"... Stop trying, Ricky. don't try so hard, it's embarassing!"
"... why can't you just be real?"
these words kept echoing through my head, not allowing me to sleep. well, that and my lip. thankfully, it wasn't a deep cut so don't need to stitch it up, or whatever... but that doesn't mean the wound doesn't hurt. it hurts like hell. And I'm feeling guilty about the whole Nini situation. Like i said to Ashlyn earlier, she's not like the other girls i dated She's different. She makes me wanna become a better person. That's what I'm trying to do now. i'm ready to prove her that yes, i was wrong for stealing her phone, and so was Ricky for trying to win her back, and hitting me in the face with a basketball; but I realized how much of an a-hole I've been to her. to be honest, I kinda feel bad for being rude to Ricky- wait, nevermind. my lip must be hurting more than the words I directed to him, so I'm still on a disadvantage.
Ej interrupts his train of thought to put some more ice on his wound, so he grabs the ice bag from the night stand, and when he's about to put it on his lip, he realizes the ice has melted and that he's holding a bag of water. He groans in annoyance and stands up. at first, his vision gets kinda blurry, but he quickly recovers and lazily makes his way to the kitchen, to grab some more ice. As he's going downstairs, he notices what couldn't be more predictable: his parents aren't home. They never go to his games, or his plays, they even missed a birthday once, so Ej was used to his parents' absence. He pretty much raised himself and learned all sorts of cleaning and cooking. The cleaning lady only went there on weekdays, so he basically lives alone at night and during weekends, and he somewhat learned to like it. not really liking, but tolerating. It's not ideal, but not terrible either. He stopped to check his phone: 4am. the birds were starting to sing and the streets weren't as dark as they were. He sighed deeply at the realization that he didn't have much time to sleep. He just applied some ice on his lip and went upstairs.
he soon wakes up to his alarm. he groans, annoyed because the guy who hates his guts took a good night's sleep from him - both due to the injury and the guilt.
but why, out of all people, he had to feel any sort of emotion for ricky? he was never a person who enjoyed displaying his feelings, he'd rather hide behind the image of the self-absorbed jock who couldn't spend fifteen minutes without posting something on his instagram page; but deep down he was insecure. he would never admit it to anyone - except Ashlyn. he never told Nini about his anxiety and his occasional panic attacks, which made him question if he had been honest with her about his insecurities - in case she ever found out that he took her phone - she wouldn't hate him for the rest of the year. and eventually Nini found out, which wasn't the most pleasant surprise. she broke up with him, which was justifiable, even Ej admits it, but the transition from "boyfriend and girlfriend" to the feeling that there's a wall between them was too much for Ej. he has an aversion of change, probably due to his parents never being around and his anxiety
he made himself breakfast and changed to his usual school clothes, not forgetting to put on the white and red school jacket, and before he knew it, he was walking through the infamous hallways of East High, home of the leopards.
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"The bottom line is, you made a commitment to be here, Ricky. A big role comes with big responsibility. You and Nini set the tone for the rest of the cast," Miss Jenn said in a frustrated tone as she sat up from her office chair. Ricky was still shocked that his parents were getting a divorce, it didn't feel right. he was too ecstatic to even speak properly, so he mostly nodded and pretended to hear what Miss Jenn was saying. he really loved her, but a pep talk was the last thing he needed right now.
"Understood", ricky replied in a low voice, as if he was gathering at the energy he still had to speak. the low volume didn't prevent his voice from cracking, though.
"Really? Well, unless it's a family emergency..."
"My parents are splitting up... For real" Ricky says, interrupting Miss Jenn while she was talking. she looks at him with an empathic and concerned look, all of the frustration leaving her face in each sylabe he spoke.
"I'm so sorry to hear that..." she answered, in a very low tone of voice.
both kept in silence for a few seconds before ricky broke down. at first, it was easy to control his emotions, but when he told Miss Jenn, the words echoed through his head and made it even more real, making him realize what was going on. next thing he knew, he was crying on her arms as she whispered onto his ear.
"do you want to go home early and stay with your family?" she asked in a soft voice, and he nodded. he wiped his tears, grabbed his backpack and made his way to the bathroom, making sure to avoid eye contact with anyone he knew. he arrived at the bathroom and realized he wasn't the only one there.
the moment ricky opened the door, he saw Ej facing the mirror and jumped in surprise, unsurprisingly getting the same reaction from ej. they both hate each other, and at the same time they make each other intimidated by their presence - although they'd never admit it. ej was twice as confused as ricky was, both just stood there in awkward silence.
"what?!" ricky said, trying to maintain a threatening tone but failing as soon as his voice cracked.
"are you... okay?" ej asked, squinting his eyes at him.
"no, I'm not! why would you even care anyway?" ricky yelled at first, but toward the end he just mumbled the words.
