My mother is fully aware that I do not care what she thinks of me, and that I do not care what becomes of me on the marriage market. However, she is not aware at all of my after dark activities, and I never intend that she will be. After all, what she does not know could never hurt her, as long as no one will ever know, and so I put the greatest effort into ensuring no one shall ever know. I don a black cloak, and I leave the house through the servants exit so that I shall not be spotted by any of my nattering sisters.
It is a short walk to the Granville house from my own, but long enough that I catch a slight chill on my way, and so I am eager to get indoors, perhaps even more so than usual. I knock, and I am greeted by Granville himself. I do wonder sometimes how I became so lucky as to make his acquaintance, with him being one of the most sought after artists in London, if not the most. One day, when I found myself frustrated with drawing figures on the promenade, he approached me and invited me to his home. I did not tell my mother, of course, she would deem anything of the kind improper. And especially if she knew the true nature of Granville's parties, I think she should disown me. I never found myself caught up in those aspects however, my virtue was still fully intact, but I do not believe gossip mongers such as Lady whistledown or other members of the ton would believe such. It was nights such as this one that I appreciated my invitations the most, I needed to think of something other than the brief interaction with the second born bridgerton that I have been replaying in my mind all day. "Ah, my dear Peaches. I did not think you would come tonight, after all, today must have been ever so tiring for yourself."
"Oh, not at all, Lord Granville. In fact, all the talk with the dull nobles only makes me crave being here even further. What shall we be painting today?" I smile to him, as he allows me into the house. The music is already loud and the house is already full, and so the lord has to escort me through the house in order to reach the room where I always reside. He has already set out the paints and an easel for me. "My lord, you are too kind to me."
"I do wish you would call me Henry as I had so requested, Peaches. When you are here, you are my friend, and you are invited as my friend and so I must insist on you dropping the formalities." He lowers himself onto the seat beside me, offering me a smile as I roll my sleeves up and begin to paint long strokes across the easel. "So, pray, do tell. I must have my share of the gossip. Did you find any handsome young men at the ball this evening?"
"I am afraid I do not have anything to report back, Henry. Every man I spoke to, I found rather plain and I could never envision myself becoming their wife. It is awful, do you not find? You are so lucky in what you found with your relationship. I do not know how you were lucky enough to find both of them." I let out a little sigh, saying no more of Lord Granvilles secret. "I do wish I could find even only one person that thinks of me in such... high regard."
"I do not believe that there was no such young man that did not take your fancy tonight, Peaches. You are an artist, you are a romantic! There was not a single Lord or sir or duke or viscount who you felt anything towards?" He leans in, sipping at the glass of champagne in his hands, and moving it away from me when I try to drink some. "No, my dear. I allow you to paint here but I shall not allow you you to drink and cavort with the rest of us. I shall not be responsible for the downfall of Peaches featherington."
"I did not like a single one of them that would be available for myself. After all, even if I did like a Duke or a viscount, then what would it matter? I am the youngest daughter, and I will inherit hardly anything when my mother finally decides to move on. I come with three unruly sisters and parents who are so devilish to be around, and I do not provide any... well... any advantages. Why should anyone choose to marry me when they could marry someone such as Daphne Bridgerton or Cressida Cowper?" I move to make one long stroke across the easel, grasping the brush hard in my hands, so hard in fact that the force pushes my canvas from the stand and it clatters onto the floor. "Oh... bother!"
"Well, I do believe he must be quite a young man if he has put your head into this kind of spin, my dear young friend." Henry's smile only turns into a grin, as he begins to tease me. "Is he someone that I know?"
"He is no one because he does not exist." I rise to my feet, frustrated with myself and with every situation I find myself in. Normally, I do find that painting helps me take out my stress, and if anything, stress does help my paintings. My best work flows out of me when my emotions are high, which Lord Granville says is only a positive thing. He tells me that that is what makes me an artist rather than someone to whom art is a mere hobby. And I have spent the entire evening trying to rid myself of the only thing that seems to be in my mind at the moment, the only person that seems to be in my mind. "I do wish that I were part of a differenf family. A family that may actually provide me with choices for my future. I may never pursue art as my family cannot afford for me to ever pursue art. Take the Bridgertons, for example. Eloise was to debut this year but she shall not, because it does not matter whether she shall! They do not need the money or the titles. I shall never be able to marry someone I have anything for because I shall only be allowed to marry who my mother tells me I shall marry."
"Peaches, no one understands marrying someone that you are told to more than me." He sighs, taking my hand and enclosing it gently within his own. "You must try. There shall be someone out there who shares your artistic passion and enjoys it as you do. You just must find him. And that is what makes marriage so fun and unpredictable and an adventure, Peaches, you must find him. Although, from the way you speak and act tonight, I do believe you may have already found him."