◤
"Isn't he like a kid?"
Jimin glares at Sungwoon who is busy sporting a smirk over a cigarette clipped between his lips.
"I'm just sayin', bro," his friend hangs his head loose to the side, trying to look less offensive than he sounds. If Jimin would be honest, he would openly admit to Sungwoon being judgmental for his own lame reasons. "He is like a possessive puppy."
Why does everybody assume that Jimin needs a strong man to handle him? Does he look so fragile from the outside that calls for a pick-me-up, or did he ogle too much at bulky guys next to his friends? Honestly, both options sound ridiculous!
Jungkook might not be the manliest man around, but he has great proportions and an extremely handsome personality. He doesn't try hard like those try-hard-dudes, and listens to Jimin a lot more than Jimin listens to him. Jimin has somewhat of the upper hand in their dynamics but that doesn't mean Jungkook lacks the ability to take charge when needed.
"Will he be able to handle you?"
"Handle me how?"
"...nothing."
Jimin rolls his eyes, letting out a huge breath. The smell of smoke is irritating his lungs but not more than his friend's arrogant attitude of display. He balances the heel of his running shoe left to right on the concrete, lips puckering as he fixates on the movement.
"Are you looking down on me?"
Sungwoon's smoking comes to a halt, the cigarette trapped between his fingers that fall to the bench. Silence drawls the question Jimin knows he will ask, eventually uttered. "Why would I do that, Jimin-ah?"
The corner of Jimin's lip twitches. It's not a crime to trust his best friend. But at the end of the day, he is human like everyone else and it's only natural that he feels entitlement as he has saved Jimin's life countless times.
Jimin can't even get mad at him.
"I know right," he mutters to himself, dragging his shoe back and forth over the pavement, paying attention to the way the sound perfectly matches the stir of the waves a couple feet away.
He is just being silly.
"I'm worried that you will be disappointed."
Jimin turns his face towards Sungwoon, blinking intently. The man contemplates, not wanting to trigger Jimin with his words, but knows it's too late to keep his thoughts to himself when he has let a pickle out the jar already.
"You deserve to be with someone mature and responsible. Someone who will understand what you are going through."
Jimin hums, his mind wandering.
He pictures Jungkook's youthful eyes, how clueless he is about half of the time, how spontaneous and unplanned his spirits are, how he fails to suppress his instincts and follows his heart.
He is the most human thing Jimin has ever seen in his entire life.
Jimin found him when he wasn't looking for a relationship. Honestly, even now that they are together (it has been a week yet) Jimin isn't looking for a relationship. Then he would be looking for the traits that Sungwoon mentioned too, but that's not what Jimin is after.
Jimin is only after Jungkook.
Jimin doesn't expect anything from him, doesn't want to ask for much but his pretty face, the luck of his breeze, the nonsense he knows best will make Jimin laugh, his warmth and his lips, once in a while.
That's all.
It's not complicated, it's not hard, it's not deep.
And that's what mesmerizes Jimin the most about Jungkook. That he doesn't need to do anything other than being himself to make Jimin happy.
The big smile spreading over his lips doesn't go unnoticed by his friend, who nudges him questioningly.
"I was just thinking about," Jimin squeezes his shoulders, the wind of the sea dancing around him gracefully, "how nice it would feel to cuddle with a possessive puppy."
"What are you talking about?" Sungwoon spurts a startled laugh, looking more embarrassed than Jimin at the sappy comment. Jimin giggles as his friend keeps staring back and forth to make sure he heard him right. "Yah, how long has it been already? Are you in love, asshole?"
Jimin's eyes grow, cheeks hurting from grinning. "Why am I the asshole?" he defends himself, raising his voice.
"You promised that we would fall in love at the same time!" Sungwoon too shouts, now, taking this way more seriously that is good for Jimin's lungs. This idiot hasn't forgotten about that yet.
"Yah, you believed that? You thought that would work?"
"Jimin-ah!" Sungwoon keeps breathing shocked laughs as Jimin attaches to his arm, using it for leverage to survive his own laughter. "Are you seriously abandoning our pact?!"
"Stop speaking nonsense," Jimin points his finger, giving a strong push that makes Sungwoon lie on the bench, eyes never leaving Jimin. "You said that one night when you were drunk because you got dumped to make yourself feel better about not being in love! Why am I supposed to pay the price, oh?!"
"I did not get dumped!" Sungwoon cries in defense, eyes shut tight as he comically shouts with all his might. A couple walking by gets irked by the volume of his voice. Jimin bows in apologies although he is light-headed himself. "I did not, aimma! I had feelings for someone else, okay?"
"And what are you doing about it?" Jimin shakes his head adamantly, getting caught in the argument as well. "Do you think Nisa is going to wait for you forever?"
Sungwoon's lips stutter eagerly but he fails to formulate a sentence, caught off-guard by Jimin's comment. "Since when this is about me? How dare you change–"
"I saw her on the news!"
