You jolt awake, feeling the cold sweat chilling you to your bones. The pain was overwhelming as you desperately tried to control your rapid breathing to try and stop the seething pain from compressing your lungs. You took shuddered shallow breath's as you desperately searched the room for any sign of struggle... a symptom of your latest set of nightmares. You were proud of yourself for not letting your demon take over as you chased the drop-bear through the forest. It wasn't that you had to try too hard to not let it out. In fact, you didn't really feel your demon rise in you at all yesterday and that fact left you unsettled. It was like certain destruction was looming over your shoulder, causing dread to weigh down on your conscience and cause the fear to shake you to the core. It felt close. Closer than you liked.
After realizing your latest nightmare was indeed the fictitious overplay of your worst memories you decided to get up. The smell of the re-dampened toothpaste that had now spread its way across your body filled your senses and made your stomach churn in unpleasant waves of nausea. The smell made you feel weak in the knees as you carefully maneuvered your way to the side of the bed. Every movement was agony as you felt your bones settle back into place. With the adrenalin fully out of your system, you were beginning to worry about standing upright without passing out, but the putrid perfume that was emanating off of your body was too much for your senses to endure. A shower was needed whether your body liked it or not.
You stood. After giving yourself time to adjust to the heaviness that beset your muscles, you began to slowly take off your clothes. Every movement causing a cascade of aching torment to rush through your body as your stiff structure tried to warn you of the damage dealt from yesterday's hunt.
Once out of your shirt you decided to try walking your way to the bathroom. With every footstep, you felt your mind pleading for you to allow the embedded strings that laced their way across your body to lead you back to bed, but you ignored them and continued forward as you thought of the warm water against your clammy skin.
You turned on the faucet to the shower before flipping on the bathroom light, allowing your eyes a few more minutes of darkness before the undoubted migraine set in. As you expected, as soon as the light-filled the room your head ached for the still darkness that once prevailed.
You turned and looked into the mirror, seeing the deep purples and harsh yellows colliding in an impressive thematic style. The colors covered your shoulders, leading down your breasts, back, and stomach, growing darker at the sides rather than along the front. It was most visibly a large handprint from where the creatures squeezed you. You were just lucky it didn't grab your head or pop your lung.
You carefully removed the remaining clothing, being cautious of your stiff muscles. As you entered into the warm water, the steady flow caused your skin to burn, but you enjoyed the sensation as your let it cleans you of your filth. As you began to feel weaker you sat down against the shower wall, feeling the cold tile flush against your hot skin, sending a shiver down your spine. There was only one other thing that could cause a sensation like that to course through you.
Dean.
The thoughts of Dean overwhelmed your mind as you sat along the shower floor. You remembered the gentle late-night whisperings he would mutter into your ear causing the hair on the back of your neck to rise as your butterflies took flight. The light caress of his touch on your skin would cause your breath to hitch as he carefully yet masterfully worshiped your body. You felt so many pent-up emotions stinging your eyes, causing a gentle flow of tears to glide down your face. You felt lost. Alone. And above all else guilty for entering his life, angry for allowing yourself to get attached, and haunted over the fact that you couldn't let him go. Never would you be able to leave Dean. He was your everything - despite all the heartache, drama, and heated arguments- he was your Dean. And you love him.
If only you could tell him those three words. You. Love. Him.
You hadn't yet. You couldn't. Either it would ruin what you have by changing it into something more that would be too fragile to keep, or worse give him more of a reason to stay despite the torture your existence offered him.
***
Once you were dressed and composed you made your way over to the couch, making sure to pull off the comforter to use as a blanket. As you carefully situated yourself as to not aggravate your wounds you decided to call Dean.
Ring. Ring.
"This is Dean Winchester, leave your name, number, and nightmare at the tone"
After your failed attempt at calling him, you decided to rest, only getting up for room service and necessary glasses of water. Your pain was consistent and you were surprised you were able to sleep last night. You desperately needed a bottle of liquor but unfortunately, the nearest shop was across the street, and you knew from your less strenuous journeys across the motel room, you were in no condition for making your way that far.
