Hours had passed but Off doesn’t want to let go of my hand. He is just sitting beside me and staring at me like anytime I will disappear so he has to guard me carefully.
“You can now go back to your room you know.”
“No. I’ll stay here.
“Why?”
“Cause you’re here.”
“We’re both patients Off just so you know. We both have to be treated.”
Off went silent. Suddenly, a phone alarmed loudly. I checked my phone near the table but it was dead silent. I glanced at Off who immediately grabbed his phone inside the pocket of his hospital gown and stopped the beeping of it.
“My phone already alarmed. I need to take my medicines now.”
“Where are your medicines?”
“On my room. But I’ll be back here after I take it.” He went to me while dragging his IV and kissed my forehead.
“You kissed my bandage.” I teased him.
“Because you’re head was covered with it.” He pouted. “Should I kiss you on your lips instead?” He smirked.
“Are you playing with me? Go take your meds now.”
“Yes my wife. I’ll be back.”
“You don’t have to.”
“But I want to.” He leaned closer to me to smack a kiss on my lips.
“There’s no bandage anymore.” He teased.
“Whatever. Just go.”
I shooed away Off while laughing.
Even he already disappeared from my sight, I kept on staring on the door that he walked through. I can’t help but to over think things. All of the doubts and what ifs that I’m keeping for myself now haunt me.
Off has been diagnosed with brain tumour. It is a brain tumour we are talking about! It is not just a simple headache that can be treated by some paracetamols and analgesic. It is a brain tumour and it can end his life which I am really scared about.
I don’t want to be alone anymore, not on this time that I am starting to give all that I have for love again. Not now that I am really falling deeply for Off Jumpol.
I raised my head to shut out the tears that will flow after seeing my sister glancing from the door.
“Nong Gun.” P’Alice starts to walk near my bed.
“How long did you know?” I tried not to be sound weak and angry but it went evident on my voice.
“Few days after he was admitted here.” P’Alice sat near the bed and hold my hand.
“Is this really happening? You’re not pranking me right P’? Are there any hidden cameras here? Then time is up, I don’t want this anymore. Stop it!”
My tears started to fall again. I don’t know how many times do I have to suffer from pain when I’m falling in love. Why is life so cruel to me? I didn’t do anything wrong to deserve this. I am just falling in love.
“Calm down Nong Gun. Please calm down.” P’Alice starts to cry too.
“Please explain to me everything P’. I want to know everything about what’s happening to Off. I deserve to know everything. I don’t want to be a stupid P’.” I pleaded.
“Okay, just calm down first. Uhm... Off...is a two and a half week p-patient here under my team’s care. As you know, his doctor is Dr. Arm Weerayut which happens to be his best friend. And...uhm...H-he was diagnosed with G-Glioblastoma multiforme grade II. These brain tumors are malignant and very aggressive which is considered as the most f-fatal and we regarded as i-incurable but don’t worry Nong Gun we’re doing our best for him and Off is responding very well to his medicines. You just need to trust the doctors and of course Off Jumpol.”
“Why did you keep it from me?! You should tell it to me the first time you knew about it P’! How come you don’t?!”
“Off forbid me to do so and I respect his decision. He is trying to beat his disease and at the same time not trying to cause worry for you. But I can’t help it so I called you earlier that I want to meet up with you and tell you right away but here you are, also a patient because you’re like into a drag race event on the road.”
“Tss.”
“Off is a strong man. And we’re doing our best to help him.”
“But it’s i-incurable P’! You already said it, it’s incurable!”
“It depends on the person Nong Gun. He’ll make it.”
“What if he doesn’t?”
She glared at me.
“Don’t talk like that Nong Gun. Don’t you trust your boyfriend?”
I was shocked and went my eyes wide open. I didn’t know that she knew something about Off. I didn’t tell her anything yet.
“How did you know?”
“Silly. After all the drama earlier of course I know. I’m your sister. You can’t keep secrets from me.” P’Alice smirked.
“You’re not helping.” I glared at her but she just chuckled.
“Why so grumpy? Since I am the one monitoring him, he asked me if I have known a person named Gun Attaphan out of the blue, maybe because he saw my name plate with our surname on it and he asked me if I am somehow related to you and told me he was your boyfriend and even called me sister-in-law.” She teased me.
“What? You’re crazy.”
“I’m telling the truth Nong Gun. From the way I see it, he really loves you. I clearly saw it on his eyes, on his expression while he is talking about you. I know he is deeply in love with you.”
