It has been months since Draco left me in the dark. I am now in my sixth year, and I dread it.
"Have you found your notebook yet?"
Adelph asks she gets her luggage.
I shake my head as I clutch onto my bags.
"Sadly, no."
I answer.
We are back at Hogwarts, which is just more depressing. All summer, I avoided him. I avoided him like a plague, because seeing him hurts. The sight of him shatters me.
I begin to walk out of the express with Adelph by my side. We are one of the last ones out. I look behind my shoulders to see Draco about to close the window shield. His nose is slightly scrunched up, as if he is pissed about something. His face relaxes for a second after I catch his eyes. I snap my head back down quickly before walking faster.
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I begin to take bites out of my dinner as I listen to Adelph talk. She has been doing better lately; I'm glad that my love is enough for some people.
I slowly turn my head towards the end of the table. Draco has been staring out of space today during the great feast, and I sadly noticed. I can't help but notice how pale he has gotten, how stressed he looks, and most of all, how miserable he looks. I don't care though, why would I?
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Draco finishes his dinner quickly, as if in a rush. He hasn't eaten as much lately. He feels sick to his stomach about his task. The lingering reminder of the task has consumed him, it has taken over him. He stands up from his seat, not saying a word before walking towards his room.
He has been preparing for his death ever since he realized that Voldemort is using him to punish his father. Draco knows that he might not make it out alive. He can sense that the dark lord is setting him up for failure. He knows that whether he fails or succeeds in the task, he could die.
When he arrives to his room, he makes his way to his desk. He sits down after taking out the supplies to write a letter.
He closes his eyes, thinking of what to write. He has so much to write, so much to say. He has been concealing so much for too long. He opens his eyes once he lands on the specific thoughts that he wants to transfer. His quill moves quickly as he pours his thoughts into it.
" Dear,
Carmen.
I love you, I never stopped loving you. You own me, you always have. You captured me the second I saw you during our first year. I just want you to know that your love is enough, but it shouldn't be for me.
If you're receiving this, it means that I am no longer alive. Currently writing this, I don't know how I'm going to die. I only that there is a high chance that I'm not going to make it out alive.
I want to hold you again before I die. I want to feel your warmth again, and I only want to hold you in my arms. I want to feel your heartbeat, and I want you to feel mine. I want to be engulfed by your warmth and sweet scent as I run my hand through your hair. I want to be able to see you look up to me whilst I hold you in my arms, but I guess that everything that you wish for can't come true.
Just keep in mind that I did what I did because I love you. My heart only beats for you; my soul only aches for you. 'I love you' can't even describe how I feel for you, but I just wanted to say, before or after I die,
I love you.
From your ex-lover,
Draco. "
He drops his quill after finishing up the letter. He looks up to the ceiling with tears around his eyes. He covers his face with his cold hands as he closes his eyes, letting a couple of tears fall down. He thought that he could come to terms with the possibility of his death, but the more he remembers Carmen, the more he doesn't want to die.
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