After a couple of hours of crap T.V. and uncomfortable sitting adjustments, you decided to try to call Dean again.
No dice.
Just another voice mail.
"What happened to calling me tomorrow?" You asked in a scoff, setting down the phone and preparing to hunker down for another re-run of (tv show).
"Is that what we agreed upon?" A cocky Scottish accent says from beside you.
Typically the sudden scare would have made you jump a little, or at least flinch, but luckily your body was in no mood for such tomfoolery.
"Miss me, Darling?" Crowley says with a smirk, sitting down in the armchair.
You felt adrenaline pump into your system as you scowled at the poor excuse for a man beside you.
"Oh, come on Kitten. I know you are upset about the whole Kevin thing but it was a necessary evil. You know what that's like. " You clench your jaw as you move to sit upright on the couch. You desperately were trying to not show weakness so tried to act confident in your movements as you prepared yourself to casually grab your knife that you were keeping on the coffee table.
Crowley just stared as you made your attempt to grab it, but you flinched from the sudden movement causing a hiss to make its way out of your mouth.
"Something nasty get to you?" Crowley asks intrigued.
"None of your business," you snap, settling back into the couch. You wanted nothing more than to plunge the knife through Crowley's thigh, but your pain was a little beyond what you could typically manage and you were exhausted.
"Huh," Crowley says as his mouth opens slightly. "Well, I came to ask a favor"
"I don't owe you anything Crowley," you say in a grunt.
"No, but I will stop hunting Kevin," He says, perking your interest. "You see. I have lost immediate interest in the demon tablet scenario. I need help, let's say, decoding a message."
"What kind of message?" You inquire.
Crowley huffs out a long breath before answering. "We all know that you are more attuned to the torturous lifestyle of well... endless torment and thus you are also the best at performing such creative persecution." He says tactfully. "I need you to help me torture an angel."
"Vague," you say while glaring into Crowleys eyes. He looked a little taken-aback which only fed your dark anguish that was starting to rise to the surface.
"It is Samandriel, and I believe he has some hardware wired into his thick skull somewhere that will get me the information I need," he says with a smirk.
"About what?" you ask as you feel your anger bubbling beneath your skin. You were trying so desperately to hear what Crowley had to say, to get any information out of him you could, but every time you focused on his voice you thought of Kevin and his bloody figure walking out of the warehouse.
"Not sure yet," he says leaning back into the chair. "But I know you are dying to find out"
You snapped.
Grabbing your knife you suddenly jumped off the couch and stabbed the blade into the side of the chair, right beside Crowley's head. As you stared into his wide eyes you could basically smell the fear quaking off of him.
"I am not making any more deals Crowley. We are done," you growl, trying to get yourself back under control. As much as you wanted to kill the son-of-a-bitch you also felt the need to do it on your own time, not when your demon was in control. You couldn't let another Demon win.
Crowley snapped his fingers and disappeared without another word. And you were once again alone with your screaming lungs and your overly ambitious dark side on the verge of taking control. You sat down while focusing on your breathing, fighting so desperately to regain composer. As you slowly calmed yourself down you grabbed your phone to call Dean, but he didn't answer which made you nervous. You tried calling Sam, but again, no answer.
Damn it!
You sat for a few minutes as you recollected your thoughts...
Cas.
Cas would know what to do.
You grasped your hands together and looked up at the ceiling, unsure and a little afraid of what you were doing.
"Uhhh... I have never really done this before, but uh... Castiel. If you can hear me I could really use your assistance." You start.
You wait a couple of seconds as you look around the room to see if anyone had shown up. You then proceed, making sure to close your eyes this time in case that made a difference.
"Uhh. Cas it's about one of your brothers, a Samandriel. He is in trouble. I tried to call Sam and Dean but I can't get ahold of them. I could really use your help."
You open your eyes and take another glance around the room but quickly continue praying again. "Castiel I hope you have your angel headset on because I have no clue how the hell this works, but I need you to listen to me! Crowley has your brother, Samandriel, and he is torturing him. We need to kick Crowley's ass, but I need your help!"
