Waking up, I felt like I was hit with a truck. Not only did I wake up before my alarm, my blanket was on the floor, leaving me bare and cold.
Times like this, I wished Lucas was here so I could blame him for my misfortune.
But he wasn't. So I sat up with my eyes squinted drowsily and debated whether to roll over and sleep again. Knowing I had to pick Chet up today, I decided against it and sleepily reached for my phone.
If I weren't so tired, a small smile would've pulled at my lips from seeing a text from Kyler and Chet. But I was so I didn't. I hate morning people.
I read over Chet's texts first since there were a few. I read them once, and then once more, and slowly glanced at the time.
Chet: [picture attached] i made breakfast !! for kyler~
Chet: and lucas..
Chet: [picture attached]
The second picture was of Kyler. He was sitting at their table with a piece of toast in his mouth. His head was ducked down and his eyes dangerously hooded with sleep, almost looking closed. His hair was the messiest I've ever seen it. It stuck up in all directions while he chewed slowly. He doesn't look much like a morning person here. But he still looked cute so I saved it.
Chet: i'm going to school now 🏃🏼♂️
That was four hours ago.
He had one class today and it lasted an hour and a half.
Chet: are u still comingg?
Chet: it's okay if ur sleeping ^^
"Fuck me." I groaned and hurriedly got up. I didn't think about the clothes I put on, I just grabbed what was closest and shoved my limbs through. Apparently, I had not waken up before my alarm.
My alarm simply didn't go off.
Wow- I'm the worst. My shoes weren't even on all the way before I was out the door. Who the fuck shows up over two hours late? Standing in the elevator, I felt irrational irritation spike when it slowly went down floor by floor.
I felt the same irritation when my car came to a stop at a red light. Of course he was nice about it. He didn't even spam my phone like he normally does. I knew he would still be there too. He could easily walk home or take the bus but I knew he wouldn't.
Jesus fucking Christ if this light doesn't turn green.
My thumbs tapped at the steering wheel, as if that would somehow coax the light to change. By some miracle, it did. Was I going ten over the speed limit? Yes- but that was completely normal for me.
Five you're fine, nine you're mine. I lived by that but today, I'd risk the ten.
When I finally pulled into his university's parking lot, I felt even worse. I'm such a bad boyfriend. I wanted to slide down in my seat and disappear when I saw him sitting by himself.
There were headphones dangling from his ears while he had a sketchbook pulled into his lap. His fingers were steadily working across the page, surely creating a piece of art.
I watched him read my text that I was here and felt even worse when his tail started wagging. He looked so happy that I was picking him up more than two hours past the time I was supposed to.
Is this how parents feel when they're late to pick up their kid? I can't imagine they'd be this late.
"Hi." He breathed out when he got in my car, genuinely just happy to see me. His sketchbook was closed now and I didn't bother to ask what he was drawing like I normally would.
"I'm so sorry." I immediately apologized. "My alarm didn't go off and then I didn't see your text until I woke up. I promised I set it." I stared at him almost helplessly. "Just- I'm really sorry."
"It's fine." He waved off like it was nothing. His ears twitched while he put his sketchbook away. "I got to draw and you got to sleep. Kyler said you've been working a lot more so it's good you slept."
"No." I reached over and started petting his hair. There was no reason to, I just felt bad and wanted to fix it somehow. "Let me feel bad- You waited for so long. Be mad at me."
His eyebrows pinched and his head titled. "Why would I be mad? I knew you'd come eventually. It doesn't matter when."
Fuck- I'm such a bad boyfriend.
"No." I whined in my own self pity. "Be angry, or upset- anything. It'll make me feel better."
"But I'm not." He insisted. "I'm just happy you came at all."
I absolutely hate myself. "You're too nice." I frowned and kept petting him. It was starting to get excessive but he leaned into my hand and hummed in content. "I would've been pissed off."
"I'm not." He assured but I wished he was. "You could make me wait hours and hours and I won't be upset~"
I knew he was trying to make me feel less guilty but he was just piling more guilt on. "You don't have work until later, right? Let me take you out somewhere."
His tail started thumping against the seat but to seem modest, "You don't have to do that."
"You're my boyfriend." I finally let my hand return to the steering wheel. I wondered if he missed my touch. "I'd want to take you out either way."
He chewed at his lip shyly and nodded. "Okay."
"Is there anywhere you wanna go?" I glanced at him as I pulled out of the parking lot.