"Huh?" Sungwoon quietens down suddenly, blinking nervously as he waits for Jimin to continue. "N-news?"
"Yeah," Jimin clears his throat, stuffing his hands inside the pockets of his jacket. He straightens his posture and directs his gaze to the sea. "She is a news anchor."
"For real?" Sungwoon is quick to scramble, angling towards Jimin in utter curiosity. Jimin forces himself not to smile.
"On SBS, breaking news segment at 7 o'clock at night."
He feels his friend still in place, and his thoughts are so fucking loud that Jimin is nearly suffocated by them.
"It's not like you didn't know, pabo!" he shouts, glancing at Sungwoon through the corner of his eyes. "She was bound to make it big. She was the smartest of our class." He keeps silent, checking for a reaction from Sungwoon although there is nothing but reticence.
Jimin sighs, turning to hold him by the shoulders. Sungwoon looks at him with a pout tugging on his lips, drained out of energy. He has been pining over her ever since high school but never mustered up the courage to make a move. After graduation he decided he would be successful before facing her and asking her out.
It has been four years ever since.
Jimin shakes him a little. He can't stand seeing Sungwoon helpless one bit. It makes him want to go find Nisa and bring her over to him, just so this yearning can come to end — happily or differently.
"Hot chocolate?" he asks instead, elation sparking through him when a small smile replaces Sungwoon's lips. "Yeah? With whipped cream and barbecue sauce?"
Sungwoon makes a face. Jimin chuckles, tilting his head in angles to meet his friend's eyes.
"No barbecue sauce but extra whipped cream?"
"Mm."
Jimin jumps to his feet, grabbing Sungwoon's arm and pushing him around until his friend is allowing himself to be dragged to the coffee shop right across the street.
"Come on, you big lover boy. Let's sprinkle some chocolate over your soul."
◢
◤
The world with Jungkook is a totally different place.
Colors are more vibrant, days are more meaningful, and cuddles are nicer than Jimin ever imagined them to be.
Jungkook has long and strong arms, accommodates Jimin perfectly in his embrace but best of all, knows to never let go. Sometimes they sit in each other's warmth for hours, quiet and at peace. It's rare to feel this easy around someone without having to say a word to make up for the silence. There is still so much they don't know about each other, but for some reason, time doesn't feel rushed.
They are each other's comfort buddies more than ever, tackling issues as they come, asking questions about each other then. There is no pressure, because Jimin knows Jungkook will let him in as they go, and Jungkook will be patient with him as long as it takes Jimin to tell his stories.
In between the lines, Jungkook meets sadness when he receives his parents' divorce notice. Meanwhile, Jimin meets a sadness of his own when his university re-enrollment plan collapses. Even though their sadnesses are separate from each other, both are painted over with baby blue blankets, sweet petnames, strawberry kisses, and lots and lots of cuddles.
Life keeps carpeting tides their way, but Jimin and Jungkook are anti-fragile, meaning, they don't settle with bouncing back from adversity but bounce back in such a way that they are better, stronger, closer.
So close, indeed, that Jimin looks into Jungkook's eyes and all he thinks is three words.
He regrets keeping them to himself when he watches Jungkook walk into a tunnel of uncertainties, sitting inside the darkness of his jeep with his heart on his throat, scolding himself through tears for not confessing as he should have.
Jungkook returns, and Jimin drinks him like his elixir of immortality. He ends up in Jungkook's bed later that night with Jungkook's lips kissing and caressing his body and Jimin is dying inside because he still hasn't told him. He promises to say it when Jungkook makes love to him finally, and then Jimin will let go of the burden of holding this scary secret, tell Jungkook he lo–
That's as far as he goes.
The next minute he is inside a cab with his eyes stirring over the endless roads, blaming and chastising himself.
He is crying because he is supposed to be worried about his sick son, yet here his heart angrily beats because he left Jungkook's side. It had been a while since Jimin had felt like being a father was a nuisance, but tonight it comes back. It comes back so strongly that Jimin doesn't know how to stop hating himself.
How not to think of the word bastard at the mention of himself.
He apologizes to Byeong at the hospital, kissing his hands and watching his eyes stir behind his pale eyelids. When he feels like it's not enough, he apologizes some more. And then some more.
This innocent child deserves better.
Jimin doesn't deserve him.
Maybe love doesn't make a better person out of everyone. Or maybe Jimin did the math wrong somewhere in the way, because at this very moment, staring down the city from the balcony of Byeong's hospital room, he doesn't know whether he will ever do things right.
He feels Jungkook's breeze approach then, gently landing on his skin like a soothing hand of caress, like a lullaby drawing him out of the torment of his emotions — and Jimin leans into it with so little shame that he hates himself even more.
He wants Jungkook, even though he isn't, and probably will never be perfect.
◢
◤
"Hi hyung. I made some sickness food for Byeongie. Um. I'm not sure if he'll like it but Omoni's Kitchen said that porridge was good for kids so... Here you go."