"jeez, I just asked! no need to yell at me, alright? whatever, I'm leaving."
"Ej! wait!" ricky called for him. he turned around and stared at him, waiting.
"s-sorry for yelling..." ricky began. he sighs deeply after continuing.
"I'm just... mad at everything. I didn't mean to take it all out on you, sorry", he continued in a soft tone.
"oh, really? I didn't even notice you are mad," Ej said sarcastically while crossing his arms. Ricky looked at him dead in the eye and scoffed.
"are you always like this or what? you know what, forget it. just tell Miss Jenn I went home, she'll know what I'm talking about," Ricky said, about to leave the bathroom.
"ricky, wait. can we have like... a few minutes of civilized talk for goodness sake?!" Ej said, before sighing.
both find themselves surrounded by a tense but awkward silence, hearts pounding at the unaware tension that rose as they were arguing. they took their time to catch their breath before saying anything. the truth is that they don't know how to act around each other when they're not arguing or yelling at each other.
"so... is something wrong... or whatever?" Ej finally spoke, breaking the silence.
"why would you think that I'd trust you? especially after what you did to nini," Ricky replied.
"okay, take it down a notch. if you knew what I go through every single day, you would understand... and besides, Miss Jenn is right. Troy and Chad are best friends, and we can't stay near each other without arguing and making Nini and the rest of our friends mad at us. I know you still like her, and I like her too but let's just forget that for a while and act like normal people," Ej said.
"not as much as she's mad at you, though," ricky said in a teasing voice.
"really, bowen?" Ej stared at him dead in the eyes, arms crossed and walking toward him, threatening. ricky's eyes widened a little at the sight of a mad Ej walking toward him, which didn't help but fuel Caswell's ego.
"sorry, okay? just tried to light up the mood... do you ever laugh or even smile?" Ricky answered, half serious, half teasing.
"your attempt didn't work," he said while ignoring his question.
"wow, you don't have to be so mean about it!" Bowen replied, holding his hands on his chest as if he was hurt. Ej didn't laugh, but he rolled his eyes and sighed.
"whatever, are we talking or not?" Ej replied, no emotion in his voice. not that he displays emotion often, but it was even emotionless - if that's possible.
"it's just that... wait, why am I even talking?" Ricky began then scoffed.
"just spill it, Bowen! maybe there's something I can help you with, or whatever," the taller boy replied.
ricky was about to open his mouth, if it wasn't for the door opening suddenly and making both jump in surprise. it was Carlos. the moment it opened, Ricky subconsciously held Ej's shoulder when he looked behind. Ej was facing the door so he just directed his look to it, while ricky had to do a full turn so he could see Carlos. he was panting, as if he just ran a marathon.
"there you are! I've been looking for you everywhere! Miss Jenn asked everyone to go back to the bomb shelter and have a calming circle so we can try again... or whatever... however, if you're afraid of small mammals, don't go there. Natalie's hamster was found, but he might have chased Miss Jenn around her office and now she's standing on her desk waiting for Mr. Mazzara and Natalie to get him. her. it," Carlos said in a rush then paused. he realized the awkward scene that was going on. Ricky had red and puffy eyes and had his hand on Ej's shoulder, who was visibly confused. the moment Carlos laid eyes on Ej's shoulder, Ricky took his hand from it as fast as he could.
the three spent solid ten seconds only staring at each other, until Ricky got his backpack that was lying on the floor and began walking out of the bathroom.
"Just tell Miss Jenn I went home early, she'll know what I'm talking about," he faced them for one last time and walked out. as he was walking through the hallways of East High, he heard a piano and a familiar voice coming from the empty music room. how could he ever forget that voice? he could recognize it even if he was lost in a sea of people, a voice that showed his way home. it was Nini. he totally forgot how weird things were between them, so he just subconsciously walked into the classroom as if it was nothing. Nini's gaze changed to him and he could see her body getting tense. then it all came to his mind again. they were scared of talking with each other. both a little scared, neither one prepared...
"hey, Nini..." Ricky said with a soft smile as he sat next to her on the piano chair.
"hey..." she said, sounding confused.
"what 'you' working on?" he asked, as both made eye contact and felt they could see each other's souls.
"just a song I wrote, it's not a big deal..."
"great, I wanna hear it," he said.
"you don't have to..." she sighed.
"actually, I do," Ricky spoke.
that's when she noticed. his messy hair, red puffy eyes, and a facial expression that looked like a sad puppy.
"are you okay?" Nini asked, worried.
"whaaaat? yes! never better," he clearly lied and forced out a laugh.
"are you lying to me, Richard?" she frowned. Ricky nodded, she then scoffed.
"Ricky, since when do we lie to each other?"
