a/n !!! i've given up on trying to edit the works so enjoy the shitty writing up until about chapter 18 ish !!
"night guys!!" jean yells down the stairs to kahn and mishel. following a reply, the boy jogs around the floor in search of the guest room, when he stumbles across a door slightly hinged open, revealing a dim candle-light. "y/n?" he enters quietly, "what you doing?"
"hm- just thinking." the girl now in changed clothes shrugs, seated at the foot of the bed with her knees tucked under her chin.
"about?" jean slowly takes a seat next to her.
"just- something commander erwin said..." she mutters, her head down as she sees jean nod for her to continue. "i was just wondering... where would i be if i didn't have these stupid- abilities."
"..."
"if i didn't get taken from my mother that night... maybe she would still be alive." the reticent girl whispers, aware that he wouldn't fully understand.
"you realise none of this is your fault?" jean shakes his head, as hers perks up to look in his direction. "stop blaming yourself, and go to sleep." she stays quiet for a moment, looking blankly into his pale brown eyes. she was so incredibly hard to decipher. one of those people that seem as though they could analyse anyone and everyone, yet never give anything about themselves away.
"kahn left you some of his clothes... change and just come to bed." y/n exhales and drops her gaze to the floor. "night, jean." she pushes back and pulls the duvet covers over her head, burying and hiding her face under as he leaves, grabbing the clothes she had just pointed towards.
a few moments later, the light-haired boy enters the room again, y/n's back facing his and the door he enters from. he sits into the bed, beside y/n as he realises there was a lot less space in the bed than expected.
"psst, y/n... are you asleep?" he whispers, to receive no reply. "tsk." sighing, he grabs just his pillow and throws it to the ground.
he didn't want y/n to change her mind and shove him off the bed or anything, or to feel uncomfortable. so out of respect, he decides to crash on the floor... even in the cold night.
the pillow hits the ground, and as he pulls his foot back to the floor, he feels a grab on his wrist. shaken up, he looks back to y/n still facing the opposite direction but now using her nearest arm to hold him back. she carefully rolls onto her side and looks at him.
his features were much softer at night, the lines that usually creased his brow replaced by the youthful appearance that matched those of others their age. he looked peaceful, not like the jean that would pick fights with eren just for existing. he looked like the caring jean, that unknowingly held y/n in his arms on the way to trost, the jean that held her hand, the jean that stuck his head out of the carriage window, and comforted y/n.
"stop moving, kirschtein. you're letting so much cold air in... it's late." y/n pleads through her tone, turning around to be comfier with her grip still around jean's wrist. as he moves back into bed, she groans softly, now facing him as she still holds his arm close.
"sorry, y/n." jean glances at her peaceful expression, and how her features sat perfectly in the glimmer of a single ray of moonlight, cracking through the window past a few silhouetted trees. she made exhaustion look so beautiful, and he hated how embarrassingly drawn he was to her. "goodnight." he rubbed his lightly calloused thumb across her cheek, and turned his back to fall asleep.
THE NEXT MORNING
"let- him go" y/n rocks back and forth in her sleep, "help him." she mumbles and groans, a tear collecting in the corner of her closed eye, as jean snaps awake and watches in horror. the ray of the glowing moonlight was now replaced by a kick of sunlight. her (s/c) skin glowed in the sunlight, bringing out it's undertones. "you-" the girl sobs, flinching as jean reaches his hands out to her.
"y/n! wake up!" the boy worries, and grasps her hand, as she gasps awake, panting for air. "what happened..?" he pleads, y/n wipes away the single tear in her right eye. heat rises to her face, as a familiar chill runs down her spine, stopping at the very nape of her neck.
"insight..." she stifles a single-worded sentence, still catching her breath. "i'm sorry i woke you." the pair timidly sit up and lean against the headboard.
"no- no it's okay..." jean looks down at her, concerned. "what did you see, if you don't mind saying?" he scratches his neck, the other hand still on y/n's.
