PEOPLE say that a soulmate is someone who can make the best version of you, that they bring out the best in you. I don't fully agree with that statement because why does the world always revolve so much around two lovers? Why can't it just be about yourself as well? Why can you bring the best out in yourself?
You don't need anyone to be truly you. Everything doesn't revolve around lovers. If you can't love yourself, how are you supposed to love others? I think that's what most people do, they become fully dependent on others for their happiness and when they leave it hurts terribly because they were so dependent on others to feel better.
I don't like depending on people because they leave all the time. At the end of the day, all you have is yourself and that has to be enough.
Don't be a better person for someone else only but yourself. Though others can also help you realize your worth and how to be the best version of yourself, sometimes other people can bring out the best in you but that's rare.
Happiness was never a thing that stuck around in my life, the universe quite literally had an agenda against me. Rude. My mother and I never had the perfect relationship, we practically hated each other but still stuck around. There were moments where we would connect and laugh but all I could think about was how the next minute she was going to find a reason to get mad at me and argue with me.
Whenever I'm happy I'm afraid that it'll be taken away. That one day that person who I loved will either leave me or die. I spent so long trying to feel happy that when it arrives I can't enjoy it and struggle to find joy out of fear that it will leave. But happiness comes and goes like clouds and rainbows. Happiness is like a gift, enjoy it while it lasts.
I wasn't always such a sentimental person, there was a time when I was full of light, vibrant, happy, and just full of such positivity and glowed until it took too many lies, a handful of betrayals, and a house full of hurt to turn myself into a wounded soul. But I want to be better. Take an example of a garden, take that hurt and bury it into the soil and now water it, take a moment and allow a whole new garden to grow, heal yourself, and bring yourself back to life.
The truth is that everyone is going to hurt you, people you wouldn't expect to, but sometimes you have to find the ones that are worth suffering for.
I haven't left my dorm for a few days, I was taking my time to fully comprehend the events of the last few days. It was something that took a lot longer than I expected to process. I had come face to face with the person who had assaulted me and had reacted in a way completely unexpected. I was expecting myself to break down or cry, but I didn't.
I felt relieved. I felt relieved that he was gone, I felt like I received some sort of closure that most people don't get, and I felt grateful.
I hadn't remembered who he was or how he looked because my brain had blocked that memory out since it was so painful for me to remember.
The last couple of days I just took the time to properly heal from all the things I had experienced, it felt so surreal and unreal. I read a couple of books to distract myself from letting my thoughts drown me completely. I messed around with eyeliner on my face until my eye felt numb. I did a runway in my room in the mirror as I tried on all my clothes to put together new outfits with the new ones I had bought.
My mind wandered to Malfoy a couple of times, more than it should've. I couldn't help but think about him. I was aware that he was staying here as well yet there was no sign of him. I did hear a few footsteps around my dorm but didn't think of it as much. It was Sunday night as I sat in my dorm, wearing a silk, black nightwear dress as it barely covered my thighs, but it didn't matter to me. It was just a short nightwear dress that I bought last year with Bonnie when we went to Hogsmeade.
I lay on my bed and I stared at the ceiling for a couple of minutes, rethinking life decisions as I abruptly sat up. I looked under my bed and on my side night drawers for alcohol. I decided I was going to drink tonight, not a lot to the point I'm drunk but enough to have fun. I don't keep alcohol in my dorm usually but always had some because of Bonnie and Blaise. I pulled out the only bottle as I twisted the cap and popped it open.
I decided to hop off my bed as I took a big sip right from the bottle, squirming slightly as the burning liquid went down my throat. I was always a straightforward and upfront person but what alcohol did was make me bold, and I enjoyed that. I opened the door to my dorm as I went down the stairs, to the warm common room.
I examined the bottle a little — the taste of the alcohol felt weird, but I didn't think much of it as I saw Malfoy with a glass of some liquid in his hand as well as he sat in a black suit. The suit was a black suit head to toe. His hair was styled to the left as usual. Single-breasted, but with peaked lapels. This unusual detail, along with handmade buttonholes and functional cuff buttons, give the garment away as bespoke. The shirt is black, fitted against his chest along with the tie being black as well, solid and sleek.
I tilted my head slightly as I walked forward, arching a brow. I didn't think he had left Hogwarts, but apparently he did, by his attire that was intriguing in other words. "You look interesting," I said as I sat down on the couch next to him taking another swig of the bottle.
"I could say the same for you," he spoke as I looked back at him, narrowing my brows.
"I'm not the one wearing a black suit in the middle of the night in the common room right now. I mean I'm not complaining but—" I suddenly stopped myself as I thought about my last incomplete sentence.
I'm not even halfway through the bottle.
"So where did you go?" I asked him blankly as I sat there with a bottle of alcohol in my hand—as a five-year-old toddler.
