** TRIGGER WARNING: Depiction of and reference to sexual assault **
Skip to the end of the chapter for a summary.
---
The rest of the week flies by in a flurry of studying at the library, going to class and soccer training.
On Friday after work, Jonny and I head to Stanley Park, to consume a pint of ice cream between us and just wander around.
It's just like when I was seventeen and we were hanging out together. It's a beautiful time and I don't remember the last time I laughed quite like that; no one can make me laugh like Jonny can. I think that's an older brother's job, even if our relationship isn't biological.
Before too long, it's Saturday and both the women's and the men's soccer teams have games at home.
The boys' game ends in a nail-biting 2-2 draw, which was pretty impressive, given they had to claw it back after being 2-0 down at half time.
Our result isn't as good, unfortunately. We lose 3-0, much to our frustration. Somehow, we just didn't quite have it together offensively and it was just a bit of a shambles in the defensive department.
Both the hockey and football houses are throwing big parties tonight, but we decide to hit up Smith's again, because it'll be a little less manic.
It's been a while since I've been to a house party and kicked ass at beer pong, but going to Smith's is still pretty fun, so I'm not complaining.
Anandi and MJ, on the other hand, decide that they want to join in the fun at the football house, because Anandi's good friends with one of the guys on the team.
So, I find myself putting on some jeans and a crop top, before taking an Uber to Grayson's place, which she shares with Kat, to pregame.
Farah, who, like me, doesn't live with any of the soccer girls, is there too and they all holler loudly when I arrive.
"Natty!" Kat shouts, quickly wrapping me in a hug.
I hug her back and immediately accept the vodka shot that Gray offers me.
It took me quite a long time to actually get myself ready for tonight – because I just wasn't really feeling it – so we don't pregame for very long. We want to make it to Smith's in good time.
When we get there, we spot the rest of the girls milling about, chatting to the boys' team. It seems as though they're the majority of the people here, which is pretty nice.
It's not as busy as normal, probably because of all the house parties being thrown tonight around campus.
It makes it pretty easy to grab drinks, so Farah and I do the honours for the first round.
Josh, who was serving some other customers, chucks a wave at us, as he heads off to the other end of the bar to attend to some other people.
Farah grabs my hand and we immediately head to the dance floor.
There, we find Gray, Kat and some of the boys, including Chase and Reuben. The lights flash in a way that makes it look they're moving in slow motion and I struggle to see properly.
Still, Chase comes towards me and throws an arm around my shoulders, pulling me into his side.
My face squishes against his chest and I grunt in frustration. I didn't do this make-up for him to ruin it like this.
I try to swat him away and eventually he relents, releasing me slightly, but doesn't take his arm away from around me. "Don't suffocate me!" I complain.
"Sorry!" he shouts in my ear, grinning.
He grabs my hand as the song changes and starts spinning me around in a circle.
I laugh, twirling like a ballet girl, but trying not to let my drink spill too much.
I'm semi-successful.
We keep dancing for a while, giggling away and then he looks at me, exhausted. "Come outside! I need some fresh air," he bellows, his dark skin glistening with sweat.
Glancing at the girls, who are having a good time, I nod. If they're enjoying themselves, it won't hurt if I head outside for a bit.
I'm so sweaty, anyway. A breather would do me some good, for sure.
Chase takes my hand in his and pulls me through the crowd, leading me outside to the smoking area.
We sit down on a picnic bench together and I breathe out a sigh of relief. "Oh man, it's so hot in there."
"Right?" he agrees, setting his drink down on the table. "I could hardly breathe by the end of it."
We're both sitting on the same side of the bench, with our backs to the table part. I lean my elbows on the table and tip my head back, looking at the sky.
"Bad luck today, Nat," Chase consoles me, taking a sip of his drink. "Just wasn't your day."
I scrunch my nose, preferring not to think about it. "Yeah. We'll bounce back, I'm sure. Some performance from you guys in the second half, though."
He smiles, tipping his drink towards me in acknowledgement. "Thanks."
I keep looking at the sky, but there's not much to see. It's not a particularly nice night, with clouds covering any chance of seeing the stars. Plus, being in a big city doesn't exactly help.
Sometimes, I wish I lived in the middle of the countryside. I'd be able to see the stars there, hardly hear any traffic and just enjoy myself.