"Sorry, okay? it's just that everything is... different, you know? we barely talk anymore, my parents are splitting up-"
"your parents are splitting up?! why didn't you tell me?!" Nini looked at him again, straight in the eyes.
"I didn't want to add up to... you know... all of this that's going on..." he spoke, his voice still maintaining the same low and soft tone.
"I broke up with Ej," she said, almost without displaying emotion.
silence engulfed the two. Nini was worried about Ricky, and Ricky was looking for something to tell her about her recent breakup.
"that sucks. sorry, Nini," he spoke, breaking the silence.
"no, it's okay. I got mad at him for taking my phone, so I decided to... end it up once and for all," she explained.
"and how are you dealing with it?"
"it's... kinda sad, but I'll get through it," she said, before falling into silence again.
"but enough about me... when did your parents tell you?"
"today... before school. that's why I arrived so late in rehearsal. before I left, my mom arrived. she had caught an earlier flight... then she and my dad began arguing about something. that's when she told me... she'll be moving to Chicago, and legally separating from my dad..." he said, in a soft and paused tone. Nini had her hand on his shoulder during the while time.
"and what did you do?"
"I just ran out of there... I guess that's all I do, you know? run away from things. some of the times were worth it... like today. but some other times... I-"
"hey, I'm not mad at you anymore... I'm sorry you felt like you couldn't tell me. Hey, do you remember that promise we made the first day that we met in kindergarten?"
"that we would be best friends forever and ever?" Ricky says, laughing a little from the many memories they made together.
"if our younger selves could see us right now-" Nini said.
"they'd hit us in the head with a frying pan," Ricky continued as both laughed, unconsciously holding hands and squeezing it. both looked down at their hands, and just sat there, in comfortable silence.
"we definitely had our days... but you're still my best friend, and nothing will ever change that, okay?" she said, holding her hand tighter to his.
"can we just... be in good terms with each other? I-I mean, not necessarily a couple... but best friends again?" Ricky asked.
"my question is, have we ever stopped being best friends?" she said. and for the first time since summer, they hugged. the familiar warmth of each other's bodies made them feel like home. like it felt right.
"hey, Nini?" Ricky asked, almost in a whisper.
"yes?" she replied.
"I love you," Ricky spilled out.
"what?" Nini said, as she opened a small smirk that gradually turned into a grin.
"I love you, Nini," Ricky said, as Nini looked him in the eyes and smiled.
"Ricky Bowen, you finally said it," she answered.
"what can I say? it's true," he said as once again, silence engulfed them. they could feel each other's hearts almost beating out of their ribcages. and just like that, they connected their lips once again. damn, they dreamed about when this day would come since the day after they broke up. and finally, it happened. it felt like paradise.
"I thought we were just gonna be friends," Nini said, smiling.
"we can be friends with benefits," he smirked.
"i hate you, bowen," she said, laughing.
"well, that's not what you told me that night in your room," he teased as she opened her mouth in 'shock' and playfully hit his shoulder.
"Richard Bowen, how dare you?"
"I missed you, Nina Salazar-Roberts," he said, holding her hand and standing up.
"I missed you too, freaky callback guy," she replied, as both walked out of the empty classroom.
"Where are we going? I thought Miss Jenn was mad and ended rehearsals early today?"
"oh, yeah. um, according to Carlos she wants us all to try again and 'have a calming circle' or something like that..." Ricky said as Nini chuckled.
The moment both walked into the bomb shelter, they were greeted by Miss Jenn.
"Ricky, feeling better?" the teacher asked, still concerned about him.
"Yes, I'm not missing rehearsal to go home... I'd rather stay here if that's okay?" he said.
"That's okay, sweetie. But if you don't feel like it, just give me the sign, alright?" Miss Jenn reassured him. he opened a sad smile and mumbled a 'thank you'.
"Okay, theater people! We're doing 'Stick to the Status Quo'! Carlos, let's see the choreography you put on for our Ryan and our Sharpay," she said, turning to the other students.
During rehearsal, Ricky would constantly feel someone's glare at him, and unsurprisingly, it was Ej. The previous interaction between them was awkward, but it's not their fault. the first time they were alone in the same room was after Ricky accidentally hit a basketball on Ej's lip and went to apologize to him. Now two days later, there they were once again, but now it was Ricky the one who was hurt. well, not physically, but rather psychologically
"look, I don't know if Ej is worried about me or he realized I'm in good terms with Nini and just decided he'll run me over with his car after school. I mean, my life is turning upside down and the only thing I'm sure of right now is that Ej Caswell hates me," Ricky says to the camera.
oh, boy.
"Hey dude, where were you?" Big Red said, walking toward him.
"hey, red. um, it's... complicated."
"it's about your parents, right?"
"yep. I don't really know what to do."
"I'm sorry, dude. but hey, we can go skateboarding and then crash at my place, like always," Red suggests.
