This contains spoilers/deaths for the newest Attack On Titan episode/manga!! Please proceed with caution!!
as you propelled yourself out the small window, your hand held to your mouth, you bit down on your hand, drawing blood. amongst this action, a bright flashing light emerged from the sky, like a latern in the night, a mini explosion of some sort, debris flying in the air. gabi and falco got down, shielding their heads from being hit with any type of flying debris from other buildings. you had made sure not to transform too close to the building they were in, for fear of hurting them.
almost instinctively, eren's titan turned its head in your direction, halting all movements, his attention now on you and ignoring reiner's prescience for a short period in time. you could swear you felt tears down your cheeks as you transformed, feeling your hand ache after you've bitten it a bit too hard out of anger. it seemed everytime you looked at him, you would get painful flashbacks, happy moments and sad ones, brought hoards of guilt upon you.
if anything, you felt pathetic standing in front of eren jaeger. he had brought you happiness in your darkest time, and now he brings you unbearable pain in your lightest hour. your eyes were blank, the noticeable dark circles from not ever being able to catch proper sleep the past few years back in liberio haven't done you very well mentally wise. you could only recall ever being able to fall asleep whenever udo or zofia were near. the time where you all went stargazing, and you fell asleep peacefully for the first time, waking up in your bed, met with 3 children on sleeping, sprawled over you.
udo layed next to you, his arm gripping your shirt, zofia cuddled into your side. falco, his body sprawled out on your chest, and gabi, who had falled asleep in reiner's arms, who seemed to be wide awake. unbelievable peace was upon you, and now you stand, alone, crying out in pain and heartbreak, for your people, for your home, wanting to give up anything to rewind time and change the fate that lay before you.
the bright light died out, only smoke filled the air, seemingly shielding you from being seen. amongst the smoke parting ways, revealed a slim figured titan, slightly taller than eren's titan himself, but not too noticeably tall. hair fell from the top of its head, piercing (e/c) eyes emerged from the smoke, almost glowing out from the smoke. there it was again, you felt your chest contract and clench, your eyes began to become foggy.
you raised your fists to guard your head, in a defensive position, moving your body, throwing your fist back, emitting a loud, shrieking roar. your fist connected with eren's face, sending his titan stumbling backwards and into a building, the building collapsing among his body making impact, the screams of many people that once was, were quickly silenced, and among the eerie silence, reiner began to move toward eren, charging toward him, taking him off of his feet.
eren quickly recalculated his steps and crystalized his fist, throwing a hard punch to reiner, sending him backwards into buildings. debris filled the air, the smoke panning out to reveal reiner, who had a firm grip on porco's head. eren turned his head back to you, your hair flowed through the large breeze that pushed through the air. his titan ceased all movement, and smoke emitted from his nape, revealing his human body.
mikasa wasted no time in coming to his side, looking at him, and then back at you. mikasa ackerman. you hadn't many memories with her, you had only seen the cold looks she gave you whenever you were near eren, she had only ever opened up about her struggles to you that day after erwin died on the walls. she was an elegant woman, when eren was supposed to protect her, she seemed to have more of a tough interior and exterior, she protected eren, no matter what.
the once cold look she gave you morphed into nothing but disappointment and dissatisfaction, her eyebrows furrowing amongst laying her eyes upon you. you heard the sound of wires connecting to buildings, looking behind you, scouts were all around. quickly, you exited your titan body, just in time to see gabi running from the small building, falco chasing after her. you dragged your fatigued limbs to follow the girl, calling after her.
"gabi!" you yelled out, ducking your head from being seen by the scouts, who were examining the vacated titan corpse. you struggled to keep up, your limbs staggering a bit, before you caught up to falco, who was still a bit behind gabi, who was screaming out in agony, a shotgun in her hand. "gabi wait!" falco pulled on gabi's coat, stopping her from running any further. she looked pitiful, looking up at the aircraft slowly moving in the sky.
she shifted her gaze to the ground, tears in her eyes. "it isn't any use." he spoke, making gabi grip the barrel of the gun harder, her knuckles turning white. "don't say that!" she interrupted, grabbing him by his collar, her breathing ragged. "gabi, calm down!" you released falco from gabi's free handed grip, putting your hand on gabi's shoulder to calm her down. "gabi, breathe, it's okay." you softly spoke to her, wiping her tears gently.
