TW: panic attack, slight violence/abuse, mentions of miscarriages, and slight mentions of suicide
A/N: this chapter isn't edited v well because i j wanted to get a chapter out for y'all so please please please comment if anything is off
ok bye ily all and enjoy
***
"You useless bitch," he said while slapping her. She tried to walk away or leave but he just grabbed onto her and pulled her back.
"You're a fucking whore you know that? Whores deserve to get punished," he said before throwing another punch in her face. The blood was running down her lip, like it was never-ending.
"You and this bloody bastard baby aren't gonna be alive by the end of this. I promise you that."
***
Natalia woke up to the sun shining through the windows, reflecting it's light onto Fred's face. He looked beautiful. He looked godly. Fred's freckles were sticking out and she could count each and every single one.
Natalia was about to move when she started breathing heavily. It was like something was preventing her from breathing and she kept clawing at her throat. She sat up against the headboard, unable to say anything and hoped Fred would wake up and realize what was happening. Her head kept moving back and forth like she was shaking her head trying to tell it to stop without talking.
Fred heard Natalia's cries and was instantly woken up from his sleep. He looked at her and saw tears running down her face and her hands stuck on her throat. Her mouth kept opening but nothing came out of it.
"Fuck. Shit Nat love look at me please," Fred said while getting up so he was sitting across from her. Natalia looked at him, making eye contact but it didn't stop. It felt like someone was choking her.
"Love, look at me. Count my freckles," he said while bringing her hand to his face. "Count them like you do every time you have a panic attack."
Natalia's thumb slowly moved over each and every single one, slowly counting them in her head to begin and then out loud once she was finally able to form words. When she was finally done and felt like she could breath, she pulled Fred into a tight hug, not wanting to let him go.
"Nat you haven't had a panic attack in weeks. What happened?"
"I don't- I don't know. I woke up and looked at you and then all of a sudden it hit me. It was different than normal. Normally I start hyperventilating but this time I felt like I couldn't breathe. Like something was preventing me from speaking or breathing."
"Did something trigger it? Did you have a bad dream or anything?" Fred asked, a worried expression prominent on his face.
"I- No I had a dream about- No." Natalia looked almost scared of what she was about to say. She couldn't form the words of what had happened in her dream.
"Nat you need to tell me what happened. If you don't I don't know how to help you," Fred said while moving his hand to touch her cheek. Natalia instantly flinched watching his hand move towards her and Fred's face fell.
"Why- why did you flinch?"
"I- I don't know- I'm sorry I didn't mean to," Natalia said, stuttering over her words.
"Did something happen? Does this have to do with Louis?"
"I- I have to go. I can't- I- I'll be back later. I just need to be alone for a while."
"Nat-" Before Fred could finish his sentence, Natalia had already grabbed his wand and apparated away.
***
Natalia's POV:
I didn't mean to leave him like that. It wasn't on purpose but I needed space. I felt suffocated once again. It wasn't Fred's fault.
It was mine.
It was my ptsd that was preventing me from being open with Fred and being able to be a good girlfriend.
He probably fucking hates me now.
I didn't mean to flinch. I would never ever think that Fred would hurt me or abuse me but it was a reflex that I unknowingly developed.
I didn't have every single one of my memories back. Sure I had most of the important memories and aspects back but there were little pieces that I would randomly remember during the days.
The memory I had last night was like the missing piece to the puzzle. I had finally remembered each and every single event that took place over the past month.
The one I had remembered last night scared me. It scared me more than I could even put into words.
He hit me. Louis actually slapped me and punched me. He had never been physically abusive during our relationship, only mentally.
That was the second day I was held captive. After that I didn't talk or do anything. I just sat there and listened to what he said. I obeyed his every command until I had finally made a plan on how to escape.
I looked up at the tall house in front of me, scared to go in because of what might happen. I needed to talk to her. I had to let her know what happened, maybe she could help me.
I knocked on the door, waiting for someone to come and open it. I heard footsteps approaching the front and the shock on her face was prominent when she opened the door.
"Natalia? Come in come in," she said while opening the door wider so I could come in. "What are you doing here sweetie?"
"Hey Molly. Umm I need to talk to you. I'm not interrupting anything right?" I asked. I would have hated to barge into something important but I really needed her advice.
"Oh no sweetie you're always welcome here. So tell me, is it Fred? He's treating you right yes?"
"Fred is perfect. He's amazing and caring but I feel like something is preventing me from reciprocating those feelings. Obviously I am in love with him, how could I not be? But after the whole kidnapping and miscarriage it's kind of like we haven't been as close and it's harder to open up to him."
