I am standing in Emergency, lingering around the nurses' station while watching Reeves from across the room. He is tending the arm of a young woman who is staring off into the distance. The long straight line that had cut deep into her forearm was testing the meticulous precision of Reeves' sewing skills as he stitches the flesh back together. Her mother and brother stand to one side of the bed, just beyond the curtain. Neither is paying much attention to the girl. The mother has an orderly and a security guard on either side of her and she keeps looking from one to the other and glancing towards her son while throwing erratic outbursts at him. The brother offers placatory words towards his mother and concerned glances towards his sister. He could only be in his mid-twenties, but seems years older, either from exhaustion or the early onset of responsibility. He's tall and scrawny with dishevelled hair that looks as though it hasn't been washed in a week or so.
Nicole strides across the ward, her eyes scanning around her. She spots the security guard then heads towards Susie who's sitting behind the desk. Susie looks up from her notes and they huddle together. I move closer to hear what they're whispering about. Susie always seems to know what's going on in the hospital, so maybe I'll get an update on Nicole and Reeves. I like Susie – she's a bubbly person and everyone finds her easy to talk to, but I don't know why they confide in her, as she can't keep any private information to herself.
"I heard the call to security from the break room. What's going on, Susie?"
Susie's eyes light up with the excitement of imparting news. "Remember that woman who was admitted last month?"
"The one we had to keep sedating to keep her from abusing staff?"
"The very same. She's back. Cast your eyes leftwards."
"Uh huh."
"Except this time it's her daughter who's here – suicide attempt – but the mum thinks it's a ruse to get her sectioned again."
"Pretty drastic ruse. Poor kid. First attempt?"
"Second. Swallowed a bunch of pills last time. Her brother found her slumped in front of the television..."
I don't want to hear anymore, I get the gist. I wander over to Marie's bedside to hear the conversation between Marie and Reeves.
"Why did you do this to yourself, Marie?"
"I just want it to be over. I don't want to keep on living."
Reeves seems momentarily perplexed by her tone. Marie's voice is mechanical, perfunctory.
"What can we do to help you?"
"Please, just let me die. I can't be around her anymore. I'm done."
Reeves looks up at Marie's mother.
"What the fuck are you looking at me for?" The older woman hisses at him through clenched teeth.
Reeves turns his attention back to the girl.
"I can't do that, I'm sorry. But we can get you help for the way you're feeling right now."
"I don't want help. I just want to die."
I become curious. Perhaps Marie's soul is cracked, like the souls of Albert or the heroin addict? I touch my hand to her chest and begin to pull, I get little resistance from her body and I see a light blue aurora at the end of my hands. It is not cracked and has no gashes over it, but I can feel its hurt and longing to be back on the other side. I can help this girl. I could release her soul and she could pass on peacefully. I look down at Marie's wrist and see that blood is seeping to the surface of the bandage. Reeves hasn't noticed and I doubt Marie will tell him, she genuinely wants to die. I wish I could see into her past like Niklaus can, see what has caused her so much pain in her life that makes her want to end it all.
I let go with my hands and her soul seeps back into her body, like the ebb of a wave being drawn back to the ocean. I hold her forearm above where the bandage is bound. I close my eyes and concentrate like I did with the small baby, but on that occasion I had Niklaus's help to guide me. Reeves is talking tentatively to Marie about treatment options and a likely stay in the psychiatric ward for a period until she's no longer a risk to herself. She doesn't look like she's listening. I block him out and try to tune in to Marie's soul. I must know whether her passing on would help her be at peace.
A small flash of light blinds my inner eye briefly before an image comes to me. A small kitchen where the benches are piled high with dirty plates and saucepans. Marie's mother snatches a filthy carving knife from the sink and swipes it through the air, keeping Marie and her brother away from her, telling the two of them to keep back else she'll hurt them.
The brother raises his hands with his palms outwards and his voice is soothing. "Mum, put down the knife. We're here to help you."
"No, you're not! You want to drug me and have me taken away. I won't let you do it! I'm fine the way I am."
"No mum you're not. You've stopped taking your medication again. This isn't you." The brother's voice is soft and reassuring.
