[ AN:
First thing first, thank you all for the 1,8k reads, this is insane!
Second, I want to give a shout-out to Daelune, for her love and support to the story. She's an angel! If you're into Haikyuu! I suggest you go and read her stories. Probably some of you are here thanks to her tiktok, so welcome guys!
Warnings: a bit steamy, a bit sad, the usual
Songs: "Perfectly Wrong" by Shawn Mendes, "Insecure" by Brent Faiyaz ( I think this song is exactly what is going on inside Daphne's/your head rn), "Teacher's Pet" by Melanie Martinez (when DaddyErwin arrives).]
DAPHNE'S POV
"Are you sure you've had enough?"
Tracing his thumbs over my ribs and lowering his gaze to my torso, Levi firmly said "No." and my bottom lip quivered in anticipation. I instantly felt something unfamiliar, something wicked growing in my lower belly, something I had to suppress as soon as possible. I could see the same lust swimming around Levi's eyes, but the dark shadows beneath them, the gauze over his wound, the scars, the signs, and all the bruises all over his skin talked more loudly to my conscience than my selfish yearning. We both needed some rest.
I sighed and moved away from him, leaving him quite puzzled. I stood up from the tub, removed his firm grip from my ass and smirked at him as I stepped out. But he was faster than I expected. Levi instinctively followed me out of the bath, caught me, and turned me to face him again, pushing me against the wall behind me. Then his lips found my neck, eagerly gliding down my throat, following the line over my pulse.
"Where do you think you're going?" he breathed against my heated skin. I almost didn't catch his words, his lips barely lifted from me to spell his sentence out. He gently pulled my torso toward him as he slid down, exploring every inch of my skin. Again.
At the same time, one of his hands was firmly pressed on my waist while the other one was down on my thigh, lifting it up and securing it next to his side. My shoulder blades were now pressed against the bathroom's wall, my hands loosely placed over his shoulders, my eyes closed, my mind completely somewhere else.
No. We need to stop. I need to stop this... This is wrong. So wrong. What are we even doing?
I swallowed thickly trying to pull myself back together.
"Levi, we... You should rest-"
I couldn't even manage to finish my sentence as I felt his fingers lightly pinching my nipple, then gently cupping my breast, and his face slowly climbing back up to mine.
He looks so tired.
"You should go to bed now" I sweetly whispered, caressing his cheeks with my hands. His face immediately lifted and a wide smirk curled his mouth.
"Say less." he murmured.
That's the last thing I remember about that night. Even now it feels like, when his swollen lips met mine again, everything just went in a blur of sloppy noises and imprecise memories. We clumsily rushed back to the bed, not even minding to put some new sheets on, landing on the bare mattress, one pressed against the other. We probably did it again, at least once. Only the adrenaline kept us going, but at some point I think we just passed out.
In the middle of the night, I woke with a start. A biting heat was scratching my throat, my mouth was completely drained, my body almost did not respond to my own commands, and my eyes refused to open. Once I faintly lifted my eyelids, I finally realized where I was. And most importantly, who I was with.
Lying next to me there was Levi, still sleeping soundly. Who knows how long he hadn't slept like that. His arms were still lazily wrapped around me, his chest swelled and deflated slowly with each breath, his forehead was flat and relaxed, his lips barely parted. I would have stayed there forever just staring at him.
I felt so small, so vulnerable on that bare mattress, and yet so calm. A thin thread of moonlight casually traced his contours and all I could do was silently contemplate him. If I had had the strength, I would have once more run my fingers through his silky dark hair, which now hung messily over his temples.
I would have stayed there forever.
I would have stayed there even forever if I hadn't felt that sudden bang inside my chest. Badum. Like a hammer knocking unexpectedly against my ribcage. Badum. A toll that became almost deafening in the absolute silence of that night. Badum. It was the first time a man had made me so small, so vulnerable. Badum. But I think I knew that feeling. Badum. It was the same thing I felt during the expedition, when the only thing I could think of was Levi and how badly I wanted to see him again. Badum.
I didn't know what that was exactly, but it scared me to death.
"Oooh, you know what this is. You know it already, little liar. You felt like this even yesterday when you were looking for him everywhere, so desperately, so foolishly." Badum.