"So, I have a question for you," Chase begins, nudging me with his elbow so that I turn my attention away from the murky sky and towards him.
Scrunching my face in confusion, I nod. "Yeah?"
Chase and I are good friends and get on really well, but it's not like we talk about things a lot. It's not like my friendship with Jonny, or Andrei.
"So, you fixed up Zaki's car," he says, a small smile playing around the edge of his mouth.
I don't think that really classifies as a question.
Unsure why he's saying this, because he literally dropped Josh off when he came to pick it up, I nod again. "Yeah. He asked me to last week. Why? Are you needing something done to yours?"
"No," he denies, running his hand over the top of his buzzed hair. "Just didn't realise that you were doing those kinds of favours, you know?"
My stomach tightens, as the conversation drifts into more and more unfamiliar territory. "I don't understand what you mean, Chase. What kinds of favours? I'd fix your car up any day."
He blows out a breath and shakes his head. "I know you would, Nat. That's not what I'm getting at."
Frustration begins to bubble.
I swear if those kinds of favours means what I think it does, I'll hang, draw and quarter Josh for spreading rumours like that.
"You're not making any sense."
Chase eyeballs me, his dark eyebrows furrowed. Setting his drink down on the table, he finally expands. "So, it's not like you're a big topic of conversation, or anything. It's just that, after last week, Josh came and talked to me about it, I guess because you and I have known each other for years."
He's looking at me funny, as though he doesn't really know how to ask me all these questions without offending me.
I cross my arms over my chest defensively, finally deciding to just come out with it. "You don't mean to tell me that he's been saying I accepted sex as a method of payment, do you?"
Chase chokes on thin air and even in the poor lighting, I can tell that he's beyond embarrassed as he coughs. "What? No! No, it's not that!"
Relief floods through me and I pat him gently on the back as he tries to recover. "Okay. What are you saying, then, Chase? Just ask. I'm not going to get offended."
"Sorry, I phrased that really badly," he admits, having finally stopped coughing. "I just meant that money is a pretty big deal for Josh and I think he feels really uncomfortable that you just hacked off a big price from the job."
I blow out a breath, shutting my eyes for a second. "I know. He fought me tooth and nail on it for so long. I only got him to pay for the part, because I literally did it in my spare time, as a favour. I did it in the garage because it's easier there, not because I was on the clock. I wasn't. So, I could charge him nothing, except the part."
"I know," Chase mumbles. "But, I just think he doesn't know what to do. He came to me, talking about paying you back somehow. He was asking me what you like doing and that kind of thing. I guess he wants to pay you back, but doesn't know how."
I groan, tucking my hair behind my ear. "The whole point was that he doesn't haveto do that. It's just a favour."
"He's a little too proud for that, Nat. You don't think it's a good idea to just let him pay you the rest?" Chase asks sceptically.
I glare at my friend, shaking my head. "No. Like I said, that was the whole point. Anyway, I'm not sure that you should be telling me this, right? Sounds like he wants to plan a surprise, or something."
That idea alone has my stomach spinning in circles.
He shrugs, picking his drink back up and taking another sip. "Hell if I know, Nat. Just know that he was a little twisted up about it. That's why I'm telling you, to try and persuade you to re-think. Kid feels really bad."
I'm feeling pretty done with this conversation, because I just don't want the money. I stand up and drain my drink, so he copies me, following me back in.
"He just needs someone to teach him that it's okay to accept help," I gripe just before we get assaulted by the loud music once more.
***
Later in the evening, though, I suddenly and rather violently regret my words.
It's just gone one o'clock and I'm just so tired from the game today and just the week in general, that I bid goodbye to my friends and head outside, ready to call an Uber.
It's still pretty rowdy outside the front of the bar, though, so I head away slightly, into a side alley so that I can actually hear myself think.
I'm still within view of the bar, so it's pretty safe.
Except, suddenly, it's not.
My head snaps up when I hear a muffled shout and I see two guys up against the wall of the bar a little further down the alley, with their backs to me. It looks like there's someone there with them and the worst-case scenario rushes into my head.
Any lingering alcohol still residing in my system immediately fades. Without thinking, I grab an empty beer bottle lying on the ground and then a stick that's a bit further up in the alley.
