I'm awoken by the door bell ringing. Who could be ringing the bell this early?
When I open my eyes, I look over at the clock which says 12 o'clock. Damn, it's a lot later than I thought it was. I haven't slept this late in a while. Hardin is laying next to me, and I feel bad for doing this, but I shove at his arm to wake him up.
"Hardin, it's noon. Get up." I jolt out of bed and quickly throw on a robe so I can answer the door. Before Hardin can even respond, I'm out of the bedroom heading towards the door.
"Hey!" Landon smiles at me once I open the door. I know I probably look like a flustered mess, and I notice the change in his facial expression when he sees me. "I'm sorry, are we interrupting something?"
"No, no. Sorry. I just wasn't expecting anybody."
"We talked about it yesterday..." Nora mentions with a confused expression. I must have forgotten since I was so... occupied... with Hardin last night.
"I forgot. I'm sorry."
"We can come back another time if you want, but now is perfect since neither of us are working and Addy here is asleep."
"No, no... come in." I gesture for them to enter my home. I can't believe I forgot that they were coming, it's very unlike me. I think about to last night before they left and attempt to recall if they said anything.
-
"He'll come..." I assured my best friends. There was no way that Hardin would stand me up on his own birthday.
"It's getting kind of late, Tess." Landon looked at his watch, and nervously at his wife.
"Just a bit more."
Nora grabbed onto my hand. "Okay, fine. Don't freak out. If he doesn't come back tonight, we can just meet up tomorrow."
"Yeah... yeah you're right."
"Let's say noon then." Nora told me, and I agreed.
-
"Tessa, come back to bed. I'm cold and lonely without you." Hardin strolls out of our bedroom room, rubbing his eyes and completely shirtless. His eyes widen as he sights Nora and Landon sitting on the couch. I can tell Hardin's mortified for saying something so lovey-dovey in front of his stepbrother.
"There he is! Happy Birthday, man." Landon walks over and pats Hardin on the back. "We were here last night, but you came back so late that we couldn't wait up."
"It's fine. I'm gonna go... get dressed." Hardin says as he sprints back to the bedroom.
"Hurry back! We'll be cold and lonely without you." He shouts back, and I slap Landon on the shoulder. I know Hardin is going to give Landon an earful when he comes back out. If he comes back out...
"You're asking for an ass kicking babe." Nora laughs and throws a fake punch through the air.
"Tessa would never let him kick my ass. Isn't that right?" He turns to me, but I just lift my hands.
"I don't know, Landon. It is his birthday, and that was a pretty punchable thing to say."
"Anyway..." Landon redirects the conversation. "Any chance you told him what we told you yesterday? About us moving and everything."
"I did." I don't want to think about my two best friends leaving me and moving three hours away. My mind still can't wrap around a world where Landon isn't just a five minute drive from me. Even when we first met, we were always close in distance. We haven't been far apart for a permanent time ever. It'll be such a harsh change, especially at such a pivotal time in my life.
"And? How did he react?"
"He was much calmer than I was, but he was saddened. Hardin doesn't portray those types of emotions very often, so even though he kept his cool, I know that he's just as heartbroken as I am."
"You really think so?"
"Landon, you're his best friend and step brother. He will miss you." I can't believe Landon and Nora are having doubts about whether or not Hardin will miss them or not. "He will miss the both of you."
"I will miss what?" Hardin walks back out with a fresh t-shirt, but still wearing sweats. His hear is combed back, and it looks like he washed his face and brushed his teeth.
"Tessa told us that you know about our move." Landon brings up as Hardin sits down beside me.
"Yeah. She was pretty shaken up about it."
'He wants to know how you feel.' I attempt to tell Hardin through body language, but I don't think he picks up on it.
"How about you?" Landon just goes right for the punch. If there's one thing I have always admired about Landon, it's that he was never scared to talk to Hardin. He was always so straight forward with him, something that not even I could do until I knew Hardin for a bit longer.
"What do you mean?"
"We know how Tessa feels, so how do you feel about it?"
The wheels in Hardin's mind are turning and grinding, it's almost like I can hear it.
"How the fuck do you think I feel?" Hardin raises his voice surprisingly. Why is he getting so heated over a reasonable question?
"I don't know, that's why I'm asking you."
I don't want Landon and Hardin to have an argument about this. The look on Landon's face tells me that he's not going to stop pushing this. Hardin just sits there with his eyes locked on Landon's. No matter how much he has improved and opened up over the last few years, it's still hard for Hardin to express his feelings, especially to people who aren't me.
"Just say it." I whisper to him. I already know how he feels, but for some strange unknown reason, Landon wants to hear it from Hardin's own lips.
"Does it suck that you're moving? Yeah. It does."
"It sucks?" Landon questions him, refusing to accept his answer and move on from the topic. "How about a 'it makes me sad', or 'I'll miss you guys'."
"Landon..." Nora puts her hand on his shoulder. Landon is getting fired up.
"Is that what you want to hear? That I'll miss you? That it makes me feel some fucking emotion?" Hardin is getting equally fired up. I don't know where all of this anger is coming from between them.
"Quite frankly, yes."
"Fine. Yes, I'll fucking miss you, and yes it makes me sad." Hardin stands abruptly and throws his hands in the air. "You're my family for fucks sake, so it'll be sad when you leave. You're also my best mate. Who else am I going to bitch and moan about Tessa to?" He teases. He better be teasing. "Teasing." He gestures to me after seeing my angered face. "You know I don't do emotion or sadness, so that's the best answer you're gonna get."