"it was- horrible. it looked like this district, trost. but completely different, the sky was dull and the cities were empty..."
INSIGHT, YOUR POV
flanks of faceless soldiers zipped across the sky. the city looked as it was before, just devoid of the warmth that made it worthy of that term. banners hung with slogans to be read only by the dust-laden wind. the markets were all set up as if they were awaiting the stall holders' arrival any moment, against the wall of the old court house sat a bicycle, the chain dangling on the sidewalk.
the only sounds around were the quiet bickering of soldiers and a few occasional roars from the man-eating titans, entering through a recently kicked-in wall. you blinked as a gust of dirt swept to your eyes, thinking that time was frozen as you stood still atop a building, immobile. your clothes were just as the ones you went to sleep in, black boxer shorts and a white shirt, compared to the fully kitted soldiers around you making use of odm gear. steam filled the air, as the fog blurred the thin skyline, like an old oil painting. your bones felt brittle and your skin shivered in the bitter air, as a 10 metre titan approached the lower buildings before you, setting it's sickly eyes on a dark-brunet boy, stranded on a roof with no gear.
"guys! why...?" he wept, tears spilling from his eyes on end, as three of his fellow soldiers flew back away from him. all four of them were faceless, their only form of identification being the backs of their heads flying away, or the lonely face that lay solemn upon a building. you nudge forward, praying that your feet would move, giving you a single chance to save the poor boy even if it meant risking your own safety, knowing how dangerous these insights were.
his expression cried betrayal, as his fists clenched and pounded upon the bricks below him. "we- haven't even... had a chance to talk this through!!" the soldier wailed out for help, as the retreating soldiers landed on a building further from you, with something familiar about them... two blondes and a tall brunet.
"i don't want to die!!" the boy's cries echoed through the empty district, as the hands of a titan plucked him from the roof, directing him straight to it's mouth. you searched for some sort of object to try and free yourself from your postion, unable to listen to or watch the sight of a young soldier being devoured alive. your heart shattered as his screams reverberated through the street, the kind of scream that bypasses the ears to speak right to the heart.
the three soldiers turned their backs and continued their retreat as a single last cry escaped the boy before the sound of a locking jaw muted him. the grey light fell on the words that spoke to nobody, unaware that their audience had vanished, or that the streets lay silent beneath. your feet finally freed, too late to change the past like every other time, as you stumbled upon the dreaded fact that there were more traitors within the survey corps.
END OF INSIGHT
you realise your voice was shaking as you explained the dastardly experience to jean, who still held your fingers clenched in his palm.
"we- we need to tell the commander." you begin to fret, jean's expression still blank following your explanation.
"we lost so many comrades that day, at the battle of trost..." he looked as if he would cry any moment soon, "i lost- someone i really loved." he pulled his hand back and used both to wipe his face, stepping out of bed. you look up to his hopeless and hurt expression, as he turns his back to you making sure you don't see him at this point. "come on, kahn's been calling us for a while. we'll just- see the town after." upon mumbling a few words, he leaves the room and slams the door behind him.
you sit up, pulling your legs out from under the cover and fixing your hair. "i'll be down..." you mumble, knowing nobody would hear, and hold down the sick feeling from your insight.
grabbing a towel and some more clothes kahn had left you, you follow in jean's footsteps to the door, and finding your way to the second bathroom.
TIME SKIP
after getting ready and changing into some trousers and a shirt mishel had left you, you and jean simultaneously leave the two bathrooms and begin to head down. he was dressed in a pair of dark black pants, an olive brown shirt and a hoodie.
breakfast ran rather smoothly, kahn was just blabbing about how much he hated everyone in his mp branch other than mishel and a couple other names, and how boring work was with mishel on a maternity break. she was rather accepting of how she would have to leave work until her baby was born and had reached an age where they could be taken care of by someone else. the couple both wanted to be in the baby's life as much as each other, so had sorted work times already with the higher-ups to take days on and off. kahn really had turned into an admirable man, even working amongst some cruel people, he still recognised right and wrong correctly, just like back in the underground.