"You're taking me out, so you have to pick."
My lips twitched up from his sudden assertive tone. "Okay." I easily agreed. "Are smoothies okay? That place we went to for our first date. We can bring Kyler one too."
If possible, he perked up even more. "He likes the spinach and berries one." Of course he does, I thought distastefully.
The drive was short to Smoothie King. When we got out of the car, I sent a text to Kyler that Chet and I were gonna stop by the gym. He didn't respond since he was working but I didn't think he'd mind. Who wouldn't want to see their boyfriends?
Not even thinking about it, I offered my hand out to Chet after sliding my phone in my pocket. He stared at it for a moment, steps faltering. "..It's okay?"
"Hm?" I didn't understand. "Yeah?" I grabbed his hand myself and continued walking. It was cold and reminded me of how long he was waiting outside. I'm surprised he could draw with his fingers being so stiff.
When we were inside and waiting in the long line, I cupped his hand with both of mine. "Your hand's so cold." He didn't respond right away and when I glanced up, his shoulders were higher than normal.
He's being shy, I realized but wasn't sure why. There was even a steady blush creeping onto his cheeks.
I didn't realize why until we were closer to the register and felt a few pair of eyes on us. Oh, I eyed our clasped hands before watching him quietly. Is this why he's so flustered?
We've held hands before but it's always been when we were by ourselves. When the three of us went out together, we usually didn't touch romantically. I thought it might be weird if only two of us were holding hands so I never considered doing it.
Does he not want to in public? People are staring, it wouldn't be weird if he was feeling shy. Unsurely, I slowly let go of his hand and let it drop back to my side.
Chet stared at my hand and his lips pulled down. I didn't notice. "Do you want a banana one again? Or something else?"
"Um," he looked back up, "whatever you're getting."
"You sure? You said you didn't like coconut last time."
"I like it." He quickly denied. "I want the one you're getting."
Since he was so insistent I ended up ordering two of the same and Kyler's disgusting drink. Chet tried to pay but what kind of boyfriend would I bet to let my younger, debt ridden boyfriend pay- especially after I was late.
He was sulking when I was handed the receipt and told to wait off to the side. Just to make him feel better, "You can pay next time, okay?"
"Next time?" He perked. "Tomorrow?"
My lips pulled into a smile at his eagerness. "My next day off." I assured. "We can do whatever you want." He nodded happily and went on to think of all the things we could do.
Chet was nothing like my past boyfriends. Not all of them were shit, but most of them ended badly. Whether it was on my terms on theirs- or even mutually.
He gave me constant reassurance that I didn't need, it was nice. It was a lot better than only getting reassurance through sex.
While we moved forward in the waiting line, I noticed he put a small amount of distance between us. Nothing like when we first came in. I didn't think much of it.
"Chet?"
Chet paused what he was saying and titled his head when his name was called. He didn't know where it came from at first until a voice in front of us called him again.
There was a boy behind the counter, a hybrid I immediately noticed, that looked excited at the sight of Chet. Eyeing Chet, I noticed he looked just as excited, if not more.
Chet happily bounded over and stood behind the glass that separated them. "I didn't know you worked today~"
The boy frowned as he dumped a handful of berries in a blender. "I got called in."
"Just quit."
"I might."
"Harrison." Another employee behind the counter scolded, probably his manger.
Ah, my head titled towards Harrison with interest. Chet talks about him all the time. Even Kyler's mentioned him once or twice. Though, it's mostly when he's calling his friends a cult.
"Sorry." He mumbled and rolled his eyes when she looked away. "Did you order this one? I thought you didn't like coconut."
"I do." Chet denied, just as fast as he did earlier. "I like it a lot."
Harrison waited as the smoothie blended and finally looked up. His eyes landed on me and he startled, ears perking and tail going still, as if he didn't even realize I was here. His lips parted and closed before he looked back at Chet.
His eyes widened, trying to silently tell him something. I tried looking away to give them privacy but there wasn't much else to look at.
"Oh." Chet realized as he glanced at me.
Harrison seemed a lot more shy now that there was a stranger in front of him. He stepped from foot to foot before hesitantly asking, "..Are you Rylan?"
Before I could answer, "No!" Chet hurriedly denied. "I mean- yes but not, like- not what I told you." He rubbed the back of his neck. "We're.. friends." He finished quietly.
Friends? My eyes trailed away from Chet. So that's what we're doing. "Yeah.." I agreed slowly. "You're Harrison, right? Chet talks about you a lot."
