"I killed her." the words came out of his mouth and Lilly sat on her knees as she looked at him. His hands were trembling, his eyes looked in fear as if he was seeing all that again. His heart was beating erratically while his breaths came short.
'Is this a panic attack?' she frowned looking at his condition. 'Maybe the stress and the bad memories triggered it. But what do I do now?' Lilly worried as she remembered translating a medical document in which panic attacks were mentioned.
"Ashton?" She called softly. "Hey, are you listening?" she called again not sure if she should touch him or not. Not sure if her touch would be appreciated at the moment.
" Ashton?" she called again and his eyes moved slightly towards her. ''Can I hold your hand?" It was more of a statement than a question. She just wanted to let him know of her next movement so he wouldn't be surprised.
" I am here with you, Ok?" she said in a soft voice as she held his hand in hers.
"Breathe. Take long breaths, please." she placed a kiss on his hand as he she repeated, "I am with you no matter what. I am here for you." She assured him again and again. Cooed to him just like she cooed to Sam every time he was in distress.
When he had calmed a little she helped him to sit.
"You want some water?" Lilly asked but he didn't reply. He still looked lost and it ached Lilly's heart to look at him like that.
Taking in a deep breath she cupped his face as she made him look at her.
"Now listen to me very clearly, Ashton. If you had known that those pills could kill her then would you still have given it to her?"
He shook his head in a no and Lilly smiled. "So how come you are responsible for all this? You did not do anything wrong. You were just obeying her orders." Lilly tried to assure him.
"But I gave her those drugs with my own hands -"
"She asked for it." Lilly interrupted. "You were unaware of what was going in her life. So this isn't your fault."
"But still, Lilly it was I -"
"Ashton." Lilly interrupted once again. She was determined not to let him doubt himself. "Have I ever lied to you?"
He looked at her for a moment and then shook his head in a no.
"So just trust me. Ok?"
He looked at her for a moment. Confused as to from where this topic came.
"Do you remember the first time you came to my house?" she asked trying to catch his attention.
"You were wearing a black suit. It was dark outside and a 6 feet something handsome hunk stood at my door." she smiled at him mischievously as she continued, "You know, if you had fangs then I would have been convinced that you are a vampire who jumped straight out of a fantasy novel that I had been translating."
"You translate weird stuff," said Ashton pulling her towards him as he made her sit on his legs.
"No. I am serious but after listening to your 'I dance naked on full moon Nights' comment I was convinced that you were a werewolf. You know, the creatures who are wolf but can transform into humans." she added a bit more information just in case he didn't know.
Ashton gave a small smile and then asked. "Disappointed that I am neither? Eh, Mrs King?"
"No. Not at all. I am happy that you are a human or else the kids born would turn out to be hybrids and doctors would have been left in shock while the scientists would have found a new specimen for the experiment. And now when I say it this sounds scary even to my ears." She answered with a serious face which made Ashton laugh.
He was laughing. Finally. Her plan to distract him worked and now he no longer looked gloomy.
He looked at her smiling face as the soft light from the moon traced her perfect curves. He held her hand in his and placed a soft kiss on her palm and watched as she stilled. The way her eyes fluttered and heat went up to her cheeks. He smiled as he brushed her cheek gently.
"You were wearing a white sweater and blue jeans that day."
"You remember?" she asked looking surprised.
"Everything when it's related to you." he smiled. "You had tied your hair up in a messy bun as if you had just quietened the hurricane."
"Yes, a hurricane named Samuel," Lilly affirmed.
"From the moment I saw you I wanted to touch you, hear you, see you smile at me, hear you laugh for me, with me, because of me," he said as he entwined his fingers with hers. "Why is it, Lilly?"
" I don't know either," she answered honestly. "But it's the same for me too."
Strangely his heart was at peace now. The feeling of darkness that was clutching onto him was fading slowly. She was his sunshine, his light. Had she become an important part of his life, he wondered as he felt something tug at his heart.