"You felt like this when he helped you calming down." Badum.
"When he kissed you the first time." Badum.
"When he let you talk about your stupid past." Badum.
"Even when he was just looking at you from a distance." Badum.
"You've been feeling like this since the very beginning, you foolish little girl." Badum.
"So why don't you stay? Stay. Linger between your dear captain's arms a little longer." Badum.
"Stay. No really, stay." Badum.
"It won't make much of a difference at this point." Badum.
"Ruth is dead." Badum.
"Abigail hates you." Badum.
"Nina would hate you too if she only knew all the blood that ran through your hands last year." Badum.
"Stay." Badum.
At that point my heart was racing so wildly in my chest I almost believed it was about to wake Levi up, but probably only an earthquake could have disturbed his sleep in that state. I did my best to slip out of his arms as silently as possible, dragging my weary body off the bed, crawling, and looking for my clothes. Then I creeped out of his room, limping back to mine.
Time was not on our side, he was right. Nothing was on our side. People like Levi and me can be content with letting down their guards for one night and one night only. I would have stayed forever, but not in this life. The new day would eventually bring clarity to the stupid mistake we both made that night. He would have done the same in my position. Or at least, this is what I tried to tell myself as I curled up in my blankets, crying myself to sleep.
The next day I instinctively got up to the sound of the alarm and dragged my body into the bathroom like an automaton. I felt like throwing up. My bowels were literally upside down.
Then, opening the wardrobe to take the uniform, I came across my reflection. Almost complementary to the battle scars there were now faint bruises where Levi must have exerted too much pressure the previous night. I stared at them for a couple of solid minutes, not even daring to touch my own skin. They were the clear signs that what happened between us couldn't be washed away that easily. But I was determined to find a way to erase them. To forget about him and get back on track. He wasn't part of my plan, nor I would have allowed him in. Ever.
I'm going to earn my freedom on my own, legitimately this time. In a way or another.
Anyway, that morning eating was out of the question. I could barely bring myself to drink a glass of water at that point. On top of that, just the thought of seeing Levi made me already sick. Therefore, I decided to skip breakfast and go straight to the medical wing of the HQ. I knew I could be of service and my first aid skills were definitely needed after the expedition.
I kept myself busy all day, helping injured soldiers and filling reports. Hours dragged on pretty easily. I was so caught up that I even forgot about lunch. I was going around like a spinning top. But as always, the Lady Luck was not cooperating that day. Still kneeled beside a soldier's bed to change his gauze, I suddenly froze. From a distance I heard the nurses greeting someone, saying things like:"Captain", "Captain, welcome", "How are you feeling, Captain?"
I hoped and prayed with my eyes closed they were talking to another captain. Spoiler alert: they weren't.
Chills ran down my spine when, lifting cautiously my eyelids, I saw Levi sitting next to another soldier's bed, right in front of the one I was taking care of. He wasn't in his uniform, just regular clothes, his expression looked neutral, his shoulders less tense than usual.
He lingered there for less than five minutes I think, holding that man's hand and talking to him with such a low tone I couldn't catch a single word. That soldier's conditions were pretty bad, I was told he was about to die and I assumed Levi was there to talk to him or just to say goodbye. I secretly imagined their conversation as I tried to stay focused on my patient. In the meantime, I foolishly believed Levi didn't even perceive my presence, but when he stood up and walked past me, everything was suddenly crystal clear.
He knew I was there. He perfectly knew. It took a single, brief glance to express all the disappointment and disgust he was feeling toward me. Just one.
How I missed his old unreadable face.
I gulped and brought my eyes back on the soldier I was treating. I knew I probably hurt Levi, or maybe just his ego, but I didn't expect that sudden nausea to grow again in my stomach.
I shouldn't feel bad for him. I should feel bad for myself. Also, I only did him, us, a favor. A big favor. He'll forget about me pretty soon. Stop thinking about him and just move on, Daphne. You made the right choice. No regrets, right?
When dinner time arrived, the nurses were practically forcing us all to take a break and go eat something, but my stomach was still upside down. As I was on my way to my bedroom, rhythmically exerting a little pressure on my biceps to relax a little, I sensed an arm hooking mine. Hange.
