After practicing a while longer in my room with Lily, she went downstairs in search of something to eat. I stayed in my room practicing for what only felt like an hour, but was actually over four. I guess I got a little carried away. Now, I feel much more comfortable with this new ability. Definitely comfortable enough to be around a large group of people again.
I had decided a couple minutes ago to go look for my brother. We haven't talked in a while and I feel like we need to catch up a little. I'm not going to lie, my motivation for looking for him might be influenced slightly by the fact that he was getting along with Evan. It's not that I'm jealous that my brother is hanging out with my best friend. It's more curiosity.
I make it to his room. The door is closed so I knock, entering the room when I hear Rowan shout, "Come in!" I'm not expecting what I walk in to. Most of what Rowan has sitting out is now floating in the air. Rowan is just standing there, concentrating on keeping his things in the air.
"I see you've discovered a new ability," I point out as I walk into the room, closing the door behind me. Rowan eases everything back into its proper place before addressing me.
"Yeah," he laughs. "I found it out shortly after training ended. You got the same one?" he asks, causing me to nod. He must not have seen me practically throw Lily during training. "We must be linked somehow." A pillow suddenly flies my way and hits me in the face, causing me to fall back. I try not to let out a hiss from the pillow hitting my bruised face, so I instead let out a pained laugh. I use my telekinesis to pick the pillow up off the floor and throw it back at him, only I fail to hit him because he stops it in mid air and it drops to the floor. "Though that doesn't explain why I had my power surge before yours. If we were linked somehow, we would've had it at the same time," he explains, sitting on his bed. He looks like he notices the bruise on my cheek, but he doesn't say anything about it, so I don't either.
"If we are linked, I don't think that means everything has to happen to us at the same time," I point out, joining him on the bed. "I mean, we're twins. Maybe we're experiencing similar abilities because of that?" I offer. Rowan only shrugs, leaving a silence to hang in the air around us.
I decide to bring up him hanging out with Evan. Not because I'm jealous or mad because he's hanging out with the guy who practically lied to me for two years about my life, but because I'm curious as to why they're all of a sudden hanging out when they rarely talked before. I could be wrong since that was only one time, but the question is still itching for me to ask it. "I see you and Evan are getting along," I start, cutting through the silence. I inwardly cringe when there's no response for a couple seconds, regretting even having said anything at all.
"Do you want to go for a walk in the forest?" he turns to me as he asks the question. I feel utterly embarrassed considering he dodged what I had said. He probably sees my face redden because he quickly adds, "I'll tell you about Evan. It's just that we haven't hung out a lot since we got back from the coronation and I want to hang out with you again." The way he says he wants to hang out with me is cute.
I nod and follow him as he stands. I follow him all the way down the stairs and out the front door. Our walk starts out like a lot of walks I've been having with people lately: silent. Neither of us say anything for a while. From where we are, I can just about see the outline of trees that indicate the start of the forest. There's a large hill in front of us, making it so we can only see the tops of the trees. "I'll race you to the edge of the forest!" I barely register what Rowan says when he's already meters ahead of me.
"That's not fair!" I yell as I start running. "You cheater!"
The wind blows through my hair as I speed up. Rowan is pretty far ahead already, which makes me force myself to go faster. Every time my left foot lands on the ground, I exhale. It doesn't help that my hair is in the way and painfully whipping against my face as I run. Once I get over the hill, I use the momentum I get from going down it to my advantage, speeding me up even faster. I will my feet to move faster and faster until Rowan isn't so far ahead. He's only a couple meters in front of me. He goes even faster when he looks over his shoulder and sees that I'm gaining on him.
We're about to reach the edge of the forest now and we both increase our speed to the maximum we can take. My lungs and stomach are burning at this point and my heart is going crazy. If I go any faster, I'm afraid my heart will beat out of my chest. I feel as if my lungs can't take the abuse anymore. I'm about to give up, but then I see we're right there and I'm right behind my brother, so I push myself harder until I eventually pass him and I make it past the line of trees that mark the edge of the forest. Rowan enters it right after I do and we both start slowing down. It takes us multiple steps to finally get to a complete stop. My hands go to my knees right away and I start to take in as much air as possible. I turn around in the position I'm in and find Rowan dramatically laying on the ground, his arms and legs sprawled out into a star shape. He too is greedily taking in oxygen.
"I—" I take another deep breath. "I win." Rowan doesn't say anything. He's too busy trying to get rid of the burning in his lungs. I don't blame him since I'm over here trying to do the same. Once the burning ceases a little, I take my hands off my knees and go over to Rowan, extending my hand for him to take. He takes it and I help him to his feet.