"Hug me," he said the words without realising it. "Hug me, Lilly. Please."
His words surprised her a little but then she willingly obliged. Still sitting on his thighs with her legs on either side she leaned forward and wrapped her arms about his shoulders. He too wrapped his arms about her pulling her closer. The skin to skin contact was sensational. Sensual. Comforting.
It was as if she was transmitting her warmth to his cold and shivering body. It was as if she was transferring some of her light to brighten his dark skies. He tightened his hold on her yet still. Afraid to let her go. Afraid that she will fade away.
Burying his nose in her hair he breathed in her calming sent as he slowly whispered, "What would I do without you?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A ray of light peeked through the blinds and Ashton squinted his eyes. As looming glow invaded the room it started to turn warm. The day was about to break.
Ashton turned his body as he stretched his left hand to pull Lilly towards him in his arms for that extra warmth and the sweet scent she always emits.
He frowned sleepily as he found the bed on the side of his lover empty. Opening his eyes he sat bolt upright and turned his head to Lilly's side only to find it was empty. She wasn't there and the sun was still behind the clouds.
He looked at the clock and it was just 6 in the morning. He looked towards the bathroom but the lights to the washroom were off.
"Where is she?" he frowned and then remembered the previous night when the painful memories of the past had come running and he had suffered another panic attack. A cold chill ran down his spine.
Even the warmth of the sun failed to soothe the growing ache and chills. His body started to turn cold as he remembered how he had broken down in front of her.
Just as he was about to jump out of the bed the door opened and Lilly stalked in. Her steps came to a halt as her eyes met his but before he could question her anything she smiled at him.
"You are up already?" closing the door behind her she walked towards him. Placing the tray of the breakfast he hadn't noticed earlier on the side table she sat on the bed by his side and gave him a quick peck on the cheek.
"Good morning, Mr husband."
Ashton looked at her beaming smile. She was looking normal. Happy. She was smiling and talking to him. So, maybe the last night was nothing but another episode of a nightmare. He didn't suffer a panic attack in front of her, he concluded relaxed at the thought.
If he had suffered a panic attack in front of her then she wouldn't have been talking to him so calmly. She wouldn't have been smiling at him.
"Hey, what are you thinking about?" she asked interrupting his thoughts.
"Nothing.'' He smiled as he took her hand in his. Entwining their fingers he brought her hand closer to his lips and placed a soft kiss on each of her knuckles.
He wasn't dreaming. She was here, he smiled. Finally relieved at her presence.
"Why are you up so early in the morning?" he asked as he still held onto her hand while with the other he brushed her cheek gently.
"I was a little bit hungry. Are you hungry too?" She asked and he gave her a wolfish grin as he slowly lowered his head in the crook of her neck and licked there softly.
This sudden movement of his brought out a surprised gasp from her mouth followed by a moan.
He smiled as he answered. ''Yes, I'm starving."
She playfully hit on his shoulder as she said, "I am talking about food."
He smiled still working kisses down her neck. "But I'm talking about you."
He made his way to her jaw placing featherlight kisses along the way. As he was about to kiss on her lips she placed a hand on his mouth and he stopped...
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Dear friends and fellows, no one dies from eating sleeping pills (because the ones in sale now are formulated in that way) and that's why I didn't mention it.
However, sleeping pills with some other drugs can cause death but I didn't research on it because...
1. I don't have that much time.
2. Neither you nor I need to know something like that.
Life is precious so love yourself and those who love you. Suicide is never a solution to any problem.
Maybe your problems are bigger and I agree that no one understands them better than you but consider this just a hurdle that you have to jump through. You have already faced so much in life so you can do this too.
Of course, I know you guys don't need my babbling on this topic but since the story had this small element I thought of addressing it.
Your life is precious.
You are precious.
Your organs are even more precious.
***
Thanks for waiting this long and understanding my situation. I'm so glad you all are still with me. Thanks is a lot!!
If you are still reading then it means I write really well 😆 and you desperately waited for an update 😅.
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