For those out there who love to watch anime, if you haven't already.. watch Demon Slayer because I've watched it twice on Netflix and I'm pissed that there's only two seasons🥺
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"Wait, you what?!" I covered my ears as she yelled. This girl here... there's never a dull moment when she's around. A few weeks after we moved back here much to my dismay, Winston got me a therapist.
He insisted since he claimed he knew I wasn't telling him everything that's been going on and that I should at least speak to someone about it. The thing is this isn't just any therapist, this was the ex girlfriend of my brother, Dakota.
Now out of all his past girlfriend's she was and will always be my favorite. She actually wanted to be around and get to know Yumi and I unlike the others that would throw secret glares and scowls our way as if we would take him away, like what?
Sadly I don't know how or why they broke up, when it happened Bryant wouldn't tell me of course and Dakota had her number changed, he wouldn't even tell Yumi so something bad had to happen. "Girl calm it down will you? It's not that serious." I muttered out as I laid back down on the sofa.
"You want me to calm down when you're thinking about actually giving Xavier another chance after all these years? How the hell can I be calm about that?" She exclaimed.
"Because you're the therapist here.. you know, the one who's suppose to be professional and help me through my problems." I reminded her.
Once I said that she sat up straight in her seat before acting like she needed to clear her throat.
"My apologies Ms. Miller. Now, please continue." The fact that she tried to keep a straight face but you could see her lips twitching put a smile on my face before I shook my head at her.
"I really don't know why I'm thinking about this.. it's been about close to two months since we moved back here and things have changed. Before Xavier was back into my life, before he knew about the kids I was in a depressed state almost.
I mean sure I had the life I always wanted, a nice job, two beautiful and smart children but it always felt like something was missing. Believe it or not, that void kind of filled itself when I moved back here but it's still so much that I don't understand." I explained as I stared at the ceiling, deep in thought.
"Maybe I'm just being delusional but I can see that he really has changed, he's still demanding but it's not the same guy that divorced me 5 years ago. But I know I shouldn't try and rush into things, if there is even the slightest chance we'll give it another shot we would have to take everything slow.
Start from scratch. When it comes to this decision I'm not just thinking about myself, I'm also thinking about my family. Then comes Winston as well... I already know he won't like it one bit." A small laugh came from me.
"Axarii, do not worry about what Winston or anyone else has to say about you wanting to give Xavier another chance of proving himself. That is your decision and your decision only, remember that.
If you truly see the change in him and don't think he's just trying to use or play with your feelings then go for it if that's what you and your heart desire.
Remember to not rush into something like this due to your own fear of loneliness. Just as you said during our last session, you want to let go of all the pain you've been through all those 5 years. Now it's time to let it go, you need to have a talk with him. No more fake smiles and laughs around anyone, that stops now.
Embrace the pain, you must embrace the rejection if you want to forgive, that goes for anyone. The two of you actually need to sit down together and have a one on one conversation about everything in order for you both to get some closure." She said. I then turned towards her and watched as she quickly wrote something down on her notepad.
When she looked at me she reached over before handing me a tissue. I took it but look looked at her in confusion. "It's for you, you're crying." As soon as she said that I felt a tear as it ran down my cheek.
"I personally think you should wait before considering giving it another shot. It's kind of too early in my opinion, I'm sorry if this is a little unprofessional but what he did, can't just be forgotten in an instant...
you've got to learn to stick up for yourself more and stop allowing your emotions to guide you.. or else you'll get hurt and knocked up again." She joked, but what she said was true. A sigh came from me because I knew she had a point. Hell, she was right.
A month or two it shouldn't matter, a lot of shit went down yet here I am being so blinded by his looks and sex! I groaned out it frustration as all of the unnecessary things I did and obliged to when it came to both Xavier and I being alone.
"Fuck.. I'm a big ass idiot aren't I?" I asked myself out loud.
"Yes, you're one big ass lovable yet dumb horny bitch who's only looking forward to getting laid.. but that stops now alright?" She asked before I nodded my head. She smiled in return.
"Now, I've asked you this during our first session but I'll ask it again. Have you had any thoughts about harming yourself in any way recently?" She asked me.
"No, not really.. There's just been days when I hate myself but that's normal right? To just hate yourself on some days for no reason.." I asked.
She nodded in response. Before she could say anything the sound of an alarm was heard. She then closed the notepad before standing, "Well I would love to hear more about this but sadly I have another client I have to prepare for in about 3 minutes so I'll see you next week?" Dakota asked while giving me a brief hug as I stood with her.