"but what about us? what about our home? stop saying it's okay when you know it isn't!" she spoke, her tone becoming louder with every sentence that left her mouth. "i saw the look in your eyes when udo was trampled. i saw how distressed you were after finding zofia.. don't tell me to calm down.. i know just as well as anyone does you feel the same as me! i need to know why our home was destroyed!" you widened your eyes at her statement, your grip on her shoulder tightening, startling her a little bit.
falco looked over at you, and then back to gabi, with his head lowered and then back up at you. "the reason why all of this happened.... is because we destroyed their homes first," gabi looked up, surprised, her breath hitching. "what...?" there was a small silence, before she spoke up. "did you see it?" falco shook his head in response, looking down at you, who was shocked into a trance of despair, your facial expression never changed, your eyes wide in fear, your eyebrows furrowed.
"they... are devils." gabi spat, tightening the grip on the gun, gently lifting you to your feet from kneeling to her level. "i'm going to kill every last one of them." she finalized her words cautiously, before running into the clearing, where a scout could be seen, almost as if he were keeping watch. you'd never seen him before, he must've been a new recruit, after all, it's been years since you last stepped foot back on paradis island, let alone saw the people.
gabi didn't hesitate to shoot at him, hitting him in the eye. there was a splattering sound, and no more movement from the soldier ever came. he quickly dropped down, his body hitting the ground. you hadn't seen this type of gear used before, you recognized the differences in the gear than what was used all those years back. gabi examined it, before getting her hands on what was presumed to be the wire gun.
"i'm going up there." she looked up, her eyes were filled with determination, her hair was messy, yet it flowed in the moment perfectly. "gabi, what are you doing, think rationally! you might get killed, are you an idiot?" falco gripped her shoulder, trying to persuade her to stop, you however, looked up at the aircraft, lost in thought, before hearing colt call out falco's name from the distance. "falco! gabi! y/n! what are you doing?!"
you looked back at him, and then back to gabi, who opened her mouth to speak. "tell my family, that i fought to the very end. that is all i ask from you. i'm going to show them, no, i will make them inherit my feelings." gabi wasted no time pulling the trigger to the wire, which pulled her forward. it was a split moment that falco grabbed onto her, you looked back at colt and then quickly ran toward falco, jumping onto the tall man's corpse, gripping his belt, wrapping your legs around his limp leg.
"huh? why are you guys... still here?" gabi looked down at both you and falco, the wind blowing harshly into your faces. "because... i'm going to inherit the armored titan!" he yelled to her, making her eyes go wide. the corpse soon hit the top of the roof of the air craft, causing you gabi and falco to grip onto the body tighter to avoid being flung from the ship into sudden death. "hang on," you instructed them, to which they obliged your words.
you heard loud chatter, and could see tall figures on board, one distinct figure that stuck out was connie's his silver hair almost made him the most distinguishable scout on the ship, and then yelling. they were celebrating. your people are dead and they were celebrating it. you felt your blood boil, until you heard a familiar voice. "raise your voices! it's time to celebrate!" you recognized that voice anywhere, floch forster. you could amour visualize what he looked like, tall, dirty blonde-red hair.
you had only spoken to him a handful of times, enough to know his bad reputation with the scouts for his unfiltered words and careless attitude. you never disliked him, you never had any particular reason to hate him, he was just like the rest of you, was he not? a poor soldier blinded into thinking the way of war was the only way to victory, just like gabi, just like the rest of you.
