Chapter 44
Zoey
We went to her funeral three days ago and I flipped out. She had a closed casket, that’s how bad it was. I can’t believe LaMaya would do that to herself. Guess who didn’t show up?
D’Andre.
Yep, I wanted to go find him and kill his stupid ass because it’s all his fault the reason she isn’t here anymore. I left Georgia yesterday because I stayed with her parents who didn’t even want to think about it and I don’t blame them. I had to get out of that place because the shit hurt too much for me. I don’t know how to deal with deaths of someone close to me.
I haven’t eaten anything in four days straight. Nothing at all, I can eat or drink. I haven’t even slept. I stay up every night asking myself why?
Why didn’t she tell me she was feeling this way?
I would have been there for her like I always am.
My bestfriend is gone.
“Baby you have to get out this bed and go eat and see the sun or something. I don’t know what to tell Alyssa cause she worried about you.” Ezra said.
I didn’t even respond to him, I just covered my face up with the covers and closed my eyes. I was all cried out. I couldn’t even cry anymore because the first three days from sun up to sun down that’s all I did.
“Bella please, this whole situation is depressing to me too because I loved LaMaya but damn don’t push me and Alyssa away because you’re starting to scare me. I can’t get you to eat anything and you stay up all night like a vampire. I’m sorry you lost your bestfriend but don’t be like this.” Ezra said.
“You have no idea what I’m going through right now, nobody does.” I said with no emotion.
“I know how you’re feeling because I feel the same way too. All of us do, even Brea and she hadn’t even Lala for that long.” He said.
“Just leave me alone please.” I said.
“Can you eat something? I don’t want you to get sick.”
“I’m not hungry.”
“You’ve said that four days in a row. You have to eat something.”
“Ezra please let me be alone.” I said sighing.
I heard him close the door so I figured he was gone. I didn’t want to push anybody away especially not him because he’s the love of my life but I don’t want to be bothered right now.
Ezra
[Two Weeks Later]
I’m not understanding Zoey at all. Two weeks ago she was depressed and she still is now but it’s different. She’s trying to keep herself busy so she don’t have to think about Lala passing away. I hate it’s nothing I can do for her but damn.
She was working these crazy ass shifts at work like she didn’t want to be at the house at all. She’s so damn depressed and tired on top of that. I tried over and over to talk to her about all this shit but she don’t want to hear anything I have to say. I love her to death but I don’t know what to do anymore.
I have been picking Alyssa up from school for the past two weeks because of Zoey. I can’t even answer Alyssa questions no more because I’m asking myself the same thing. It’s stressing me out and I don’t know what to do.
It was now 6 am and Zoey just walked in from work. It’s crazy because right at 11 she’s going right back in. She’s trying to dodge all her problems.
I walked over to her and she stared at me.
“Zoey you can’t keep doing this, you need to talk to me about it.” I said grabbing her hands.
“Doing what? What do I need to talk to you about?” she said putting this fake ass smile on her face.
See what I mean, this shit right here.
“You know exactly what I’m talking about Bella. Why are you running from it?” I said.
She let go of my hands.
“I don’t know what you are talking about. I’m perfectly fine.” She said going into the kitchen to cook so she wouldn’t have to go to sleep. This what she been doing for the past two weeks. Nobody can talk to her not even Bre or Indie and they work with her.
“Bella you are not about to cook anything.” I said to her.
“Don’t tell me what to do Ezra.” She said.
“Zoey talk to me.” I begged her.
“LEAVE ME ALONE! I DON’T WANT TO TALK I JUST WANT TO EAT EZRA! YOU ARE ANNOYING ME!” She yelled.
“I’M TRYING TO HELP YOU ZOEY BUT I DON’T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO BECAUSE YOU ARE PUSHING ME AWAY!” I yelled back.
I wasn’t trying to.
“I DON’T WANT YOUR HELP EZRA! I DON’T NEED HELP! I’M FINE! I JUST WANT YOU TO LEAVE ME ALONE BEFORE A THIRD PERSON ENDS UP DEAD TOO!”
I looked at her confused.
“What do you mean a third person? LaMaya was the only one who passed away. Are you trying to kill yourself too?” I asked.
She fell to the floor in tears and holding her head.