The mother looks confused.
"No! The voices are telling me no! They help me. They don't keep secrets like you both do."
The brother edges forward then grabs the mother's wrist and raises it high above their heads. He wrestles the knife from her hand and flings it to the other side of the room.
"I told you to lock up all the sharps, Marie! You had one job to do!"
The brother's strong arms embrace and contain his mother. Marie scrambles after the knife.
The scene vanishes into black. I can't see anything this time but I can hear voices.
"Her mumma is crazy you know, that's why she's always filthy. Can't do nothing for herself."
"That brother of hers is supposed to be her guardian, you'd think he'd take better care of his sister instead of wasting his time trying to care for his mum. Should of just given her over to the state."
Everything goes quiet and as my eyes adjust to the dark I can see that Marie is asleep in bed. She is awoken by her mother pouncing on top of her and grabbing at her hair.
"I know you're a whore! You've been going out with those young boys, selling yourself."
"No mum, I haven't! What are you talking about? You're hurting me!"
"The voices! The voices told me I was bringing up a whore. That God will punish you for being so defiant."
Marie's mother yanks at her hair while Marie screams out for her brother.
"Anthony! Anthony, help!"
Anthony comes in and tackles his mother and pulls her off Marie. "This has got to stop Mum! We'll send you away if we have to! You gotta take your medication!"
Everything fades to black and I let go of Marie's wrist. I know I haven't seen the worst of it. I only caught a glimpse of what it was like to live as Marie. I want to help her; I can make all the pain she's experienced in her life dissolve and she can pass on, hopefully to live a better life next time around.
Reeves is still speaking to her about treatments but Marie looks disconnected. She has already made up her mind. The orderly comes to transport Marie to the psychiatric ward for observation. I don't follow the orderly. Instead I stay with Dr Reeves till he departs to get the file for his next patient.
I'm sitting in the doctors' mess watching TV. I try to concentrate on what is playing but I can't focus, so time begins to slip away from me. Reeves bursts through the door and rushes into the bathroom, his breath in gasps and his face distraught. I'm jolted back to reality and follow him. Reeves is sitting on the bench with his head in his hands, sobbing. I don't know what's happened but I suspect it has something to do with Marie. I sit beside Reeves and put my hand on his knee. I concentrate like I did before and I see an image of Marie lying slumped in a bathroom – bandages bloody and removed from around her wrists. Her complexion is pale and waxy and a bloody pen is beside her. She must have used the pen to rip away at the stitches that Reeves had put in place and has bled out on the floor of the hospital bathroom. She had finally achieved her desire.
I want to kiss away the tears that are glistening on his cheeks and hold him till he feels better. I rise off the bench and then kneel between Reeves' legs, peering up into his confounded face. I clutch his hand but I don't push through the veil – I want him to know I'm here for him but I don't want to startle him. I place a kiss on his hand then upon his wet cheek. I've noticed he is more attentive to his patients' emotional needs than some of the other doctors who seem to be able to compartmentalise their feelings towards their patients. I find it endearing but I think it takes a lot out of him.
The door behind us opens and Drac's assistant, Justin, strides in. Reeves brushes away his tears and straightens up.
"Wassup?" Justin says it automatically as he moves to the basin and turns on the tap, only glancing at Reeves.
"Hey Justin, not much. You?"
Something in Reeves' voice causes Justin to peer at him as he answers. "Nothin'. On break for a couple more minutes." Justin dries his hand on some paper towel and throws it in the bin. "You're not going soft on me are ya Reeves?"
"No, not at all."
"Cause this kinda work can break ya if ya don't rein in them feelings. Don't wanna end up like ya daddy, do ya?"
"I just had a hard day. A patient of mine killed herself upstairs in psych. She was so young..."
"Oh yeah, heard about that. Real shame, Reeves."
I lean forward and touch my hand to Reeves's cheek, even though I know he can't feel me. Reeves hauls himself up off the bench, walks through me and snatches a sheet of hand towel and blows his nose then heads towards the door. Justin holds the door open for Reeves then follows him out.
