Onika's soft steps padded down the staircase to find Beyoncé stretched out on the sofa, lights off as she watched the TV on a low volume. "Jr. and Ny-Ny are finally asleep," Onika informed Beyoncé, breaking the young woman out of her half-TV, half-internal reverie.
"That's good," Beyoncé commented softly as she noticed Onika at the other end of the sofa out of the corner of her eye. As the older woman moved around the armrest as if to take a seat, Beyoncé swung her legs over and set her feet on the floor. "I think I'm going to take a shower. I rinsed off earlier, but still feel kinda grimy."
As Beyoncé passed quietly by Onika, the older woman quickly reached out toward the young brunette's back. "Wait," she said softly, desperately. "Could we talk first? Please."
"I haven't made up my mind yet, Onika," Beyoncé replied, turning around to face the older woman.
"You keep saying that you haven't," Onika countered. "But I think you already have and just haven't verbalized it yet."
Beyoncé was silent as she stood there, wringing her hands in front of her, looking down at them.
"Otherwise would you really have allowed me this afternoon to touch you that way I did?" the older woman asked softly. She stepped closer toward Beyoncé, placed her hands gently on the brunette's hips, looking up into light eyes. "You want this as much as I do, Beyoncé. Will you finally admit it so that we can move forward and be together, please?"
"Just tell me one thing," Beyoncé said softly, looking up. Tears welled in her eyes and Onika could see the reflection of the TV shining brightly in them. "Promise me that whatever it is we're doing, that it's not just a big, exciting adventure for you. Promise me that as soon as the summer is over and I start back to classes, you're not going to walk away from us. I have to know you're as invested in this...this relationship as I am."
"Oh Bey," Onika whispered, releasing Beyoncé's hips and reaching for the brunette's hands. She wove her fingers with Beyoncé's. "I am. You know that I am, and I promise. I love you so much, Beyoncé, despite the short time we've known each other."
Beyoncé looked down. "On the beach," she began, "when you started talking a-about..."
"Michael," Onika filled in immediately, seeing Beyoncé's struggle to say his name. "I know it made you uncomfortable and I'm sorry."
A shrug. "Me walking away when I did probably seemed suspicious to Lena and Stef though."
Onika's brow furrowed. "I'm not sure what they thought actually."
"They thought we were a couple," Beyoncé explained. "Well they did until you sent Jr. to sit under the umbrella and he mentioned his dad being in Japan this summer. Then they found out I was the nanny." She pulled away from Onika and stepped around her to sit back on the couch. With a sigh, she put her elbows on her knees and rested her chin in her hands.
Silently Onika turned around and joined Beyoncé on the couch, sitting only inches apart, despite the ample room on either side of Beyoncé.
"When you introduced us, you just introduced me as 'Beyoncé' and not 'Beyoncé, the nanny.'" Beyoncé said quietly. "And the more you talked, the more ambiguous it became and suddenly it sounded like you were talking about us when you said 'we' and not, you know...so I think they just assumed you meant you and me."
Onika turned her head to look at the young woman. "Did it bother you that they assumed we were together?"
Beyoncé sighed heavily and clasped her hands together, sitting up straighter under Onika's scrutiny. "I think...I think I was bothered because I don't understand my place, Onika. I mean, yes, I'm the nanny to your children, but that's not...I don't know."
"You're no longer just a nanny to my children because we're romantically involved now," the woman stated softly. "But at this point in our relationship, I can't refer to you in front of others as my girlfriend, or any other variation of the term, because I'm married."
"Well yeah, but I get all of that and honestly, I actually think there isn't really a label, at least not right now. I guess, maybe what I want to know is," Beyoncé paused, brows knitted as she thought carefully through her choice of words. "Did you want them to think we were together? Were you ambiguous because you wanted them to assume you and I are a couple?"
Finally Beyoncé turned to look at Onika, who was biting her lip, thinking hard. "Yes and no," she finally said. "I was ambiguous because I didn't want to talk about Michael, especially in front of you, but I realized I was also comfortable with them assuming that we were together. Part of me wanted them to assume, though I'm still not sure why. In the moment, it felt like a win-win situation."