“I just want to die right now Ezra.” She said looking up at me.
“WHAT?! NO! Zoey don’t talk like that.” I said.
“You don’t understand!! YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND HOW I’M FEELING OR WHAT THE HELL I AM GOING THROUGH! I DON’T WANT TO BE HERE ANYMORE!” She said.
I wiped her tears away and stared her in the eyes trying to understand why she was feeling this way.
“Baby talk to me please.” I begged her.
“…I lost it…” she said looking away from me.
“You lost what?” I asked.
“…the baby.” She said.
My eyes widened and I stared at her. She told me she wasn’t pregnant.
“You were pregnant?” I said.
“Yes…and I lost the baby the day before you told me Lala killed herself, I was three months.”
I put my head down. Damn.
“Why did you tell me you weren’t pregnant?” I asked.
“Because the doctor had already told me it wasn’t going to make it but I thought it would…and it never happened.” She said closing her eyes as tears rolled down her cheeks.
Damn two deaths back to back, no wonder she was pushing everyone away.
“Mommy are you going to kill yourself too?”
I turned around and looked at Alyssa. I can’t believe she just said that. I guess we woke her up.
“Alyssa don’t talk like that.” I said.
“I don’t want mommy to die.” She said.
“Go back to your room Alyssa please.” I said.
She stared at Zoey who was balled up on the floor crying and then she turned and walked away.
What the fuck is happening to my damn life?
I picked Zoey up and carried her to our room and she was crying her fucking eyes out all over again. I wish she would have told me that she was pregnant. She wouldn’t have to go through this shit by herself. This my fault, I should have gave her more attention than I was now she saying she want to die.
I need the strength to get through all this cause I’m too young to go through all this.
Brea
I have been trying my best to reach out to Zoey but she only pushes me away and Ezra told me not to bother her because she’s going through some things but I still try to talk to her even though she just ignores me. I’m not even gonna lie, we all went to funeral and I cried my ass off because over the few years I did know LaMaya she was a cool ass girl and I loved her. I hate that she’s gone now.
Anyways I was going through my own problems too! I’d just arrived to Quez’s house where King was because I needed to talk to him about something.
“Damn Bre.”Quez said opening the door for me.
I rolled my eyes and walked in. King was sitting on the couch with some girl all up under him kissing on him and shit while he was playing on the Xbox 360.
“King, we need to talk in private.” I said crossing my arms over my chest.
The girl looked at me laughing and shaking her head. It was pissing me off but she better be glad I was holding my fucking anger in or else I would have beaten her ass.
“What’s up?” he said continuing to play the game as she rubbed all over him.
“I said in private.” I told him.
“I mean damn Bre, just tell me.” He said.
“Fine, I’m pregnant.” I said.
The room got dead silent and he paused the game looking at me.
“What does that mean?” he said looking at me.
“What the hell do you think?” I said.
“It’s not his baby. It’s probably that guy you been going out with for the past couple of weeks since you left my man.” The hoe said.
“Did you check with him too?” King said.
I can’t believe he just said that!
“Damn King.” Quez said.
“You know what fuck you King! I don’t need you, I can do this on my fucking own. I don’t know who you think I am. I don’t just go sleeping around with different guys like you do girls! Fuck you!” I said turning and walking outside.
My fucking heart fell to pieces.
“Bre, I’m sorry.” I heard him say coming up behind me but I walked faster.
He grabbed my arm trying to turn me to face him and I slapped him and pushed him away.
“No! Fuck you King! I hate you so damn much! You’re an asshole! I’m not even going to try anymore so don’t worry about my baby, it’ll be just fine without you since you don’t want to claim it anyways.” I said punching him in the chest.
“I didn’t say it wasn’t mines, I was just saying it could be this new nigga you fucking with…shit you never know with females these days.”
“You are so right and you know what…you don’t ever have to wonder if we are getting back together because I’m done.” I said getting in my car and speeding away.
I pulled over on the side of the rode and started crying my freaking eyes out. I can’t believe King is acting like this towards me.
It’s his baby regardless of who they have been seeing me with. That guy is just a friend, King is the only one I’ve been having sex with and he just said that to me.
Maybe I should just abort it…
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