I turn around to trail after them but find Niklaus leaning on a cubicle door with his arms crossed.
"What were you doing?" His face is neutral but there's petulance in his voice.
"Nothing."
"You know you can't comfort him from this plane of existence."
"I know. I was just..."
Niklaus interjects. "Are you in love with him?"
"No, of course not," my voice is indignant but I can't look him in the eye.
"You have never been as tender with me."
"An opportunity hasn't presented itself when I would need to be."
Niklaus pushes himself off the cubicle door and moves towards me. I reach towards him and put my hand on his cheek. His body stiffens and his eyes are hostile. I've made good progress lately and been rewarded with information – I don't want to lose what I've gained because of his jealousy. I lean up and lightly brush my lips against his unresponsive lips. I move my hand from his porcelain cheek and run it lightly down his neck. Still he doesn't respond, but his hostility seems to be softening. I bring my lips to his ear and know he'll feel the warm breath of my voice on his skin.
"Why would I bother with a mortal boy when I have an immortal man who's never far away?" I flick my tongue across his top lip then pull away for a moment before repeating the action. This time he grabs the back of my head with his hands and possesses my mouth with his own, drawing me into a deep kiss. I wrap my arms around his neck and feel one of his arms slide around my waist and pull me close. I can tell his attention has been diverted away from Reeves and I feel a sense of empowerment being able to manipulate him in such a way. I can't help but wonder if I had this level of control over him when we first met.
Niklaus pulls away from my lips, which makes me think he might be withdrawing, until I feel his mouth launch at my throat and I feel his teeth grazing the side of my neck and his warm mouth nibbling my skin. I emit a squeal of surprise followed by a breathy giggle as tingles rush down my spine. I give in to the sensations and feel my neck stretching back so that my hair is flowing loosely past my shoulders.
"I want to touch you." Niklaus's voice booms into my ear and pulls me from reverie.
"What?"
"You heard me."
He pushes my trench coat off my shoulders and it drops to the floor.
"I want to feel your skin against my own." He pushes the straps of my black singlet off my shoulders and begins kissing the exposed flesh. I feel conflicted – uncertain of who's in control now. I long for him to sink his teeth into the flesh of my shoulders, but I feel I'm betraying Reeves. While my mind is contemplating the situation, my hand betrays me and creeps up his neck and my recalcitrant fingers glide through his dark hair. I feel like my body is making the decision for me as the echo of my former self takes over and I'm almost a bystander watching an event I'm powerless to control.
Niklaus stops for a moment and I feel suddenly afraid he's going to abandon me, but he pushes me up against a wall. He rips down my singlet straps and exposes my breasts – his firm hand grasps my breast and begins kneading the mound. His mouth captures mine again in a savage kiss. Using his index finger and thumb he rolls my nipple into a hard nub, causing my head to fling back into the tiled wall. I hear myself moan and I'm not sure if it's from pleasure or pain.
"Ava," he says as he cups my face in his hands and kisses my cheek. "Even after all this time you're still so perfect."
I grin like a fool hearing those words and giggle to myself at the absurdity of the situation. Being ravished by Niklaus in the doctors' bathroom – hardly a romantic setting. I can feel the wetness between my thighs and my clit begging to be fondled the same way he's fondling my breasts.
"Niklaus..."
He pauses, drops his hands to his sides and takes a small step back. "Sorry, did I...?"