"Nothing that concerns you," he talked back as I almost pouted at his answer, sarcastically. I inched forward towards him as I observed him.
"Why are you always so broody? It's annoying."
"I'm not broody. Just honest." He rolled his eyes as he looked my way. I smiled as I inched forward again.
"No you're not honest—well you are, but you're very annoyingly irritating, and it's very frustrating," I spoke back as he extended his arm on the back of the couch.
"I should care for your input because?"
"See that thing you do is annoying, like do you enjoy annoying people or are just incredibly bored with your life? Is daddy's money not fun anymore?" I spoke as the mention of his father makes his blood boil and I know that, but I still mentioned it. This bloody alcohol.
"I told you not to fucking mention my father—"
"Yeah, yeah not to mention your father. I get it you have issues, so do I, Malfoy," I blurted it out as I caught more of his attention, he hated the mention of his father for god knows why when he was the one that always brought it up in every conversation and then all of a sudden he didn't. "You scare me."
"Sure do enlighten me why," he spoke in a sarcastic tone as I straightened my back, inching more towards him.
"Because I can tell you or do things or even say things that sometimes I can't even say out loud to myself." I moved forward to make him look towards me. "Don't ask me why because I don't know the answer to that, but it's just very interesting how that works, literally right now I'm just speaking and saying things I shouldn't be like damn — this alcohol is weird."
"How much have you had to drink?" He asked me as I parted my lips to speak but realized I actually haven't had much. "Like two mouthful sips?" I gave him a questionable look as I thought to myself. Shit. The Veritaserum bottle, shit. This can't be happening right now. "You've had the same amount as me, yet you're all over the place, it's quite hilarious."
"You're an annoying git," I said as he laughed, making me roll my eyes. I wanted to annoy him as much as he did me right now. He took another sip out of his glass as I tilted my head, smirking as an idea came to my head. "You've got a little something." I pointed to his mouth as I leaned forward. He looked confused as I moved my hand towards his face, tracing the corner of his mouth with my thumb as I pulled away. "There." I smiled. I did that on purpose.
I caught him off guard as he looked at me, I could feel his eyes tracing my body as I pretended to look at the bottle in my hand, examining it. Well, I wasn't paying attention to the damn bottle, but I was paying attention to his eyes on me and for some reason I enjoyed it. There is something said about two people who come face to face, time and time again no matter if they're in love, or hate each other. Those are the people who have a little thing called fate on their side, it's almost like the world is giving out signals.
I looked back at him and he looked away as my gaze met his. I didn't know what I was drinking as I put it away on the table, and looked back at him. "You're very boring," I said as I unintentionally moved closer to him, facing the fireplace, slouching onto the couch.
"I didn't know I was here for your entertainment purposes, Young." I sat back up as I bent my knee, facing him, my eyes landing on the rings on his hands.
"What's with the theme of the rings on your hands?" I asked as he gave himself a minute to think if he actually wanted to answer or just ignore me.
He ignored me. Git.
"Why did you kiss me the other day?" I asked him. I wanted his attention and he was doing everything that was the opposite of it. "And don't say to shut me up because there were a lot of other ways you could've."
He looked at me as his grey eyes reflected brightly from the fireplace. "Whatever makes you sleep at night." He ignored the question again as my frustration grew by the minute.
"If you were put in that situation again, would you still kiss me?" I asked as I leaned forward.
"No."
I raised a brow as I looked at him. "Would you still kiss me if it weren't for that situation?" I asked him as I saw him grow frustrated because of the questions I asked. I leaned forward towards his face, waiting for a response as I could hear his breath grow heavier by the second. I ran my hand against his black button-up shirt, feeling his chest. "Would you, Draco?"
His face was close enough to mine that I could almost feel the tip of his nose brushing against mine. I gave him a second but he did not respond, just as the sound of our heavy breathing grew, I turned away. He caught me by the wrist as he pulled me back, his warm breath, smelling of clean spice, stroked my cheek and ear. A thrilling shiver coursed over me, running down my spine as this feeling was new but inviting.
I could feel the tension rising between us as the air between us grew hot as each second passed. Neither of us made the first move as we're both stubborn to give in. I could feel the goosebumps on my body forming as his hands are wrapped around my wrists, thinking how'd it feel like to feel his lips against mine or on my neck.
His grip slightly loosened on my wrist as I slightly leaned forward, as our lips slightly brushed against each other. I could feel my heart beating out of my chest as the sudden need to kiss him grew. I hated him—I did—but why did I want to kiss him so badly as if it was a want but a need.
I gave in as I connected my lips with his as everything else around had disappeared. He kissed me as if he had been starving for it and the desire just grew more and more. His hands shifted to the back of my head as he pulled me closer. I needed this. I reached for his face as I kissed him feverishly back. It was crazy how our lips moved perfectly against each other.
