I wander up to the maternity ward and sit on the bench facing the newborns. A small child sitting to my right is swinging his legs back and forth while looking in my direction.
"Hello Ava," the little boy says. I look to my left to see if someone is approaching, but there's nobody there. I look at the small boy and he smiles at me as he continues to swing his legs back and forth. I cock an eyebrow and peer closer at the child.
"My little sister is being born today." The child looks towards the window and all babies. I reach out and poke the small child
"Ouch!" He looks at me scornfully.
"You can see me?"
"Of course."
The child looks healthy and I can't hear the familiar TING in my head.
"How?" I asked dumbfounded.
"It's me. Albert. Well I was. My name is Mackenzie now."
"Albert? You came back?"
"Of course. I made you a promise. I'm sorry it took so long, I had to get older and then I had to get here somehow. I didn't expect to see you for some years yet but then my mum went into labour near this hospital so they brought her here instead of the public hospital."
Albert's face is cheerful, excited. Or should I say Mackenzie? I'm struggling to work this new situation out.
"How can you remember me? You're in a new body."
"Well, I told you I'd try and help you and I did. I went to the other side and started to look for someone in charge. Not as easy as you might think, but I kept searching till I found someone who knew someone else who could help. I explained to them what happened and we came to an arrangement."
I must look like an idiot with my jaw slack and my mouth open. Albert/Mackenzie seems delighted by the astonishment on my face, as if he's a primary school kid who's played a huge prank on a grown up.
Albert looks towards the glass again and then back to me "I know you like to sit here sometimes. I remember you telling me. I was going to go look for you if you didn't appear soon."
"I often thought of you, Albert. I thought you were never going to come back."
"I know." The small boy puts his hand over mine and squeezes it hard enough for me to feel comforted through the veil. "I still get to watch over you, Ava."
"How?"
"It's like having one foot on both sides. It's how I keep my memories about my last life. I dream about you sometimes. Watching over you like you did for me."
"I want to hug you so badly."
"You can, I just can't hug you back. It would look weird me hugging thin air."
I slide myself across the bench and wrap my arms around Albert's small body. I don't have to push through the veil to feel his warm skin, or the fur on his jacket against my cheek. I embrace him for a few moments then kiss his forehead. I feel a tightness in my throat as tears spring from my eyes and flow down my cheek. I feel truly happy for the first time in a very long time. Albert has found a way to release me, a way for me to die. I've waited decades to pass on. Having a hospital to wander through endlessly doesn't take away from the fact that I'm a prisoner.
"I missed you too, Ava, but it's like I never really left you. I was always keeping an eye out for you."
I lean down and clutch his small hand and hold it. "How do I get out of here Albert?"
"You just need to die."
"But I can't die here. I've tried too many times to count, and in various ways."
"I know, but it's different now." A beat. "You don't have to kill yourself right away if you don't want to. I saw you with Niklaus."
"Niklaus."
My goal was always to escape him, but now I'm not so sure. Avaline's memories have weeded their way into my mind and I feel differently about Niklaus.
They haven't changed so much that I wouldn't want to leave this place.
A middle-aged lady strides down the corridor heading for Albert
"Och, there you are Mackenzie. What are you doing out here all on your own? Do you not want to meet your new baby sister?"
Albert jumps up off the bench. "A sister!"
"Aye, and your mother's wanting to see you Laddie, so don't be dallying"
"Ok, Nanna. Can I hold the baby when we see Mummy?" Albert trots after her.
"We'll see. We canna have you dropping the wee bairn."
As the pair are almost out of sight, Albert turns around and waves goodbye to me. I stand and stare at the empty corridor then swing my eyes around to the babies in their cribs. Some are sleeping, one or two crying and one is lying quietly looking around at the strange new world it's found itself in. What must it be thinking of?
I pivot around and stride out of the maternity ward and head for the stairs to the roof.
As I walk up the stairs towards the roof, each step takes me closer to my destination. It could finally be all over and I'm not sure how I feel. While I'm hopeful that I might finally be able to move on, I'm sad to leave Niklaus behind. Avaline has made her home in my head, reminding me occasionally that being with Niklaus isn't just physical. A small part of me has grown attached to him, in spite of my efforts to resist him.
I reach the roof. The sun is peaking over the horizon and its light is conquering the night. I walk towards the edge of the building and climb up onto the ledge. I wonder if this is what Evelyn McHale must have felt like as she stood on the edge of the Empire State Building, but whatever her problems were, I'm sure she didn't endure as long as I have. I've seen the London skyline evolve over decades and today the winter morning sun is glinting off the Thames and I feel a wrench to be leaving it. This is the last time I'll see the world before me. I hope to open my eyes and see a light brighter than the sun and that it will consume me, leading me to an afterlife that has been closed to me for decades. I close my eyes and stretch out my arms.
"What are you doing?"
I could recognise that voice anywhere. I put down my arms and take a step away from the ledge to turn to him.
"Niklaus."
Niklaus is leaning on one leg with his arms crossed over his chest. "You know you can't die here."
"Why are you here Niklaus?"
"I don't know. You felt weird to me. Happy and sad at the same time. I wanted to know what could make you feel that way."
I bite my lip but it doesn't prevent a tear rolling down my cheek. "I can die, Niklaus."
"What?"
"Albert came back and he told me I can die now."
Niklaus straightens up and takes a few steps closer to me.
"Albert? The old man in the coma ward?"
"He's not old now. He's been reborn."
"How do you know?"
"He told me he'd come back for me. And now he has. He said he's got one foot on either side."
"What do you mean? That doesn't happen."
"I just had a conversation with him. He was a small boy who could see me. He remembered my name."
Niklaus looks down at the gravel on the roof, his eyebrows are squeezed together. I'm not sure if he's angry because I'm trying to leave, or whether he's trying to work out a puzzle.
"So what happens now? How does he say you get out?"
"I'm not sure. We got interrupted. But he said I can die now." The pain in his eyes is too much and I turn back to the London skyline and hear my boots scrape back towards the ledge.
"No don't."
I turn back towards him. "This is what I want Niklaus. I need to die."
"Come on Ava, let's talk about this.
"No Niklaus. This is the way it was always meant to be, I was supposed to die during the war." I indicate to the world around me and say, "I was never meant to be here. I don't think we were ever destined to reconnect."
"Ava, listen to me... look at me." His voice is stained and his arms are flailing as he tries to shift my attention away from the skyline. "I love you. I don't want you to leave me."
His words and their intensity draw my eyes towards him. "I know."
Niklaus looks distressed as he tugs at the roots of his hair.
"Don't you love me Ava? Not even a little? Because the way we've been together recently says different."
I turn from him and open myself to the bone-chilling dawn and run a hand through my long hair. A single strand falls away from my locks. I let it go and watch it be carried off by the wind. I need a moment to consider my feelings before I answer him.
"The truth is, I do. I do love you, Niklaus."
Niklaus freezes and I can see in his eyes that his heart has skipped a beat.
"...but it's not enough." I fling my arms wide andtake a step back as I push my heel off the ledge. I hear Niklaus screaming myname as he races to the edge of the building. Halfway down I close my eyes andall I can see is darkness.