"So if Jr. hadn't mentioned anything, would you ever have clarified?"
"I suppose it would have depended upon the questions they asked," Onika said softly. "I'm not sure that I would have been able to clarify anything without revealing that we're involved, simply because I cannot lie. Technically, you and I are together, aren't we?"
To Beyoncé, this was it. Her response to Onika's question was the defining line of their current push and pull. She knew the road ahead was going to be full of twists and turns. Her head was telling her to wait, to step cautiously, but her heart was screaming yes to Onika's question. "This really is going to be really hard, isn't it? And probably painful." She could feel the tears gathering in her eyes.
Onika nodded. "Being together isn't going to be easy, Beyoncé, which I think you already know. At some point I will have to file for a divorce. I will have to negotiate a custody agreement with Michael. Since you're still in school, you'll have the struggle of juggling all of your own responsibilities." She paused and took a deep breath as she glanced away. "On top of all of that, there'll be social issues. Some may look down upon you and judge you for interfering in my marriage. Others are going to call me a predator and say that I took advantage of you. Others still will judge us because we're both women, because of our difference in age, because-"
"I get it," Beyoncé quietly interrupted, placing a hand on Onika's knee. "There's gonna be a lot of shit talking."
Closing her eyes and dipping her head, Onika smiled at Beyoncé's choice of words. "Yes, Beyoncé," she replied softly, looking back up at her lover. "There's going to be a lot of negative talk."
"Are you sure this is what you want?" Beyoncé whispered, looking down at the hand Onika had placed on top of hers. "I don't...I don't want this to be bad for you."
"I've thought a lot about us and our relationship," Onika said quietly. "I've thought about what a life with you could be like, even though we haven't been together very long. Waking up to you in the mornings, taking care of my children with you, going on vacations like this one with you..."
Beyoncé swallowed hard and finally lifted her head to meet Onika's gaze. "Onika," she croaked. "I..." She glanced away briefly, trying to find the words to express her inner turmoil. "I'm not ready for all that yet."
"No, no, I didn't mean to imply that I expected any of that of you," Onika instantly replied. "But one day, I would hope. You're only 19 and I'm sure there's so much you want to do before you assume any of those kinds of responsibilities, but I think one day we could easily settle into that kind of life. If you want."
"Um, maybe after this summer, and it might seem kinda weird, considering how everything has happened between us," Beyoncé suggested softly. "Maybe we could just try something normal like simply dating each other? And maybe then go from there?"
"As in I schedule a babysitter, come pick you up, and we go out to dinner and a movie dating?"
"Yeah," Beyoncé laughed lightly. "Yeah, something like that."
Unexpectedly Onika pulled her hands off of Beyoncé's, but lifted it to cup Beyoncé's cheek. "I would love to date you, Beyoncé Knowles," she replied softly, running her thumb lightly over the young woman's lower lip.
"Really?" Beyoncé asked softly. Her soft, light eyes were brimming with hope.
The smile that spread across Onika's face was nothing short of brilliant. "You know I can't lie." As the smile began to morph into a more neutral expression, Onika continued, "But why would I lie about wanting to date you? You're an incredible woman and a very attentive lover."
Within milliseconds of the words leaving Onika's lips, the young brunette was blushing and looking away, forcing Onika's hand to pull away from her face. "Thanks," she whispered.
"Anyone would be lucky to have you," the woman said quietly. "I feel very fortunate that you are choosing me."
"Well you can't always help who you fall in love with," Beyoncé said quietly, turning back to look at her lover. "So while I guess yeah, I'm choosing you, I wasn't exactly in control of my heart."
"But you are in control of the ability to ignore it, and you're choosing not to," Onika replied.
A light shrug. "I guess it seems worth the risk."
The resulting smile on Onika's face struck something deep inside of Beyoncé.
"But," Beyoncé continued, "Am I really worth the risk? Giving up a rich husband, a fancy life, separating your children from their father...is that really worth it?"