"You cheated and I still won!" I laugh, playfully punching him in the shoulder. We start our walk into the woods. "Cheaters never win," I taunt.
Rowan gives me a look that tells me he doesn't think that's true, which has me worried. "All the tests I've ever cheated on in school, I got an A on," he says, prideful. Good thing he cheated on tests and not what I was originally thinking. That would be bad.
"Oh," I laugh. "I didn't think you were going to tell me you cheated on tests and instead you cheated on—" he cuts me off.
"No!" He shouts, making me snort. "Goddess no. I'm not that kind of guy." I know he isn't, but my brain couldn't help but go there. "I absolutely despise anyone who cheats on their significant other. Like, you might as well break up with them before cheating. Who would cheat on their significant other if they love them so much?" He asks himself, finishing his little rant.
"Complete morons," I answer his question for him. He agrees with me and we both laugh.
Rowan lets a couple of second of silence to hang in the air before he changes the subject. "So, have you talked to Bennett at all since we've been back?" His question catches me completely off guard. Is it bad that I've sort of forgotten a have a whole mate, let along that he's the king of werewolves?
"No," I snort, playing it off.
"He didn't give you a number or anything to keep contact with him?"
I shrug. "I guess he forgot. He was busy with figuring out who's in charge of the group of wolves that attacked us at the coronation. Maybe it just slipped his mind. It's not like I have anything to call or text him on anyway." As we get deeper into the forest, it gets darker. I look up at the trees above us. There's little light being let through the thick canopy of leaves overhead, making it extremely dark, but not dark enough to where we can't see in front of us.
"Right," Rowan says. "We can get you a phone soon. They're not really used here since we have the mind link and everything, but they can come in handy." My nod is his ticket to ask the next question. "What's your plan?"
I'm not quite sure what he's asking, so I ask a question back. "Plan for what?"
"Are you planning on going back and staying with him?" If I'm being completely honest, I've not actually thought about that at all. Though the part of wanting to keep my family safe still stands, a part of me wants to go for the sake of the rest of the werewolf world. They need two good leaders, and even though I don't think I'd make a good one, I feel like I could get there if I really set my mind to it. Regardless, I still don't think I'm ready to leave the family I just got back to.
"I don't know," I say honestly. "I feel like I should, but at the same time, I can't. I can't leave you guys or Evan, no matter how mad I am at him."
Rowan nods. "I understand. It's not always easy making decisions like this one. Take your time and know that no matter what decision you make, we'll be supportive of it."
I turn to look at him, offering a small smile. He returns it. "Thanks, It—"I Break off when I hear footsteps that aren't either of ours. My smile fades quickly and I stop walking. Rowan doesn't realize I stop walking until he takes a few steps after I stop and realizes that I'm no longer walking beside him.
He turns around, confused. "What's—" I shush him and point to my ear, telling him to listen. Both his and my eyes dart around, listening and looking for the source of the sound. Suddenly, my eyes catch two glowing orbs in the distance. They're eyes. Werewolf eyes to be specific. They look so familiar to me, but I can't figure out where I've seen them.
"Over here!" As soon as I alert Rowan, the wolf starts running. I groan as I start running after it. My breathing and heart rate had barely gotten back to normal. Rowan starts running after me too yelling about how I should leave it alone. "Hey!" I yell after it. I can barely see it's outline as I'm running, leading me to believe their fur is black.
This wolf is so fast, that I can barely keep up with it even with my sacred wolf speed. We weave around trees and bushes and I occasionally trip over tree roots, but I get back to a steady pace and start running after it again. "Norah!" Rowan yells. "Just leave it alone!" I would if this was another wolf. Running after random wolves is dangerous, but it was spying on us and it looks so familiar. Something about it is calling me. I need to find out who they are.
I keep running, ignoring my brother's demand. For a while, the distance between the wolf and I stays the same, until I push myself to run faster. It must sense that I'm right behind it because it makes a sharp turn to the right, going deeper into the forest. I can't make the same turn because I'm going too fast, so by the time I slow down enough to turn, the wolf is out of sight. I give up trying to run after it at this point knowing that I won't find it. It's long gone.
Rowan finally catches up to me and stops beside my tired form. I'm not nearly as tired as when Rowan and I raced, but I'm still having trouble catching my breath. "Why would you go after it?!" He yells at me.
"It looked familiar," I say, which now that I think about it, it was a stupid idea. I take in a large breath to make up for the air that left my lungs.
