***
I was restless that night. Even after taking melatonin I was tossing and turning all night, begging my mind to shut off. It was over active, questioning everything and replaying the day's events over and over. What had I done to make him react that way? Or had he just realized it'd been a huge mistake?
I'd finally fallen asleep when I started to hear the birds start chirping, if anything indicating that day would drag along just as slowly as the night had.
A piercing headache woke me up, making me take the last few Advil capsules from my bedside. I got up to take a shower and saw that my eyes were heavy and slightly puffy, an unfortunate combination with the bruises that were painted around them.
Great.
I took a quick shower and hopped out to brush my teeth, wrapping a towel around my waist. My face had improved a lot in the past week, aside from my black eyes. My lip had healed relatively quickly, and the smaller cuts looked like thin scratches now.
They'll still notice...
I heard a knock at the door as I finished brushing and opened it.
"Honey, I have concealer if you'd like before I leave?" My mom asked, holding a small tube of tan liquid.
"Mom I'm paler than that, and I'm not wearing makeup." She frowned at me and held it up next to my face.
"It could work Ev, let me try." Ignoring my objections, she brushed her finger lightly against my skin, mixing in the makeup before stepping back. "You may be right, I'd rinse that off."
I looked in the mirror, seeing a large tan tint under my eyes, the bruises still perfectly clear underneath.
"Yeah. I'll just wear sunglasses." She gave me a kiss on the cheek before leaving the bathroom.
"There's breakfast on the counter dear, drive safely!"
I rinsed the concealer off and dried my face before going back to my room. After rummaging through my drawers for a few minutes, I finally found a pair of my old sunglasses. I peeked outside, it was foggy and grey. I hoped the skies would clear up soon so I wouldn't look ridiculous.
My dad was sitting at the table, reading his newspaper and drinking his coffee. There was a plate of scrambled eggs and buttered toast next to a hot chocolate on the counter waiting for me. I had a few bites, quietly thinking about the day before.
It was a really good kiss...
Why did Rowan leave so suddenly? What thought had been so important that he had to get up and leave?
He's not into you.
I felt my stomach lurch and got up, putting the plate in front of my dad. My appetite had diminished.
"Can you finish this? I don't wanna be late." He peered at me from above his newspaper.
"Are you feeling alright?" He asked, I usually finished my breakfast pretty quickly. I nodded.
"I'm good, just don't wanna miss class." He looked at his watch,
"You've got time."
"I gotta pick up Erik." I said, though that still left me some time to spare. "Also I need a book from the library." I lied.
"Okay, go ahead as long as you're feeling okay." He said, taking a bite of the toast.
"I'm good dad, see you later."
As soon as I stepped outside I knew the fog wouldn't clear. The winds pushed back against me fiercely blowing my hoodie off of my head, and the clouds had only gotten a darker shade of grey.
When I got to my car, the first thing I noticed was the shiny new windows and dark, clean tires. Had Rowan paid for them? It also looked like it'd been washed, the dark green paint looked shinier than usual. I got in the driver's seat and looked around, dropping my school bag on the passenger side floor.
The broken glass had been vacuumed, and my gas tank was full. The last time I'd been in my car, I was driving around town applying to jobs... None of which had contacted me yet.
I sighed. I wish I hadn't thought of that. It'd only add fuel to my negativity. I could always get a temp job at City Hall, I did have a few connections.
I went to adjust the seat and saw something shiny gleam back at me from in between the lever and the door. I picked it up and stared at it, feeling my heart pound.
It's just a piece of glass Evan.
I released a breath and started the car. The rest of the glass was gone, thanks to Rowan. Rowan... I felt like I needed to thank him, but I didn't know how to reach out to him. What was I supposed to say after yesterday? Twelve years of my feelings slowly creeping up on me had only led to this biting feeling of rejection.
He kissed you first.
But then he left... Out of nowhere, without explaining anything. I was so unsure with myself after yesterday, my spirit had taken a deep dive and had yet to resurface.
Maybe you're not a good kisser.
I squeezed my hand trying to force myself to think of something else, but felt a sharp pain in my thumb, realizing the glass I'd picked up was still there. As I pulled up to a light, I saw a small trickle of blood running down my palm.
I rolled down the window and dropped it out, before looking around the car for something to wipe my hand on. I regretted my past self for the habit of keeping an empty, clean car. The only reason I kept it like that was so nobody'd have any urge to break in, looking for something to steal. Ironically, the glass had still gotten shattered...
A loud honk behind me made me jump— the light had turned, and I quickly stepped on the gas.
You're a mess.
I finally reached Eriks house and sent him a message. He came out a minute later looking disheveled as he zipped up his bag and hurried to my car.
"Hey, Evan." He said breathlessly, getting in. I started to drive off. "The car looks good."
"Yeah, Rowan got it fixed." I said, though he didn't seem surprised by this information. Of course he knew.
"What's wrong with your hand?" He asked, his voice a slightly higher pitch. I quickly wiped the blood away on my jeans.
"It's just my thumb. There was a piece of glass under the seat." There was silence in the car after that until we reached the parking garage at the college. I turned the engine off and reached to grab my bag from next to Eriks feet.
"Evan... Are you okay?" I paused and looked up at him, wondering if he knew... If Rowan had told him what'd happened yesterday.
"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" I asked cautiously, but his expression didn't give anything away.
"You just look a little... Pale. Like you haven't slept or something." I shrugged,
"It's just my first time getting up early in a bit." Erik's tense expression relaxed.
"Oh, okay." He sounded convinced.
I put on the sunglasses and threw my hood back over my head, trying to cover as much of my face as possible.
I got a few weird looks for having sunglasses on in the dark grey morning fog as we silently walked through campus, but definitely not as many as I would've gotten had I not worn them.