"They won't be separated from their father," Onika said quietly. "We will manage a suitable arrangement so that everyone can win here, Beyoncé. I don't care about my husband's wealth, either. I have enough money without him, Beyoncé. I can assure you."
"Every argument I make against our relationship, you're going to counteract, aren't you?"
"Nothing will be a good enough argument," Onika replied quietly. "Unless it's that you truthfully don't want to be with me."
"You know that I do, Onika," Beyoncé assured her. After a few seconds of silence, she felt a little awkward. "So..." Beyoncé let her voice trail off, unsure of where to take the conversation. "I think Lena and Stef might figure out pretty quickly that I'm not just the nanny."
"Why do you think so?" Onika asked quietly.
"Why would the nanny get upset about the mother talking about her husband? I'm obviously not sleeping with the husband, seeing as he's out of the country, so what option does that leave?"
"That doesn't necessarily mean they'll jump to the conclusion that you're sleeping with me," Onika argued.
Lightly Beyoncé shrugged. "Just a gut feeling, I guess. At least one of them will figure it out."
"You shouldn't listen to your intestines. They can really only tell you-"
"Onika," Beyoncé whined, dragging out the vowels in her lover's name.
"Okay, fine," Onika quietly agreed. "I suppose time will only tell if they do."
"Should we dial it back a bit on the touching?"
"I think the way we acted this afternoon was fine, Beyoncé."
"Okay. What do we do if they figure it out?" asked Beyoncé hesitantly.
"We ask that they not discuss it outside of the four of us."
Beyoncé tilted her head, seeing the reasoning. "Right, of course."
The two then sat quietly for several minutes, each lost in her own thoughts.
Silence was finally broken when Onika asked, "Are you still going upstairs for a shower?"
Beyoncé shook her head and shrugged. "Think I might just stay down here for a bit and watch something."
"Okay," Onika agreed, lifting a hand and trailing a single finger down Beyoncé's bicep, over the crook of her elbow, down her forearm. "Would you mind if I took one then?" She trailed her finger back up Beyoncé's forearm.
The young brunette glanced up to find Onika's darkened eyes, tongue curled behind her beautiful teeth, lips parted. She gave a small smile. "Go ahead. It's your house after all."
"I'm not sure how long I'll be." Her eyes bore into Beyoncé's.
Swallowing nervously, Beyoncé whispered, "Take your time."
Onika breathed in softly and smiled before leaning into Beyoncé and placing a light kiss at the corner of the young woman's mouth.
Without hesitation, before Onika could pull away, Beyoncé turned her head and pressed her lips to Onika's. As she pulled back, Onika closed the distance again and kissed Beyoncé harder, her lips seeking what they desperately craved. Beyoncé scooted back to settle into the couch and Onika quickly stood as she turned to face Beyoncé, then lifted first her right knee and the left, settling onto Beyoncé's lap. Gentle hands settled on strong shoulders.
Onika peered down at Beyoncé, whose line of vision seemed to be stuck on the view of cleavage in front of her. "Beyoncé?" she said softly.
Beyoncé shook her head almost imperceptibly, trying to clear her head of the thoughts of her lips and tongue moving all over the camisole-covered flesh in front of her. "Sorry," she grinned mischievously, finally looking up to meet her lover's gaze.
"Never apologize for appreciating what's yours," the woman replied, lowering her mouth to hover millimeters from Beyoncé's lips. She glanced up from the young woman's lips to her eyes briefly before minimizing the distance and closing her own eyes. When long arms wrapped around her waist, Onika sighed and pried open Beyoncé's lips with her tongue, deepening the kiss as she unconsciously rocked her hips against Beyoncé with a moan.
"I've missed you," Beyoncé confessed softly, pulling back briefly. "I've missed feeling you against me."
Onika dipped her head and kissed Beyoncé tenderly. "I've missed you, too."
"Hey, uh," the young woman whispered, lifting her left hand and brushing her fingers along the neckline of Onika's camisole before looking up into her darkened brown eyes. "How would you feel if I joined you in that shower? I could wash your back if you want?"
"Mmm," Onika hummed softly. "You know, there is a bench in the master shower."
Beyoncé smirked.
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Awww how cute!