it's.. it's sad to think that so much can slip away in the smallest amount of time. how silence brings the harshest of reflections.
god.. i can be so stupid sometimes.. so selfish, so inconsiderate..
maybe.. i am exactly what i try not to be. i want to be caring, selfless, and likable. turns out i'm so self-centered.. and i was so afraid of that.
all i do is worry about myself.. all i do is put my emotions before everyone else's. why.. why do i do that? why do i act like i'm so important, that everything has to be about me? why do i make it that way?
how dare i be upset or be entitled to the way i feel? how dare i cry at 1:30 in the morning when all i've done is be upset and unappreciative of what i have? how dare i feel like i need to let something off of my chest when i already do it.. to everyone.. everyday.
is it self-awareness or that it took hurting the people i care about to realize that i'm not nearly as good of a person as i thought..
god, i'm so sorry.
let's just say i have a lot of things to consider, myself not being included this time.
_____
it's not sarcasm.. just how I currently feel about myself rn.
now after an intense amount of fear, i'm gonna try to go to bed.
-belle </3