"Excuse me, Miss, where are you going? The food is in the opposite direction." she said, softly smiling.
"I don't really feel like eating right now..." I tried to evade her look.
"Are you unwell? I didn't see you at breakfast, nor at lunch... Is everything okay? I mean, I know the expedition was rough and all-" she started to say, increasing the speed of her voice.
"No, no." I interrupted her. "Don't worry Hange, It's just that I'm not hungry."
"But you have to eat something. What about soup? It will warm you up a little if you're not feeling well." she suggested.
I sighed noisily, then just nodded. There was no way I could escape her. Hange always had her ways to convince people.
Luckily for me, there was still no sign of Levi when we entered the room. In the cafeteria, the air was tense and everyone was so quiet you could hear a pin drop. The few who were chatting kept their voices low, the others were just staring somewhere on the floor or the table as they silently ate.
Hange and I took place with her fellows. It was so strange to not see Petra, Eld, Gunther and Oruo around. Even though I didn't know all the soldiers I could feel those who were missing. I could feel an unbearable void.
And of course when I thought I was safe, suddenly Levi arrived. His unfazed facade was back on and he was still visibly limping.
I wonder if he changed his gauze this morning... Daphne, no. Don't even try the nurse card now. Please, try to be professional.
As usual, he took his seat right in front of me, didn't greet anyone, didn't say a single word. Didn't look at me. Not even once. Better, much better than that death look from earlier. Do not look at me. Do not talk to me.
"Finally! Levi, I didn't see you at breakfast and lunch either. Where were you all?" Hange told him.
"Either who?" he calmly asked.
"Well, not even Daphne showed up. I'm just glad we are all here now. Together." she sadly sighed.
I sensed Levi's head tilting in my direction, but his eyes were still somewhere else. He probably had figured we were both trying to avoid each other. Or maybe I was the one making assumptions. Maybe it was just a coincidence.
"So, how are your legs?" Hange continued.
"Yes, Captain, how are your legs?" I imitated her with an unbothered tone, eyes fixed on my spoon as I raised it to take a sip.
"That should be my line." said Levi.
I almost choked at his words, coughing and blushing visibly. This fucking asshole. So is this the game we're playing now?
Hange immediately turned toward me, rubbing my back and asking me anxiously: "Did something happen to your legs too? Are you hurt? I knew something was wrong with you..."
I clicked my tongue and glanced at Levi, trying to show him all the anger pooling in my eyes. Then I replied nonchalantly: "Nothing serious. I'm good, Hange."
I exhaled soundly, prey to that sudden frustration his words caused me, and decided to stand up from my chair.
"Sorry, I think I lost my appetite." I added before I rushed out of the room. I don't have time for this bullshit.
Running off, I suddenly bumped into something. Something so hard I thought I was about to fall backward. Providentially two strong hands grabbed me by the shoulders before anything happened and I finally realized that hard wall was actually someone.
Ouch.
"Cadet, are you okay?" I heard someone saying.
I squinted my eyes, blinking as I tried to regain my composure. When I finally realized who was now in front of me, I just mumbled: "C-Commander, sorry, I wasn't paying attention-"
"Don't worry. Are you okay?" Erwin asked me again.
"I hope so..." I murmured in pain, rubbing my forehead. What is this man made of?? Bricks??
"Well, since you're here, would you walk with me? I was kinda looking for you. Can you walk?" he calmly said.
What is it with everyone and my legs today? Wait, what?? He was looking... for me?
"Ehm, sure... I can walk." I replied.
He nodded and beckoned me to join him as we started to walk along the hallway.
"So, how are you doing? Bump aside..." he asked with a soft voice.
"Vertical and breathing." Daphne. Please, Daphne. Do not try to be sarcastic with your superior, for fuck's sake.
"I-I mean, better than nothing. I'd live." I corrected myself, not doing any better. When I side-eyed him I caught him lightly chuckling. Ok, that's weird.
"Alright. I was informed about your contribution during the expedition. You did well." he declared.
"I-I just... I just did what I had to do, sir." Gosh, I sound like Levi.
"I'm glad to hear that." added Erwin.
"I think now I get it... I-I get why you are fighting, what you are fighting for." I don't know why I told my biggest enemy that thing, but... I kind of needed to get it out of my chest.