"You don't go after random wolves just because they look familiar! It could've turned around and attacked you!" I'm sure I would've been able to hold my own if it did, but he's right. You never know what it can do.
"But it didn't! If you would've seen it's eyes, you would've gone after it too. They were so captivating and beautiful," I breathe and shake my head before adding, "It doesn't matter anyway. It's gone. Let's just get back to the house." I start walking back in the direction we came from and Rowan follows without saying anything else.
***
They way back to the house is almost silent. The only things that can be heard are the birds chirping overhead and us stepping on grass and sticks. We occasionally brought up small conversation, sharing with each other our favorite things. We're now out of the forest and the we're almost to the top of the hill. I can see the house and people huddled around a bonfire outside of it. It's getting dark.
We fell silent for a while, so I make up the courage to ask about Evan again despite the embarrassment I felt last time. "You and Evan?"
He takes in a sharp breath, indicating he doesn't really want to talk about it. I can tell he feels as if his sudden friendship with Evan will make me mad. "Listen. I know you're mad at him and I know that he lied to you, but I honestly think you should talk to him."
"We've talked," is my response.
"You mean you have talked?" he asks, referring to me doing all the talking instead of really listening to him. "Because from what I've seen and from what he's telling me, you've been the one talking, yelling, and reminding him of the mistake he made without actually listening to what he has to say." Maybe I have been doing that, and I don't know for how much longer I can use the excuse that I've been hurt, but either way, I can admit that I miss what we had and that I've been meaning to talk to him for real this time.
It would be easier to forgive him completely if I knew that I would've done the same thing for him, but I wouldn't have. If positions were switched, I would've told him the truth the second I found out about it. It wouldn't have mattered to me if I was threatened or not. "I can't get it out of my head that I would've told him the truth as soon as I found out about it. I wouldn't have cared that Alec threatened me. I would've risked my life to see him happy rather than still being with him and have him not know," I tell Rowan. "The fact that he didn't do that for me hurts."
"Maybe he was afraid," Rowan offers.
"Afraid of what?" I ask, scoffing.
"Of losing you." It's obvious, but I'm not sure why it hits me so hard. Of course he would be afraid of losing me. I'm afraid of losing him no matter how upset I may be with him. "You've changed, Norah. In the short amount of time I've known you, you're a whole different person than the person you were at our first encounter."
I'm not sure why, but Rowan saying I've changed doesn't sit right with me. I don't like the word in this instance because he says it as if it's a bad thing that I've changed. Even I'm starting to believe it is.
"I've been meaning to talk to him. I just can't find the time or courage to." I avoid his statement about me changing. Admitting it lifts a weight from my chest. For a while now, I've been wanting to apologize to Evan for treating him the way I have been, but my stubbornness won't let me. I can't even say that I want him to apologize first because he did. Multiple times. And I ignored him. Multiple times.
We're close to the house. I can actually distinguish faces from here. "You should find him when we reach the house," Rowan suggests. "And maybe actually listen to him this time." The way Rowan has to tell me this makes me feel like a child. Maybe because I've been acting like one. I've been so worried about making sure Evan knew all the hurt he caused me, that I didn't realize all the hurt I was causing him. I've been so blinded by my own feelings, that I didn't realize the damage it was causing to his.
Once we arrive at the crowd of people outside the house, I look for Evan amongst the faces and he's nowhere to be found, so I assume he's decided to skip out on the bonfire and is in his room. Rowan and I spot our parents talking with the pack members. They catch our gazes and wave us over. "You go," I tell Rowan. "Tell them I'm going to find Evan." He nods and we part ways. He goes to our parents, and I make my way inside and straight up the stairs.
I make it to his door and it surprises me to find it open. I don't see Evan though, so I knock on the open door and call his name. "Evan?"
"Come in." He doesn't sound like his usual self, which alarms me just a little.
"Hey," I say sheepishly as I walk in. "I wanted to talk to you about—" I stop myself when I see him on the floor, shoving the little belongings he owns in a backpack. His bed is completely made, not a single wrinkle in sight, and the room is spotless. "What are you doing?" My heart breaks into tinier pieces than it's already broken into for him when I get closer and see a tear roll down his cheek.
"I'm leaving, Norah," he whispers as he folds a shirt and stuffs it in the backpack.
"What?" I ask, not believing what he's saying. "Why?"