Jungkook stands in the middle of Jimin's garden with a healing-basket for Byeong the next afternoon, sporting a ridiculously nervous expression as the toddler tastes the porridge, and then a ridiculously joyful grin when the little boy asks for more. His pupils twinkle in reflection of his inner world next, lit and merry upon getting recognition from Jimin's friends.
Jimin wonders how long he has to regard Jungkook independent of his reality. Whether that's something he has to do anymore.
Unlike he feared, Jungkook enjoys interacting with Jimin's social circle. Jimin calls the whole ordeal ridiculous because Jungkook cares about those people individually, like they have each reserved a room in his heart to be fed some love of their own sort.
Jungkook had once told Jimin that he didn't like to hurt. For someone who doesn't like to hurt, the dedication is ridiculously bold. Jimin can't believe love was something that could be given away so generously.
Jungkook is a fascinating man.
And Jimin is ridiculously in love with him.
◢
◤
Jungkook draws Jimin into a world of spells and fairytales.
He unlocks doors Jimin had lost the keys to, tells him stories Jimin had long forgotten existed. He makes Jimin believe the impossible.
"You know I love you so much, right, Jiminio?"
"I love you more, you know right, Ggukliet?"
Like that, Jimin finally confesses at the shore of a sandy beach.
Jungkook kisses him silly, like he is teaching him a lesson for making him wait so long.
Jimin loves it. He can't stop laughing out of relief every two seconds to properly respond to Jungkook's kisses, but that's the best thing about Jungkook: he knows to never let go. He kisses the smile on Jimin's lips, the tears on his cheeks and the pink at the tip of his nose.
"We promised to be happy starting today, didn't we?"
"What if these are happy tears?"
"Then... I guess you can cry a little bit when I'm here."
"And when you are not here?"
"I'll always be here, hm?"
Jungkook makes Jimin believe the impossible.
◢
◤
Summer comes and Jungkook leaves the city.
Jimin's abandonment issues are back.
He knew that the summer would mark the end of the first phase of their relationship as distance would come into play. He tried to console himself by considering this as a test to see how strong their bond were, and to predict if there would be a future for them.
But who was Jimin kidding? He has already chosen Jungkook forever. Even if this test were to fail, Jimin wouldn't be able to live with the truth of it. He would probably go to extents of making a fool out of himself trying to mend their love, of being Jungkook's again.
Jimin is lucky, though. Because Jungkook doesn't look like he would ever give up on him too, even if he were on the other side of the globe, even if he were to run low on sleep, even if he were to sacrifice from other parts of his life to make Jimin smile. Of course, Jimin doesn't want to have a negative effect on his partner, but they are trying to make this relationship work on not-so-ideal terms at the moment being, and Jimin gave himself the permission to be a little clingy and too much in love.
It's just really hard to be in a Jungkook-less city, that's all.
When he stops by their café for a morning coffee and hears the sound of their laughter from the table in the corner, it's really hard to snap back to the present. When he returns home from work and runs into a memory of them kissing in the pavement, it's really hard not to circle around it just so it doesn't fade away. When the flowers Jungkook gave him weave their dry leaves, it's really hard to throw them away. When Jungkook is on the screen of his phone a couple hours later, it's really hard not to let his tears go and ask him to come back.
He misses Jungkook.
He misses Jungkook like he won't be back, despite how unrealistic it sounds even to his own ears.
◢
◤
It's a beautiful Saturday morning when Jimin decides to wear off the gloominess hovering over his head and go for a run. Byeong is still sleeping but aunt Yumi is up and preparing breakfast in the garden, so Jimin asks her to check on him when he is out.
"Don't run too far! I'm making American sandwiches," she chirps.
Already excited for her cooking, Jimin smiles and promises as he goes.
He is a step outside the gate when he notices a silhouette from the other side of the street.
He draws a breath, pretending to not having seen the man and busying himself with locking the door. But Taehyung is fast and he catches Jimin before he is able to take off.
"Please, Jimin-ah, please hear me out," he says like other every time he guarded the door to convince Jimin to talk to him. This is going on for a month already and Jimin's patience is wearing out faster than Taehyung's perseverence. Ignoring him has only proved to reinforce his behavior so far, the man taking Jimin's dodges as a challenge to get himself noticed in other creative ways.
He scared the shit out of Jimin when he jumped behind the wall just last week, and all he had to say when Jimin scolded him was, "at least I got you to talk to me!"
Jimin has been grumpy towards Taehyung but he won't say that he isn't curious about what he will say at the same time. Falling prey to his good mood, he spares the man glance. Taehyung's expressions turn frantic when he does, grabbing Jimin's hands and shaking them in pleas.
"Just give me ten minutes. Please. I promise I'll never return if you kick me away then."
That's how they end up at the basketball court of the high school they attended together, watching the field through the wires surrounding it.
"I got a phone now," Taehyung says after a few minutes of sitting in silence. "Eomoni won't be bothering you to reach me anymore."
