The thing about being trapped inside your own mind. Is that once you inside, you can't get out. You're your own worst nightmare and your own best friend. You want out but a bigger part of you doesn't want to. It doesn't want that comfort it, needs to remain trapped. Deep down you know the bad things are real. You know that they can happen. Your imagination is running wild with things that you wouldn't be surprised could happen to you. You're trapped in a prison full of disgusting dark thoughts and the only person that has the key is you.
As you stand there thinking about your escape from your mind mentally, you're doing the complete opposite physically. Your mind is telling you escape yet your fingers are about to release the key.
Trapped in a prison, your body is doing the complete opposite of what your mind wants you to do. Leave and save yourself like your brain wants your mind screams yet, you still drop the key out of a window. But being trapped there's no way you can get it back.
Because in the end you know the darkness is real but you still have hope, not for yourself but for someone to help you. No I'm not a princess or a damsel in distress. I'm a girl who's nightmares have become real.
I finally decided that I can't deal with it on my own and I'm tired of fighting. So rather than fight, im giving up. Until someone, something, some how, some moment, allows me to see that this isn't the end. That their is no key, that the is no way out. That the key to freedom is really within myself.
Trapped inside of a mind that you want to get out of, that you wish someone could save you from, but in the end cannot even be saved from by yourself.
I cried while writing this. Yeah, it is that deep. It doesn't make sense but then again neither do my emotions... Or my thoughts. But I tried and I got them out, if you understood this emotion... this pain... this entrapment. Than you understand exactly what I'm talking about and I can honestly say if you do. I am so sorry for you..n