I PACE AROUND the floor of Devin's living room, gnawing on my nails. "I'm overreacting, right? I mean, he said he was fine."
"Okay, then he's probably fine," Devin responds back, eyes following me.
"Or, he could've been lying and just telling me what I wanted to hear to cover up the fact that he was the furthest thing from fine?"
Devin sighs. "Okay, so then maybe he's not fine."
I stop pacing, turning to face him. He's sitting on his sofa, eyes bored. "Are you just agreeing with me so I'll stop talking?"
"No, it's just we have been going back and forth for thirty minutes," Devin responds, running a palm over his face. "I'm tired."
I balk. "He's your best friend. Shouldn't you be more worried?"
"I am. But some of us handle our anxieties differently. I get high, for example. You pace holes into my floor," he mutters, pulling out a joint and bringing it to his lips. I roll my eyes as he lights up, gesturing his hands at me. "Run me through everything again."
I blow a raspberry. "Fine. He showed up at the door and we went up to my room. I asked him where he'd been and he became super closed off which he hasn't been for ages."
"Uh huh, keep going."
I sigh. "Then when I kept pushing it he said that he had to figure some things out with Rachel and Victor which was super vague and potentially a lie. If it was just something with Rachel and Victor he would've told me. I just don't get it."
"Okay, what happened after that?" Devin presses.
A blush forms on my lips. "Oh, um. N-nothing."
"Well, something must've happened! You two were up there for, like, an hour and from what you're telling me the conversation wasn't that complex," he argues, blowing out a gust of smoke into the room.
I blush harder. "Well, I...he...we—he distracted me, I guess."
"How? He started talking about something else?"
I run a hand through my hair. "No, not exactly—"
"Then what? Spit it out, Braylen!"
"Then we had sex! There!" I shout, crossing my arms.
Devin's face turns as red as mine. "Oh. Um...well, this just got awkward. Okay, uh, tell me what that was...like?"
I fall into a chair in the corner, completely pent up. "It was good, I suppose. It's always good. He seemed present, you know? But I just have this bad feeling that something's off. It's just like the Aaron thing all over again, only he's not opening up to me about it."
Devin leans forward on his knees. "Maybe you're overthinking this. You and Sebastian are strong, okay? And I really do mean that. If you're so worried about him, tell him. And stay by him, B. That's all you can do. Sebastian will only tell you what he wants to tell you."
"Stay by him," I repeat, biting my lip in thought. "Okay. Thanks, Devin."
He blows out another puff of smoke and sends me a wink. "Any time."
€
Hours later, I bristle uncomfortably in the leather jacket, tucking my hair behind my ears as I step into the dark and dank club. I was a bit less self conscious this time given that I knew that the fake ID was legit enough to get me in at least once. The familiar pit in my stomach still ailed me as I stood in front of the bouncer, but sure enough I was inside and wrapped up in a swarm of sweaty bodies in no time.
The Pub was strangely alive, even more so than the first time I went, and I found myself relishing in the crowd of people rather than being put off by it. Nonetheless, I slide into the same chair I'd resided in last time, not terribly eager to get straight to dancing.
I rap my fingernails on the table when a bartender comes up to me. It isn't the man I met last time, Roman, but a woman with a tag reading Jenny. "Drink?"
My eyes slowly take in the drinks on the list up top. "Just a beer. Thanks," I mumble, not even attempting to imagine what goes in some of the other drinks they'd listed.
The woman nods once and disappears as she goes to grab my drink. When she hands it to me, I clear my throat once. "When does Roman get in? Does he work tonight?"
"Well, sure," she responds with a quiet smile. "But you'll have to wait an hour or two."
So I wait. I watch the group of people dance and down as many beers as my wallet can handle. I was somewhere in between very tipsy and slightly drunk, the buzz in my veins ridding my mind of all of the worries I had regarding my boyfriend.
I knew that what Devin said this morning had merit. Sebastian and I have worked past barrier after barrier. I knew him and he knew me. Wouldn't he tell me if something was wrong? What secrets did we have left to keep from one another?
Jenny takes my empty glass and raises her eyebrows. "Another?" she asks. I nod, slapping down my last $5. She tucks it into the register and refills me and I sip at the drink as I lean back in my chair. "Roman's here. I'll tell him you asked for him."
I have half the nerve to be embarrassed. Roman and I'd only met once and I unloaded all of my problems on him. Maybe it was just easier because he was a stranger. Will that be ruined if I see him again?
I down my beer quicker now, getting the sudden urge to leave. This was too much. I'd met the man once and now he was my therapist? I'm slipping back on my leather jacket when he appears, a small smile on his face. I freeze instantly, slouching back in my seat and rubbing my eyes. "Hi," I slur, shaking my head once. "I mean, hey."
Roman chuckles, leaning against the counter to look at me closer. "Well, hello there. Evan South, was it?" he asks. He looked just as I'd remembered, with inch short brown hair and muscles that seemed to make his clothes fit ten times better. I look down at my own tiny arms in the jacket and sigh.
"North, actually," I respond, running a hand through my hair and finishing up the last of my beer.
Roman's full lips purse as he nods toward my glass. "You're drunk," he notes.
"A little bit over tipsy. One of those days," I mumble, sounding a bit like I'd fallen into a Western movie that neither of us wanted to be in. Roman and I laugh and he shakes his head, taking the now empty glass.
"If you're going to be drinking underage, at least let it be a quality drink. Not some $7 beer," he scolds.
I lick my lips once, finding it a bit harder than normal to argue. "It was $5. And it's all I could afford."
Roman's face softens a bit. "Really has been rough, yeah?"