Jimin keeps his gaze locked forward, not moving an inch. Taehyung ducks his head low and plays with his fingers, parting his lips to speak again.
"I'm renting a place. I'm not staying at Jungkook's rooftop anymore."
More silence.
"I've got a job too."
Jimin rolls his shoulders, the movement arousing hope in Taehyung who looks at him expectantly.
"Good," Jimin nods. "Less reasons for us to cross paths," he swallows the bitterness that lies underneath his tongue as the words glide out. He pushes himself to look at Taehyung, keeping his gaze steady. "Was that all?" he readies a foot to push himself off the bench.
Taehyung swallows, uneasily opening and closing his mouth like he is shaken by the indifference. Jimin doesn't know what he was expecting. What does Taehyung have to do with whatever is going on in his life anyway? It's not like Taehyung gave a fuck to this day. Why does he think he deserves Jimin's attention?
At Jimin's attempt to stand up Taehyung steadies him by the arm, letting go of his grasp as soon as Jimin's eyes blow fire at him.
"I-it hasn't been ten minutes," he mumbles, shying away. Jimin lets out a huge sigh, dropping his back on the bench and closing his eyes to prevent more of their stupid high school memories from flooding his mind. He knows the only reason Taehyung brought him here was to break his walls and remind him of the good times they spent in this very court, playing late hours of the night until their bodies drained in sweat.
But it's in the past.
It's where Taehyung lives.
That's where Jimin keeps him ever since he decided to fuck off without a word, without a goodbye.
"Do you hate me?" Taehyung's soft mumble shakes the air.
Jimin clenches his teeth to keep feelings away. He is not going to break at a stupid question.
"It's okay, you can just say that you do. I know you do."
What a fucking joke. Jimin leaps to his feet, pointing a finger at Taehyung.
"I'm not listening to this crap. If you have something to say, say it right now before I leave," he spits sternly.
"I'm sorry–"
Jimin shrugs off his jacket, shaking his head as he turns around and starts walking, but Taehyung catches up to him, trying to hold him back.
"I'm sorry, Jimin-ah, I'm–"
Jimin is getting angry fast. He hates that after all these years, Taehyung can still bring out the beast in him just by an utterance of words. It's not fair, it's not. He can't just do that. He bats Taehyung's hands aggressively, managing to get him out of the way and doing his best not to let the tears in the man's eyes get to him.
Jimin could never stand seeing him cry when he was younger. It would do things to him. It would make him mad, angry and furious. More so because he wouldn't know what was wrong as Taehyung had a dirty habit of keeping things from him, and more so because he couldn't be able to bring himself to not care.
His steps come to a halt when he hears Taehyung's shouts echo behind him.
"I didn't want you to save me anymore!... I wanted to mess up, be bad and get hurt, and you wouldn't fucking let me! I was sick of being a burden! I was sick of you–" his breaths heave, energy coming to an end as he quietly sniffles. "I'm sorry... I needed you to give up on me..."
Jimin looks up to not let tears of his own but the sky itself is foggy, telling of what's bound to come. His hands squeeze into fists next to his body, heart stuttering on his chest as the first breath of sorrow escapes his lungs, a puff into the air. The lonely rooted tree weaves with the wind, blowing a bundle of leaves through the air that travel Jimin to their childhood, to the very first day they stepped into this school.
The colors are dull and the yard is ever so crowded.
"This is a new start, okay? We'll be fine here."
"They'll figure out eventually."
"There is nothing to figure out, Tae. You did nothing wrong."
"Yeah..."
"Taehyung-ah. I'm here. Just stay by my side and don't run away, okay?"
Jimin had thrown an arm around his shoulder and shuffled his hair, even knowing that Taehyung didn't believe him. He had smiled, hoping it acted as reason for him to trust that he will be just fine, that Jimin will protect him at all costs.
But the myth of the village followed Taehyung to the city. People accused him of being a murderer again, and Taehyung had no say in it. He shouldn't have been at a rooftop where his classmate committed suicide, and he shouldn't have fought with him the day before. He wouldn't have been a victim of coincidences then, and he wouldn't have to live with a tainted name for the rest of his life.
Ever so slowly, Taehyung started believing the rumors himself. That is probably when things started going wrong between the two of them. It was in vain to be there for someone who wasn't there for themselves. Taehyung drifted farther and farther away, and Jimin didn't know how to save him anymore.
Then one day Jimin woke up, and Taehyung wasn't there anymore.
"They moved last night," his father told Jimin, trying to stop him from breaking the door of their old house.
"Where?! Where did they go?! You knew, didn't you?! Why didn't you tell me?!" Jimin trashed around, short from losing his mind.
"I had no idea, Jimin. They didn't say a thing. Your aunt called today morning to say that they were on their way to Daegu."
"What about Taehyung?"
"Taehyung wanted to switch schools. He is the reason why they are moving."
Jimin froze in spot, holding onto a hug of comfort for the compensation of losing his cousin, his best friend.