More silence.
"Cas Please!"
Suddenly there is a flap of wings and standing in front of you is Castiel staring at you with a livid expression.
"Thank goodness Cas! We need to go save your brother" you say getting up to grab your knife and bag, but Cas pushes you back onto the couch.
"We?" he says angrily.
When he first showed up, you thought the anger was pointed at the situation that his brother found himself in, but now you were realizing he was actually angry at you.
"Yes, We," you say confused.
"You are not coming," Cas says gruffly, unmoving.
"The hell I am not. Cas I am the one that informed you! I should help you find him!"
"Y/n I already know where he is. Dean and Sam are helping me. You are no help to us" He says. His words cut deep and caused a hitch to settle in your throat.
"Y/n, I saw you with Crowley earlier. I know what was said. I know the deal you two made."
You took a second to process what was being said but the only thing that truly stuck out to you was the fact that Cas must have been here earlier without you noticing him.
"You were spying on me?" you scoff. You felt betrayed and a little hurt from the mere thought that they didn't trust you enough to leave you without a babysitter.
"No. Y/n, I was coming to see if you wanted to help. I tracked down the case you were working and the ranger pointed me to this motel, but after seeing Crowley and you chit-chatting, I realized the side you are really on." He said darkly.
"Cas. You obviously didn't actually listen to our conversation. I am NOT working with Crowley. I want him dead. Do you hear me?! Dead!" You yell, feeling your temper flair.
"I can't risk it," Cas says while shaking his head.
You stand up and march to him, making sure that you were as close as possible to look directly into his unfazed eyes.
"I am not like him" you state plainly. "I don't want to be like him"
Cas stands there, staring back down at you. You normally could read people, but Cas has always been difficult.
"You can come." He says harshly grabbing your wrist before transporting you onto a dirt road a couple of meters away from an old factory. "But you are not coming inside." he suddenly says, taking your wrist and forcefully shoving you into the back of the impala. He pulled out handcuffs and quickly latched you to the front seat.
"Stay here," he says coldly before disappearing again. Leaving you suddenly stuck in the back of Baby.
"WHAT THE HELL!?" you yell, hoping that someone would hear you.
You pull against the restraints but they wouldn't budge. All of your tools and weapons were at the motel, and today you just so happened to not be wearing any bobby-pins so you were out 3/3 on this one.
As you sat in the car you felt your adrenaline slow down, causing the pain and nausea from all the sudden movements to flood back into your system. It was becoming unbearable and the handcuffs kept you stuck to a limited set of uncomfortable positions.
After about 15 minutes you suddenly noticed Cas and the Weiner-stand angel who must be Samandriel standing just outside your car door. You turned back to again try to pull on the cuffs, and by the time you looked back at the angels Samandriel was on the ground with a shaken Cas staring down at him.
Your breath hitched in your throat. What was happening?
Was this really a rescue mission? Did you miss something?
You sat there in unbelief, staring out the window at a hunched over Cas, staring down at his brother. Did Cas kill him? You were at a loss for words.
Suddenly you noticed Sam and Dean jogging up towards the Car, staring at Cas and Samandriel.
"Cas! What the hell happened?" You could hear Sam ask. At this point you essentially had your ear pressed against the window to try and hear everything that was going on.
"He was compromised," You hear Cas say sternly. "He came at me. I killed him in self-defense."
You wanted to believe Cas. You really did. But the mere seconds it took for you to turn and try to pry yourself out of the cuffs would not have been enough time for Samandriel to attack him. It just wasn't possible.
"Cas, you okay?" Dean asks suspiciously.
"My vessel must have been damaged in the melee. I have to go. Samandiriel's remains belong in Heaven." Cas says, turning back to the body. As he turns around he sees you eyeing him from inside the car and freezes as his anger returns once again.
You back away from the door as Cas starts marching towards the car.
You hear shouts of confusion from Sam and Dean as Cas yanks open the car door and uncuffs you from the front seat, forcefully grabbing your wrist and pulling you out of the car.
