hello yall... don't come at me. I know I haven't updated last week and I'm extremely sorry :( honestly, writer's block is a bitch, and also I've been watching the witcher ... omg. I think my type really is old men with white hair :)
anyway. I've noticed I have many grammar issues in my chapters, mainly because the only time I write is either very early in the morning or very late in the night because I don't have time in between... so I'm very sleepy and don't realize how bad things are written. so I downloaded Grammarly and I'll let it do its magic tricks.
who else watched the witcher? and what other tv shows similar to it do you recommend?
19 ➤ Late night meetings
"Alana?" another voice called. Instantly, the girl's head shot up and her eyes met Theodore, with her cheeks all red and hot and legs quickly coming off the table. This was it. She was going to get busted for flirting with-
Where is he? When Alana looked down at the chair Draco's father had been on, he was gone. He probably Apparated out of here, the smart fuck.
"What's up? I know I'm early, I just have a few things to do afterwards, is this OK?" Nott was carrying a multitude of books underneath his armpit, and he threw them all on the table.
Alana nodded. "It's alright, I- I have Prefect duty tonight anyway."
"Perfect!" The boy smile, showing his deep dimples and running his fingers through his long brown curls. "We have a little bit of Potions today, and a little bit of Transfiguration tomorrow." From underneath some textbooks, Theo put out a notebook for Alana to write in and they began their tutoring.
Theodore made the perfect teacher for Alana. She had difficulties understanding some terms the actual professors used, and Theo made sure to make it easier for her - speak her language, not use complicated terms to confuse her. And she appreciated it. Loads. It was finally her time to shine in front of not only Lucius and Snape, but also the other professors. She'd finally learnt all the meanings behind the Tarot cards for Divination, and also the many combinations of herbs for healing wounds, banishing insomnia and so many other things. It had even helped her personally - who knew lavender and chamomile could make one sleep so deeply?
"You know," Alana started, "I overhead you and Draco earlier today - talking about tutoring not lasting longer than 8 pm. You always leave early, and I never get to see any of you after half-past seven. If you don't mind me asking- Where do all of you go?"
Theodore's fingers had started fidgeting at the corners of the book's pages by the time Alana's sentence had finished. But he had no time to reply, for she spoke again.
"That was so weird of me to ask. I'm sorry. Let's get back." She buried her head into her book and repeated the first word her eyes landed on approximately one thousand times, for the silence felt deadly, and she knew Theodore was judging her and her curiosity.
But no. "It's not... That I don't wanna tell you- It's just- I can't. I'd get in major trouble for it." Theodore spoke genuinely, and they both looked up from their books at each other. He'd never lie to her, would he? He was the only friend Alana had, and she didn't exactly want to lose him.
"What, do y'all smoke weed without me or something? That's fine, I won't snitch- But you better save me some."
Theodore felt as if she was joking, so he chuckled shortly before nodding his head. "I wish it was that easy."
Not too long after the tutoring hour, they both left on their own paths, but Alana had something else planned. She was aware it wasn't right of her to do it, but she did it anyway. She followed Theodore down the hallway, making sure to keep a significant distance behind him as she didn't want to be seen.
He was her friend, yes, and she probably loved him and loved everything about him. But trust... You see, that's where Alana has some issues. Trust isn't easily won, and the girl creeping 'round the hallways is one that had never put her trust into anyone besides her parents, so, putting it into an 18 years old boy with curly hair and deep dimples would be absolutely and utterly mental of her.
People like to play her. Her parents did, by leaving so easily, even that bitch Tonks who promised her a good life did. Alana never saw her after her promise. Everyone likes to play Alana as if she's a fool, but however, she managed to keep her image strong all these years - make people see the worst in her, the strongest and hardest. Because underneath all those layers of bitchiness, cockiness, angriness and confidence, lay an anxious, abandoned girl with zero friends, lonely nights and a wish for death.
So, curiously, Alana tip-toed just a few meters behind Theo, watching him creep down the hallways and occasionally looking back, left or right to check if anyone's following. Sus.
Out of nowhere, The Room of Requirement's doors appeared onto the wall and opened for Theodore. As he walked in, Alana made sure to run closer and take a peek, at least, a glimpse of Draco's platinum blonde hair and Blaise's black suit, sat at a round table with other boys and having Theodore getting closer to them, being the only image fit for Alana to see before the wall closed itself without any noise.