No, he didn't want to be comforted. He wanted Taehyung. He wanted to know if he was okay. He wanted to know why he didn't want Jimin to know. Most of all, he wanted to apologize for not being able to protect him.
It took him a long time to come to terms with the fact that there was nothing he could do change the situation, and he coped with the pain by being angry at Taehyung. There came a time when Jimin hated him, so that's a yes to Taehyung's question, but a no too because it was impossible not to miss him even so.
When Taehyung came to Gidae a few months ago like nothing happened, Jimin decided to stop caring entirely.
And now, this. After years of radio silence and a shitty appearance, Taehyung decides it's time to redeem himself. As if it's that easy — but it is, with Jimin and Taehyung it is.
Because when Taehyung cries, it does something to Jimin.
The colors come back to life, and Jimin sees red.
He turns around, shoes dragging against the concrete and locks eyes with Taehyung. He has his hands on his knees, is looking at Jimin with stupid tears in his eyes and lame apologies.
It makes Jimin insane.
He accelerates towards him, anger boiling harder every second he gets closer. Then when his hands find Taehyung's collars Jimin stands him up harshly, shouting like a madman and punching him on the face, punching him on the stomach, on the chest, kicking him until Taehyung is a mess on the ground.
"You wanted an answer? I fucking hate you, asshole!" Jimin shouts, unable to control the mad hiccups tearing his body apart, the sobs keeping him from breathing properly. He straddles Taehyung on the ground, grabbing his shoulders and shaking him like he wants the man to bring back the past, to roll the tape to the start so that they can forget anything ever happened. "I fucking hate you..." he is exhausted, the world steading back to its place slowly as the frenzy coddling his mind settles.
Taehyung's hands raise from the ground, grasping Jimin's arms heartily and holding him still.
They look at each other what feels like forever, and a little smile suddenly forms around Taehyung's blood-stained lips.
"I know you do," he says and even with a chuckle, yanking Jimin down into a hug. His arms and legs wrap everywhere on Jimin's body until the man goes tout against him, melting into the embrace.
"I'm never gonna forgive you," Jimin says into his shoulder, eyes closed and tears streaming down his cheeks.
"I know," Taehyung cards his hand through Jimin's hair, pressing Jimin's face even closer to his neck, almost like he wants to bury Jimin there and keep him to never leave him again.
Jimin... missed him. He missed him so fucking much. The yearning is pressing on now that he has disposed his anger and gotten his answers. Now that the Taehyung he knows is back, he doesn't think he can do without him again.
In a beat, he crawls his own arms off the ground and hugs Taehyung with all his might, both of them rolling to their sides as they struggle to fit perfectly.
"You were never a burden, Tae," Jimin whispers. It's cathartic to say it so openly because these are words he always wished he could say, sometimes even did to the ghost of Taehyung. It feels unreal to be able to say it to the flesh of his person, the real him. "Never."
"I'm sorry," Taehyung whispers back, fingers rolling to the fabric of Jimin's shirt over his shoulders. Jimin's chest stutters against his, head shaking frantically as he pulls Taehyung impossibly closer.
"It's okay," he settles with saying. Even after all these years, the urge to protect him is there. The piece of himself that Taehyung had taken with him is back, and just like back then, it overpowers his aggravation and anger, replacing them with something warm and compassionate.
People leave. And sometimes they come back. People do all sorts of things, sometimes meaningful, other times meaningless.
Jimin realizes that day, that he is a person too. He can choose to not let them go and he can choose to let them back in. He doesn't have to be a backdrop, but the author of his own story.
◢
◤
It's a month into the summer break when Jungkook announces he won't be able to return early on like he hoped he would. They have an expensive reservation at a resort in France and Jungkook's family wants him by their side until the end of the vacation. Naturally, they have missed him. Jimin will have him for the whole semester anyway; it only makes sense that Jungkook spends as much time as he can with them.
Meanwhile for Jimin, Gidae turns into a dump of mattes, a place too small to contain his wishes and desires. Listening to Jungkook's adventures is nice, because it keeps Jimin up to date with what he is doing and also because he loves listening to Jungkook talk about things that make him excited, but in a deep corner of his mind, Jimin wishes he too could see the world with his own two eyes one day.
It doesn't even have to be the world.
It can be as far as another city.
When the call disconnects, Jimin feels the urge to rid himself of the emptiness carving into his stomach. It's not out of hunger, but out of exhaustion of sitting back and watching life play, people come and go, seasons change.
"Fuck it," he jumps to his feet, grabbing the luggage at the bottom of the closet and stuffing it with whatever he finds for himself, and clothes and essentials for Byeong. "Come on, baby," he grabs his clueless son in a swift move, locking the trailer and heading straight to aunt Yumi's house.
"Jimin?" she asks worriedly as soon as her eyes fall on the luggage clutched in Jimin's hand. "Is everything okay?"
