Wow, I updated? Something must be up. No, I just have way to much time on my hands. Enjoy this installment of stars. <3
Penelope
The rest of the week flew by, we showed Ricky all the best parts of Chicago. We went skiing, hiking, we rode horses, went to all the best coffee shops, and so many museums. Before I knew it, it was Friday. It was nice, having a brother for a week. All of the sudden I think of Colin. I walk over to the picture of him and Mama on my nightstand and smile a little, tears in my eyes.
June 3, 2012
I only remember the day vaguely. I don't know if it was because I was so young or because I've tried to block it out of my memories. Or a combination of both.
"Bye, Mommy! Bye Colin! Have a good time at soccer!" I said, hugging my big brother.
"Are you sure you're okay with taking him? I know your headaches have been getting worse." Daddy said, leaning down to kiss Mommy on the cheek.
"I'll be fine, Todd. You don't need to worry about me."
"Okay, honey. Just be careful. Love you."
"Love you. Colin, honey, stop sitting on the ball, you're going to let all the air out." Mommy scolded, then gave me a hug. "Love you, Pen. When we get back, I'll finish reading The Giving Tree to you, okay?"
"Okay, Mommy." I replied.
"Bye, Colin. Go beat the Tigers!" Daddy cheered as Mommy and Colin got into the car.
"I'll try, Daddy! Bye, Pen!" He said to me, waving as he said it.
If I had known that would be the last time I saw them, I would have hugged them for longer.
Daddy then took my hand and led me inside.
"Come on, Pen, lets color."
"Yay, coloring!" I squealed happily, as even then, art was my favorite thing in the world.
After coloring for about 20 minutes, Daddy got a phone call. I remember seeing the color drain from his face. Five minutes later we were in the car, with still no explanation.
"Daddy, what's happening?" I ask, silence as my reply. I got even more scared when we arrived at the hospital.
Daddy ran up to the front desk and said something too quietly for me to hear. The receptionist told daddy a number, and he took off, half running, half walking. He burst into a room, and I gasped.
Mommy was there, her eyes closed burn marks on her face. Colin was lying in the bed next to her. He looked almost as if he was sleeping. Daddy took Mommy's hand, then Colin's, tear streaming down his face.
"Don't go, don't leave me, please. Please." Daddy whispered, which made me even more alarmed than I already was. I then heard two beeps my piano teacher would have described as staccato, and then one long, whole note. Daddy started sobbing, and though I didn't know what was happening, I didn't like seeing Daddy cry.
I think that was the only time I've ever seen my father cry.
I tried to comfort him by going over and hugging him, but he just sobbed bigger. Not louder, just bigger. His movements were bigger.
"Diana." Daddy never uses Mommy's real name. Then it hit me. It hit me like a truck.
"Daddy?"
"Yes Pen?"
"Is Mommy gone?"
Daddy just nodded.
That's when the tears started to flow. My second grade teacher later described these as waterfall tears. All of the sudden, doctors came and they took Colin away.
"Where are you taking my son?" Daddy asked one of the nurses.
"They are taking him to an operating room."
"Why are they doing that?" Daddy asked warily.
"I am not allowed to disclose that information."
"Disclose? Disclose?!" Daddy's voice raised to a yell. "Do I not have the right to know how my own son is doing?"
He then reduced to tears and knelt on the floor, face in his hands
The nurse's face softened. "The team is doing everything they can."
"But what if it's not enough? What if..." Daddy trailed off but I was smart enough to know what he meant.
"Colin's strong, he'll be fine." I try to reassure Daddy.
He looks up, surprised as if he forgot I was even there.
"Of course, Penelope, he is."
Dad never called me Pen again.
A doctor came in, a grim look on his face.
He whispered something into the nurse's ear.
The nurse turned to me and Daddy.
"Mr. Edwards, I'm sorry, but your son didn't make it."
Daddy's face crumpled and I went over and hugged him tightly, both of our tears falling fast now.
After coming home from the hospital, Daddy shut himself up in his room, coming out only when I needed feeding, and for the funeral. It was hard for me at first, but since then I've learned to be independent.
I make my own lunch most of the time, and I walk home by myself (unless I'm with Daisy) and I've learned to cope with things by myself. If I need help with a math problem, I just look it up on YouTube. If I need help studying for a vocabulary test, I just put it into Quizlet. And Dad just does his own thing. He's sad most of the time, and for the first 6 months after Mom and Colin died, I could hear him cry at night. Now he doesn't cry, he just doesn't laugh and make jokes and goof off like he used to. Until 2 months ago. Until he met Lynne. Now he's happy again. He's been making more jokes and he even made my lunch for me the other day. It's nice, seeing him happy again. It just hurts a little that I didn't make him happy enough, after 8 years, and she made him happy after 2 days. I try to push that out of my mind, because I should be happy as long as he's happy.
I'm startled out of my thought by my phone dinging. I read the message.
(773) 846-3324
^^ GUYS THIS A RANDOM PERSON I DONT KNOW THEM PLEASE DON'T DO ANYTHING
Anyways, back to the story
(773) 846-3324
hey loser
I saw you talking to aiden at lunch
he'll never like you
you know why?
cause he likes me
loser
Of course, this is ridiculous, because Aiden and I have been friends for 7 years, and I would never have a crush on him. He's basically my brother.
I sigh and turn off my phone. Luckily Bianca doesn't know who I actually have a crush on, then she'd tell everyone and I'd be the next Maggie. Maggie was my best friend from kindergarten to third grade, until Bianca told everyone she had a crush on Dylan. She got teased so much she switched schools.
I then take out my piano sheets. I've been learning to play Rainbow by Kasey Musgraves.
I start playing and singing and by the end a memory pops into my brain.
I'm young, maybe 3 or 4, and my mother is singing to me.
"Swing low, sweet chariot. Coming forth to carry me home." I laugh and she smiles, then kisses my forehead. "Go to sleep now."
I don't know why, but there are tears on my cheeks. I walk over to my dresser and put on the necklace Dad gave me for my birthday this year. He got it for her on their 10th anniversary. A few weeks before she died. I hear footsteps and all the sudden Ricky is in the doorway. He starts to tell me something but stops when he sees my tears.
"What's wrong?" he asks, concern in his tone. I sit on my bed.
"I'm just thinking." I say, looking at the photograph of Mom and Colin. Realization hits him and he looks a sad.
"Well, if you ever wanna talk abut anything, just know I'm hear for you. Well, not physically here, as I live 1,396 miles away." he jokes. I chuckle a little. He looks pleased with himself.
"You know, you and Colin probably would have gotten along well." I say, turning to him. "He was just learning to skate when..." I trail off, knowing he knows what I mean. "I can't believe you're going home tomorrow!"
"Yeah, this week has flown by." he replies. "I heard you singing. You're really good."
I shrug. "Maybe."
"You should post covers, like on YouTube, or Instagram."
"You think people would watch me sing?" I ask.
"Yeah, I'm sure they would." he says. He gets up. "I have to go pack, come talk to me if you need anything."
I nod and smile a little. Maybe I will.
Maybe I will.
Hi. I'm sorry that this chapter is kind of a downer, I tried to make up for it with some brother-sister interactions at the end, but I still have like 1,000 words of sad flashbacks. Sorry. ✌🏼 ~ Mere