The silence was deafening. Lisa refused to get closer, and when Jennie tried to shorten their distance, she moved away.
"Lis-"
"You never learn!" Lisa yelled making the other flinched. "How could you do this to me?! I trust you! Why did you do this behind my back?! Have not I done enough for you?!"
Jennie didn't say anything. She bit her upper lip, suppressing the tremble as she looked at her lover ranting like a mad woman.
"You know exactly what she wants from you. Why can't you see that, huh?! Are you really that blind?! She's trying to destroy us and you let her!"
"No, she's not. You're the one who try to break us apart." Her voice cracked when she said that.
"Did you hear yourself?!"
"Stop." Jennie exhaled a frustrated breath. "Stop yelling at me. The babies are asleep. I want to talk to you. This won't solve anything."
Lisa turned away. With her hands on her hips, she tried to keep herself together. Anger, disappointment and fear had fused into one. It was confusing and painful.
"Lisa, look at me, please. . ."
"I need a break." Lisa caressed her neck in attempt to ease the tension. "I'm a mess. I can't think. I don't want to hurt you."
"What do you mean break? You don't get a break in marriage, Lisa. Break means divorce. You – you can't possibly – no. Y – you –"
"No." Lisa lifted her head, facing the wall. "It's not that. I need time out. I need time to think and figure everything out."
"Do you still love me?"
"I do. This is not the best moment of our lives. Maybe, there are things that I have not understood about you, me. We'll work something on it but now, I want to be alone. Just let me be."
"You can't even look at me anymore." Her chest felt so heavy. The pressure was too much. She didn't know where Lisa stand. Explanation would be useless. She won't listen. Giving her what she wanted was the best option, at least for now. "So you'd walk out from this house? Or you want me to go?"
"Neither." Lisa held the doorknob. "I'm not willing to compromise my children. They don't deserve it. I'll take the spare room."
Then Lisa left. Jennie finally let the tears fell.
Was it really a huge mistake? She didn't do anything wrong. She never even had a meeting without other people in the room. She was being professional. She didn't cheat on Lisa. Why did Lisa accuse her, treat, blame her like the bad guy?
Maybe, Lisa didn't love and trust her as much as she claimed.
---
She had calmed down.
It was almost dawn and she was not even a little bit sleepy. It was horrible to lay on this bed – or any bed without her wife beside her. The emptiness was horrifying.
"You're the one who try to break us apart."
The more she thought about this specific sentence, the more confusion she got. Why her? She didn't do anything. The fault was not hers.
What did Jennie mean by that? Right, she probably should ask earlier. She was so angry wouldn't bother to hear Jennie's reason, to let her explain. The classic, stupid and selfish mistake she always made.
Lisa sighed as she turned to the left. Left was supposed to be Jennie's side of the bed. The unoccupied space trouble Lisa to no end. The other side of her, the gentle, soft, rational one had screamed to get her off the bed and be in where she should be – a room away from here, in Jennie's comfortable arms.
"Okay, let's think about it thoroughly." Lisa sat up straight. "It's just a job, Lisa. Taking a job from an ex is not a crime. It is not an infidelity, unless she did something – god damn it, let's not go there." Lisa buried her face in her hands. "Um. . . when she said I am the one who try to break us apart, why? There are possibilities but maybe it's because I act so insecure and stupid over nothing."
"But why did she have to hide it from me?" She wetted her lips. "Well, probably because I'd say no immediately. Then when will she tell me? After it's done? What is her purpose? Why am I asking myself and not her?"
"Whatever. I'm gonna sleep."
Ten minutes.
Twenty minutes.
Twenty seven min-
"Screw this. I can't do this." Lisa abruptly kicked the blanket. She quietly crossed the hall. As she arrived before the master bedroom door, she raised her hand hesitantly.
Most likely, Jennie will yell at her – no, she wouldn't do that. Not when the triplets were home. Unlike her, Jennie was very considerate. Cold shoulder, yeah, that was possible.
Carefully, Lisa opened the thick door. Soon, her eyes met Jennie's. The latter was sitting straight on the bed with swollen eyes and red cheeks. Lisa stuck on the spot, didn't know what to do.
She gulped, feeling incredibly guilty. She slowly closed the door and leaned on it. "I'm not used to sleep without you."
"..."
"Say something, please."
"You have not changed. Why can't you change?"
"I'm sorry." Lisa muttered under her breath. "I'm so sorry."
Jennie lifelessly dragged her feet towards her wife. Lisa closed her eyes, ready for the impact of Jennie's wrath. She held her breath when Jennie grabbed her face. Unexpectedly, instead of a punch, she received a deep, long kiss instead. Lisa instinctively wrapped her arms around Jennie's body.
"You're crazy and I hate you." Jennie mumbled between the kiss. "I hate you for shouting, I hate you for your ego, thoughtlessness, for blaming me for nothing, for not trusting me. I hate you, Lisa." She massaged Lisa's scalp softly. "Don't make me doubt what we have." Jennie breathed out.
