"Hi, have you been drinking today?" I slur my words as I look at the sky holding my phone to my ear.
"Hi, Y/n, no, unfortunately, why?" I hear Malia on the other end and I smirk putting my cigarette out, going back to my bedroom.
"Great. Come and pick me up? I need a ride." I say stuffing some clothes in a bag.
"A ride to where? It's Christmas day and it's almost midnight." She asks me confused and I sigh knowing she is going to try and change my mind.
"To New York? I really need to do this." I explain the best way I can in my drunken state, but I cannot hear her laugh. I was expecting a laugh from her at this point.
"Are you sure you want to leave today?" She asks me and I assure her that I do.
As I wait for her I book a last-minute flight to New York and I cannot believe that I am actually doing this. Malia comes and picks me up, asking me about the Christmas gift Sebastian has sent me and I realize she was on this too, as she knew before I told her about it. She explained to me how Sebastian didn't know where I was going to spend Christmas so he sent her that gift a week earlier asking her to bring it to wherever I was. Apparently, Malia thought it was some kind of super gift and that's why she took my leaving to New York so seriously.
"Are you sure though that you want to leave now? I mean you are really drunk. I'm not even sure you're gonna pass by security in this state." She asks me confused after finding out what Sebastian's gift really was.
"That reminds me, we have to stop really quick for a coffee to go." My mind has seem to lost full capacity functioning as I clearly haven't thought this through.
"Wait, before you leave, I have to ask you this. What will you even tell him? Have you actually thought this through?" Malia asks me and I shrug.
"I didn't. I don't know what I am about to tell him, but I know I need to see him and maybe words will just come out then. I need to just go there and face him, ask for an explanation for whatever is happening, I don't know why I am doing this, but for the first time in my life I am really sure that I need this. I need to do this." I tell Malia as we are at the airport, gulping on my coffee in hopes I will actually sober up.
I seem to have no control over my mind, it's like someone hardcore programmed this decision in my brain and all the synapses are wired for me to just do this. I have never been so confident about a decision in my whole life. For the most part, I am not even trying to find out why I do it, I just do. I should have been in New York and my mind seems to really try to correct the errors in my default program.
I don't know how 14 hours pass so fast, but I definitely am sober and finding myself at the JFK airport is not something I thought I will go through today. I look at the clock and realize it's 8 am in New York, I haven't booked a room at any hotel, I am honestly in dire need of coffee, I have no idea where the fuck I should tell my legs to walk because I didn't expect the airport to be so full given it's 26th of December. I feel thoughts racing in my mind and I definitely feel my anxiety kicking in.
What the hell are you doing in New York, Y/n? How the fuck are you here and why did you think it was a good idea?
I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.
Ok, listen up you moron. You're here, there's nothing else better to do now than doing what you came here to do, so just do that.
Right, I should just go talk to Sebastian.
Oh no, what are you even going to tell him?
I shouldn't have come here.
Nope you shouldn't, I don't know why you did it, but standing here still is not going to fix your problem. So let's get ourselves together and come out of this with a hopefully good experience.
Or any experience, come on dumbass, stop standing still, people are staring. Get your shit together and walk.
I think we forgot how to do that.
To walk?
Seems like it.
She's losing it guys. Y/n, hey! Psst. It's one leg in front of the other.
I still don't know what are we going to tell Sebastian.
We are not telling him shit. Y/n has to do it and she forgot how to properly function. Look at all these people suddenly getting blurred.
I think we're having a panic attack. Do you hear that heartbeat increasing? We're about to die in the middle of the fucking JFK airport.
Headphones. Bring me the horizon. Antivist.
Right. I feel my blood pressure increasing and I feel I am about to suffocate in here. There are so many people and I have no idea where I am. Nothing is familiar. Nothing at all. I connect my headphones to my phone and I listen to Sykes' voice that somehow always calms me down. I go out of the airport and I focus on my breathing trying to just get a hold of myself.
There we go. Okay, now how about coffee and a cigarette?
I nod to myself seeing a coffee shop and walk inside taking a coffee to go. I search for my lighter in my pocket as I hold the cigarette between my lips and for some reason I cannot find it. Fuck me. I feel I want to cry because my drunken self really thought me coming to New York would be a fucking great idea. Now look at me, barely functioning, I should have known better. I take a few deep breaths taking the cigarette out of my mouth and I just honestly want to go back home. Couple thousand dollars going to waste for one coffee in New York City?
No, we are not going home, okay? Just fucking visit the city if you don't want to talk to Sebastian, but you did not just waste your saving for just one cup of coffee in NYC.
I see a person next to me lighting their cigarette and I smile to myself tuning towards them, asking for a lighter. Maybe we could just turn this around. I decide to take an Uber but I realize the only address I seem to know is Sebastian's. Oh, what the hell? That's why I came here, to get answers, might as well just get them. I type in Sebastian's address and I manage to finish my coffee on the way there. I thank the driver and honestly at this point I am so thankful to myself for being so attentive to Sebastian when we were on FaceTime, because I manage to enter the building with the code he was saying out loud while he was talking to me as he was entering the building. Ok, second floor. I climb the stairs being too afraid of elevators and I end up in front of the door I believe it's his. I ring the bell and I wait there like a lunatic. I start to bite my nails somehow feeling so weird being here. I should've just called him. Why didn't I call him? I should call him.