"Yes," Jimin offers her a warm smile. "I thought it would be good to get away from the city for the weekend. Sorry for letting you know abruptly but I called Sungwoon and he will come check on you in the mornings and nights."
"So that he can get on my nerves for no reason? I can do just fine on my own!" aunt Yumi pulls on the sides of her lace cardigan, playing an upset pout on her lips.
"He will behave, he promised," Jimin chuckles, tracing her gaze until the pretense falls.
"Where are you going?"
Jimin takes a huge breath. "You'll tell me." Her gaze shifts into one of curiosity, eyes growing out of their sockets when Jimin utters, "I need my father's address in Busan."
◢
◤
Standing in front of his father's apartment is nothing like Jimin imagined would be. He came here out of an impulsive decision but is this really the right move to make? He is stirring in anxiety, grip so tight around Byeong that the young one is lays squished against his neck, keeping silent as he is aware of the distress buzzing through Jimin.
The TV is running behind the door, an indicative that someone is home.
Fear, anxiety, confusion, worry — a current of emotions that are swirling Jimin in a dark wormhole. Maybe he should have extensively thought this out. Maybe then he wouldn't have to be standing here uselessly, neither able to knock nor to leave.
A wave of heat rushes over him upon picturing the face of his father and his knees weaken, causing him to put Byeong on the ground, kneeling besides him.
"Just a minute," he dives his hands in the roots of his hair, taking huge breaths to help himself focus. He needs a damn minute to figure out what he is going to do if he gets rejected, if the door is shut closed on his face, how the hell he is going to cope with it in a stranger city with nowhere else to go.
"Dada," Byeong pouts, clinging unto his side nervously.
Jimin shakes himself awake from the hollow of his emotions, hugging Byeong to his chest and caressing his hair to make him feel safe. He stokes his little fragile figure, planting kisses on the side of his head apologetically.
"You're getting dragged into a mess because of your daddy," he whispers into his son's soft hair strands, eyes closing shut as he forces himself to stay calm and collected. "I'm sorry, doll."
He just has to be brave.
Even though they moved away from Gidae, his father never stopped calling Jimin or checking up on him. As much as Jimin didn't want to acknowledge it due to feelings of betrayal and hurt, he knows deep down that his father cares about him. Maybe he was giving Jimin time to adjust to the changes or to forgive him, maybe that is why he never visited him in Gidae all this time. Or maybe he himself was sorrowful and regretful about his decisions, even though they all knew the coming of the inevitable.
Park Han-gyeol ran a restaurant in the old days. He was a seasoned chef and loved by everybody in the city, nevertheless, couldn't prevent his business from going bankrupt during a mini-recession. He was left with nothing back in Gidae and didn't want to start over. That's when he decided to move to his hometown Busan and obtain a position in the Ministry of Agriculture and Food that would provide stability for himself and his children.
Jimin might have been selfish by refusing to follow him to Busan, regardless of how right his father could have been. Because he, too, had a life to secure.
"There is no future for me in Busan! I'm not following you there!" he had shouted brattily.
"You will build a future for yourself if there isn't any!" his father had cried in response, desperate to get his point across. "Isn't that what appa is doing?"
"That's appa's problem!" Jimin clawed at his tears, pointing fingers at him. "You can't force me to start over because you failed to make it work!"
His father just stared in anguish and Jimin hurt even more than him, because he knew he was choosing selfishness over loyalty. Struggling with being a late teen dad was ambushing him into a corner, depriving him of independence and youth. Like every other time, he poured his frustrations over his father and put the blame on him.
Being suspended from Gidae University was like a slap on the face when it happened. There Jimin was, losing the one thing he had adamantly defended to his father as his life assurance.
He was just a boy who was thrown into the fighting ring with no ability to protect his flesh or his belongings. That's the summary of his youth: him making countless mistakes and failing to answer questions, becoming a knight against everyone, everything, but mostly, himself.
The self-loving person he is becoming these days is the reason he could jump into a random bus to Busan and give himself a chance to face the one man who loved him all his life beyond his complexes of guilt and regret.
It's still nauseating, still nerve-wrenching and stomach fluttering to be doing it, but Jimin has to at least try before giving up.
He collects himself quickly, grabbing Byeong and raising him to the doorbell's level.
"Do you want to press it?" he smiles dearly, the little one mirroring his expression immediately.
Byeong holds out his tiny finger, slowly pressing on the white button by the wall, triggering a ringing sound inside the house.
Jimin braces himself for what's to come, heart pounding with so much force that he can barely hear the sound of the atmosphere. A few seconds later the knob stirs and the door slowly creaks open.
Jimin's breath catches on his throat, body going taut.
In front of him is his little brother Jihyun, ironically not so little anymore. He is wearing sweats with the hoodie pulled over his messy strands. His features are more defined, more man-like and his height trespasses Jimin by a couple inches.
Both their mouths hang open wordlessly, at least until Jihyun breaks into a shriek loud enough to shake the entire building, launching himself onto Jimin madly.