He glanced at me, letting a small grin appear on his face, and then stopped in front of a massive door. Towering me with his height, the commander asked me: "Would you follow me inside my office? I'd like to continue this conversation in private. Just the two of us."
Fuck. What have I just gotten myself into?
I nodded and shyly stepped inside the room behind him. At a first glance, his office was way bigger than Levi's. Every piece of furniture was made of dark solid wood. A big desk was right in the center, paired with his personal chair and two smaller ones on the opposite side, maybe for his occasional guests. On the right side of the room, there was a little green couch, some other shelves, a couple of paintings and maps hanging on the wall, and a door just ajar. His bedroom, probably. On the left, a huge library. I took a rapid glance at how every single book was perfectly aligned and ordered on each level. I was secretly trying to guess which of those concealed the poem Levi had told me the night before, imagining him browsing and picking up some books from there. But I was suddenly brought back to reality by Erwin's voice when I heard him asking me:
"And tell me, how is it going with your comrades?"
As soon as he sat down at his desk I couldn't help but notice how solemn and handsome Erwin looked. His cheekbones were now illuminated by a little oil lamp beside him, his posture was regal, and his shoulders perfectly matched the two huge windows behind him. If possible, I was suddenly way more nervous than before.
"Oh, ehm... O-Okay, I think." I stuttered.
"Have you noticed something strange with them?"
"No, sir. Not before what happened yesterday... When the spy came out and-"
He stopped my confused babbling only raising his palm and then asked:
"And with your superiors? How is it going?"
Fuck. Me. Fuck me. No. No. No. C'mon Daphne, think fast. Say something.
"Ehm... I-I got the chance to interact with just a few of them... But, well, Hange has been very kind to me since the very beginning. She's a great leader. She-" I started to say.
"What about your captain, Captain Levi?" he interrupted me again.
"What do you mean?" Here we go. Fuck. Here we go.
"You know he's surveilling you on my account, right?" Erwin added.
He has been surveilling pretty closely, sir. That's the problem.
"I'm well aware of that, sir."
"And how is it going?" he questioned me.
It sucks because I think I like him, but I screwed up everything and now he hates me, but I don't care because I'm not here for him, but actually I do care, like a lot, and now I don't know what to do.
All I could say was: "Ehm, we had our ups and downs, but... Levi is a great captain. I respect him a lot."
Even though it doesn't seem like I do, considering that I left without a word after we fucked all night. But besides that, yes, I respect him a lot.
"Excellent. Excellent... Well, what I wanted to tell you was that I've been thinking about your situation recently... I thought deeply about it. All things considered, you behaved all this time. Except for that little accident..." he said lifting his gaze from his knuckles as he rested his elbows over his desk.
The Underground, I thought. I swallowed thickly.
"But you are also very disciplined, neat, always on time. You demonstrate to be skilled and smart. Or at least that's what Levi has always claimed."
I wonder if they talked about me even today. I wonder if he still thinks about me this way as a soldier even if he hates me...
"You contributed to the expedition and even survived the female titan." the commander continued.
Geez, I'd like to know where he's getting at with this conversation.
"So, I want to inform you that I'm willing to go a little easy on you. To loosen my grip."
My eyes widened at the sound of his words.
"Just a little." he added, gesturing a little space between his index and thumb, almost sarcastically.
My face fell after a second. He doesn't think I'm that dumb, does he?
"I sense a but coming, Commander."
"Buuuut. But. On one condition. I think Levi needs some rest and we still haven't talked about his plans for you and Yeager given that his squad doesn't exist anymore... However, we have to act as quickly as possible right now, and find the spy." said Erwin.
I nodded to make sure he knew I was listening carefully.
"Since you were one of the few people to survive the female titan, your help is crucial right now. Therefore, I'll personally ask you to do things for me, like cooperate with my subordinates and-"
"Yes. Yes, absolutely." I hurried to say. Calm down, you stupid. "Ehm, I mean, sure. I'll do it. Tell me what I have to do and I'll do it."
"Good. Good."
He made a little pause, standing up from his desk. Then, walking toward me, he spoke again: "You'll run some errands for me, bring me things, reports or papers from time to time, so just know that this office's doors are always open for you."