I charge forward, adrenaline pumping through my veins. It doesn't even occur to me that they could definitely take me.
All I'm thinking about is that third person, who's probably having the worst night of their life.
"Hey!" I shout when I'm right behind them.
One of them turns around with wide eyes and instinctively, I smash the beer bottle across his temple, because I know I need the element of surprise if I have any hope of getting out of this alive. It shatters in my hand and glass flies everywhere.
He bellows loudly, pressing his hands to his head as it starts to bleed aggressively.
"Get the hell out of here!" I snap, holding up the heavy stick threateningly, trying to ignore the throbbing pain in the hand that was holding the now broken bottle.
Why what suddenly feels like half a branch off a tree was lying in the alleyway in the first place, I'll never know, but I'm suddenly so grateful.
The second guy spins his head round, giving me a view of the third person, but I can't bring myself to look. Not yet.
First, I need to get these two guys away.
"Get out of here, or I'll call the police"' I repeat fiercely. "You heard me!"
I'm glancing between the two of them and trying to memorise their faces. They look to be around my age and are probably in college, but it's hard to tell.
"Shut up, you whiny bitch," the second guy snaps, heading towards me.
I don't even hesitate. He takes two steps forward and I brandish the branch at him, relieved when it makes a satisfying crunch against his neck.
He crumples to the ground, utterly winded from the hit.
"I said, get out of here!" I holler loudly, hoping that the commotion is going to attract some attention from outside the bar.
To my eternal relief, the second guy scrambles to his feet, grabs the first guy and bolts down the alleyway, back the way they've come.
Only then, do I turn to look at the third person.
I nearly vomit.
It can't be.
But it is. Those curls, that black Smith's t-shirt...
Josh is crumpled against the wall, his boxers and jeans down by his ankles.
I try to gain control of my heavy breathing, turning back around to check that the guys who were here have really gone.
"Josh?" I ask quietly, turning back to him. I don't want to touch him, not when he's just been touched like that. "Josh, it's me. Natalie."
My composure is splintering right in front of my eyes.
He's breathing hard, small whimpers coming out of his mouth.
"Josh? I need you to talk to me," I try again. "Will you let me help you?"
I don't know what to do, what to say, because how the hell am I supposed to know any of that?
"Nat," he chokes out brokenly.
I'm trying so, sohard not to cry. "I'm here. I'm right here. It's just us, Josh, I promise."
His hands, pressed flat against the wall, flex slightly. "I don't... I don't..."
His breaths are coming even more choppily now and his shoulders heaving.
"Josh, I'm not going to hurt you. I'm just going to sort your jeans out, is that all right?" I ask quietly, because I want him to feel a bit safer.
The last thing I want to do is put my hands on him, but we can't stand here forever. I need to make it possible for him to sit down, if he wants to. Or, to let me lead him away to an Uber.
He doesn't reply immediately.
"Will you let me do that? I won't, if you don't want me to."
"Okay," he whispers.
I crouch down, sorting him out, so that I pull his boxers up. I try really hard not to look and not to touch anything other than the material. Even touching his legs might set him off.
Then, I carefully, pull his jeans up over his hips.
"Can you sort them at the front, Josh?" I ask quietly, because there's no way I'm touching him there, not tonight.
Shakily, he takes his hands away from the wall and zips himself up.
"Do you want to turn around? It's just me. Just the two of us, Josh."
Visibly trembling, the softest boy I've ever met turns around slowly.
I have to close my eyes for a second so that I don't burst into tears.
His right eye is swollen and his lip burst open. His cheeks are covered in tear tracks and there are little traces of blood here and there.
Clearly, he put up a fight.
"I think I should take you home," I murmur quietly. "We can see to those cuts when we get back."
I also need to clean my own hand that's bleeding a little from the glass bottle. It doesn't feel like any glass is lodged in there, though.
For the first time, his eyes meet mine and I nearly crumble to the ground at the pain reflecting in them. "Don't hurt me."
A million daggers stab my heart simultaneously.
"I promise I won't," I say, trying to keep my voice steady. "I promise you, Josh. Do you trust me?"
I'm half-expecting him to tell me that no, he doesn't, because we don't know each other that well.
