby amongst the mountains. Pathetic. Toni was really trying to hold back her eye roll, her sarcasm - basically all of her mannerisms. She needed Martha's help.
"You think she's alright?"
Martha jerked back to face Toni, furrowing her brow in confusion. Toni nodded towards Ava, who was walking - very slowly - to the woods in the distance. It was the same place that Toni had ended up at the previous night. Great minds must really think alike, she mused.
"Oh, Ava?" She asked, and Toni nodded, chewing her lip in slight worry. "If you care about her, you should talk to her." Martha knew to proceed with caution. "I thought you hated her."
Toni turned to Martha slowly, trying to think carefully for once. "I don't know. I feel kind of drawn to her for some reason. Cut from the same cloth? It's probably stupid." she shrugged, playing with the laces on her shoes.
"You're both very... fiery." Martha concluded, hating the feeling of treading carefully with Toni. One wrong footing and she'd step on a bomb.
"I don't know if she is though." Toni ventured, and Martha raised her eyebrow for her to continue. "I feel like it's all just a front. Like you know, she fucks with people so she doesn't have to-"
"Trust someone." Martha finished for her, and Toni nodded in agreement. The two sat for a moment, not really knowing what to do with the conversation they'd just had. "What's it like to trust someone... in that way?"
Martha didn't meet Toni's eyes. She stared off into the distance, her lips pressing together to make a thin line.
"I don't understand why we keep doing it. I don't get why we keep getting so fucking vulnerable when we're just going to get hurt anyway." Toni mumbled.
"Doesn't mean I don't miss it though," her voice was louder this time, as she kept going deeper into the vault of her thoughts. "I love having someone that gets you more than anybody else. And being able to share the things you love with them."
Toni was blissfully unaware of Martha and everyone else on the island for a moment; she was unaware of everything for that moment. It was just her and the memories of being so in love. She didn't miss Reagan anymore, no, she'd eventually got over that when she had to chuck herself into Martha's court case. A day didn't go by though, when she didn't miss love. And sex. But she knew she couldn't let her mind wander.
"Guys, guys!" A voice shouted in the distance. The girls turned to face the voice that was in fact, the blonde Texan sprinting towards them... with a bag.
Behind them was Leah, and then Rachel and Nora. Wait, Nora? Toni turned to look at Dot, who was narrowing her eyes in confusion. Toni assumed that Nora must have slipped out around the time that Ava disappeared. Toni must have been too absorbed in her own shit to realise.
"Hey, what's in the bag then?" Dot leaned forward once Shelby was close enough and grabbed the bag. She knelt down on the ground as everyone gathered around her. Martha left Toni's side to join Shelby, bombarding her with whispers of panic and overreaction. Toni would be lying if she said it didn't hurt her.
"Shouldn't we wait for Ava to get back before we open it?" Toni spoke, a plea simmering in her voice. She suddenly felt pretty fucking alone, and she knew the sarcastic brunette would at least make her laugh, even if it was aimed at her.
The other seven girls turned to look at her, with mixed looks of scorn and question. Shelby was the only one who totally nodded in agreement, which boiled Toni's blood. What a bitch.
"She left, it's on her." Rachel said, as if her word was law. Leah and Nora nodded in agreement, and Dot looked between the two conflicting parties, awaiting the final decision.
"I don't have any respect for her, honestly. She's done jack shit since we got here, and now what? She's gone to go walk in the woods? Good. Less arguments to sit through." Leah affirmed, making for the bag that sat in front of Dot.
"What the fuck has she done to you? Nothing. Don't talk about her like that." Toni shot back, unable to hold back her anger. Another jab and she would have gone for Leah, right then and there.
Everyone turned to look at Toni in shock. It was strange that Toni was so loyal to someone she'd just met yesterday, but Toni just couldn't explain it. She knew there was something going on with Ava, and it was shitty that nobody even bothered to find out what it was.
"I'm sorry, Toni, we're going to have to open it." Dot decided, shooting Toni an apologetic look before starting to open the bag. Toni turned her head in disappointment, clenching her fists. "Oh my God, this is a haul. Pain pills, disinfectants. Basically a whole medicine cabinet."
Shelby turned to face Martha, grinning ear to ear. "You're gonna be ship-shape in no time, I promise."
"Hey, give her one of these, maybe one and a half. Make sure she takes them with food, okay?" Dot said, handing Shelby a strip of oxycodone.
Shelby walked back over to Martha and handed her the oxycodone and a can of diet coke from the stash, "Alrighty, down the hatch!"
"Thank you so much, Shelby. I've only ever had the store kind before, this is amazing." Martha bubbled, gazing up at Shelby with the kind of adoration that a Mother craves from her child.
Toni rolled her eyes, "It's not like she bought them for you, she got some dumb fucking luck." She snapped, standing up from her seat on the log next to Martha. Shelby simply stared at her, not feeding her the backchat that Toni craved right now.
"I'm not standing here watching a fucking pageant poodle play nurse." Toni announced, tucking a lone strand of hair behind her ears bitterly. "I don't expect anyone to come looking for me either, because you clearly care so much about the welfare of Ava."
Toni stormed off, leaving the group staring at her for a moment, before returning their focus to searching the bag. They were just going to have to get used to Toni's bipolar moods, they'd all quickly come to realise.
Toni knew that she wasn't going to get any pleads of sympathy, not that she particularly wanted it from anyone except Martha. She stamped off in the opposite direction of camp, fighting against the harsh winds of the island. The thought of Ava crossed her mind in that moment too, but she doubted she'd find her - it was dark, like pitch black, and a storm was brewing in the midst. She folded her arms and ventured into the wilds, for the second night in a row.