suddenly, amongst the chatter, gabi hoisted herself up from the edge, you and falco right after her, the sound of creaking floor was heard, catching the attention of everyone on the ship. gabi pointed the barrel of the gun forward, with her hand holding the gun steady, she looked up, and her hand hesitated at the trigger for a split second. "gabi no!" you called out, a bit too late, as gabi pulled the trigger, the loud sound from the gun echoed throughout the aircraft, and a deathly silence followed. you opened your eyes, met with a sight you didn't quite anticipate to see.
you froze on the spot, seeing sasha braus, caught in the middle of gabi's fire. the bullet shot straight through her, just underneath her cleavage, a large blood stain was visible on her uniform. she froze for a second, her eyes finding your shocked ones, it was almost as if the moment took forever to play out. your hands shook, watching her body finally fall to the ground, jean and connie's screams of agony could be heard. you felt horrible regret sting your chest, your eyes began to sting painfully, your tired out expression held so much despair, you painfully looked at gabi, who expected a sentence of praise.
you shook your head at her in disappointment, making her frown. it was if every passing day the memories became more traumatic, the vision of sasha braus dying, you being the last thing she laid her eyes upon, jean and connie rushed to her side, shaking her attempting to keep her conscious. it was incredibly painful, seeing someone you've made a strong bond with on paradis island, now terrorize your hometown and fall dead in front of you.
that day after you were appointed the survey corps scout regiment, you could vividly remember laughing with sasha that day, jean and connie by your side. it was a bittersweet moment, one that continues to haunt your dreams everytime you close your eyes. the way jean would gently pat your head when you and sasha were in the midst of an eating contest, hearing connie and jean debate whether to cheer on sasha or you. watching the stars with them, knowing how painful it would be the day it came to say your goodbye and yet, you enjoyed every moment on paradis island.
it was your hell, but also your paradise. seeing mikasa and armin pit so much trust in you, smiling at you telling you, "i knew i could trust you," just to be proven wrong, there was a heartbreaking rage in the way mikasa looked at you reiner and bertholdt, it was one you'd never erase from your mind. suddenly, you saw bunches of soldiers corner you gabi and falco, spitting profanities at them. instinctively, you shielded yourself in front of them, doing your best to defend yourself against 30 or so men, punching and kicking at all of you.
you were pummeled to the floor, gabi calling out your name, falco looking at you helplessly on the ground. you blacked out for a bit, waking up with ropes tied around you. floch gripped falco and gabi, while jean held your collar of your shirt. he looked down at you, a look of disgust written across his face. you felt sudden shame, looking up at him, your expression worn out, bags underneath your eyes were visible. among seeing your face, it was as if his expression softened, just for a second.
you dropped your head back down, not bothering to try to escape from the ropes that hugged your body painfully. "let me go! y/n! help us!" gabi argued at floch, kicking and squirming, attempting to be free from the ropes hold. you painfully looked up at falco and gabi, your hair now messy from being beat almost to death painfully, strands sticking out from your hair. falco grimly looked to you, searching for any expression of determination on your face.
"i'm sorry." you quietly spoke, getting jeans attention, who looked back down at you raising his eyebrow. "i'm sorry." you repeated once again, your body began to shake. "i'm so sorry." you knew no amount of apology could beat the actions of the past, the friendships and the love interest you left behind, but maybe it was worth it to let them know, just how deeply you regretted what has already been done. floch turned to you, smirking disgustedly. "i'm going to throw them out."
gabi protested at this, thrashing around. "no! i still want to kill eren jaeger! after what was done!? he won't be tough and mighty once i get a lick of him!" gabi spat, calling out to you once more. "y/n will save us! just you watch!" you kept your head shamefully hidden, to which jean chimed in. "we'll take you right to him, you can say it to his face." gabi's eyes widened, making falco turn his head. "it was that easy..?" he remarked, rolling his eyes.
before any more protests by gabi were made, gabi and falco were dragged along, you followed suit, your body being hauled on the floor, while your bloody nose dripped onto the floor as if neatly in order. soon enough, you were set into a room, and sat into an upright position by jean. he looked at you one last time, his hand still gently placed on your shoulders, like all those years ago. you'd caused hell to him, and yet here he is, still being gentle with you.
