the party
after a few moments i heard footsteps approach me.
"hey" the soft voice spoke which i recognised as rafes.
"hey" i responded not looking at him, getting embarrassed by how i looked right now with my hair all messy and eyes probably bloodshot red from all the crying.
"care to tell me why you randomly left" he said with a little laugh still not seeing my face.
"idk i just wanted some air i guess" i mumbled as i couldn't think of a different excuse.
"i'm throwing a party tonight, parents are out of town and all, you should come, get the word out" i knew he probably got shit that he needed to sell and wanted me to let people know so i kinda had to show up now. not that i would ever really do that shit, i've done it a few times when i just wanna have fun but i'm not addicted or anything.
"oh yea sure i'll be there" i muttered again.
"hey, you okay?" he asked softly, he turned my face by the chin so we were looking into each others eyes.
"what happened, hey come here" he said as he brought me into his arms.
i really hated crying in front of people, the last time rafe saw me crying was probably when maddie, my ex, dumped me a few years ago, which was when i got close with him, but this time i couldn't help it and the tears just started escaping my eyes onto his hoodie as he held me tightly.
"wanna tell me what happened" he finally asks as he pulls apart, i nod a quick 'no' which he looked sad about, but understood and brought me close to him again.
once i was finally out of tears i let out my last sniffle and quickly wiped my eyes with the sleeve of my hoodie.
"you know what, a party could be a good distraction" i said with a little laugh trying to get him to not ask me about anything that happened.
he looked at me with soft eyes and nodded with a smile.
✰ ✰ ✰
i headed back to rafes house and raided sarah's closet to find something i could wear that would cover me up and hide my bruises. i had kinda become scared of wearing anything revealing since my dad always raised me saying that it would be my fault if anything ever happened and it was because of what i wore. i knew that wasn't true and that men were just disgusting perves most of the time. but it's fucking terrifying to even be close to men anymore. which is why i've been trying to get drunk or high every chance i can so i can just forget about my life for a few hours and go back to hooking up with whoever i want and just partying.
(a/n this is what she wears or smt like that you do u pick wtv!)
i started to hear the music from downstairs which kinda freaked me out because i hadn't been in a big group gathering since the kegger, but i promised myself tonight i was just gonna forget about that so i drank as much as i could to have a good time.
"heyy" i said as i stumbled over to where rafe was sitting with kelce and topper having them do lines.
"hey, how much did you drink?" rafe said protectively as he grabbed me softly and placed me on his lap so that i wouldn't get hurt.
"me! drink! never" i said trying to act sober and pretending to be hurt by his words.
"ok maybe just a little but don't tell anyone" i gave in as i put my finger up to his mouth to make sure he wouldn't tell anyone, he let out a little laugh and went back to trying to convince topper to buy more of his shit.
and that was when cole entered the room and rafe nodded him over to sit right by us.
"hey dude" they both greeted eachother did some hand shake and then cole sat right by the side of rafe that i was sitting on.
the whole point of me coming to this stupid party was to forget about him.
everything from that night kept flushing into my head until i couldn't hear anything else. i didn't want to ever feel this way again.
"i'll do one" i whispered into rafes ear hoping he would let me so i could just forget this night ever happened.
"no there's no way you're doing one you know how dangerous this shit is" he exclaimed but only loud enough so i could hear and he wouldn't lose all the people lining up and snorting it.
"come on rafe please i just need a distraction right now" i said with a pleading look in my eyes hoping he would budge.
he let out a sigh before finally agreeing but saying that i could only do one line.
he poured a line out straightening it up and handed me the dollar to which i rolled up put towards the white powder and inhaled the whole line.
it barely took a minute before it started to kick in and i couldn't even think straight. the only thing i was thinking about now was just having a good time.
i grabbed rafes hand and dragged him out to where people where jumping around and "danced" with him, more like just jumping while screaming the lyrics in each others faces but if that's what people call dancing then put us on america's got talent.
i couldn't really think straight since i had basically no intolerance for coke, and the next thing i knew i was getting dragged upstairs by rafes hand interlocked with mine.
once he lead me into his room i realised that he wanted to make out with me, i didn't exactly know what i was doing but i wasn't about to pussy out, i mean in no shape or form were neither of us sober so we probably wouldn't even remember in the morning.
the kiss started out slow and soft but as the seconds went on we were both hungry for more and the kiss grew more aggressive as both of our tongues fought for dominance.
he grabbed my throat enough to turn me on but not make it hurt, as he pinned me back into the door not once letting our lips leave the others. he moved his hands down to my thighs indicating that he wanted me to jump, which is exactly what i did. he started to move the kisses down my neck causing me to give in and let out a little moan. just that noise alone was enough to make him bring me over to his bed and have him continue what we were doing on top of me.
before i knew it he was trying to remove my clothing which made me remember cole and made me throw him off me.
"i..i'm sorry, did i do something wrong?" he saw how hurt i looked which i was really trying to hide.
"no, um, sorry, i just have to get out of here" i said as i quickly left starting to walk back to the chateau which didn't work out very well since i kept tripping over nothing.
"cass what the hell are you doing out here" i heard john b and the other pogues yell out similar things from the van.
he stopped it and once realising that i was high and had pope get out and help me into the back.
3rd person pov
"heyjhonny, pope looking good as always kie same back at you" cassie slurred as she entered the van ignoring the fact that jj was in there.
"what the hell happened to you" kie asked getting worried.
"oh little old me nothingg i'm good completely perfectly fine" the girl responded looking around to see the rest of the groups skeptical faces and jjs uninterested one.
pope and john b helped the girl into her house.
"look before you guys all interrogate me i didn't do anything bad so i'm just gonna go to sleep we can talk about this another time" cassie said quickly before anyone had a chance to yell at her as she stumbled into her room and was left for the rest of the night to think about everything.
everything was going smoothly until she heard a loud bang at her door and realised her father had just come home from a night of drinking out with all his buddies.
she didn't have time to sneak out and had to deal with the horrible names that he called her.
slut
whore
waste of life
were the few words that stuck with her the most.
she walked into the bathroom to get cleaned up, as she looked at herself in the mirror, she could barely recognise the reflection in front of her.
she started the shower and the words just kept repeating in her head.
slut
whore
waste of life
none were a lie, she believed every word that would always come out of her fathers mouth she just never wanted to admit it. she couldn't even let out anymore tears, she wanted to feel something, anything, and so when she saw the razor just sitting there, she did something that she would probably regret later.
it was nothing she hadn't tried before, she had to escape her shitty world somehow, get high, get sad, and get hurt were pretty much a weekly routine for her at this point.
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ELLA RAMBLES
HI UM THANK U GUYS SO MUCH FOR 1k THATS KINDA CRAZY I RLY DIDNT THINK PPL WERE READINF THIS BUT IG THEY ARE
I HOPE U ENJOY THE CHAPTER!
REMEMBER TO DRINK WATER AND MAYBE EVEN GO OUTSIDE FOR A LITTLE IF ITS NICE OUT WHEREVER UR READINF RHIS!