I went silent.
I know. I feel it too.
“I am happy that you found another great man Gun. So no matter what happened, please stay to your boyfriend’s side. I know that you two are going through a lot but never let go of each other’s hands. Stay together no matter what happens and...You....
“Ouch! Now what? Let go I can’t breathe!” I complained. P’Alice is pinching my nose hard.
“Why are you so fast in driving? You almost die you know. You made me worry so much earlier seeing you covered with blood. You know that it’s impossible to find another brother like you in this world so please be careful. When you worry about your boyfriend, worry about me too. We already lost our parents, I can’t afford to lose you too.” She said and hugged me tight.
“I’m sorry P.’ I love you.” I hugged her back.
“You scared me you little mouse.” She whispered on my ears.
I chuckled. “I know and I’m sorry.”
“Aw. P’Alice sawasdee khrap.”
We move away from the hug and saw Off near the door smiling.
“Where have you been?” P’Alice asked him.
“On my room. I take my meds.”
“Did your phone alarmed already?”
“Yes P’.”
“Alarms for?” I asked.
“Alarms for my medicine. I created it to be reminded about my medicines and can take it on time.” Off explained.
I nodded and suddenly, memories flashed on my mind about what happened in his unit and in EmQuartier and his phone that beeps so loud that I thought he just really set it wrong.
“So all those loud alarms starting from your unit and EmQuartier where we met Nammon, it’s already a sign that something is wrong about you but lied to me that you set it wrong.” I said it with bitterness.
“I-I’m sorry.”
“Nong Gun, listen to him. Khun Off let my brother understand.” P’Alice said in finality and leave the both of us.
“Gun Lek...” He softly called my name while walking towards me. He sat on the bed and hold my hand. “You can ask me anything now.”
A lot of questions run fast on my mind that I didn’t know what I will ask him first. I want to know everything but I don’t know where to start.
“Gun Lek...” Off asked for my attention. I noticed that I am just staring at his face for too long.
I sighed.
“How long do you know that you have b-brain tumour?” I tighten my grip to his hands.
“Since the day that I saw you crying on our unit’s rooftop edge.”
I stared at him with wide eyes.
That long? How come I didn’t notice it? I was being caught up by too much happiness that I didn’t see that he is struggling. I only saw the naughty and smiling side of Off that I didn’t notice that something is wrong with him.
“I-I thought it was just episodes of headaches not until I came here to have a medical check up. When Arm told me about my disease, it feels like my whole world fell apart. I mean, everybody will die but I don’t want to die this way. I don’t want to see sad faces around me and pitying me because I am dying. I don’t want to cause trouble to anyone. My mentality instantly breakdown, it seems like all my plans about my future slowly fades away. So I thought if I end my life early, I will not bother anyone about me being sick and I will not see people faking pity about me and seeing regrets plastered on their faces telling me that I am too young to die and my better future still lies ahead. I don’t want it.”
Off is having a hard time telling me those things and it’s hard for me to understand it all but for clarity we have to spill and carry it all.
“When I’m walked towards the rooftop I planned to run and jump as fast as I could to end all of this but it didn’t happen because I see you. Seeing you crying and struggling make my heart melt so I said to myself that why should I choose to die when I already found a one good reason to fight and live? And that one good reason is you.” He held and caressed my face.
“Off.”
“Don’t you remember me Gun Lek?” His expression is telling me that there is something important that I missed.
“Remember the what?”
“It’s me. I’m Kiddo. That naughty kiddo from high school that you helped to pay the bus fare because he has no money left.”
“Wait. Alaiwa? Ngong.” My forehead creased out of confusion.
What Kiddo is he talking about? I only remember the kiddo from...
“Ha?! Are you that Kiddo from Class 6 Room 2?!” I spilled out of a sudden.
“Yes, Cute Prince from Class 6 Room 1.” He said calmly then smiled.
“What? I can’t believe it. The naughtiest boy that the teachers hate so much in high school is now my boyfriend.” I teased him.
“I can’t believe it too.” He slowly leaned himself closer to me and pressed his forehead to my forehead that our noses almost touched.
“I reach this far because of you. I am the one who was saved. Thank you for saving me Gun Lek.” He whispered to me that made my heart beats fast.
“O-Off.”
“Hmm?”
“Can you promise me one thing?”
“What is it?”
“Please don’t die. Stay with me.”
But instead of answering me, he just hugged me tight and caressed my back.
“No matter what happens I will only love you Gun Lek. Please remember that.”