"No, no... it's not you. It's well..." I indicate to our surroundings then lift my straps over my shoulders to cover my exposed breasts. I grab my trench coat from the floor then take Niklaus's hand. I lead him next door into the on-call room. I throw my trench coat onto a bed, then while facing Niklaus and looking directly into his eyes I peel down the straps of my singlet. My hair is draped across the front of my chest so I sweep it up and flick it behind my shoulders, arching my back instinctively to show off my full breasts. Niklaus turns towards the door, and for a terrifying moment I'm afraid he's about to leave, but he pushes through the veil and locks it. I walk up behind him and press my naked chest against him while running my hands under his arms and over his chest. I turn him around and push him against the wall. I kiss him again while my fingers flick open the black buttons of his collared shirt. I expose his chest and press myself against him. I feel a bulge swell in his pants and hear his breath increase. Niklaus deepens his kisses and runs his hand up my naked back into the ends of my hair. He grabs a chunk of hair and yanks it gently so my head is forced back and he has access to my neck. My hands delve down to the front of his pants to feel the firmness of his thighs as he sucks my neck near the base like a ravenous vampire. I moan slightly as I feel slight pain from the blood flushing the surface of my skin where he's sucking. I can resist temptation no longer and brush my hand over his thick hard cock. I rub him through his clothing and he releases the suction on my neck only to moan lightly in my ear and reciprocate by capturing my breast in one hand then leaning down and beginning to suckle on the adjacent nipple.
"Oh my god, Niklaus." I moan as I feel the tingling sensation in my nipple travel directly to my clit, causing a surge of wetness as he flicks his tongue on one nipple and teases the other with his thumb and forefinger. My cheeks feel flushed and my skin is on fire. I pull away from Niklaus to catch my breath and he looks up at me grinning.
"Good to see some things never change." He smiles and pecks my lips lightly. I grab his belt and lead him to an empty bed. I sit on the bed and undo Niklaus's belt while looking up at his smiling face. He brushes my cheek with his hand and I lean my face into his hand and kiss his palm. He shrugs his trench coat off his shoulders then peels off his open shirt. My eyes take in his naked torso – his body is beautifully toned and masculine. I look back up into his eyes and can tell he's basking in the pleasure of my gaze. He offers his hands and pulls me up to stand in front of him. His hands shift to my hips then he manoeuvres me so that I'm facing the bed and he sits on it before me. He undoes my button and the zipper of my jeans.
"Remember I said I want to touch you. I want to drive you mad with desire and exhilaration," he whispers in my ear.
Niklaus's lips are travelling across my stomach towards my navel, sending little tingles that radiate to my clit. Niklaus's hands move over my hips to slide down my jeans and underwear. His kisses continue over my hip bone and to the boundaries of my pubic hair. His hands move over my skin then reach for mine to steady me as I step out of my clothing. Niklaus guides me onto his lap, and as I straddle him I'm delighted by the sensation of my skin against his. Niklaus looks calm and confident while I feel flushed and slightly embarrassed to be naked and exposed in front of him. My heart is pounding in my chest and my groin is heavy with desire as Niklaus's hands move over my thighs and hips, then up my back. He pulls me close so that my breasts are pressed up against his chest. As Niklaus sweeps my hair off my breasts and pushes it back over my shoulders, I catch his eyes for a moment and see a glimpse of concern.
"What is it? What's the matter?"
Niklaus grimaces for a second then relaxes. His words are delivered slowly and with intense concentration. "We don't have to continue if you don't want to do."
I feel a surge of affection for him in this moment. I've never seen him so conflicted before. His tremendous containment of his own desires in consideration of my feelings makes me stop for a moment and question my motives.
"I don't know whether I'm ready to... it's been so long, I feel outside of myself..."
As I trail off I see the disappointed look in his eyes, but he composes himself.
"It's alright. We don't have to–"
"But you want to?" I interject with a sudden fear that he has given up too easily.
"Of course! I want to possess you completely, but only if you want me as much as I want you." Niklaus trails his finger softly down my chest. "Besides, there are other things we can do. I want to give you pleasure."