"Y/n?" I hear my name called and I lift my eyes to see a strangely familiar face. I don't quite recognize it, but I know I've seen him. "What are you doing here?" He asks confused and I reciprocate his feeling of confusion.
"Will?" I ask trying to remember if this is the actual Will, Sebastian's best friend. He takes a second looking at me and I have no idea what he's doing in Seb's apartment.
Will's POV
This morning just became interesting seeing Y/n in front of my door.
"I came to talk to- well to see, you know. Is he home?" She seems nervous and really confused to see me.
"He doesn't live here." I frown my brows trying to smile not sure why she was ringing my door if he wants to talk to Sebastian.
"What?" I can see her cheeks flushing red and I decide to take it easy on her. As much as I disagree with the idea of Sebastian dating a fan of his, I still should probably not be a jerk to this one. She seems really embarrassed right now.
"He's lives on the second floor." I say and she gulps looking around.
"I don't understand. Isn't this the second floor?" She asks surprised she was wrong and I shake my head.
"No, this is the third floor. You're from Europe, you guys have ground floor too, so that could be a common mistake." I wink at her and she nods.
"Right. I am so sorry to have bothered you." She says covering part of her face with her palm clearly ashamed she got that wrong.
"No problem," I say looking at her and she nods turning around. I close my eyes trying to decide whether or not I should tell her the truth. "He's not home tho." I find myself spitting the truth, but she seemed to have made a fool of herself enough for one day.
She turns around gulping looking at me almost begging me to tell her where he is.
"He's in L.A. with .... Alejandra." I tell her and it's like I threw a whole building on her face.
"Right... shit, okay. Please don't mention this to him. This was a mistake." She says taking a few steps back. I want to let her go and I know I would be doing Sebastian a service but if he ever found out she came all the way to New York to talk to him and I sent her away, he would probably never talk to me again, or at least he would be very angry with me.
"He's coming back though later today, so if you want to come back later..." I suggest looking at her and she tilts her head giving me a weak smile.
"No, this was clearly a mistake. I don't know what I was thinking, so if you could, please don't bring this up with him." I feel so bad at this point seeing she has a carry-on. She probably acted impulsively on coming here only to find out he is in Los Angeles.
"I think he would like to see you, so if you want you can wait for him here. I mean, it would be no trouble at all." I insist knowing Sebastian will kill me if I don't do something about this. As much as I hate this idea, I try to act like an actual good friend.
"Am I crazy?" She asks closing her eyes shut and I want to say yes, but I take a deep breath in trying to understand myself what is actually happening.
"We could discuss this matter over a cup of coffee." I say smiling as I open the door wider and she chuckles shaking her head. "It's good to finally meet you." I say as she comes in and her eyes open wide.
"I just realized I haven't even properly introduced myself. Hi, I am Y/n." She stretches her hand clumsily towards me and I chuckle looking at her.
"Will. Don't worry, for some reason, I feel like I already know you somehow." I try to lighten up the mood and not make her feel so awkward, but it feels like I might have made it worse.
"To be honest, I feel the same and I know this must be strange for you, giving your thoughts regarding Sebastian and I." She says and I gulp feeling caught in the act. "Don't worry, I feel the same as you, to be perfectly honest I have no idea what the hell I am doing here."
I make coffee for the both of us and she starts telling me just how everything was for her and I feel so bad for her, as she tells me just how much our view of their relationship is matching at every single thing, I just feel bad for saying those things to Sebastian. He never saw these things like us, and now I feel bad for him having to hear those things from me and her, because I know that's what drove him to even agree on dating Alejandra.
"I don't know, I guess I don't know why he sent me that gift, I mean he shouldn't have done it. He has a girlfriend, and I know we were never in an actual relationship, but that Vector robot was really personal and I just don't know. I feel so weird because I never wanted people to find out about us because they would all say I am a crazy fan who dates him for public attention and I don't want- I hate that his life is public. I hate all these things, it doesn't even matter now, because it's too late now, but I needed to tell him that it was real for me, my feelings were actually real and I know it won't change shit now, but I need him to know this and I need him to tell me his truth too because I cannot understand how he could one day come to Cluj and ask me to be his girlfriend and two weeks later he has another girlfriend. I need to know if anything was real for him too." She rambles as I sip on my coffee listening to her and as much as I want to give her all the answers, I am not the one from who she wants to hear them.
"You're not as bad as I thought you were." I smile looking at her and she shakes her head.
"Nope, I am much worse. Look at me, I am waiting at his best friend's apartment for him to come from his girlfriend, like a total creeper." She chuckles and I shrug looking at her.
"I get it, you want answers, he probably needs this too. At least you could both get some kind of closure. Now onto more important questions. Are you hungry?" I say ready to make some omelet and she nods so I make breakfast for us.