"Holy shit! Hyung! Wha-what the hell! How!" he shakes the three of them, gasping incredulously. Jimin is short of words, not knowing what to do with himself except for laughing tearily at Jihyun's fascination.
"Yah, how dare you grow taller than your hyung?" he tries teasing him but his voice is too weak to sound the slightest threatening. Jihyun has busied himself with Byeong already, eyes full of wonder and adoration towards the little boy who is flabbergasted at the emotional outburst.
"Byeongie... do you remember me?" Jihyun asks kindly, voice breathy like Jimin's favorite summer breeze. "I'm your uncle Jihyunie."
Byeong looks between Jihyun and Jimin, as if he is making sure it's safe to interact with the enthusiastic boy. At the encouraging nod from Jimin's side, he lets Jihyun easily pick him up, smiling at every attempt his playfulness.
"Appaaaa! Jimin hyung is here! Come here, quick!"
The nerves return at the sudden announcement, an immediate fire breaking out inside Jimin's body, enough to roast his skin into shades of red and race his heart uncontrollably.
Sooner than Jimin is ready for, his father walks into the living room out-of-breath, a hand on his heart as his eyes lock into Jimin's.
Not even a second later Jimin finds himself buried in his arms, crying his heart out with nonsensical sounds leaving his throat. He squeaks, hands sliding over his father's back regardless of how many times he tries securing them in place. His father squeezes him the more Jimin sobs, holding him up when his knees go weak from the intensity of the moment.
"You have no idea how long I waited for you," his serene and deep voice surrounds Jimin whole, the gentle pat of his sturdy hand hushing Jimin into peace. "Welcome home, Jimin."
◢
◤
Summer slowly comes to an end, which means that Jimin is short from going back to school but more importantly before everything: Jungkook returns!
Jimin jumps him at the bus terminal, kissing, kissing and kissing him until Jungkook's grin becomes so widely unkissable that Jimin has to look him in the eyes.
"You're here, I can't believe you're here."
"I am back, baby!" Jungkook shouts and the whole terminal stops to stare at them. Jimin can't stop giggling and hugging him, buzzing with enough excitement equivalent to five cups of Americano. Jungkook twirls them and makes a run with Jimin latched on him, leaving the job of carrying his luggage to poor Sungwoon who is failing to catch up to them.
Jungkook's existence makes Jimin into a new person, like he has re-born into a version of himself unmistakably bold and vivacious. Jimin doesn't know what that summer was about, but Jungkook is his summer. He has shone onto Jimin's world like the sun again, and Jimin will never get enough of basking in his flare.
Jungkook has returned with three luggage, one of which is entirely Jimin and Byeong's.
It's filled with souvenirs from Europe, letters and photocards of beautiful places Jungkook documented, accessories, clothes, packaged snacks, funny toys and hats — just so much that Jimin doesn't know where he could possibly fit all of it! They spend the entire afternoon unpacking them in the garden, Byeong's squeals mixing with their own laughter.
The sweetest bit is that Jungkook brought aunt Yumi a recherche porcelain set of tea cups and Italian biscotti. Jimin knows for sure upon seeing that priceless smile on her face, that Jungkook is going to be forever loved by her. His baby is the best, the best, best, bestest in the world. There is no one that could get close to his kind heart or his pretty eyes.
Yet it's not the end of Jungkook's surprises.When the two of them are having a late night in Jungkook's apartment, Jungkook places a medium-sized package in front of Jimin, crossing his legs eagerly and waiting for him to open it.
"What... what is this about?"
Jimin stares at the shiny red wrapper on his lap and then at Jungkook. There is an unmistakable smile in the younger's eyes, it's so warm Jimin can feel it warming his skin all the way from here, his cheeks blooming lightly as he smiles too.
"Come on, open it," Jungkook urges him in this eager way that he's not even trying to hide, and Jimin can tell just how much of his heart he has put into it.
"You're too much, Jungkook... How am I ever gonna pay you back for all these gifts?!"
"Shh, don't keep me waiting," Jungkook bops his nose.
Jimin chuckles, head dropping low to hide his shyness that's starting to make him look silly, and finally gets into it. He's careful to not ruin any part of the plastic and works his delicate fingers with ease, unwrapping corners of the present until... a beautiful school bag makes it into the room.
The moment his eyes meet the bag, Jimin can feel himself getting teary. This was the last thing he expected — not that he had any expectations after the madness of all gifts combined, but if he were to have any for the matter, he'd never... the thought of something this sweet would have never crossed his mind.
But his thoughtful, caring and adoring Jungkookie did it. He takes all of Jimin's wishes and dreams so seriously, regardless of how eccentric or childish they are, he cares for all of them, loves and cherishes Jimin for everything he is. Jimin cannot believe Jungkook is real sometimes. Because let alone dreaming of someone he'd date or even share a life with, Jimin found someone that loves his heart. He has someone that looks at him with so much meaning that Jimin doesn't know what to do sometimes, doesn't know how to look back at them without getting teary eyed.