"Um, yeah." He hesitated again. "You too."
It was awkward after that. Harrison and Chet made light conversation while I chimed in when it was necessary. So that's why he put that distance between us.
It's fine, I silently assured myself. He's new to dating, even newer to liking guys, it's fine if he's not ready to be out in public as my boyfriend. Still, I imagined it would get tiring.
I've had boyfriends like that before, unwilling to even admit we were friends at times. Because what straight guy is friends with the obvious gay one?
When our smoothies were ready, Chet grabbed them with a silent wave to Harrison and joined me to leave. Should we talk about it? That was- weird? Not weird- maybe sudden- or just surprising? I didn't expect it.
He didn't bring it up when we were in the car so I figured I had to. "Are you not out to your friends?"
"Huh?" He startled and quickly looked over at me. "Um, no I am."
My mouth opened to tell him it was okay but I didn't expect him to say the opposite, so it closed right after. He's out to his friends but didn't want to say we're dating? I tried to make sense of it but couldn't.
Could it be because I look feminine? The 'stereotypical gay' straight people like to categorize.
"You're out to your friend," I started slowly, "but don't want him to know we're dating?"
He looked distressed and confused. "What? No- I do." He insisted. "Why wouldn't I? I like you a lot."
"Then why did you tell him we were just friends?"
"Because I thought you wanted me to." His head tilted, frown quickly appearing on his face. "Was that wrong? I can go tell him- well he actually already knows- but I'll still tell him again."
"Why would you think I'd want you to say that? You're my boyfriend, I don't care if people know."
"Cause you let go of my hand when people started staring at us. I thought.." He rubbed at his neck, looking more and more distressed. "I thought you didn't want others knowing or maybe you felt uncomfortable."
So it was just a misunderstanding? On both of our parts? He didn't seem like he was lying and had no reason to. "I'm sorry." His ears lowered. "Are you mad?"
"Hm? Of course not." I reached over and grabbed his hand. "You don't need to be sorry for something like that, baby. We both just misunderstood, yeah? I thought you might not wanna hold hands since people were staring at us."
"I wanted to." He rushed out. "I was happy that you held my hand."
"Okay, I'm sorry, that was my fault." I soothed, wanting his smile to reappear. "Just so we both know then, you're okay with pda? Or just being my boyfriend in general? You don't wanna keep it a secret from anyone?"
"No." His head shook quickly. "All my friends know already. I talk about you a lot- even before we started dating. I asked them for advice all the time." He chewed at his lip quietly. "..And I wanna hold your hand in public."
"Good." My fingers spread apart so he could thread his with mine. "I want to, too. I need to show everyone what a cute boyfriend I have."
He made a flustered noise while I started the car.
During the car ride to the gym, Chet kept squeezing my hand, as if to remind himself that it was there. He played with my fingers and toyed with the thin rings that decorated them. "You have a lot of rings." He mumbled thoughtfully, eyeing the mini pile of jewelry I had in my cupholder.
"Yeah, I buy any ones I like and end up with too many."
"They're pretty." He squeezed my hand.
I reached up, after untangling our hands, and squeezed his cheeks. "You're pretty." Our hands tangled again only a moment later.
When we got to the gym, Kyler still hadn't answered his phone but we walked in hand in hand nonetheless. "Chet!" The girl at the front desk grinned widely. "Are you calling out?"
He shook his head. "Came to see Kyler."
She eyed the smoothie in his hand with a understanding hum. "I can't wait till you clock in. It's been super busy today, so many people have been signing memberships or renewing them for the new year."
He didn't look that thrilled for later. The displeased look he made had me laughing softly. "We're gonna go see Kyler." He said and I held my hand up in a greeting/goodbye as Chet tugged me down a long hallway.
She stared at our hands before startling when the phone rang.
"Do you like working here?"
"I get to see Kyler." It didn't answer my question but it also answered it perfectly. "I don't like being the receptionist but my manager said when I start working full time I can move departments."
"Oh?" I squeezed his hand. "That's good, baby."
"Mhm." He nodded deeply. "Then I can see Kyler more." Ah, of course.
"It smells like sweat and rubber." I mumbled when we were in the main part of the gym. It's big, I silently realized. Bigger than I thought. I couldn't even count the number of sweaty bodies. Gross.
"Really?" He sniffed. "I don't smell it."