Landon stands up next to him and pats him on the back again. "Was that so hard?"
"Fuck you." Hardin shoves at his shoulder playfully.
"Here, we got you a present for your birthday." Landon hands him a box, and the two of them sit back on the couch. It's so strange how they can go from yelling at each other to laughing. They really are brothers.
Hardin opens the wrapping paper, throwing it all over the floor. I click my tongue in disgust, knowing that I'll have to clean up the mess when our guests leave. From the box, Hardin pulls out a book.
"The Expectant Father: The Ultimate Guide for Dads-To-Be." Hardin reads the title out loud.
"It's a book I read before I became a father, and it really helped me, so we figured it would help you."
That was such a thoughtful gift of Landon. He knows Hardin has been having a lot of hesitancies about fatherhood. It's the perfect gift, and I'm honestly shocked I didn't think to get him a book myself.
"Thanks..." Hardin's uncomfortable, as expected.
"Of course. Just think, you'll be carrying around a little one like Addy is just a few months."
I look over to Addy sleeping peacefully in her little carrier. She is wrapped in the cutest little blanket. She's nearly eight months now, which is crazy because it feels like she was born just yesterday. I still remember the scolding hot June day she came into the world. It was so hectic, for more reasons than just her birth. Landon was freaking out the entire day, so Hardin and I had the honor of calming him down for hours. Nora was so calm and relaxed, she was what I aspire to be in the delivery room. Landon looked as if he was going to pass out, but once his daughter arrived, it was like he immediately snapped into father mode. I have a strong feeling Hardin will be the same.
-
"I can't believe she's coming... I'm gonna be a father. This is crazy." Landon yelled as he paced across the delivery room.
"Babe... stop...pacing." Nora huffed as she was going through yet another contraction. They are only a minute apart, so it'll only be a few minutes before she starts pushing.
"Landon..." I grabbed his shoulder to halt his movements. "You need to calm down. Everything is going to be fine."
"I can't help it." He walked away from me and continued to pace. "I can't fucking help it!"
"Hey, hey." I pulled him over to the corner of the room. "You can't freak out like this. Nora needs you to be strong and a rock for her. You're going to be a father to a beautiful, healthy baby girl, but right now you need to tend to your wife who is only minutes away from pushing this baby out."
I saw him visibly calm in front of my eyes. "Take a few deep breaths, and get over to your wife. In... out... in... out."
"Thank you, Tessa. I know... I know it's been a hard time for you with the miscarriage and everything, but it means the world to Nora and I that you're here."
The miscarriage. Of course he had to bring up the devastating news that I had only received only a short time before this day. The stung at the loss of my pregnancy still hurt just as bad as it did the night I found out.
The doctors came in and told Nora that it was the time to start pushing.
"I'll go inform your families." I offered as Landon rushed over to his wife.
It was so hard to keep such a happy face on for Landon and Nora. Of course I was thrilled for them and knew they were going to be amazing parents, but I was also heartbroken that I couldn't share the same fate. This was going to be me, but it won't be and probably will never be me.
"Nora's about to start pushing." I announce to the waiting room filled with excited family and friends.
Nora's sister jumped up and nearly shoved me out of the way to get to her sister, meanwhile Karen was much more respectful.
"Landon's kind of freaking out in there. I think he could use his mom." I told Karen.
"Of course he is. My boy always worries about everything. I can't believe he's going to be a father. Just think, it'll be you soon enough." Karen wiped the tears from her eyes. She didn't know about the miscarriage yet, since it only happened less than 48 hours ago.
"He's really freaking out in there? Why doesn't that surprise me." Hardin walked up beside me.
"I'll go in there and make sure his head stays on his shoulders." Karen shuffled past me to the room where her granddaughter will soon be delivered.
"Are you okay?" Hardin questioned me as I stared off into space.
"No." I whispered to myself, but of course Hardin heard me. Quickly, Hardin grabbed my arm and pulled me down the hall to the family bathroom. He pushed me in, and closed the door behind us so we were completely alone. Before he could even say anything, I covered my head with my hands and let the pain take over. Tears came pouring out, like someone turned on a faucet. Hardin took me in his arms to comfort me the way he did so often.
"I shouldn't be like this." I remembered that today was supposed to be such a happy day. I shouldn't have been crying like that.
"Stop. You have every right to be like this, especially with what's happened over the last couple days."
"I know, but Nora is giving birth, so I should be happy-"
"You can be happy for her, but also feel sad for yourself, Tess. Stop thinking about everyone else and think about yourself for once."
"I thought I could do it. I honestly thought I could go the whole day without crying."
Hardin placed his thumb under my eyes, and wiped the tears. "I had to take a moment in the car about twenty minutes ago."
"Really?"
"Yeah, really. What we went through... it was hard and sad... it's okay for us to cry. Well, in private anyway." He cracked a joke to lighten the mood.
"You're right. I needed that. Thanks."
"Of course. That's why I'm here."
"You're always here for me."
He gave me a sweet, gentle kiss on the lips. "Always and forever, baby."
-
"Tess, you have any more of that cake? I'm starving." Nora snaps me out of the flashback I was having. "You okay?"
Landon, Hardin and Nora are all now staring at me. Hardin's eyes especially are burning into my soul.
"We have a lot of cake left. Let's go have some." I encourage.