"Jungkook-ah..." he can only mumble dumbly.
"I just wanted to celebrate your return to school," Jungkook grins so wide all his teeth show. He looks flustered by the touched look Jimin is giving him and he keeps rubbing on his neck, but it's obvious how much he's looking forward to Jimin's reaction. "You don't have any bags that would fit thick-ass textbooks, and I thought I'd get you something useful..." Jimin hears him ramble, running his fingers through the quality material of the bag while trying to keep himself together.
It's so beautiful.
It's a delicate bag by the design but so purposeful too, and yes Jungkook was right about Jimin not having any appropriate bag to carry his school books, even though he doubts taking them to class anyway.
It doesn't matter.
He's gonna wear this to university every day.
He wasn't this excited about going to school at any point in his life. Not in primary school, not in middle school, not in high school and not in university. Never was stepping into that campus as a student this thrilling. He just... he can't wait. He must be smiling so big that Jungkook laughs, shifting close until their kneecaps are touching.
"Do you like it?"
Jimin looks up, coming eye to eye with his boyfriend's beautiful orbs. His heart is beating so fast he feels it might explode, his vision small from how big he's smiling. He laughs and his chest jumps with it, Jungkook joining him while taking his hands inside his owns.
"Are you that happy?"
Jimin nods, pressing his lips together and launching his arms in the direction of Jungkook's shoulders.
"Thank you so much, baby. I love it," he whispers, pulling Jungkook in to a tight hug, one two tears finally leaving his eyes as he feels the younger's embrace on his waist to back. His butt shifts on the carpet as Jungkook slides him close to himself, kissing his ear quietly as he pats Jimin's back.
"I'm glad you did," he says gently, his voice traveling like a sweet song right to Jimin's heart. "Since I couldn't take you around the world with me, I wanted to bring the world to you."
Jimin closes his eyes, wrapping his legs around Jungkook's torso and making himself so small that he fits perfectly into the full embrace of Jungkook's arms around him. Jungkook places kisses down his neck and under his ear, each gently clicking against Jimin's skin as his hands rub up and down Jimin's back, chuckling when Jimin hums in embarrassment of how much he is enjoying the treatment.
"Did you miss me that much?"
"Can you tell?"
Jungkook laughs again, locking Jimin into an embrace and swinging them left to right as they nuzzle against each other. Their bodies are warm and accommodated like this, their hearts beating softly into each other's chests. Jimin thought he knew how much he missed him, but being in the comfort and protection of Jungkook's arms reminds him exactly what he missed in him.
Jimin missed his calming scent, the kind tone of his voice, the liveliness in his eyes, the tenderness of his touch, the quirkiness of his smile and... sigh, so much, just so fucking much.
Jimin throws his head back to be able to meet his eyes, unable to stop grinning at the dreamy look in the younger's eyes.
"Jeon Jungkook."
Jungkook breathes out a laugh. "Park Jimin."
"You know I love you, right?"
Upon the embarrassed grin on tugging Jungkook's lips, Jimin starts giggling, holding his cheeks and planting short kisses on the younger's lips.
"What, we're shy all of a sudden?"
"Who's being shy?" Jungkook pretends, laughing at his own ridiculousness when Jimin sends him a challenging glance. "I love you."
It's Jimin's turn to blush, no matter how cheeky he was being with him — it's been a while since he hasn't heard those words face to face.
"What happened, PJimin-ssi, hm?" Jungkook takes his turn to tease, nuzzling into Jimin's cheek obnoxiously until he accidentally topples them over. "Ah!"
"You dumbass," Jimin throws his head back on the carpet and laughs so hard that his stomach jumps with it. "Come here," he drags Jungkook up by the shoulders, their breathy giggles mixing in the little air between their lips. "Now kiss me nice and slow," he looks at Jungkook prettily, arms wrapping around Jungkook as the younger slides his hands under his shoulders and catches his lips into a sealing kiss.
Once upon a time, Jimin was a stranger to the world and to himself. Jungkook lit a candle in Jimin's darkness. He stayed by Jimin's side until the light grew big enough to plant hope into his heart, until Jimin stripped free of his shadows and shone for himself. For him Jimin will always remain grateful, and he will always strive to make Jungkook happy his entire life.
◢
[A/N: This is going to be the end of Jimin's POV! I hope you enjoyed it! Jungkook's personal narration overshadowed most of Jimin's emotional struggles in the main story (and also because Jimin is a very private person), so I hope you could have more context into his growth and personal development over time!
There are still a bunch of Jikook scenes in my notes and they didn't just fit into a point of view narration, so I might publish them individually as bonus chapters over the year, but for now, we will be moving on to our next character, Joonie-Joonie! I'm soooo excited for this one, can't wait to start writing it already!
Ah, also! Jimin and Jungkook will occasionally pop up in other POVs as well, so I hope that is exciting for you!
See you next time lovelies!]