His hand traveled to the back of my thigh as he pulled me onto him and the next thing I knew I was on top of him as I kissed him like I had been starving. My hands ran through the back of his platinum hair as I tugged on the ends of it.
He pulled away as he began to leave hot kisses on my jaw and neck. His hands were still on the back of my head as he sucked lightly on the skin of my neck. He kisses upon my neck started a fire within me that no one else could ever ignite. I pushed the jacket of his suit down as he helped take it off, throwing it on the floor.
I brought his lips back to mine as I kissed him harder, deeper, with a fervent urgent need I'd never known before. I could feel him holding back as his hands stayed focused on the back of my head as he pulled me closer. I pulled away as I pressed my forehead against his. "Draco you can touch me, I need—I want you to touch me," I spoke, trying to catch my breath. I took his hand as I placed it on my waist. "I'm okay with you touching me."
I dipped my head to kiss him again and he kissed back, his hand gripping my waist as the other toyed with the hem of the dress. I stroked his cheeks slightly as I kissed him, unbuttoning the first button of his shirt as I traced his revealed chest with my index finger. His kisses were evoking sensations that I had never known I was capable of feeling.
His hand slid up underneath my dress and I felt his cold hands grip my bare waist, I gasped between our kisses. He trailed his hand up my body as I pressed my hips against his, allowing my body to feel every part of him. "Fuck—Evelyn." He groaned as he kissed me, those words were enough to ignite the even deeper fire inside me as I rolled my hips against his.
The thought of him saying my first name, made me want to absolutely never stop kissing him. His hands traced every curve on my waist as he slid up further, tracing the outline of my breasts as I felt the coldness of his fingertips absolutely enthrall me. My hands slipped down to his belt as I signaled him for more.
He pulled away as I kissed him without hesitating.
"Evelyn." He called out my name as I kissed him more deeply. I toyed with his belt as he pulled away. "Are you sure you want to?" He asked as I nodded to his question, dipping my head to kiss him again. "Use your words," he spoke as my lips hovered over him. "I do—I want to," I spoke as I kissed him again as he pulled me closer.
I felt him smile against our kisses as I couldn't care less that this was boosting his ego, I wanted him and the Veritaserum in my system wouldn't help me lie either if I tried to deny it.
He lifted my hips as he pushed his pants down, I pressed down on his shoulders for support. His cold hands gripped my waist as he pulled me closer, positioning my body onto him as he lowered me down onto him, inch by inch.
I squeezed my eyes shut as I cried out at the feeling of all of this. My hands gripped his shoulder as he looked up at me. "If you want me to stop, tell me," he spoke as I slightly pressed my forehead against his. "Evelyn, look at me." I nodded as I looked at him.
"Just grip my shoulders tightly if you want me to stop. Understood?" The way he was making sure if I was okay and if I was comfortable, made me want to kiss him even more, I hated him, so why was I feeling this way? I couldn't understand the attraction. He pressed open-mouthed kisses against my neck as he guided me more down onto him until I had taken all of him.
I rolled my hips forward as his face was buried on the column of my neck as I continued to move my hips forward. "Fuck—that's—" I struggled to speak as I continued to move my hips forward onto him. He gripped my waist tightly as I was sure of the fact that it would leave marks as his rings pressed tightly onto my skin. "Fuck—Evelyn," he moaned against my neck as that was the hottest thing I've heard come out of his mouth.
He brought his lips back to me as I swallowed my cries as I wrapped my arms around his neck as he kissed me deeply. My face buried into his neck as he guided my hips towards him, to help me ride him. I felt like stars were dancing across my skin as he thrust inside me.
His hands wrapped around my throat as he pulled his mouth against mine as he continued to thrust against me. I felt my body shaking. I could feel my vision going white as ecstasy consumed my body and Malfoy picked up his pace. His one hand stayed on my lower back as the other tangled up in my hair as he hit all the sensitive areas within me.
I gripped the fabric of his shirt as I felt his damp skin. He let out a moan as he was at the end of his high, relaxing and breathing against my neck. I could feel his lips brushing against my neck as my hands were tangled up in his hair. He lifted my hips up as he pulled his pants up. I could feel all my hormones jumping all over the place as I felt his hand on my lower back as he gripped my waist with the other.
He pushed my hair back as he breathed against my ear, I felt my body jump internally against it. I heard him conjure a duvet as he covered me with it, probably because of my shivering body. I could've fallen asleep right there, on top of him as my face was buried against his neck. It felt so comfortable and no part of me wanted to leave but just to fall asleep.
"We still hate each other," I spoke up as I heard him let out a small laugh.
"We do."
"It sounds like you're just agreeing with me and not saying it for yourself." I felt his breath against my neck.
"I still hate you, Young."
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