As you stumble out you watch as Sam and Dean's eyes go wide.
"Y/n?" Sam asks, completely shocked.
"You weren't in there that whole time were you?" Dean asks while walking closer to you with a confused smile.
"She is working for Crowley," Cas growls causing Dean to stop in his tracks. He takes a couple of seconds to look between the two of you.
"I am not," you say in a raspy voice. The tug out of the car pushed the air out of your lungs, and the bruising was not making your breathing any easier.
"Why would you accuse her of that?" Dean asks as anger and skepticism flood his features.
"When I went to collect what we needed - when I got Sam- I was going to get Y/n too, but she was talking with Crowley. Crowley offered her a deal." Cas's voice got darker as his grip dug into your arm. You had never seen him like this and it was unnerving.
"Y/n?" You turn to look at Sam who was slowly approaching you with his puppy dog eyes, begging to know what happened.
"Crowley did come to offer me a deal," you tell them earnestly. "But I didn't take it. I tried to call you afterward to give you a heads up about the Samandriel situation but you wouldn't pick up. I guess you were already here working the case."
Sam gives you a small smile, letting you know that he believed you. You turn your attention back to Cas who looked shocked and guilty. He released your arm and turned his attention back to Samandriel.
"Thank you for everything you've done," Cas says crouching down by Samandiriels body.
He carefully picks him up as Dean pleads for Cas to wait a minute, but as soon as Cas turns back around he offers a quick nod in what you could only interpret to be an apology to you and disappears.
"Cas! God Damn it!" Dean yells into the night before turning his attention back to you.
You stand there not knowing what to do, as he approaches with long strides. His face was very monotone, not allowing any hint of what he was thinking to get through his expression.
He pauses once he is mere inches from your face.
You look up into his vibrant green eyes as they stare down into your own. You hold your breath, a little unsure of what he might say. You wait for what felt like an eternity before he swiftly presses his lips onto your own, causing the cage of butterflies to be released from somewhere inside you. You wrap your arms around him and deepen the kiss, letting him take the breath from your lungs and allowing utter bliss to compensate for the mild ache.
Dean pulled away too soon for your liking, but the smile that he had on his face made the separation easier to cope with. You felt a warm flush against your cheeks as you saw the relaxation hit him like a fresh breeze, maybe he needed you more than you thought.
"So, just to be clear. You are not working with Crowley" He says a little sarcastically, making you roll your eyes.
"I am not working for crowley. Never again." You say calmly. You see his smile widen with pride as small crinkles appear around his eyes.
You hear Sam clear his throat, causing you to tear your eyes away from Deans to address him.
"I missed you too," you say with a smile as Sam offers you a hug.
Immediately you felt the pain of your injuries again in full force from the crush of the gargantuan moose.
"Y/n you okay?" you hear Dean ask as you since in pain. Sam quickly lets go of you with a look of horror on his face, almost like he just found out he was superman by crushing a pet bunny he was holding between his fingers.
"Yeah. Just fine" you reply, trying to control your breathing to ease the pain. "Just got some injuries from the last hunt is all."
Dean gives you a hard look, before quickly lifting the side of your shirt to reveal the deep bruising that lay underneath.
"Oh my God," Dean says as his eyes widen again. "Why didn't you tell me?!"
"You were busy!" you reply while swatting his hand away. "It's no big deal"
"No big deal?" Sam says from beside you. "That bruise is like eggplant purple Y/n! Not Yellow, not brown, but deep and dark purple. Don't we need to have that checked out at a hospital or something?"
"No. Guys. I am fine" you say a little irritated. Sam gave you a hard look while Dean looked like he was going to explode into hysterics.
"Dean," you say while placing a hand on his face gently. "It is only some bruising and a fractured ribcage, they can't do much for me anyways"
He stares at you with concern, letting his eyes search yours for a couple of seconds before letting out a defeated breath.
"Then let's get you resting Y/n," he says while gently directing you towards baby. "And when I tell you that you are going to rest. I mean it!"
You just chuckle lightly in response, causing another wave of pain to go through you. "Alright Dean, whatever you say."