~America~
I haven't watched the news since I left the palace. All it is, is talk of the wedding and coronation of the newlyweds. It makes me sick to just listen to it all.
I've spared myself embarrassment by staying in the house. Mother doesn't like it and neither does Kenna, but at least I'm not called out as "the Selected that almost won." Here I'm just called out for wallowing.
Aspen's family has been over countless times, but every time they come I lock myself in my room. While I love them, I can't bear to be around them. Not after what Aspen has done to me.
I have been eating more, my skin has returned to its normal rosey pale tone, and I no longer look like a ghost. However, I've become numb, most things don't phase me much anymore, and making me happy seems to take forever. It's a step in the right direction but it's still hard. Baby steps.
My days have been filled with practicing and music; it's the one thing I know will never let me down. My fingers have gotten even more callus on them from constant violin practice; a pain I enjoy more than having my heart ripped out.
I'm in the middle of a piece when a knock at my door causes me to hit a wrong note and stop. The knock comes again and I listen.
"America, you've got a visitor," Mother says.
I give a sigh and run a hand through my hair. "I'm a bit busy at the moment, mother," I respond as I re-position my violin on my shoulder.
"America, you're going to want to come downstairs for this one."
"Mother, just tell them to come back later if it's that important." I begin to run the bow back over the strings quietly as I listen for Mother's footsteps to retract downstairs but they never come. Instead Mother opens the door and crosses her arms as she stands in the doorway and I stop, taking hold of the neck of the violin and dropping it to my side.
"America, come downstairs and see who it is. I promise that it is no one that you don't like."
With a sigh, I place my violin in its case and leave with Mother. It's when I step down onto the second floor that I see who it is: Celeste.
We may not have been close until the end of the Selection, but I couldn't ask for anyone better to show up at my home. She says nothing as she opens her arms and I walk into them and hug her tightly. A wave of suppressed emotions come out as I hug her and tears stream down my face.
"It's okay, America," she says quietly as she just hugs me. "How about we go somewhere a bit more private and we can talk."
I pull away from her and nod. I dry my eyes and take her upstairs to my room and lock the door behind her. Celeste takes a look around my room and takes a seat in a chair near the corner.
"I know this was spontaneous, but I knew you were going to need someone. Especially since there has hardly been any mention about you in the news, I was worried," Celeste says as I sit down on my bed. "How are you?"
I sigh and look at her. "Better, I guess," I respond. It was partially true, not completely though. "I'm fine. Practicing keeps me busy." Celeste gives me a look and I know she's seen right through me.
"How are you really?"
It takes a minute for me to gather my thoughts before I respond. "I feel like my heart has been ripped out and stomped on for the whole world to see," I finally admit as hot tears sting my eyes. "Celeste, I hate this feeling. It's too painful."
She gets up from her spot on the chair and sits next to me on the bed. Her arm wraps around my shoulder as I lean into her and begin to cry for the first time in a few days; my wounds all reopening again.
"It's alright, America. Let it out," she says quietly as I continue to cry. "You're going to be just fine."
Everyone says that to me, yet how can it be true when right now the only thing I feel like doing is dying. Let the heartbreak consume me until I've become nothing. I've never felt so weak in my whole life then when I think or talk about Maxon. His name is painful enough. The memories are even worse.
A/N
Sorry for the long awaited update. I have had no inspiration for this book, and had no idea where it was going. Now I do, but not much. Updates will be few and probably far between, but thank you for reading! It does mean a lot that you guys love my work.