"Don't." Lisa rested her head on Jennie's. "We'll work something out."
"Work what out?" Jennie stared at Lisa's eyes intently. "I'm trying to prove myself to you, over and over again. Keeping it as a secret is not going to last forever. Once it's over, I will tell you. Just so you know nothing's change. ChaHee or whoever it is will not replace you. So I'm not sorry, Lisa. I really am not."
"She has a hidden agenda and you know it."
"Who cares? It must be you because frankly, I don't. It doesn't work one way, Lisa. I don't care about her feelings. I said yes to you, didn't I?"
"I don't like her."
"You're an adult. Stop acting like a child."
"But-"
"Let me ask you a question. Should Yeri come to the hospital, bleeding and all that. Will you call me just to ask my permission to help her? Will you tell me at all?"
"It's a matter of life and death. It's not the same. ChaHee is not dying-"
"But her company is." Jennie cut her off. "Her company is dying, Lisa. That's why I help her. I look at the file, I listen to her. It's a three months contract. Hopefully, she will recover by then because I know I can't do it longer than that.
"You should've told me."
"What good would it do? Your biggest problem is you don't listen to thing that you dislike. Would you put a thought if I told you sooner? Would you even consider it? I don't think so. It'd only make you suspicious of me."
Lisa sighed deeply. She then bent forward, claiming Jennie lips one more time
"It's not done yet," Jennie whispered when they apart. "We will talk more tomorrow. And you will listen, you hear me? Calm down, and listen because it has taken everything in me to not slap you right now. You have no idea."
"If it can make you feel any better, you can slap me."
Jennie let out a frustrated laugh. She held Lisa's cheeks, patting it unsurely. "I really wish I could. But I couldn't. I love you too much, it's impossible."
"Don't go." Lisa caressed Jennie's hairs gently. "I – I don't know what else to say."
"Let's sleep." She tugged the other woman to the bed.
As the both of them lay on the bed, Jennie pulled Lisa's arms and put it around her waist.
"Goodnight, Baby."
"I love you."
---
The morning had come. Jennie was nowhere near bed when Lisa woke up. Sleepily, Lisa made her way to the kitchen when she saw her family was having breakfast.
"Dada! Mommy made the best bacon ever!" Venous with mouth full of food informed her Dada.
"Aaa." Lisa opened her mouth, asking Venous to give her some.
"No! Don't take Venous' food!" The girl laughed when Lisa kept trying to steal the crispy meat from her plate.
"Dada, here." Aorta offered his. "It's delicious."
The older was really the reliable one. He was still so young but he has the purest heart.
"Thank you, Baby."
Artery didn't even stop chewing. He did it so quickly so he can have more.
"Artery, be careful." Jennie put his drink on the table. "Don't choke on it."
"Hey." Lisa greeted her wife awkwardly.
"Hi." Surprisingly, Jennie gave her a quick peck on her lips instead of ignoring her. She smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes. Lisa knew why, it was because the kids were around. "Want some?"
"Sure."
After the triplets were ready for school, Jennie prepared an overnight bag for the triplets. The kids would be staying at Lisa's parents, just in case the problem got bigger. They needed time and space for themselves.
"When will you be home?"
"Two meeting today. I'll try to finish everything after lunch. You?"
"I have no surgery. Policlinic will done at three. Um. . . four?"
"Alright. I'll take the kids to school." Jennie shouldered her purse as she held Venous' hand.
"Okay."
---
"You look grumpy." Minnie slid a coke towards Lisa. "Trouble in paradise?"
"More like stupid insecure self that ruin everything."
"I told you stop being insecure. What's up? Wanna talk about it?"
"The problem is. . ." Lisa shook her head. "I don't listen. I make assumption, angry about it and say things I don't mean."
"Jennie is mad at you?"
"She's probably furious. I don't know. She's holding back her anger because of the kids."
"I can't believe such perfect person exist." Minnie commented after awhile. "The way you describe her. . . is she for real?"
"She's amazing, yeah." Lisa cracked a smile. "Told you I am the lucky one."
"Seems true."
---
Lisa held her phone between her ear and shoulder as she took off her shoes. "I have three surgeries already on Thursday?"
"Yes, Dr. Manoban. Should I remove one of them?"
"What about tomorrow?"
"One CABG, Doc."
Lisa flicked her tongue. "Uhh, it's Dr. Im Yonghwan's sister, right? What's the case again?"
"Severe mitral tricuspid regurgitation, Doc."
"Right. . .Try to call him, if it's okay with the patient and the family, we can do it tomorrow. Take a look more of her condition, if she's stable and agree, consult her to the anesthesiology. We will do her case first before the CABG."
"Okay, Doc."
"No, Mina. I can't handle more than three meeting in a day. I've burnt out already. Re-schedule with Mr. Shin from Union."