Niklaus squeezes my erect nipple and my breath catches as his hot mouth captures the adjacent nipple. I moan as his tongue flicks and circles the little erect nub. I pull away from him so his mouth is plucked from my breast. He looks up at me with his dark eyes and I kiss him deeply. His hand explores my thigh and slides up to my hip then my stomach. His palm descends to my pubic bone, lingering in my dark pubic hair. My breathing increases and my anticipation begins to mount. The tips of his fingers caress my outer lips as his middle finger glides over my clitoris and slips inside me. I know I'm slick, hot and wet, and I don't feel embarrassed. It's so exhilarating to feel him penetrating me, pushing inside and out until my hips move rhythmically to meet his thrusts. Just when I feel I can stand it no longer he withdraws his finger and it circles my aching clit. I moan encouragement into Niklaus's ear and hold him closer. My stomach is filled with butterflies and my heart is pounding. Niklaus applies a little more pressure and an additional finger so my slippery clit is completely encompassed by his nimble digits. I dig my nails into his shoulder as I feel something building in my core, the hum of electricity is mounting gradually. I'm breathing heavily into Niklaus's ear and a little flash of a memory reminds me that he likes his ears being played with. I stretch out my tongue and suckle and nibble his earlobes and am rewarded with a deep groan from Niklaus as his hand slides down so his fingers can penetrate my opening. The feeling of his fingers inside me while his palm is grinding into my clit causes the electricity to surge through my body into my brain. I'm on the brink and I call out.
"Niklaus, don't stop! Please don't stop, I'm so close."
"That's good my darling." Niklaus's voice is partway between a growl and a whisper. "I want you to explode for me."
Given an order like that causes me to fall off the side of the world, consumed with pleasure I moan loudly and my hips gyrate in rhythm with Niklaus's hand. I throw my head back in ecstasy and let out an unencumbered primal scream, safe in the knowledge that no earthly being can hear it. My vision goes black for a second as my body and senses drift into oblivion. I force my eyelids to open and focus on him as I reach up to Niklaus's face and run my hands down his cheek. He returns my gaze as he lifts his fingers up to his mouth and slides each one in slowly. His smile is mischievous and knowing.
"You still taste the same."
He kisses me again this time placing his other hand in my hair, scrunching it up and holding it tight. I feel greedy and want more. My hands move from Niklaus's shoulders to his belt and my fingers fumble with the buckle.
"I thought you said you didn't want to..."
"I don't. Shh!"
I crawl off him and pull him by his trousers, forcing him to stand. I remove them but leave his underwear in place. His cock is strained against the confines of his black boxer briefs. Funny how everything that comes through the veil is black – even his underwear. I resist sharing this observation with him. I put my palm against his engorged cock and rub firmly. Niklaus groans and wraps his arms around my neck, meeting my forehead with his. Our faces are close enough to feel each other's breath.
"You have no idea how long I've wanted you to touch me like this." Niklaus whispers then kisses my forehead, my temple, my cheek. He holds me close while my hands grasp his cock.
I let go of his bulging cock and push him backwards so that the back of his knees buckle against the frame of the metal bed and he plonks down with a grating squeak. I lean forward and place one knee on the mattress then stretch the other across his hip then straddle him again. I crave the feeling of our naked skin touching, but I resist the temptation, enjoying hovering above him and watching the desire in his eyes rise to a screaming pitch. I'm delirious with delight at seeing Niklaus's ethereal composure slipping away. After a moment I can hold back no longer – my skin craves the sensation of his skin on mine – I glide closer to his body and feel a frisson surge through mine. Niklaus puts his hand behind my neck and pulls me close to kiss me again. His hands are exploring my body and I know I must feel feverish. My body is on fire and my clit is pulsing. Begging for more. This time I want Niklaus to feel satisfaction. My hands go through his dark hair and I pull at the roots of his scalp while my hips grind against him. Our genitals are separated only the thin film of his black undergarments and the feeling is intoxifying. My throbbing clit has found his hard cock and I press myself against him so I can appease the pulses and feel the electricity radiate throughout my groin into my core. Niklaus groans as I rock and grind against him.
"Yes, just like that." He grabs the flesh of my naked arse and squeezes hard, pushing and pulling with my rhythm.
"Does that feel good?" I ask Niklaus as I slow down and work the length of his cock from base to tip.
"Yes. Keep going. I like the way you feel."
"Do you want me to come all over your cock?" My voice is a husky whisper but I feel powerful. I can only imagine what he'd do if I stopped right now and left him unsatisfied.
"Yes, my love. I want you to let go for me, and only for me, for eternity."
I can feel the electricity building once again and I'm consumed with the thought of being Niklaus's captive for an eternity. The old Avaline, couldn't be more delighted. This was her girlish dream. The new me can hardly bear the thought – I want to be free. I want to be out of here and on the other side where I belong. These thoughts are getting in the way of my orgasm.