From: Chace
omw 2 u
I forgot I was supposed to meet him at my place as Yn came here unexpectedly. Sebastian owes me big time for dealing with his girl problems.
To: Chace
Right... a situation has emerged. How about I come to your place instead?
"Y/n, would you be okay waiting alone for Sebastian? I sort of had plans for today." I ask her even though I feel bad leaving her alone in my apartment, but I cannot have Chace come here either as she would probably feel weird.
"Uhm, sure, but are you okay with me waiting here?"
"Yeah, just make sure you tell him to lock the door. He has a spare key. You could also wait in his apartment if you want." I tell her and she chuckles nervously.
"That would be really awkward and creepy, me waiting in his apartment." She says and I shrug not finding in any weirder than her waiting for him in my apartment, but I guess I know where she's coming from.
"Alright. I should probably give you my number in case you need anything." I say and she gives me her number and I dial it so she can have mine too,
"Would it be okay if I used your shower?" She asks and I nod.
"Yeah, clean towels on the top shelf." I tell her and she smiles as I am going towards my bedroom. I should probably tell Sebastian she is waiting for him here. I change my clothes and I see her shifting positions on the sofa in the living room. "Hey, I'll tell him to come to my apartment, don't worry, I got you." I say and she smiles.
"I don't think I can do this. This is too weird. I should just leave." I travel my hand to my eye and rub it not believing how fast she can change her mind.
"For the last time, it's not weird, I won't tell him you are here, if you feel that would be weird. I'll text you when he gets home and you can just knock on his door. Do you want me to wait here with you?" I ask taking a few steps towards her.
"No, it's okay. Text me when he gets home." She says and I nod.
Y/n's pov
If it wasn't for Will to leave me alone in his apartment without a key, I would honestly leave, but he was so sweet towards me that I cannot just leave his apartment unlocked. I honestly don't even know where I would go. On that note, I should look for a hotel room and book one for tonight. I go on the balcony and smoke a cigarette looking for a place to sleep and I find one hotel that is fairly close to this building. I go to the bathroom and take a shower trying to make sense of everything that happened in the last four hours.
I cannot believe I am showering in Sebastian's best friend's apartment. How the hell did I end up here? For someone who clearly didn't agree with my relationship with Sebastian, he surely acted nice. Maybe he just wants both of us to get some closure. I am sure he knew more than he let out, but I felt he actually insisted on me waiting for Seb.
What if Seb comes with Alejandra and Will just wants me to see them together up close so I can 'get that closure' he was talking about. Come on, he wouldn't have acted so nice with you if he couldn't stand you. Yeah, maybe I am overthinking about this. I change my clothes and I yawn as I move to the couch. I try to stay awake as I watch Netflix, but I barely keep my eyes open and after heavy battles in my head, I feel myself drifting into the dream world.
I wake up scared for some reason and I realize it's 5 pm. I see two text messages from Will and I lift my body utterly shocked that I slept so much. I suppose the jet leg is worse than Sebastian ever let it seem.
From: Will (Sebastian's friend)
He got home. @3:30 pm
Hey, are you still at my place? @4:23 pm
Oh shit. I cannot believe this actually happened. I take a few deep breaths and I know I should go to Sebastian's apartment but I feel all these weird feelings creeping in on me. I should smoke a cigarette to calm down. I am too shocked at this point. I go to his balcony and look at the street. I This is real. This is happening. I am in New York hiding in Will's apartment because I am too scared of actually facing Sebastian. I almost laugh at myself for acting this way. I decide to shuffle my playlist on Spotify and try to vibe to whatever song that will come on, but it's like the Universe just wants to laugh at me as I hear 'Monomaniac' by Carla's Dreams.
You say that it's not about us, that I'm a wanderer and a bastard,
So I can not be as you like.
I have a clumsy construction, I drink wine and I smoke tobacco.
Monomaniac...
You're my crossroad, but I'm gonna get to you,
Even if you hide in the oldest bric-a-brac,
I would find you and make you feel
Butterflies in the stomach...
You go on, I'll stay.
Leave me here, let me drink,
Let me see how I can not
Get what I want and then lose everything
I do feel like having a glass of wine before actually going to face Sebastian but I feel like that might be too much. I should probably just be sober for this. This is just for closure. I need this even though it feels like I really am about to lose this whole thing with Sebastian but to be honest there is nothing to lose anymore. I already lost it when I told him I cannot be his. I put the cigarette out actually feeling weird butterflies in my stomach knowing I will see him for the last time in my life. As the last chorus of the song comes I turn around to go back, but my feet stop as I see Sebastian looking at me. He smiles confused and I can see his chest rising and falling quicker.
"Hey." I smile stepping inside the living room and Sebastian stands still smiling back at me.
"Hi."
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Hope you enjoyed this chapter.
What do you think is about to happen now?
Don't forget to VOTE and leave a feedback in the COMMENTS.
Hope you have a lovely day!
-Kate G.