"I completely understand. I'm gonna tell you something I don't know if any of my kids, other than Bill or Charlie, know about. I think around a year after Charlie was born, I found out I was pregnant again. Arthur and I were so excited to have another kid but a few weeks later, I had a miscarriage. It was heartbreaking and I never thought I would get over it. I wouldn't open up to Arthur and I would just lock myself in our room and cry. Obviously your case is different in how you lost the baby but you still lost a child. It's okay that you can't open up right now, but you will be able to in due time. Don't rush it," Molly said, comforting me a lot better than I thought.
I had told her about everything with the memories and remembering the last piece in the middle of the night. I spilled everything about Louis, I told her about the emotional abuse when we were together and then the physical abuse and violence when he had kidnapped me.
Molly cried. I cried. It was a whole sobbing festival. I was so thankful to have her in my life.
I wish my mom realized that killing herself wasn't the solution. I wish she had stayed alive a little longer but it's okay. I understand why she did it. If I ever lost Fred like that, I don't know what I would do. It would be so heartbreaking and I don't think I could get through it.
He's the love of my life. And I better damn well be the love of his.
"Molly there's one more thing I have to say."
"What is it Lia?"
"When I was umm kidnapped, Louis had given me an ultimatum. He said it was either Fred or the baby. I had to choose one for him to save and he would kill the other one. I couldn't handle losing Fred so I umm I told him to get rid of the baby. He casted that curse on me before I escaped to make me bleed and try to kill me. Not to cause a miscarriage."
"Natalia-"
"He said something else," I said looking up at Molly with tears flowing down my face. "He said it was- I was having twins. I purposefully lost the only chance Fred and I had at having biological kids and it was twins. Fred would've loved to have twins. It would carry on the legacy. It would break his heart if he found out the real reason why we're not having two babies right now," I confessed.
My heart physically hurt when Louis told me I had to choose. It physically hurt just as it does right now having to tell someone else that I'm the reason for the miscarriage.
"Come here," Molly said, while opening her arms wide to pull me into a tight hug. "It was your choice and it was a good choice. Had I been in your position I would've done the same. Now Fred might be angry but he will get over it. He loves you too much to hold a grudge because of this."
"Do you really think so?" I asked.
"Of course. Now come on. You can take a nap in Fred and George's room. I'll let Fred know that you're okay."
"Thank you Molly. I really do appreciate it."
"You're like my daughter Natalia. I will always be here for you to talk to."
***
Third Person POV:
Fred spent almost the entire day freaking out. Natalia had just left. No words no nothing. It was like she disappeared and he couldn't help but feel responsible.
Had he asked about touching her beforehand, maybe she wouldn't have freaked out.
Fred always made sure to ask.
George and Lee were out of town for a few days on a weekend trip leaving Fred all alone with his thoughts in the flat.
The only place he could think of going to was The Burrow. He wanted the comfort of his mom.
Taking a handful of floo powder, Fred threw it down while yelling his location and disappearing in a puff of smoke.
He stepped out of the fireplace and saw his mom moving around in the kitchen looking for something.
"Mum."
"Fred," she gasped while putting a hand on her chest. "You scared me. What are you doing here?"
"I think I fucked things up with Natalia," he said before being smacked on the head by Molly for his language.
"Fred she's fine. I was just about to send you a note saying she's upstairs sleeping in your room. She came to me for advice and wanted to talk. Natalia is okay."
As soon as Fred heard she was upstairs, he practically sprinted up the long, narrow staircase until he reached his room. He could smell the gunpowder mixed with cinnamon coming from the room but there was another scent he grew to be familiar with.
Natalia's shampoo.
The fruity smell mixed with gunpowder and cinnamon brought a smile to Fred's face. It reminded him of when they would shower together and he would just massage the shampoo into her hair. There was nothing sexual about it, just two people in a relationship loving each other.
Fred walked closer to her, hearing the small snores coming from her. He placed a small kiss on her forehead before whispering,
"I love you Nat. I will always love you."
A/N:
this chapter was NOT supposed to be that long but i just kind of spilled out after finally breaking through my writer's block
i am so so so so so sorry for taking so long to update especially when i left you guys on a cliffhanger but it took me like 3-4 days just to be able to write a few words for this chapter
eventually i opened wattpad and forced myself to write and it was hard at first but when i FINALLY got an idea, it just flowed out
ty ty ty for 357k reads... also make sure to follow my inkitt (fredweasleyslube or link in bio) in case wattpad decides to remove my book due to mature content
i'm currently editing and uploading the chapters onto there right now and i also thought long and hard about it but i decided to put my other two books on hiatus at least until promises is done because i think we're nearing the end y'all
i love each and every single one of you and hope y'all have an amazing day :)
- ms. lube