"What's the matter?" Niklaus looks at my face with concern.
"Nothing," I mutter. I'm surprised that he's so aware to my every nuance. I hadn't realised my thoughts betrayed me. I can see no option available to me other than to fake it. I clutch Niklaus tightly and heave my breasts then I take a deep breath and let out a loud moan. I glimpse at Niklaus who looks pleased. He pulls me close and watches my face as I theatrically 'orgasm'. Niklaus kisses me over and over again like he's hungry for me and nothing other than me will gratify him. He holds me by the waist and rolls on top of me. My lust is beginning to fade but I can still feel Niklaus's hard cock still pressed against my vulva. Niklaus rests on his elbows and looks down at me. His eyes have softened, there's a twitch of a smile around his lips and I've never seen him look so vulnerable. I'm reminded of Waterhouse's painting of the soldier looking down at Lamia. I lift my hand and stroke his cheek with my index and middle finger. I'm surprised I haven't noticed before how handsome he is – his cheekbones look like they've been carved by Michelangelo and his nose is strong, straight and masculine. I lean up and kiss him delicately then wrap my arms around him and pull him close to me. Niklaus buries his face in my hair that is splayed across the pillow. I feel sad and I don't know why. Is it because I can never leave? Or because one day I will? I don't know how I know this, but I'm certain my existence can't continue indefinitely here in Niklaus's domain. I fleetingly recall Albert's promise to me, but quickly squash the thought down, not daring to hope he'll ever succeed.
Niklaus rolls off me but still clutches me close "You're all I ever wanted," he whispers to me. "I could have existed forever without any companionship. I had no need or want to be close to another but you changed all of that for me, Ava. You consume me."
I roll onto my side and look at Niklaus. He's resting his hand on my waist and our faces are close together. "I wish I could remember what it was like to be with you."
"You will," he whispers. "If you stay on this plane for long enough, memories will come back to you. You'll eventually remember all your previous lives in full and you'll want nothing more than to be here with me, like this."
"This is what she wanted, isn't it?" Niklaus grabs my hand and kisses my fingertips. "I can remember her desire to be immortal and to be with you forever. Being with you made her feel safe."
"How does it make you feel?" he asks me.
I think for a moment then reply. "Conflicted." I pull my hand away from his lips. "Part of me remembers loving you, but I think I'm only with you now because I'm alone."
I see this visibly stings Niklaus; he shuts his eyes, swallows hard and pulls me close so my skin is pressed against his. He kisses my forehead and says "It won't always be like this. You'll learn to love me again. You'll remember everything."
Part of me knows he's right. It may take a long time but eventually everything will piece together and the feelings I had for him will flood back.
The doorknob jiggles and then there's a knock. After a beat the knock happens again "Is there anybody in there? Can someone let me in?"
Silence.
Muffled voices can be heard through the door. "Sometimes the door locks on itself from the inside."
"I'll go get maintenance."
"That sounds like our cue to get dressed," I say.
"Why?" Niklaus pulls me closer. "They can't see us. We can stay like this."
"Yeah well, I'd rather not be naked when they enter." I push him away, sit up and lean over the edge of the bed to collect my underwear and singlet. I feel Niklaus's hand on my back, followed by his lips.
"Your back was always my favourite area of your body. The skin there is so soft and silken to the touch. It used to put you in the mood when I kissed your shoulders and up your neck." Niklaus sits up and kisses my shoulder. I pull away.
"I've had enough, I don't want to get caught."
"Ava, it is physically impossible for us to get caught. Come back to bed."
"No!" I pull on my dark jeans and stand fully dressed.
Niklaus sighs then pulls his legs over the edge of the bed, he collects his pants and pulls them on. Gathering the rest of his clothing items he stands up.
"Fine, but I'll be back soon and I'll be hoping for a repeat performance." He smirks and kisses me briefly before dissipating. I pick up my trench coat off the adjacent bed and shrug it over my shoulders. I leave the room as the maintenance man opens the door.