Still, he nods, his breath still shaky. "Yes."
My chest thaws, ever so slightly.
"I'll call an Uber and we can go back to your place," I tell him, taking out my phone.
"No," he bursts out suddenly, looking distressed. "Not like this."
I swallow hard, at a bit of a loss. "Okay. My place, then?"
Josh nods silently, looking away from me. His hands clench into fists and then relax. He repeats this, over and over again, as I sort us a ride home.
"Do you need me to get anything of yours from inside?" I ask, noticing that he's not even wearing a sweater, let alone a jacket.
To my surprise, his hand shoots out, grasping onto my arm tightly. "No. Don't leave."
"Okay, I won't," I assure him, deciding that him having me around is more important than a jacket right now. "I'm right here."
He relaxes, taking his hand away.
He's still shivering, though, so I pull my denim jacket off and look at him. "I'm not going to hurt you. Just going to put this around your shoulders before you catch your death."
"But, you-"
"I'll be fine," I firmly cut across his protests. "The Uber will be here any minute and I'll be fine, okay? Just focus on staying warm yourself."
***
To my relief, there's no one at home yet when we arrive. I don't think Josh wants to see anyone else right now.
I shut the door behind us and Josh watches me carefully as I lock it. "Anandi and MJ might come back at some stage, but that's it. I've locked it for now."
He nods, but doesn't say or do anything else.
I gesture for him to follow me to the bathroom, where I tap the top of the counter. "Sit there and I'll just clean your face up."
He obeys me and hoists himself up on the counter.
Before tending to him, I quickly rinse my own hands and realise that my cuts are superficial, which is good. Then, I move onto him, dabbing a cloth over his burst lip.
Only then does he burst into tears.
Big, fat tears roll down his face and his eyes and cheeks puff up as the sobs wrack his body.
My heart shatters into a thousand pieces. What did this wonderful man do to deserve the kind of treatment that he got tonight?
Josh stretches out his arms and parts his legs, as though he wants me to step into them.
Cautiously, I keep my gaze on his face as I move towards him.
He doesn't flinch when I stand in between his legs, but instead curls his arms around my torso and places his face in the crook of my neck.
We stay in that position for quite a long time.
Both of us are crying at this point and I'm not sure I could tell whose tears are whose anymore.
Eventually, when he runs out of tears, he lifts his head from my neck. "I'm sorry," he groans hoarsely. "I'm sorry."
"Don't apologise. Please, don't apologise," I whisper brokenly. "I'm here for you."
He takes a deep breath. "I need to shower, Nat."
I nod, understanding that he probably wants to wash it all away. "Of course. I'll get you a towel, okay?"
He gently takes his hands away from my waist and I leave the bathroom, to grab a towel from the cupboard in the hall.
He's exactly where I left him and I gently place the towel on his lap. "Here you are. I'll just wait outside for you, okay?"
His eyes find mine for a moment and he looks exceedingly vulnerable. "Okay," he eventually mumbles. "Okay."
In my room, I find a larger pair of athletic shorts and an oversized t-shirt. I take them with me and sit outside the bathroom with them on my lap, listening to the sound of the shower running.
I pull out my phone and notice a message from Anandi.
Anandi: MJ passed out. One of the boys letting us stay in his room. See you tom xx
Relief floods through me as I realise that neither of them are coming back tonight. At least that leaves me free to take care of Josh properly.
Nat: Okay. Back home now. Love you xx
Eventually, the noise of the shower running stops and I hear Josh opening the screen door of the shower.
Tentatively, I knock on the bathroom door. "Josh, I've brought you some clothes."
There's a pause and then I hear the lock unclicking.
"Come in."
I push open the door and look anywhere except the man in front of me, towel wrapped around him and covering as much of his body as possible.
I place the clothes on the counter. "There you are. There's also a spare toothbrush in the cabinet, if you want. I'll just wait outside again."
When the door opens again, he emerges wearing my clothes, with his wrapped up in his arms.
Gently, I hold my hands out. "I'll take those. I'll put them in the wash for you, okay?"
He swallows, putting them in my arms. "Okay."
"Do you want anything? Some water? A hot drink? Something to eat?" I check, concern swimming in my stomach like a shark. This feels so, so sick.
"Maybe some water," he mumbles, not looking at me. "Please."
