"Long time no see, Shann."
Napatingin ako sa taong nagsalita. I smiled when I recognized the girl who just called my name after I opened the gate of our house. Dali-dali ko siyang niyakap. God, I missed this girl! "Rain!"
"Woah, chill there, lady!" Awat niya sa'kin dahil halos mapahiga na kami sa impact ng yakap ko.
"I missed you so much!" My voice was laced with happiness as I let myself to stare at her caramel eyes. I really find it beautiful ever since but of course nothing can beat my Star's black orbs.
She finally hugged me back and gave me a pat on my head. She's always treating me like a kid kahit hindi naman kami nalalayo sa edad. Bumitaw na kami sa yakapan. She was smiling at me. "Miss din kita."
I noticed na may accent na ang Tagalog niya. I think she got used too much in English. Ang tagal niya rin kasing wala rito sa Pinas.
Lumayo ako sa kanya. I almost forgot na may kasama pala ako. Ito naman kasing si Rain, bigla-bigla na lang magpapakita. She's staying abroad for a long time, wala man lang itong pasabi na nakauwi na siya. I bet she's actually planning to surprise me.
Lumapit ako kay Kris. I noticed na nakatingin lang ang kaibigan ko kay Rain and she seriously looked stunned. Para bang gandang-ganda siya sa dalaga. Sabagay, ngayon lang naman kasi niya nakita ito at maganda nga talaga. Of course, it runs in the blood.
Mukhang nagulat pa ito nang tapikin ko siya sa balikat. Natawa tuloy ako. "Natulala ka, Kris?"
Napailing siya ng mabilis at ngumiti sa'kin. Tinaasan ko siya ng isang kilay at nakatanggap naman ako ng isang hampas sa braso. "Hindi, ah!"
"Ang sakit, ah?" Reklamo ko. Hinimas ko ang braso. Ang bigat ng kamay. "Okay. Anyway, Kris, she's Rain, my cousin." Tumingin naman ako sa pinsan ko. She's staring at my friend as well with this funny expression on her face. Nakangiting ewan. "Rain, si Kris, best friend ko."
Lumapit si Rain kay Kris. I almost heard my friend heaved a breath when she was kissed by my cousin on her left cheek. Mukhang nagulat yata sa ginawa nang isa. Halata kasi ang biglang pamumula ng pisngi nito. "Hi, Kris, nice meeting you."
"N-nice meeting you, too—" She cleared her throat. "Rain."
"Kris?" I called.
She looked at me, mukha pa siyang nagulat. "Bakit, Shann?"
"You're blushing." I just said. Para kasi talaga siyang nag-blush on.
Mukhang nataranta naman ito kaya agad niyang hinawakan ang magkabilang pisngi. She was frowning at me. "Huwag ka ngang mag-joke ng ganyan!"
"Sinasabi ko lang, eh." Nagkibit lang ako ng balikat. I'm just telling the truth, eh.
But seriously, this is the first time to see my best friend—Kris—to blushed like that. Maybe she was overwhelmed with my cousin's presence. There's many beautiful people in our school pero iba ang dating ni Rain, akala mo kakatapos lang rumampa sa stage kahit simple lang naman ang suot. She was taller than me, ka-height ko lang si Kris na 5'5 lang din. I think Rain is 5'7 or 8. I remembered Star, I'm taller than her.
Tiningnan ko naman si Rain. Nakatingin lang siya kay Kris na parang aliw na aliw sa pamumula ng isa. She seemed to like my friend's reaction—heavens, I almost forgot that she's not straight! Kaya naman pala. Napailing na lang ako.
"Guys, wanna go out and have some fun?" Pag-aya ko sa kanila. May pakiramdam kasi akong may balak tunawin nitong pinsan ko si Kris. That's cute and all but my friend's straight. Sadyang nagandahan lang sa kanya.
"Well, that's a good idea." Rain answered. She was grinning. "I've been gone for a long time anyway. I'm in!"
"Sige, ako rin." Kris answered. She was staring at me.
"Great!" I exclaimed. "Mauna na kayo sa car, may aasikasuhin lang ako saglit."
They both nodded. Rain, since walang kahiya-hiya sa katawan, she just grabbed Kris on the arm, motioning my friend to go with her. I caught my friend's surprised expression. Natawa tuloy ako habang naglalakad papasok sa loob ng bahay.
--
As usual, I was kind of nervous whenever I'm at Star's front door. Heavens, just being here is a miracle already. I took a deep breathe and knocked thrice. I cleared my throat.
"Star?" I said in a composed voice. Hindi mahahalatang kinakabahan talaga ako. I think my heart even wanted to get out of my ribs. "Can I come in?"
I waited for almost a minute. Wala akong marinig ni kaluskos sa loob. Is she sleeping? Should I just go ahead without telling her? But I don't want to leave her alone just like that.
"Star?" I knocked again. Kakatok pa sana ulit ako nang bumukas na sa wakas ang pinto. Bumalik siya sa kama niya at naupo. Ako naman ay iniwan lang na nakabukas ang pinto bago naupo sa gilid ng higaan niya. I rested my back on the headboard. "Hi."