So, it wasn't a party, nor were they getting high or anything... But they didn't seem to be doing anything at all. In fact, all of them were sat in the same exact position - with their left arms put out on top of the round table, the back of their hands facing down, and their eyes shut. It felt odd as if they were doing something covered in dark magic, for Alana's skin shivered underneath the brief breeze that came out of the room just before the doors closed. And then it disappeared. Into thin air, they vanished along with the big doors and nasty feeling, and Alana had nothing left to do besides... Perhaps waiting for them to come back out, but it wouldn't be right of her.
Suddenly, sadness was what she felt. Theodore was lying to her about something, or if not lying, at least hiding something from her. Hiding the truth about his whereabouts, and yeah, Alana wasn't at all qualified to be the one asking the questions, but... It hurt.
It hurt because now, there was no one there anymore. No one to try to trust and she was deeply, fondly and entirely rooting for Theodore. Wishing to have him as her friend, and for him to be different than the other filthy boys. Alana had imagined herself multiple times - best friends with Theodore for longer than she can remember, drinking coffee on her house's porch, laughing about some boys whistling at them the other day. She'd imagined Theodore, not because he'd confessed his sexuality to her, but because he truly felt different with his slow hands, good-looking outfits, really tender smiles and such a way of speaking, to be the one to break the tradition of Alana not being able to put her trust into anyone. Not just boys, but anyone at all.
The feeling was overwhelming, perhaps Alana was too emotional and over what? The only thing she'd seen was a couple of boys sleeping at a table, but it felt so much worse than that.
The witch turned on her heels and headed for her dorm rather quickly, though it wasn't past curfew just yet. On her way to the Slytherin Common Room, she accidentally saw a bush of fiery caramel hair just outside one of the big windows of the hallway, and almost instantly, she recognized it to be Hermione Granger's uncombed bird nest. Alana looked left, then right, making sure no one was near to witness her walking out the doors and with a sigh, she pushed them open and walked into the coldness of almost December, wrapping her arms around herself.
The Gryffindor looked up. She had a rolled cigarette tucked between her long front teeth and her eyes gleamed in the moonlight, reflecting shades of hazel brown against her glasses.
"Great," she muttered to herself and began to stand up from the pavement. "I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't be in this area, and by this time," Hermione checked her wristwatch, "I should also be near my dorm. How many points?" It was obvious she wasn't in the mood, for Hermione Granger's high-pitched voice was no longer there - one that annoyed Alana to the maximum in the Great Hall, whenever Hermione would obnoxiously scream at her friends to stop fooling around.
"I'm not on my Prefect duty," said Alana, and even she herself was shocked by her own reaction at the sight of the Gryffindor smoking a cigarette way too close to the Slytherin wing of the castle. "And... I didn't mean to interrupt but, it's kind of odd to see you here."
"I'll be on my way-"
"I said it's fine," Alana interrupted. "Sit, I'm not going to bite you. Or upset you more than you already are..." She meant the bloodshot eyes, dark circles, messy hair and the ugly smell of nicotine.
"You don't have to let me stay, it's fine- I'll just... Go somewhere else." Hermione's voice was different than usual, and it lacked something, only Alana couldn't quite figure out what. It was low and emotionless as if it lacked life. Her voice, much like her hair and eyes, was dead.
This time, Alana stepped closer to the Gryffindor witch, gestured at her to sit back down on the cold pavement, and sat down as well, next to her. "Do you wanna talk? I'm a pretty good listener." She never spoke much, which is why she'd learned to listen to everyone so well.
"I honestly have no idea what I could speak about."
"Maybe you can start with the reason you look like this," Alana said, but it was obviously offensive to Hermione for her eyes widened and she looked like she was about to cry even more, "No offense."
"It's OK, I know I look like total crap, I've been crying for two and a half hours, now..." Hermione took another drag of her cigarette, and Alana couldn't help but notice how weird the scenery look - the straight Outstanding! Gryffindor smoking near the Slytherin wing, crying and having her eyelashes all glued together.