We reached class early and stood outside where people started to gather, waiting for the professor to unlock the doors. Erik and I stayed silent, and I stressed internally knowing I'd need to take my sunglasses off when we got in.
The door unlocked and as we passed a group of students I regretted overhearing a part of their conversation.
"...The paper said he went to school here, but they probably meant Creighton, no one here's shown up with any broken bones yet or anything..." I felt my heart drop.
"You don't know that, this school is massive." A second voice said.
Fuck.
I crossed my arms around my still-healing ribs self consciously, and saw Erik look at me with concern. He'd heard it too.
I quickly walked into the classroom, dropping my bag in the back row and taking out the exam I'd done from home. Erik sat next to me, acting normal.
I took my glasses off and dropped them in the bag, pulling my hood farther down. Before people started to sit down I hurried to the professor and wordlessly held out my exam for him to take. He looked up at me and frowned, I could see his eyes falling to my bruises. I looked back down to my test, waiting for him to take it.
"Oh," He took the paper from me, "glad you're back Mr. Palmer," he said quietly, yet I was thankful that the rest of the class was talking so loud at that moment. "I'll have this graded by tomorrow for you." He gave me a warm smile.
"Thank you." I said, and turned, quickly walking back to the seat next to Erik. I sat down, hastily covering most of my face by leaning my head against my hand.
As the rest of the class slowly trickled in, I doodled in my notebook, keeping my head down. Erik was on his phone next to me, looking bored already. As soon as 9:30 hit, Professor Reed called for silence.
"Welcome to week three everyone, let's start the next chapter." Everyone rummaged through their bags, getting their notebook and pencils out.
"Hey, sorry to ask, but could I borrow a pen?" My head instinctively shot up as I was addressed and I felt regret fill me instantly. The girl in front of me had turned around to ask, and her face fell when she saw mine, her eyes scanning the bruises just as Professor Reed had.
I nodded and quickly looked back down, searching my bag frantically. Anything to make her turn back around.
"Here," Erik said from next to me, handing her one of his. She thanked him, glancing at me quickly before turning back around.
Fuck, I mouthed to him, and he shook his head, mouthing it's fine back to me. I'd been stupid to think nobody would notice me with black and purple blotched all over my face.
As soon as class ended I hopped up and walked outside, throwing the sunglasses back on. I waited for Erik to head out and saw the girl who'd borrowed his pen walking a few rows ahead of where we'd sat.
"Oh no." I said quietly to myself as I watched her. She reached the guy who I'd overheard before class and started whispering something to him, looking around her. Erik finally made it out and we started heading to our next class, my palms nervously clenched.
"Don't worry Evan, who cares if she figures it out?" Erik said, looking behind him.
"Well, everyone will think I'm gay to start."
"So what?" He asked, in a confident tone.
"So we live in Nebraska Erik, not fucking Neverland." I said, clenching my jaw. "And I'm not gay." I added, lowering my voice.
Flashes of the day before came to mind. Of how much I'd enjoyed that kiss, and how much it hurt that he'd left so quickly.
Erik hadn't responded, and I kicked myself internally for treating my only school friend like crap.
I held out my arm to stop him.
"I'm sorry. I don't know what's gotten into me." Erik rolled his eyes and gave me a smile.
"Don't worry, I'd be acting much worse if I were you." I returned his smile, still feeling guilty.
The rest of my classes weren't much different from my first period. I'd hear occasional whispers follow me, a few students per class turn their heads. But the rumors didn't spread like they would've in high school. Even being a community college, it was much bigger, and people seemed to be slightly more mature.
I waited for Erik to finish his basketball practice in the spot on the lawn by the football field. I was trying to keep reading my English book, but I couldn't make it a page without realizing I'd not processed a single word. The winds were blowing harshly, and my mind was too preoccupied.
Why did he leave?
My thoughts were going to drive me crazy. I wish he'd at least explained himself. Was that too much to ask? The sense of rejection had doubled since yesterday, and was growing with every minute that passed.
I grabbed my phone and maneuvered to his contact.
You should at least thank him for your car.
Hey, thanks for getting my car fixed. How much was it?
My fingers hovered over the send button, reading the message over and over, hoping it wasn't a weird time to text him. In the end, I just hit send and tossed my phone aside. I lay back in the grass, covering my face with my arms.
A few minutes passed before the phone buzzed, and I jumped, picking it up quickly.
No problem. Don't worry about the price, I know a guy.
Was that it? I lay back down in the grass, the feeling of rejection growing exponentially. No mention of what'd happened between us... It looked like we were just gonna pretend it hadn't happened.
Alright.
I sent back, and clenched my jaw. Why'd I do this to myself? For all those years? I could've been progressing my life instead of setting myself up for failure.
My phone buzzed again.
Let's talk tonight.
My heart jumped after reading his message, my mind racing faster than it'd been all day, going through all the possible scenarios. Thinking of what he'd even say to me.
When?
I sent, feeling a slight tinge of hope creep into me.
I'll come over after practice.
I nodded to myself, feeling my stress lighten up slightly.
Okay. See you then.
I lay back in the grass, and stared up at the clouds. A quiet moment passed before I felt a drop of water fall on my face, soon followed by a second, and a third. The rain started off lightly, as if warning me, telling me to leave before the thunder arrived.
I packed my bag and walked over to the outer shelter of the gym entrance, making it just in time as the thunder struck. I heard a few people scream playfully as they ran to escape it. As I sat in the hallway against the outer walls of the gym, I couldn't help but feel as if I was stuck out in the rain.
As if the warning hadn't gone through, and the real storm was yet to come.
***
A/N: Thank you for reading! Happy Friday! Vote and comment your thoughts to make me smile :)
Q: Favorite thing to do in quarantine?