I smile encouragingly. "Okay. Kitchen's this way."
He follows me – because even if he knew his way around, I'm not sure he'd want me to be hovering behind him right now – and I put his clothes in the washing machine, setting it off on a quick cycle.
"Sit down," I murmur, pointing towards the island.
Josh watches me from his seat as I fetch him a glass of water and take one for myself, too.
The silence isn't actually suffocating, but still a little tense.
"So, Anandi and MJ aren't coming back tonight. They're staying at the football house," I tell him, hoping to reassure him.
Instead, though, his eyes bulge, looking panicked. Instinctively, he shifts away from me as I put the glass of water down in front of him. "You told them?"
I take a step away, realising that my close proximity is making him uncomfortable. "No. I didn't say anything. Anandi messaged me completely separately. I promise."
Josh relaxes a little, seeming to believe me and nods. "Okay."
We finish our glasses of water and I look back at him. "Are you hungry? Do you want anything to eat?"
He looks me, his eyes vulnerable. "I just want to go to bed," he admits quietly.
I nod, taking his glass from him and leaving it on the counter by the sink. I'll deal with it in the morning. "Okay. You can sleep in my bed and I'll stay in MJ's room."
He follows me to my bedroom and I suddenly feel grateful that I haven't left it too messy from this week.
Not that I think he'd particularly notice in his current state.
Josh stands next to me, a couple feet inside my bedroom, and looks at the bed. Then, he turns to me and delicately curls a hand around my wrist. "I don't think I can stay by myself tonight," he confesses vulnerably.
My eyes meet his and see a scrap of determination amongst the hurt. "Okay. I'll grab a comforter and sleep on the floor-"
"No," he murmurs softly. "Stay with me. Please."
The real meaning of his words hangs between us for a few minutes and eventually, I nod. "If you're sure."
He just gently tugs me towards the bed.
It's pretty scary, actually, because what if something goes wrong? He's literally been assaulted and what if I accidentally knock into him in the night or do something that sets him off?
Still, it's what he asked for and there's no way I'm refusing him anything tonight.
"I, uh, need to get changed, Josh. Give me a sec," I explain, reaching under the covers and grabbing the pyjama top that I left there this morning.
Usually, I just sleep in a t-shirt and underwear, but that doesn't really feel appropriate right now. So, I grab some athletic shorts and head to the bathroom.
I take off my make-up and do my teeth in record time.
When I return to the bedroom, Josh has settled onto the other side of the bed, almost as if he knows the near side is my side of the bed.
I smile gently and stand at the edge of the bed. "You sure about this, Josh? I can sleep somewhere else."
He reaches out, his eyes watering a little. "Please stay."
I nod, peeling back the covers and slipping underneath.
He coughs a little awkwardly. "I, uh. Will you let me, uh..."
Not wanting to scare him, but pretty certain what he's asking of me, I slowly reach out and find his hand, threading our fingers together. "Anything."
Taking this as permission, he tugs me towards him and wraps me in his arms. "Thank you."
His scent envelops me, a mixture of the shower gel he's just used and a scent purely him, that I can't quite put my finger on.
I just hum in my throat, not telling him that this is exactly what I want, too.
Obviously, my night hasn't been as horrific as his, but finding him like that was pretty awful. I relish the physical comfort we can provide for each other.
"Please stay," he whispers desperately against my hairline. "Please stay."
Nuzzling into his neck, I squeeze him tight to me, truly meaning my response. "Always."
---
I broke my own heart with this chapter.
If any of you skipped it, here's the summary: After a soccer game, both soccer teams head to Smith's, where Nat and Chase have a chat about the fact she fixed up Josh's car and he still feels guilty about not paying her the full amount. On her way home, Nat discovers Josh in the alleyway beside Smith's, being sexually assaulted by a couple of guys. She fends them off (because she's a badass) and then takes Josh back to hers for the evening, to clean him up. On his request, they share a bed and Nat promises to stay, always.
So, this chapter is pretty huge in the book. A lot of the rest of the plot, while still following Nat in other aspects of her life, is based around both her and Josh dealing with the aftermath of this.
It's a big rollercoaster, that's for sure, but there's lots of good stuff on the way too.
Let me know what you thought of the chapter!