"You can tell me why, it's not like I have anyone to gossip around with," Alana said with a chuckle, and then, Hermione put out a pack of cigarettes from her pocket, out-stretching her hand in front of the Slytherin witch with a questioning glare. "Sure," said Alana, accepting the nicotine smell to come into her mouth as well as she lit one cigarette from Hermione's pack, as she did with another one, as well.
"It's going to sound really weird, but... I think I did something really bad..." Hermione bit onto her lip and Alana listened carefully, weirded out by the sudden urge to help her get back onto her feet. "You know Cormac, right?"
"No, I don't think so."
"He's on the Quidditch team. Long story short, I had sex with him. We fucked. I let him put his penis in me. We-"
Alana stopped her, "I think I get it," cringed her, with a smile.
Hermione sighed, "And... He's really nice, you know? I thought letting him be my first would be amazing, and-"
"Wait, you were a virgin before this happened?" Alana asked and Hermione replied with a nod. "So, you're saying you lost your first time to... a Quidditch player?"
Hermione sat quietly for a brief moment, looking straight into Alana's eyes, "Well, not really, he's not on the team yet- It's not the point. See, I used to have all these... Dreams about my first time, but... I didn't feel anything. Like, literally, I didn't feel a thing."
Alana felt like laughing, but it wasn't the case. Hermione was truly disturbed. "So... He was small?"
Hermione pursed her lips. "That's it, he wasn't. Like, he was really packing, you know, and I was really afraid before it happened, because, he wanted me on top-"
Alana already began to shake her head.
"What?" asked Hermione mid-sentence.
"That should've been your first red flag. No real man puts you on top the first time, that's just weird."
"Yeah, well, thanks, it's kind of late for a flag now," Hermione spoke sassily, then took a drag from her cigarette. "And, hear me out, I was really afraid, you know, he told me to take my clothes off, he took his clothes off, we were really feeling it, you know, I was kissing on him and he was kissing on me- Irrelevant, then, I literally, you know, get on top and, basically-"
"I know how it works, you can skip that part."
Hermione continued, "And... I felt absolutely nothing. As in, I didn't think I put it in correctly, because I didn't feel... That pain, you know? I thought there was going to be pain or at least any other feeling. But I didn't get butterflies, I didn't like it, I didn't hate it, I didn't feel overwhelmed... Hell, I didn't even have time to, because he finished literally two minutes later."
Alana felt like face-palming herself, but she ignored the urge and sighed. "Do you want me to be honest or make you feel better?"
Good question, Hermione thought. But what she needed as the truth - she wanted to know why she felt the way she did.
"Be honest."
Alana put her cigarette out and exhaled the last drag of smoke in her lungs before proceeding to speak. "What I think is that you're blaming yourself and putting yourself down for something a boy is to blame. You did nothing wrong but choose the wrong dick."
Hermione's eyes began to water again. "So, it's not going to always be like this?" There was a hint of hope behind her voice, but nothing more than just a tiny peck of it. "I still lost my virginity to him, though."
Alana smirked, "I mean, it depends, really. Because you either chose the wrong dick, and he didn't, like, foreplay and things to make you ready, or... You simply don't like sex."
"Foreplay?" Hermione asked.
"Did he not... Go down on you?" Alana was almost shocked.
Hermione shook her head. "Oh, Merlin! I'm going to kick that son of a bitch in the balls."
Alana felt the urge to wrap her arm around Hermione's tiny shoulders, so she did, and she brought the witch closer to her. "Don't worry about your virginity, it doesn't exist."
Hermione choked on her breath. "What?" she laughed. "Of course, not anymore."
"No," Aana said, "Like, scientifically. Your first time hurts because, obviously, it's your first time, but if you don't have sex for a few months, you literally go back to the way you were."
"How do you know all these things?"
"My mom taught me," there was a hint of regret and sadness in Alana's tone, but she shook it off immediately. "I know it's weird, but she said she wanted to prepare me for the worst in life."
Hermione looked down at her hands. "I wish my mom taught me that."
"Hey," said Alana, and suddenly, the girls were looking at each other and Alana had her palms placed over Hermione's shoulders, "As long as I'm here, I'm going to help you with all these things, alright?" Hermione nodded. "You're never going to get hurt again, I promise you." Alana embraced the Gryffindor into her arms, giving her a hug like no other.