Should I be afraid of all this sudden kindness from the Commander? Or does he just need a lot of help?
I nodded again, then added: "Thanks, Commander."
His shoulders relaxed and his eyes traveled down my body, examining my figure from head to toe.
"I saw you staring at the library earlier. Do you like reading?" he asked, moving his gaze toward the bookshelf.
"Honestly, I've never read a book, sir. I know how to read and write, but the only things I've ever read were..." Shit, how do I put this... "My... My former employer's documents and letters. Pretty boring stuff."
"I see." He eyed me again, intertwining his hands behind his back, taking quite an authoritarian posture. "Well, feel free to take as many as you want from my library. Just remember to put them back afterward."
"Really? I mean, I-" I blubbered, moving my hands anxiously. Can you not embarrass yourself for once, Daphne?
"Take one now." he ordered me.
I gulped. "Ehm, okay."
"I'll take my leave now. I have a meeting with Hange. I suggest you find Wim and my other subordinates tomorrow morning. They'll give you instructions about our research."
I only nodded, following him with my eyes as he walked toward the door. But before he exited the room I spoke again: "Commander... Thank you again for your trust."
If I behave and act accordingly, Erwin may even become my pass out of here. How the tables have turned...
He slightly rotated his head over his shoulder, softly smiled at me, and then just left without a word.
When the door closed, I started to walk back and forth in front of the library for a while, wondering which one to choose. Half of them were war-related books, from the theoretical ones to actual novels, and even poems collections. A little part of me was still looking for that particular one, the one Levi was talking about the night before, but I knew that was the one I should definitely have to avoid. There were so many I didn't know which one to pick.
Take a short one, just to see if you like reading stories or not. Just pick one and leave, for fuck's sake.
At some point, I noticed a little book with a pretty fancy cover, it looked like it was a part of a bigger collection of fictions. That's it. I'll start with this one.
As I walked to my bedroom I realized how late it was getting, the sky was darker than before and I thought maybe going to sleep earlier wasn't a bad idea. I had hours of sleep to recover. But once in my room I figured that was easier said than done. Of course, all I could do was think about Levi, that night we spent together, and how twenty-four hours could make such a difference.
That book I took from Erwin's shelf was a blessing. It helped me to distract myself, even though, from time to time, Levi's face appeared between the lines. Whenever I brought my digit to my mouth to wet it or just touched the page to turn it I believed I could still feel his skin and the thought alone made me go insane. However, the story was so fascinating I read it all in one breath until I fell asleep still holding it in my hands. Without it, I would have probably stayed up all night thinking about him.
And then another day came, another day of Levi totally ignoring me. And then another one. And another one. Almost an entire week passed and his eyes were still injected with hate and other things I couldn't figure out yet.
Luckily, the days after the expeditions were - to use a euphemism - busy. I went back and forth from Erwin's office to update him about our research and progress, bringing him papers, letters, and whatever he needed. Even coffee or tea sometimes.
It came out that Armin had a theory about the spy, a really good one, and the commander decided to trust his intuition. From that moment the kid cooperated with us to see if that was the right path to follow.
I hardly ever happened to be at HQ, yet every time I set my foot there, it always seemed as if fate wanted me to accidentally meet Levi. It happened that I saw him even just walking by, for a few seconds or that we both ended up being in the same room, for several minutes or hours, even just a meter away from one another. His lips were always stitched and the few times they parted it was only to weave a few, cold, and terrible words against me. His eyes ignored me, like I was not in his line of sight, and whenever they found me, even from a distance, it was just to throw me deadly glances. Ignoring me was so deafening that I almost had the impression that all his attention was upon me.
So is this how it will go from now on?
[ AN:
Guys, to clarify, Daphne's/your nausea is caused by the whole situation, she's/you're not pregnant, just very stressed.
Also, I know I shouldn't be here explaining the story, but I just hope no one is hating on Daphne right now. Poor girl, she is so scared of her feelings since she never felt like this and also feels like she betrayed her sisters (and herself somehow).
However, stick around because the next chapters are going to be pretty animated.
How do you think Levi is doing right now? I'm genuinely curious. Hope you're all doing well and enjoying the story so far. See you next time!]