"well then." you stand up from your seat, "jean and i are gonna have to head off... it's his day today." you rub your neck, looking to the boy who still appeared upset or hurt.
"i don't care, i don't wanna go back home." he palms his face, as you sigh and accept that there may be a reason he didn't want to see his family.
"you sure?" you raise your eyebrows as he finally looks up to you.
"i'm sure." he zones out, staring at the wall, "we can just go for a walk. the food was great, mishel. thank you for having me." he smiles to the woman and then to kahn, as he stands and nudges you to follow him.
"we'll be back before it's time to go home!" you wave the couple goodbye, as jean leads you out of the front door, holding your arm close.
the door slams, as a sudden rush of heat and breeze hits your slightly exposed skin. the streets were strangely deserted, a lack of cargo wagons and horses was obvious, and there were barely any stalls or people outside.
"why- why are the streets so empty..?" you pull away from jean and walk ahead, turning your head in search of some sign of people nearby.
"it's just early." jean tuts, grabbing your hand and tugging you towards the pavement. you walk beside each other in silence, perhaps a more tense one compared to yesterday. "i changed my mind... i wanna show you something." he mumbles, shoving his hands in his pockets and walking closer towards the wall separating trost from the rest of what was within wall rose. you relax your shoulders back, listening to jean's comments and accepting that he knows this town well.
after a few more moments of silence, you both reach a house, a single stack of steps to set the house higher than it's surroundings. "this was my home..." he shrugs, keeping his words to a minimum.
"i thought you didn't want to see your family."
"i don't." he states firmly, "i just- thought my mum would like you." he shrugs, avoiding eye contact with me as if he hated the idea of being here.
"you're easy to read." you necessitate, sparking his attention. "you don't get on well... do you?" your voice quietens as you realise this probably isn't territory you should walk.
"something like that." the light-haired boy shrugs, kicking a few rocks gathered on the ground. "it wasn't always-" he begins to explain, as you raise your eyebrows urging him to continue, when a short woman shows from behind the door at the end of the steps.
"jean-bo?!" she throws her arms out in joy, as you assume this is his mother, you smile at her. "you're home?!" she begins to walk towards jean and you, as he steps back a few, rubbing his neck, probably out of embarrassment.
"hello..." he mutters a single-worded sentence, as the woman before him searches his face for an expression.
"and who may this be, girlfriend? she's absolutely gorgeous." the woman inspects your face and grins, as you return her beaming expression.
"i'm y/n ducreaux, jean's friend... nice to meet you mrs kirschtein." you greet her, as jean looks down hesitantly and cocks an eyebrow.
"come on." he pulls you away and heads inside, leaving his mother behind.
"jean-" he urgently drags you up the stairs inside, and heads straight for a door, as you assume it may be his own room. he yanks you inside, and turns his back to slam the door, breathing heavily and catching his breath. "jean..."
"just be quiet!" he leans his forehead against the closed door, as you hear his mother trod up the stairs, and soon enough turn back down.
upon hearing her footsteps distance, jean leans his back against the door and shoots you an apologetic look. "sorry..." he utters as you bite your cheeks, understanding that it isn't your place to say anything.
you look away, out of the window, around his room. anywhere but at him really.
"why- i know it's not my place, but your mother looks like she really loves you." you voice shakes ever so slightly, as you stand by the window of his room, watching out at the now closed gate of trost.
"yeah... yeah she does." the boy sighs and flops down onto the bed where you previously sat. "i love her too, i just don't know how to." he mumbles into his pillows.
