The ride to Headquarters is silent as Andrew and I both seem to be at a loss for words. What is there to say after a day like today? A day that started with so much mystery gave way to despair and yet still ended with joy.
Finally, just as we are about to arrive at Headquarters, Andrew clears his throat, "he really would do anything for you, you know?"
I nod, warmth settling against my heart. "Kane has always treated me with a generosity I will never deserve."
Andrew turns to me for a moment, pulling up next to the ivy-covered building, coming to a stop as my nerves begin to tumble over each other.
"I meant Charlie."
The warmth I had felt trembles, becoming tepid.
"Charlie would do anything for power."
"Who do you think the Government is going to blame when you're missing?" Andrew's voice is quiet, but I can hear notes of worry laced within his words. "I may not agree with Charlie and what he's done, but I know what it's like to be the coward. I know what it's like to be on the wrong side of a battle and the courage it takes to admit to that. I still haven't found that courage, but I think he was starting to."
I hadn't really given it much thought, my whole being too relieved at my escape to worry about any repercussions that may befall Charlie Wong. The boy who accepted me with open arms. The boy who gave me the benefit of the doubt even when I didn't deserve it. The boy who betrayed us... and yet it's he who helped me escape, and it's no doubt he who'll pay for it. The part of me that will endlessly care for Charlie hurts, and guilt bites at my heart. But the part of me that has felt the tearing of betrayal feels no guilt. Charlie allowed these events to transpire. Charlie is the one who asked me to escape. I had prepared myself to die.
"It's complicated," I say, because it is. My feelings are complicated. Our situation is complicated. And despite the way that Andrew has proven himself time and time again, he's still hardly more than a stranger. I'm worn far too thin to try and explain any of this to him now.
The vehicle finally stops running, and the doors open.
I step out of the car, feeling a light breeze pass across my skin. I let my lungs fill with the sweet outdoor air I've been denied living in a Cell, some life being regained in my weary body.
And before Andrew has the chance to say anything more, I take off toward the entrance to Headquarters, rushing inside. I bypass all the Year Movement workers I come across, most of which look shocked when they see me. I pass by men I know such as Ben, whose jaw drops, and Jack who calls my name.
I keep going, moving past familiar faces and rooms, not stopping to take any of it in.
I look first for him in his office, the room looking as though no one has been in it for weeks, papers strewn everywhere, dust collecting on the desk.
I continue on, checking in the dining room, making eye contact with Anya who is seated as the table with Mr. and Mrs. Olsan. She gasps, but I don't stay to say anything, noting Kane isn't here.
My mind is completely and wholly focused on finding Kane.
Making my way through the halls, I focus on finding one room in particular. Room 115.
I slow my pace as I approach, my heart pounding in my chest, my breathing heavy as I gulp in air. For months Kane and I have spent so much time apart. Weeks of hurt and hopelessness have stolen every ounce of optimism in my body. Weeks of worry about what the future will look like not only for us, but our nation has broken us. This moment is one I have hoped for. However, just last night I came to terms with the fact that it was impossible, at least that I thought it was impossible.
I press my hand to the scanner outside of Kane's door, my heart stuttering when it beeps and the door slides open.
Unsure what to say or do, I slowly enter.
The entire suite is dark, the only light coming from the electronics flashing in the space around me.
Wandering further, I come to the door of Kane's bedroom.
I take a deep breath as my hand comes to rest against the handle.
Pushing the door open, I hold my breath. I see Kane first, his back turned to the door. I notice the way his shoulders are folded in, the weight that relentlessly presses into his body. I see second that his room is entirely dark, the only light in the room the meager light flowing in from my opening the door.
Kane turns, and I catch the look of shock that crosses his features. His eyes are tired and bloodshot, and his chin is covered in the unruly beginnings of a beard. In the dark it's hard to see much past that, but it's impossible to miss the look on his face. He's horrified.
"It's me," I whisper, unsure whether to step further or not.
"No it's not," his voice sounds like rusty hinges being forced open. "You're not her."
I can only imagine how this appears to him. Does he think I'm a façade the Government has sent to torture him? Or does he no longer trust his own mind and believe me to be a conjuring of his imagination?
Stepping closer, I feel tears slipping out of the corners of my eyes. "Kane, I know this is a lot to process. Just this morning I didn't think I would see you today let alone again... but then Charlie-"
"Don't say his name," Kane's jaw clenches and his words come out like a snarl, "he's as good as dead to me."
"Kane," I take a deep breath. I don't trust Charlie anymore, but I know there's still good in him. Kane hasn't seen that. "He's hurt us in ways I can't even begin to forgive, but this morning he let me go. He put himself in danger to let me come back here."
"It's not you." Kane's voice sounds squeezed, as though his throat is being restricted. "I've lost her. I know that. They'll do anything to make sure I can't change that."
I move closer still, my knees hitting the mattress, Kane's eyes glowering at me, his mouth forming a menacing scowl.
"You all want to watch me suffer. Perhaps you're blind, because your people have spent centuries suffering under the weight of the Government. Or maybe that wasn't enough for you. If you're here to kill me, just do it. I can't promise you that will stop the revolution, but it'll be an end to its figurehead. That's what you want anyway, so go ahead."
I reach my hand out, wanting to move the hair out of his eyes, wanting to wipe the drops of blood off of his lips from where he's bitten them. He grabs my wrist before I can, his fingers gripping me so tightly I scream out in pain.
The harshness in his eyes lessens, as does the grip around my wrist.
"I know it's hard to believe," I gasp, "but it's me. I'm here."
Tears pool in Kane's eyes and he shakes his head over and over again. He still isn't convinced. I can see that.
"Charlie saved my life this morning," I swallow the bile in my throat, Kane finally releasing my hand. "I don't know why. The Leader has plans to lock down the Government sectors... he has plans to execute me. I don't know what he's going to do once he realizes I'm gone, but we have to be prepared for it. Maybe we should go somewhere else. Kane please, please believe me."
"I want to believe you," Kane reaches out, his hand finding mine, running his thumb over my skin. "I want to believe you so badly."
I crouch down, eye level with him now.
"I came back to you, now please come back to me."
A/N~ Well, it finally happened! I hope that you are all as excited to see Kane and Felisha reunited as I am! I also hope you are all doing well and staying safe out there.
Questions:
1.) How do you feel about Andrew/Cullen?
2.) What do you think is going to happen when the Leader notices Felisha's absence?
3.) Which character do you feel has changed the most so far in this book or trilogy? Good or bad.
4.) Where do you see all of this going?
5.) Do you think Kane and Felisha will be able to trust each other in the way they once did?
Until next time my Year Movement,
Sarah