It's been days since I last saw her this close. Hindi ko na siya ulit nakasabay mag-dinner or kahit lunch man lang dahil nandito na ang mga maids. But I'm the one who gave the meals in this room. Mom and Dad are quite busy these days knowing that there are lot of things to do before they can migrate for real and katulad ng napag-usapan, ako na ang siyang nag-aalaga sa kanya. I'm truly happy even with just that.
"Hello," It took her time before she replied. She offered a very little smile, natuwa naman ako. Pero, wait, yung pakay ko nga pala.
"I'm just here para sabihin na kailangan kong umalis ngayon." Paalam ko. "Kakauwi lang kasi ng pinsan ko from abroad, so I decided to have some fun with her kasama si Kris, best friend ko." Bigla akong nakaramdam ng guilt sa hindi ko malamang dahilan. Dapat ba hindi ako nag-decide right on the spot? I honestly don't want to leave her alone. Wasn't she offended or something? I sighed. "I'm sorry."
Nagsalubong nang bahagya ang kilay niya. Darn, of all things, why do I find her still beautiful? "Bakit ka nagso-sorry?"
Hindi ako nakasagot. I have my reasons why and yet I don't know if I can say it. I was too mesmerized with her. I was blessed enough that I can just sit here without trying to ravage her. She doesn't deserve that kind of treatment. May phobia man siya o wala, I won't just do it. I simply respect her.
"Bakit?" She repeated.
"I..." Napahugot ako ng malalim na hininga. "I assumed that you'll feel lonely because you are alone. Kasi aalis ako para mag-enjoy, pero ikaw, nandito ka lang."
She didn't answer. She was just staring at me. Inangat niya ang kanang kamay na ipinagtaka ko. What was she doing? Gusto niya bang subukan yung katulad last time?
Tinaas ko na lang din ang kamay ko. I was just waiting for her. She looked scared suddenly but I can sense that she's trying to fight back the fear.
"You know that you can stop right away, okay?" I told her. "You don't have to force yourself."
She didn't answer. She was too focus on staring at my hand. Kita ko yung panginginig ng daliri niya. It was just a few inch closer from mine.
"Star?" I called. She didn't budge although she was already breathing hard. "Star, looked at me." She obliged. Para siyang maiiyak na. "Just look at me."
She nodded. She was just staring at me and I was trying my hardest to meet her gaze without flinching because—curse me and all but she's really lovely despite the fear on her face. If I can just cup her cheeks and tell everything will be alright but I know things work the other way.
"Slowly extend your arms a bit." I said. Tumango naman siya. Nakikita kong unti-unti niyang inilalapit pa ang kamay—hanggang sa magdikit nang bahagya ang dulo ng mga daliri namin. Napapikit siya. "Star, open your eyes, calm down."
"Hindi ko kaya," She said quick with her voice starting to crack.
"Star," I called gently, "look at me."
She did look at me after a few seconds. She bit her lower lip like she's trying not to say anything.
"I'm your friend, I won't hurt you."
"Friend?"
Tumango ako at ngumiti. For a moment, her fear was replaced with an emotion which I can guess as both surprise and happiness. It lingered for a while but suddenly, she looked sad.
"Hindi ko kaya maging kaibigan." she muttered. Ibinaba na niya ang kamay. "Ganito ako."
"Who said you can't just because you're afraid?" It was my turn to frown. "I'm here. I promised you, remember?"
I saw her gulped. She wiped her eyes. Makailang beses siyang huminga ng malalim. Tumango siya. "Hindi ka magsisisi?"
"Hindi, 'no," Napangiti ako. She's starting to look fine now. "Come try and touch my hand again."
Muli siyang tumango at iniangat ang kamay ng mabagal. I'm not rushing her, siguro naman ay makapaghihintay sina Kris sa akin. Nag-angat siya ng tingin. She was meeting my eyes with such braveness as she continued extending her arm until our fingertips touched. Itinakip niya ang kaliwang kamay sa bibig nang mapasinghap siya.
"Relax," I whispered. I moved a little, grasping her fingers slowly. "Relax..."
I moved further, taking my time, until our fingers finally laced with each other. Siya na ang naglayo ng kamay makalipas lang ang ilang segundo. Pinagsalikop niya ang dalawang kamay nang mahigpit. Ngumiti lang ako.
"Are you okay?" I asked. Tumango lang siya. "You did well."
"Salamat," Sabi niya sa sobrang hinang boses.
"Wala 'yon." sagot ko. Tumayo na ako. "Alis na ako."
Tumango lang ulit siya. She leaned her back on the headboard. Ang tipid niya talagang sumagot.
"Mag-iingat ka rito, okay?" sabi ko. "I'll go home quick." She nodded. Ngumiti ulit ako at tumalikod na.
"Sh..." Nilingon ko si Star. "Shann?"
"Bakit?" tanong ko.
She stared at me. She was playing with her fingers. "Hindi na ako...mag-isa ngayon."
_____