I hiccup once. "Yeah."
He cocks his head to the side before sighing. "Fine. I'll make you a drink, Braylen. On the house. And you're going to tell me what it is you're doing here."
A slow smile spreads across my lips. "Okay, okay. If you insist."
Roman laughs and gets to work, grabbing bottles of stuff I don't think I could pronounce and shaking them up. I watch his fingers as he works, moving swiftly and so quick that it takes my eyes a few moments to take in exactly what he's doing.
He pours it into its final glass before setting it in front of me, face expectant. I glance up at him before taking a sip. It was stronger than the beers I'd been downing but also way tastier. Something fruity and fresh hits my tongue and I sigh. "It's good," I say, taking another sip. "Should I ask what it is?"
Roman laughs. "It's something I've been working on. You really like it?"
I had downed half of the drink. "Yeah, it's alright, I suppose."
Roman grins and then looks at me again. "Well. Let's hear it."
I take a breath. "Long story short, that guy we talked about, Sebastian? Well, we're dating now. I'll save you the long saga of the many trials we faced to get to that point but we did. We made it. We're together. But lately he's just been so closed off again, like when we first started liking one another. And it's sucks because I thought we were that couple that told each other everything, you know? And I'm just so scared that he maybe doesn't want to be with me or that I did something to push him away when all I really want is to be his. I love him and it's killing me."
Roman's brows furrow. "Why do you think he's shutting you out?"
I shrug my shoulders, swirling my finger around the rim of the glass. "I have no clue this time and that's what scares me. I just...I don't want to lose what we have. It took us eight years to get to this place. I don't want it to be thrown away just because we can't communicate."
"Then communicate," Roman says, leaning forward. "He's not opening up, I get that. Maybe he feels like he can't. Maybe he needs you to remind him that he can. At any rate, I don't think this is healthy for either of you."
I roll my eyes. "Who said anything about healthy?" I mumble.
Roman sighs. "Look, if you love this Sebastian guy and he loves you, it'll work out. This could be nothing."
But it could be something, I want to say. Instead, I settle for something else. "He hasn't actually told me he loves me."
Roman raises an eyebrow. "How does that make you feel?"
"Fine," I mumble lamely. "I mean, it sucks. But I know he does. He has to."
Roman's eyes twinkle in what looks pity. I sigh. "Get me another one of those drinks," I whisper, slapping my head down onto the table.
After another half hour or so, Roman sighs. He'd been bartending for that amount of time, watching as the alcohol slipped deeper into my bloodstream and infiltrated my mind. "Alright, you've gotta go kid."
I wrinkle my nose. "Technically, I just turned eighteen, so."
"Where's your phone? Did you drive here?" he asks, completely ignoring my previous statement.
I pull the phone out of my pocket, nearly dropping it against the wet and dirty floors. He grabs it easily, glancing at the screen. "Your boyfriend texted."
"What's it say?" I slur, leaning over to look.
He holds the phone up for facial recognition and reads it aloud. "'Hey, what're you up to tonight? Haven't heard from you in a while,'" he recites as Sebastian.
I scoff. "Yeah, ditto, Roman. I mean, Sebastian."
Roman's eyebrows furrow before he begins typing on my phone. "What'd you tell him?" I ask, straining my neck to see.
"Gave him the address. Told him you're off your face and need a ride. You didn't drive here, right?"
I shake my head. Devin dropped me off here with a very judgmental face and offered me a ride back home, too. I declined. Devin was hardly my babysitter. I'd planned just to call Robs instead. I didn't need Devin Forrester seeing me wasted again.
I lay my head back on the table, groaning. "Sebastian's gonna kill me. Last time I was this drunk I yacked on his bedroom floor."
"Beautiful anecdote," Roman jokes. "I gotta start mixing again. You keep out of trouble until he gets here, okay?"
I lift up my left thumb in agreement and Roman gives it a squeeze before leaving again. "Get a hold of yourself," I mumble. "You can't be drunk when he gets here."
The time seemed to suddenly begin moving quickly and before I knew it, there was a tap on my shoulder. I look up to see Sebastian's angry blue eyes. He looked good, dressed in a white t-shirt and a black jacket. "A bar, Braylen? You're actually kidding me right now!" he yells, voice drowned out by the sound of music.
"Shhh!" I say, bringing my finger to his lips. "In here I'm Evan West. No, wait. That's not right." A laugh leaves my lips and I watch as his pretty eyes roll, even though they seemed a bit shinier and glitzier than I remembered.
Sebastian is still fuming. "I had to tell the bouncer I was your brother to even get five minutes in here."
I snort. "Sorry, Sebby, but you're the whitest thing I've ever seen in my life. There's no way we'd be brothers."
There's a laugh from behind me and I turn my head to look at the source. Roman's there, wiping off a glass with a cloth. I grin at him. "Oh, yeah, this is my buddy Roman. He texted you. He's a barista."
"Bartender," Roman corrects, reaching out and shaking Sebastian's hand. Sebastian gives him the smallest smile he can manage underneath his anger and shakes his hand back. "So you're the famous Sebastian. Certainly attractive. You described him well, Braylen."
I yawn. "Paws off, Roman. He's mine."
Sebastian's arms hook underneath me and he nods at Roman. "Thank you. For looking out for B. I appreciate it, really."
Roman nods and I nestle my head into Sebastian's side, breathing in his scent. The lights suddenly felt too bright, the scent of alcohol and sweat too much.
"You take care of that one, Sebastian. He's a good guy. You're very lucky," Roman remarks, but I can hardly hear him as I pull Sebastian closer to me.
I can't see, but I'm sure Sebastian nods. "Trust me. I know."