"sure, it's been a while since we don't have sleepovers, and I'm not planning to sleep at home anyways... thanks, Red."
"chill dude, now let's go over to Miss Jenn before she gets mad at us," Big Red replied as they made their way to where everyone was gathered.
Miss Jenn saw them and asked them to join the circle. everyone was standing up, holding hands.
"So, theater people... our leading boy is having a very hard time today... but he chose to stay here and be with us, so the least we can do is to be there for him and send him good energies," Miss Jenn said, as everyone gave Ricky empathic looks.
the energy in the room shifted. not that the energy was bad, but the room was filled with positivity rather than chaotic energy everywhere. even EJ showed concern - or something remotely similar to that. Ricky was already feeling fragile due to the news his parents had told him, and could easily be overwhelmed by intense emotions, good or bad. and that was the case. he could feel tears forming in his eyes and his throat closing a little. his only rational thought at the moment was that he couldn't cry in front of everyone, and if he didn't act quickly, that would be happening soon.
"Thank you guys, really... I-I don't even know what to say," Ricky said as he slowly excused himself out of the room, overwhelmed by the intensity of the moment.
And for the first time, Ricky saw the drama kids as family. he never really felt it with his other skater friends, he only really felt it when he was with Nini.
Right after he left the room, Nini followed him. when they made eye contact, they hugged - and for the second time in less than three hours, Ricky cried. damn, he was confused, broken, and scared.
"I'm sorry," he said.
"for what?" Nini replied.
"for everything. for pushing you away, for not being there for you, for being an asshole to you... i'm sorry for everything," ricky continued.
"don't apologize. i'm sorry too... for snapping at you when you auditioned..."
"i deserved it."
"yes you did," Nini said, chuckling. "but I shouldn't have snapped at you... you know what? no matter if we're dating or not, we'll always be here for each other."
"forever and always," Ricky replied.
"are you quoting Taylor Swift?" Nini asked, chuckling.
"yep. one of my plans was to sing one of her songs at the audition... and i might or might not have listened to the whole album and now everything's stuck in my head,"
They stayed there for a while until they heard music playing inside the other room. they opened the door to see Seb and Carlos dancing 'bop to the top.' the choreographer was showing Rico the dance routine for the character Ryan during the song. both Carlos and Seb were smiling and laughing the whole time, and everyone could see the (obvious) sparks that they had with each other. as the song resolved, they hadn't missed a step. everyone cheered and Miss Jenn stood up.
"Okay, that's it for today! Drink water, go over your lines and meditate," she said as everyone grabbed their bags and left the room.
"Ricky, you didn't miss a beat. I'm so proud of you... stay strong, and if you need anything, you know where to find me," she told Ricky as he walked out. he smiled and thanked her. she smiled and left.
When Ricky got home, he laid down on his bed and thought about everything.
he always thought that all of the arguments between his parents were 'normal, healthy couple stuff,' which it wasn't in most cases. he can't even count how many times his dad slept on the couch or his mom took an earlier flight to Chicago to avoid further conflict. he has the tendency to "have a shut down" when people are arguing loudly near him. most of the times he'll subconsciously hide behind large objects and cover his ears, hug pillows tightly or play with his fingers frantically, habits only Nini knows about. both have been through so much, from the first time Ricky fled from his house and stayed at Nini's house for three days to the day her dad passed. he was a talented musician who fell in love with Dana when she was studying abroad in Paris, his name was Gustave. he taught Nini and Ricky how to play a lot of instruments, and even after Gustave and Dana got divorced and Carol entered the scene, they were still close friends and very fond of each other. Nini would proudly say she had three parents. but unfortunately, Nini's father succumbed to a respiratory illness. Nini was only 10 at the time. the last gift he ever gave her was a ukulele, which she still plays it.
it's crazy to think just how much stuff they've been through, and how they would always find their way home again. for them, 'home' was within each other's arms.
maybe joining the musical wasn't such a bad idea.
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AUTHOR'S NOTE
hey y'all, what did you think of this first chapter? I've been wanting to write a HSMTMTS fanfic for a long while now, and since I really love Caswen and a good enemies to lovers story, I decided to write my own AU with a deeper look at the emotions of the characters. and also, I've never seen anyone talking about Nini's biological father so I might be one of the first writers to give him a character arc. this particular story will soon have a life of its own, with an upcoming Spotify playlist and a moodboard for each chapter. I'm not sure yet whether or not I will have a release schedule. I can quickly think out ideas for a chapter, but writing is generally the longest and most boring process. it took me 3 days to write the entirety of the first chapter, pass the manuscript to wattpad and do the cover, but it can take longer or shorter depending on the chapter itself. anyway, this is just me ranting about all of this stuff... hope you enjoyed it and I hope you come back soon when chapter two comes out.