He shrugs, shoving another shirt into the backpack. "Why not? I'm not wanted here. You don't want me here, and I just don't feel like I belong. I don't belong." He zips up the main compartment of the backpack, which is full of clothes, and he opens the second pocket, starting to fill it with miscellaneous things that he had been given since we got her. "You know?" His eyebrows crease as he stops shoving things in the bag for a second. "Maybe you were right. Maybe I am better as a rogue." I open my mouth to say something, to speak my thoughts, but no words come out. I can't find the words to say and I'm afraid that if I speak the wrong ones, this whole situation will spiral downwards.
I feel the tears I vowed to never shed pool in my eyes. My best friend is leaving me after everything we've gone through together. I don't even feel like I deserve to call him that, and no matter how much I feel like I deserve for him to leave me, I don't want him to. "You can't leave." Oh, but he can, and he wouldn't be leaving if I wasn't treating him like a total piece of shit. I admit the thing I've been trying to avoid even thinking about for forever. "I need you."
Evan shakes his head, zipping the final compartment of his backpack. All his belongings are off the floor and somehow crammed in that bag. "You don't need me. You proved it to me yourself that you don't." He stands up from the floor, swinging the bag over his shoulder.
"Please don't leave." A tear falls. Then, I say the words I've been meaning to say. "I'm so sorry. For everything I said and for everything I did."
He laughs painfully. "Are you saying that now that I'm leaving?" I can feel the pain behind his voice. "Would you have said that any other day?"
I ignore his questions. I physically cannot bring myself to admit that I probably wouldn't have told him that out of anger ever since he told me the truth, so instead, I say, "I don't know what I'd do if you leave me."
Evan comes up to my, his bag over his shoulder. He's wearing an expression that only makes more tears fall. He places his hand on my shoulder. "You're going to live your life like you were supposed to live it. Without me. And you're going to make the most of it. Without me." Another one of his tears falls, causing me to break down in front of him. I bow my head to avoid him seeing me like this. "Look at me," he demands, his voice cracking. "You're going to live with your family just like you were supposed to from day one. You're going to forget about me as if we never met, because that's how it was supposed to be. And you're going to continue to prove to yourself that you don't need me, just like you have been."
I can't hold back anymore. I wrap my arms around him, catching him and even myself off guard. "I think I'll always need you," I reply, crying. "You're asking me to forget you as if we didn't go through so much together. You're asking me to forget every laugh we've shared. You're asking me to forget the most important person in my life. I can't do that." I'm outright sobbing. "I can't forget my best friend."
My ear is over his heart and I listen to the unsteady beating of his heart as I cry. It's racing. He doesn't want to leave either.
Evan lightly grabs my chin and makes me look back up at his tear filled eyes. He leans down and before I know it, his lips land on mine. I don't pull away this time. The kiss we share is slow and sweet. I've never had an intimate kiss like this one, so I don't know all the types of kisses there are, but I do know that this is a goodbye kiss. He's telling me how much he loves me and how much he doesn't want to leave me behind. He's telling me everything he couldn't say in words all in a kiss.
He drops his bag and lets his hand find its way around my hip. The hand he used to lift my chin is now on the back of my head, bringing me closer to him. My hands unravel themselves from around his waste and up to his face, cupping it. My thumbs softly caress his cheeks, making him pull me unbelievably closer. My stomach is being swarmed by butterflies. I've never felt like this before. Right now, I feel full. I feel as if all my problems are gone; as If I don't have to worry about anything anymore. This is a feeling I would give everything for.
Our kiss ends as soon as it begins. I find myself yearning for that feeling right as our lips separate. I look up at Evan, finding a look in his eyes that I can't quite decipher. I can't help but smile through my tears and he does the same. Though both of our smiles quickly fade when he makes space between us. He picks his bag up off the ground and walks past me, dropping it on the floor by the door.
"I'm leaving tomorrow morning."
And just like that, I've never felt so alone.
____________________________
Bye cuz did I just write probably the best chapter I've ever written?? YES.
Did I get butterflies in my stomach while writing that kiss?? 100%
Did I start crying like 5 times and take a break after every time I cried?? Ain't got no shame about it.
Ok brb I'm gonna go cry again because I just realized that, "I think I'll always need you," line is the same line Caroline told Liz on her deathbed. (tvd tings)
All jokes aside, I'm so proud of this chapter. Recently, I've been losing motivation for this book. (Don't worry y'all. I made a promise that I would never abandon it and I'm planning on keeping that promise.) I just find it hard juggling 3 pieces at once and my ideas for this book have been all over the place. I genuinely want to thank every single one of you for all the support. It means so much! This chapter was really the chapter I needed to help me get my motivation for this book back!!
I really love all of you guys :)
Anyways, I'll see y'all in the next chapter!