Sex was a perfectly good workout. I didn't understand why people subjected themselves to this kind of exercise.
It was easier to find Kyler than I expected. He stood taller than most people and when I caught sight of long hair, I instantly knew it was him. His back was turned towards us while he fixed the form on one of his clients.
"Let's wait over here." I tugged his hand and led him over to the benches. I was cautious in sitting down, trying not to think of all the ass sweat that was probably on here. "It's okay, right?"
"Yeah." He nodded and squeezed my hand. He does that a lot, I noticed.
While we waited, we talked some but conversation mostly fell quiet. It was odd not hearing him go on about this and that. Instead of talking, he was focused on staring at Kyler.
His eyes didn't leave him for a second, even as I talked to him. He responded promptly but his attention was elsewhere. "What's up?" I nudged his shoulder. "Why are you staring? Someone's gonna think you're a pervert."
His eyes trailed down to me with a serious frown. It was the first time he looked away from Kyler. "I'm not."
I paused at his tone. "..I was joking, sorry." It was mostly a joke. I seriously didn't want people to think he was a creep, especially with the amount of girls in Kyler's section, but after hearing his tone I decided against telling him this.
Note to self: Never call him a pervert again.
"Sorry." He mumbled and looked towards Kyler again. "I didn't- I just.. I don't like him."
"Who?" I tried seeing who he was looking at but all I saw was Kyler.
"Kyler's friend.." He mumbled. "They've been friends since college, way longer than me, and he's his client too.." He didn't seem happy about this.
"Well- they're just friends, yeah?" I tried to soothe, now understanding that he was talking about the guy Kyler was currently training. "Why don't you like him?"
"Cause." He stressed. "Even when they're not working out, he always talks with Kyler even when he's supposed to be working."
"Is he mean?"
He look confused, like this had nothing to do with the conversation. "I don't know, I don't talk to him."
I tried to be understanding of his dislike but I couldn't really see a valid reason. "They probably just talk because they're friends, babe. We're dating, not them."
"But he talks to him too much."
"Because they're friends." I squeezed his hand. "Just like you have your friends, it's okay for Kyler to have friends too."
He frowned. "Harrison doesn't like me like that."
"Hm?" I glanced up at him but he was still staring intensely at Kyler. "What makes you think his friend does? Just because they're friends doesn't automatically mean he likes him." He was silent. "Is it because Kyler's gay?"
Chet quickly looked down at me. "No- I don't care about that. It's because he's just.." He tried looking for the right words, "..Kyler."
I wanted to say I understood and to a certain extent, I did, but not all the way. There were of course those certain friends I didn't like my exes being around, but for actual reasons. This didn't seem like an actual reason.
It sounded like jealously. "Kyler likes you, not him."
He didn't seem that convinced as he chewed at his lip. "But people could still like him. And he could end up liking them too." A frown pulled subtly at his lips. "He liked me and then he started liking you. What if he likes another person?"
"Chet." I forced his attention fully on me. "Kyler is allowed to have friends, just like you and me. It's not okay to judge his friends just because they talk to him. I get you don't like it, but it's still not okay." Slowly, he nodded. "And yeah, he liked you first and then he liked me. You did the same thing, no? You liked Kyler and then you started liking me. Are you gonna start liking another person?"
"No." He quickly denied. "I only like you and him. I didn't.. I didn't mean for it to sound like liking you was a bad thing." He looked apologetic as his ears lowered. "Sorry."
He stopped looking at Kyler after that but I could tell he wanted to.
Instead, he focused on the rings around my fingers and talked about the new sculpture he's working on.
Does he talk like this about me to Kyler too? Does he not like me around other people? Is that why he's started distancing himself from Lucas? It didn't seem as flattering as I thought it might. I thought maybe it would be cute how he didn't like others around us.
Seeing it now, it seemed more obsessive than anything.
It reminded me a lot of my ex.
It started out like this too. Mentioning how he doesn't like this person, or maybe that person around me. Then it started turning into telling me not to go around that person, even if they were just a friend. And eventually, it ended with him physically not allowing me to see them.
I knew Chet wasn't like that but it still left me put off. I didn't think Jacob was like that at first either.
I didn't want Chet to turn into that, even if he didn't know he was doing it himself. How Chet acted- it was clearly more than a self esteem issue. It went beyond that but I wasn't sure why or how far.
And while I knew it was more of a mental health problem than anything else, I don't think I'd be able to let myself go through what my ex did to me again. Whether he meant/realized he was doing it or not.