"i'm sure she feels the same way..." you look to the boy spread across his bed, as he jolts up, listening to what you have to say. "come on." you nod your head to the side, directing to the door. "we rarely get days off in the scouts, jean... don't regret not spending time with her later." you purse your lips, "i sure know i do." you wait for an answer, as jean simply nods and leads the way downstairs.
the house was beautiful, similar to the other ones being part of the wealthier side of trost. you make yourself down to the kitchen, where mrs kirschtein sat upon a small chair, flicking nonchalantly through a book. "oh, hello." she looks up and smiles to her son, then to you.
jean hesitantly smiles, and approaches his mother for a hug. she springs up from her seat, wrapping her arms around her son's neck, as he patted her back slightly. you smile at the sight, appreciative that jean took your words into consideration. "i've missed you so much, son." she smiles into his shoulder.
"you too, mother." he speaks strangely politely, as you cock an eyebrow and smile at the sight. you stare out of the nearby window again, confused as to why the gate was closed and there were no people out along the streets yet. surely by now merchants would be setting up stalls at least?
"come come, take a seat darling." she pats your shoulder, "is anything wrong?" her voice echoes in your ear, as you snap back to reality.
"oh no, nothing mrs kirschtein. i'm just- confused as to why the gate seems to be closed..." you trail off, frowning at the sight of the sunlight dimming.
"oh- did you not hear yet?" she gasps, drawing jean's and your attention. "there seemed to have been a breach in wall rose... titans were found heading from ragako village. it's heartbreaking honestly, i doubt much of them would've survived." jean's mother shakes her head.
titans? in wall rose? the very wall you spent a year protecting?!
your heart sinks, as if someone had yanked it out of your chest, thrown it to the ground and stomped on it.
"jean- the scouts must be out there..." your breath hitches.
"mother, we need to go." jean mirrored the same worried expression, before shaking his head once, grabbing your hand and bolting out the front door.
y/n and jean run through the empty streets of trost, they looked just as dull as they did in her insight. though the city hadn't heard laughter for a while, there were still street-lamps lit from the night before, stubbornly shining into the dimmer alleyways. it was as if they simply loved to share that amber glow, regardless of if anyone admired it. the pair reached the trost gate, where stood two veteran mps, guarding the gate with two rifles each.
"hey, you have to let us through!" y/n stammered out under pressure. "we're scouts, our comrades are out there fighting the titans while we're here!"
"you're not scouts." one of the soldiers scowled at us, "you're not even in uniform, besides what would scouts be doing inside trost?" the other hissed at them, as they both simultaneously turned their backs.
"what's it gonna take for you to let us through?! we can't sit and wait here for you to open the gates while people are dying out there! y/n especially, she's worth at least 10 soldiers on her own-" jean stepped forth and raised his voice to the two soldiers, y/n cuts him off by grabbing his hand and bolting back in the direction they came from.
"shut up, you're a better soldier than i am, i'm only use when my shit kicks in." she mumbled, running through the empty streets and dragging jean behind her as they ducked under trees and jumped over bushes. "don't let them work out who i am, mps hate me."
"what are you planning?!" jean sped up to run beside her.
"kahn's gonna help us." the young soldier sighed, determined to make her plan work.
"yeah, he can tell them to let us through, right?"
"no dumbass, kahn was telling us he has no power with the mps that guard the walls." y/n spluttered out a laugh, "jean- i need you to put your trust in me, and that my plan will work." the pair jogged up the pathway, now arriving before kahn's house.
"which is?" the light-eyed boy pleaded, as y/n started banging on the door, only for it to be pulled open by an annoyed kahn.
"calm down- what's going on?" the mp huffed, now wearing his uniform and jacket, a rifle strapped to his back.
"kahn, we need your help. you have access to the supply bases, right?" the man nodded, towering over the pair, as jean simply awaited y/n's plan. "we need odm gear, and two pistols..." she appealed, furrowing her brows out of tenacity.
"what for?" kahn hissed.
"we're doing what i did last year, and you have to help us, or people are gonna die." y/n finally looked up to jean, "we're escaping the wall."
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