"Are you ever gonna answer my question?" I asked her.
"I promise to answer it during our session next week... now leave you big ole goof." She shooed, making me laugh before I exited the room.
****
"Look at me mommy!" Reyna squealed out before giggling. The three of us were bored of being in that house so they asked me to take them to the fun park we once saw on our way back home. The two were running around yelling out in excitement as they chased one another.
I couldn't stop the big smile from forming on my face as I watched the two. Just as my phone buzzed, notifying that I got a message, someone sat next to me. I turned towards the person to see it was a guy who looked to be in his mid 30's. When he looked at me he quickly stuck his hand out.
"Axarii isn't it? Hi, I'm Henry Moore." He introduced himself.
How does this man know me exactly?
Instead of shaking his hand I just stared at it. He then realized I wasn't going to shake his hand and he returned it back to his lap.
"Who are you and exactly how do you know my name?" I asked him before I began to stand.
When he saw my actions he held his hands up in surrender. "I didn't mean to scare you. I'm just a friend of Winston's and thought I should introduce myself. He talks a lot about you, how you're like a little sister to him and all of that." I kind of believed him but something just seemed off about this guy.
When my phone buzzed again I unlocked it to see who was texting me. It was Winston.
'Where tf are you??'
'At the park with the kids.. why?'
'Have you talked to anyone there? If not keep it that way.' What is this guy talking about?
'Only some guy, Henry' I responded back before looking back at Reyna and Cole who were now playing with a little girl. "Is that your daughter?" I asked him before looking next to me.
He turned his attention towards the little girl before nodding, I noticed the small smile that made its way on his face. "Yes, she reminds me so much of her mother." He spoke out.
"What happened to her? I'm sorry, that was too personal, you don't have to respond." I quickly said before watching as the little girl tried holding Cole's hand but Reyna grabbed it instead.
Oh no...
"Don't worry about it. Bella's mother had suffered due to depression.. we would fight a lot which caused her to turned towards clubbing with a bunch of randoms. She thought drinking her problems away would ease the pain but in the end it only made it worse." He sighed out while pinching the bridge of his nose before continuing after a few moments.
"Long story short, we got in a argument that really made her upset so she went to the club and met this guy who she thought had mutual feelings as well but for him, she was only a one night stand. I didn't know it affected her that bad until after she gave birth to our child.
Around the time it happened she told me everything, she broke down as she explained it to me. When I saw the state she was in I made a promise to try and do better for her myself and for Bella. But it was too late, because she already had ended her life." He muttered out the last part.
I felt as my heart dropped when he said that. As he went on with the story I had a feeling something like that happened but I wasn't so sure. That poor woman must have been in some much pain if she ended her life not to long after giving birth to her daughter. I felt as my eyes teared up, I then quickly looked away before wiping them.
Damnit! Why do I have to be so sensitive over everything?
"Oh no there's no need to cry dear it's in the past now, I'm sorry." The guy spoke out, making me even more sad. That poor girl has to grow up without her mother..
My little sulking moment came to an end when I heard a cry come from the area where my kids and Bella were. I quickly looked over to where they were to see Bella trying to hug Cole who was looking uncomfortable while Reyna looked at the two crying with her arms crossed over one another.
Is this really my life?
"Rey!" I yelled out as I began shoving my phone in my small purse before rushing over towards the drama. Once I was in reach of the three Reyna ran towards me before wrapping her arms around my legs.
"Baby.. what's wrong? Are you hurt?" I asked her as I tried looking for any visible injuries but sadly she wouldn't loosen her grip on my legs.
"She took Bubba away from me." She cried out before pointing towards the two. I looked away from her and up at them to see Bella with both arms wrapped around one of his own while he looked so confused which made me feel so bad for him.
Gosh I hope it won't be as bad when he's older and actually starts dating.
"He's my brother now! Only I can call him Bubba." Bella protested, Reyna then turned towards them when she said 'bubba' and was about to charge at the girl, luckily I grabbed her in time.
"They had a Rock Paper Scissors match over who can be my sister and Reyna lost." Cole said before brushing off Bella's arms, leaving her to pout.
"I'm sorry dear but that's not how it works, Reyna and Cole will always be siblings." I softly said to her. I expected her to cry or yell but all she did was glare at me.
Rude.
"That's enough Bella." It was during that moment I realized Henry was next to me before he walked towards his daughter.
"Axarii I am so sorry about all of this. I promise you Orabella's really sw-"
"Daddy!!"
Yup...
Justt great
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