I wasn't sure how to make him not act or feel like this. It wasn't.. normal. At least, not to me.
But how would I bring it up? I didn't know why he acted this way in the first place and it didn't feel right asking. How would I even ask?
I liked him, a lot. I liked them both more every day so I didn't feel like I should just leave it.
"Hey." I detangled my hand from his and stood up. "Let's go give him the smoothie. It's starting to melt a lot."
"Oh." He perked up and follow suit. "Okay."
We walked side by side, avoiding all the machines and people as we made it over to Kyler. "You said you've never talked to his friend, right? Maybe try talking to him so you can see if he's a bad guy or not."
His steps faltered. "..Why?"
"Well, Kyler's friends with him, like you said. I don't think Kyler would be friends with a bad guy. But you should talk to him and see for yourself." I told him. "And if you don't like him after that, then that's fine. But right now, you don't have a reason not to."
Would this help?
He thought about it for what felt like minutes but was only seconds. "Okay." He slowly nodded. "That makes sense."
I hoped it would help.
"Mhm." I nudged his shoulder. "If you don't like him after this, then I won't like him either. But you have to try to actually get along."
"Okay." He agreed, still somewhat hesitant. "Because.. Kyler likes him so.. I should try to like him."
"Exactly." I praised. "I'd want my boyfriend to like all my friends."
He looked towards Kyler's friend but didn't seem as put off as before. He looked thoughtful, as if slowly piecing together everything I said. "Okay, I'll try." He promised.
Kyler was, of course, happy to see us.
He gave us an attractive grin and before he could even introduce us, his friend beamed an even wider grin. "The boyfriends!" He greeted happily. "Kyler was just talking about you two."
Chet looked towards Kyler hopefully, trying to confirm his words. He nodded and I felt him relax beside me. "Rylan bought this for you." He thrusted the mostly melted smoothie towards Kyler and he gratefully took it.
"Babe~" He threw an arm around my shoulder and I went stiff.
"You're sweaty." I mumbled but still leaned into him. He pulled away a few seconds later and ruffled Chet's hair.
"Thank you."
"Sorry." Chet suddenly mumbled. He shifted from foot to foot as he awkwardly looked anywhere but Kyler's friend. "We.. didn't get you a smoothie."
His friend, whose names I learned later was Demarcus, laughed and waved him off. "I didn't expect one. You're good, man." He held out his hand towards Kyler and they clasped hands in a weird shake. "I've gotta go pick my kids up from daycare but I'll text you about the new weights."
"Alright." Kyler nodded and Demarcus left quickly after.
"I'll go on break and then we can talk, yeah?" Kyler asked while bending down to pick his water bottle up. "I'll be right back. Chet- just wait by the back door, okay?"
Chet nodded and watched Kyler walk off in the opposite direction. Afterwards, he led me out to some courtyard and we waited by the door.
"So?" I nudged his side. "What did you think of him?"
"He's okay." He mumbled.
"Yeah~? Not so bad, huh?"
"Yeah." He agreed softly.
My arm found its way behind his back so I could rub lightly. He didn't say it but I could tell he felt bad about his previous words. "It's okay to feel like that. I get jealous too." I assured him. "You two are quite the lookers~ But just make sure you don't let it affect your relationships with others, not just us."
He nodded and leaned back into my hand, seeming to like the soft strokes. "I won't. Sorry I said those things. I don't.. I don't know why I did." He looked more apologetic than he should've been. "Sometimes I feel like- ..I don't know." He frowned. "Like- you guys will just stop liking me out of nowhere. Other people are so much better than me but-"
"That's not true." I interrupted him. My frown matched his. "I'm with you because I like you. If I wanted another person, I wouldn't be with you like this right now." I rubbed his back soothingly. "There's not much you could do to make me stop liking you."
"Really?"
"Really."
"What if I-"
"There's nothing." I interrupted him. "And if there was- I'd make sure we talked about it first. I would never just.." I searched for the right words. "..Leave out of nowhere, y'know? We would talk about it first and work it out."
He chewed at his lip as his ears lowered. They lowered shyly this time. "Okay."
I could only hope he believed me.
____________________
hey besties 🗿 i've been in the bath for four hours writing this 🗿
i have this draft of rylan and morgan meeting unknowingly which was supposed to be chapter 8. but it's just been in my drafts for weeks now
okay bye ily,
maddie <3