"Mr. Shin is from Palmtree, Mrs. Kim"
"Well, cancel the Union. I forgot his name."
Out of habit, Lisa stole a peck on Jennie's cheek. With the situation they were currently in, unclear zone of where they stood, moreover after what Lisa said last night, the gesture naturally surprised Jennie.
"Mrs. Kim? You there?"
"W-what? Yes, what was that?"
"What about Mr. Ok, the weird, messy divorce case?"
"Uh. . . put him somewhere between one or two o'clock. Anything else?"
"That would be it, Mrs. Kim. I'll arrange something doable for you."
"Thank you."
"Busy day at work?" Lisa grinned uncomfortably.
"It's manageable." Jennie slipped her hairs behind her ear. "Wait a sec, I need to call Mom." She paused, "I'll do it tonight. I packed the triplets' vitamin, didn't I?"
"Yes, you did. Calm down, Baby." She held her wife's shoulder. "Want a hug?"
"That would be nice." Jennie smiled when Lisa's arms embrace her aching body.
"Are you on call tonight?"
"No. Why?"
"Will anyone call you due to emergency?"
"I don't know, probably not. My inpatients are all stable. Why?"
"Keep you phone on silent mode. Let's talk."
---
"Feel free to ask."
"ChaHee had asked you to work for her since like a year ago. You said you wouldn't take her offer, so I don't get why you accept it now?"
"Her company was not dying a year ago, Lili. It is dying now."
Lisa sighed heavily. "I just don't like the fact that you're working with her."
"Just because she's my ex?"
"Yeah." Lisa answered lowly.
"ChaHee is not the only ex I work with."
Lisa frowned at the statement. "What?"
Jennie shook her head at Lisa's childishness. "I'm a professional lawyer long before I met you, and I still am now. Whatever happen in my office, stay in my office. Professionally speaking, I do not need your permission for every case that I take, same goes for you. I want to keep my personal and professional life apart. You don't see me whining when you have to do emergency surgery or be home so late at night or on weekend when we're supposed to spend it together. I never forbid you to work with people. I-"
"It's different."
"You slept around, Lisa. Most of them your co-workers." That got Lisa instantly shut her mouth. "So I have more exes than you do, sorry to make it obvious, but I didn't sleep with them. We dated, that was all."
"..."
"All I'm saying is, let the past stay in the past. Don't bring it up ever again. My loyalty, my faith, my all belong to you. Isn't that enough?"
"But that ChaHee fox has-"
"Why does her agenda trouble you so much? You're jealous over what she wants from me when I don't even do anything to return the favor."
Lisa grew quiet. The more Jennie explained, the more stupid she felt.
"What else in your head?"
"Why did you say that I was the one who try to break us apart?"
"You're mad for no exact reason. You accuse me playing behind your back. You shout, pointing at my face like I'm worthless. ChaHee is just an outsider. I'm your wife, why did you treat me like that? Your words hurt, Lisa. Explain you anger, so I can explain my reason."
"I'm sorry." Lisa's face fell. Jennie could tell how guilty she felt at the moment.
"After what we've been through together, I would not let you go that easily. You got me for good. I'm the mother of you children. What more do you want from me?"
"It's my fault, I know."
"Get over your jealousy. It's not good for your health."
Lisa lay on her back. "You're the best thing that ever happened to me. It's not that I don't trust you, I do. But when someone – anyone tries to take you away from me. . ." Lisa closed her eyes tiredly. "When I accidentlly made a bruise," she gulped. "On your face, I don't care if I was asleep at that time, I just. . ."
Jennie touched Lisa's cheek with her knuckles, asking her to go on.
"I'm afraid someday you'd feed out with me and leave me. ChaHee is nice person, I can tell she genuinely cares for you. I'm a mess, Nini. There are parts of me that I don't understand, sometimes I lose control, sometimes I don't know who I am. You keep myself together and when the thought of you leaving me for whatever reason instantly driving my crazy and I do and say stuff I'd never mean."
"I will never leave you."
"Because you sign the official paper?" Lisa smiled a little.
"Because I commit myself to you. I can apply for a divorce or simply burn it. That's just a status, Baby." Jennie moved on top her lover, caressing the latter's eyebrow. "My felling for you is no a black and white paper, it binds to the root of my soul."
"You don't have any regret marrying a fool?"
"You're fool only for me, It can be cute." Jennie shrugged. "Shout less, talk more, yes?"
"Yes, Ma'am. I deeply apologize, Ma'am."
"Apology accepted." Jennie kissed Lisa's lips lightly.
"Wanna go out on a date with me?"
"Right now?"
"Yeah. I'll buy you five star cuisine, wherever you like. We can stay at a hotel tonight, if you want? Or get a spa? I will pay it all."
Jennie chuckled. "You almost max out your card."
"Then please pay the receipt, Ma'am."
"You're a dork."
----------