you looked up, at the corner of the room, you could see eren. he looked extremely different from before, his usual determined personality was watered down to a blank expression, he was unreadable. he looked away from the wall, and locked his eyes onto yours, the air seemed thinner, your lungs struggled to expand, your breath hitched among seeing him. from the facial hair he'd accumulated, and the long hair that draped messily into his shoulders.
he was the embodiment of a mass murderer. a war criminal. and yet to you, he looked wretchedly beautiful in his place, his long hair covering parts of his face, shining in the dim light of the moon from the window, you were lost in a trance looking at him, and yet he didn't dare look away from your gaze, it was as if he was analyzing every one of your changed features. you felt just as helpless when you did the day you left. who are you to throw puppy eyes at the very man that was responsible for the murder of your people?
you looked away from him abruptly, he still kept his eyes glued to you. "zeke! are you okay?" gabi called to him, to which zeke's face became surprised, he shifted in his place. "gabi.. falco... y/n..." he said quietly, catching your attention, you looking up silently at him. "they captured you too?" falco asked the bearded man, to which he looked conflicted. suddenly, the door opened, revealing a person tall, a messy ponytail with strands of hair complimenting their bangs. they seemed to be giving out commands, before they finally looked ahead, instantly recognizing you.
"what are they doing here? who are these kids?" zeke stood silent for a moment, before he looked at you and the kids before you. "they're miscalculations." he spoke monotonely, his expression blank. you lifted your head up slowly, looking at gabi and falco's shocked expressions. "did the plan go well?" zeke looked back up to hange, nodding at them. "yes, exactly as planned." falco froze in his place, his expression morphed quickly.
"plan..? zeke.." zeke ignored the troubled child, before you spoke, your voice sounded tired and ragged. "you really are horrible, zeke." you laughed painfully, feeling your stomach painfully sore. zeke looked at you, his expression began to grow troubled. "no matter how much trust i or these kids put into you, you'll always disappoint them. you disappoint everyone one way or another." everyone in the room looked at you, including a tall bowl cutted female with distinguishing features.
among their silence and shock at your words, the door bursted open once again, this time it was connie, the silver haired boy stood helplessly, a tear made its way down his cheek. "sasha." he began, getting choked up halfway through his sentence. "is dead." the silence in the room became loud, mikasa and armin immediately rushing out the door to where her body lay, at the corner of your eye, you could see her glazed over eyes, as if they were looking in your direction. you painfully closed your eyes, hearing jean's breaths stop, you could feel his shock.
there was loud yelling from the distance, armin and mikasa begging sasha to show any symptom of life. you hung your head at the fact. eren, among hearing this, looked down at laughed slightly, his expression now becoming readable. you knew no doubt, he was in pain. you wanted so badly to comfort him, like you used to when he longed for his mother's touch, but you were painfully torn between your hatred toward his actions than your love.
"eren. sasha died because of you." jean interrupted eren's moment of silence to himself, causing you to look up at the pained boy, his eyes glistened with tears, but none dared to slip out. "you dragged us into this, and now sasha has died because of that fact." you looked away from him, and then back to the ground, before hearing hange distinctly question what was to come. "we'll discuss this when we get back to the island." your eyes widened at that phrase.
for the first time in years, you were to see paradis island again, the buildings, the people, the sweet smell of grass outside the walls, yet you held new fear amongst returning to the island, the fear was eren. what was he to do with you then? surely he had still been upset about your betrayal. yet here you are, alone again in front of him at your will.
you didn't know what was to come, but you knew what you were going to do, and that was to protect falco and gabi until the end. but here even you find yourself ready to give everything up for the past you once knew, for the eren you once loved.
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I did so much writing im so sorry it's so long and boring I'm so sorry it's shitty but pls enjoy haha !! <3 I very much cried after today's episode.