Harlow snored unbearably loud whenever she fell into a deep sleep.
Mona had the misfortune of accidentally falling asleep in her room last night after Harlow had been trying to convince Mona to do all the things she'd been putting off for way too long. Harlow had a history of meddling, and with Deepa's wedding date looming closer and her brother's phone calls becoming increasingly frequent, she was having a field day. Mona had probably fallen asleep after Harlow muted the television in her room and started asking the important—well, important in Harlow's books because Mona didn't really care—questions, and now, Harlow's hair was in Mona's face as they both slumbered soundly in her bed.
Mona groaned, swatting the long, wavy locks from her face. She didn't know why Harlow slept with her hair out like that, because it was always Mona who had to untangle the strands from each other with a special comb because Harlow's hair was too thick for anything else. She gingerly crawled out of the bed, hints of the beginnings of a migraine swirling in the back of her head. She didn't get to dwell too much on it, though, because as soon as she'd stepped out of the bathroom after brushing her teeth and washing her face, Harlow was standing in front of the door smiling like a fucking idiot, eyes twinkling with mischief.
"What?" Mona asked flatly, shoving past Harlow to get to her room instead. Harlow, of course, followed hot on her heels
"So," Harlow began with a dramatic clap of her hands, stopping Mona in her tracks by running to stand in front of her. Mona rolled her eyes, but somehow that made her headache worse. "I've been thinking—" she started to say until Mona interrupted with a snarky remark that went something along the lines of 'Well that's never a good thing' only to be shot a rather menacing look from her best friend. "Anyway," she said sternly, and Mona knew she meant business. "I've been thinking that we haven't been spending much time together lately. So I decided that we should have a girls' day. Like, you know, breakfast, a movie, a walk in the park, shopping. And maybe, you know," she shot Mona a sneaky wink, "some boy gossip? That's always fun!"
Mona couldn't help but huff out a laugh because she hadn't realized that this was something she'd needed for a while. She'd been so invested in school and stressing about upcoming exams that she hadn't even thought about spending time with the one person who was with her through everything. "I'd love that, Roop."
"Awwww." She stepped in to bring Mona in for a hug. "I love it when you get all sentimental and call me by my house name."
Mona rolled her eyes but hugged her back nonetheless. Her fingers, however, got caught on a tangled strand of Harlow's thick, unruly hair and she grumbled this time. "I don't know why you always sleep with your hair open," she sniped as she lead Harlow to her room and gestured for her to sit on the floor by the foot of her bed so Mona can go and retrieve the coconut oil and Harlow's brush. "You know how difficult your hair is to manage and you still take every opportunity to allow it to get all knotted up."
Harlow stifled a giggle into her wrist but Mona still heard it and shot her a look. "You know," Harlow sing-songed, her voice towards the end of her statement lifting in amusement. "You're the one that seems all knotted up. Anything you want to tell me?"
Harlow's eyes were full of mischief and Mona pursed her lips at her. She was always so difficult. Mona didn't know why they were friends. "No," Mona snarked, tossing Harlow the brush. "And even if I did I wouldn't tell you anyway. You have an even bigger mouth than Harry."
But Harlow simply giggled as Mona settled on the bed behind her, pouring a generous amount of oil—not too much for her hair to look greasy but enough to add a shine to Harlow's thick locks—into her hands and massaging it into Harlow's roots before applying it to the rest of her hair. Mona decided that her hair was definitely tangled so she ran the brush through the knots a few times before weaving the hair into a French braid that ended just to the middle of Harlow's back.
"By the way," Harlow stated when she was just finishing up with the braid, "Deepa and Pari want to facetime today."
Mona hummed. Pari was the youngest of the Kotecha girls while Deepa was the oldest, Jyoti and Harlow—or Roopali, but whatever, Mona could never get used to it—falling in between. "That's cool. Haven't spoken to them in a while."
"Are you going to tell them?" she asked as she stood up from the floor, brushing imaginary dust particles from her pajama pants and looking up at Mona in earnest.
Mona lifted an eyebrow in confusion. "Tell them what?"
Harlow simply shrugged. "About Niall," she said as nonchalantly as she could, and Mona was even more confused because Harlow didn't even look like she was making a joke of some sort.
"What about Niall?" Why would the girls be interested in Niall? And if they were, which Mona doubted, then what would Mona possibly tell them that would be so interesting? She didn't understand.
Harlow sighed, shaking her head, and Mona's lips curled into a frown. "Never mind," she said, making her way towards the door. "Get ready though. We'll leave for breakfast in a few." And when Harlow left, leaving her room in a lingering sort of silence, Mona was more confused than ever.
~
"Why do you look so grumpy, Mona darling?"
Deepa was smiling widely at her through the screen of Harlow's phone, Pari holding in what seemed to be a rather hysterical laugh beside her. Mona had been angrily spearing sliced apple pieces and chewing on them disdainfully, and when she looked up, Harlow was already laughing at her.
"She's just mad that I made her eat something healthy for breakfast," Harlow explained all while giggling hysterically at Mona's rather unimpressed face. "You know how much she hates apples."
"An apple a day keeps the doctor away!" Pari chirped from the screen, the three girls laughing when Mona flipped them off.
"Girls," Harlow blurted out suddenly, looking at her sisters on the screen with a serious expression. "We have a problem." Mona didn't know what Harlow was going on about so she continued to eat her damn apples. After a while though, the silence became sort of weird, and when she looked up, all three girls were looking at her oddly.
"What?" she asked, confused.
Harlow narrowed her eyes at her before turning to her sisters on the screen and Mona suddenly realized what she was about to say before she even opened her mouth. A wave of nerves passed through her and she closed her eyes, as if it would lessen the impact of everyone glaring at her. "Mona doesn't want to come home."
Mona groaned, rolling her eyes and pushing her bowl of fruit away from her. "Harlow, please, stop it." She didn't know how to explain to everyone that California was no longer home for her. That was a conversation she was not capable of, even if she didn't have a headache.
"And!" Harlow interrupted with a pointed look in Mona's direction. "She refuses to discuss the Niall situation. So basically our Mona over here is a hot mess and we need to fix her."
"What Niall situation?" At that point, Mona had buried her head in the crook of her elbow on the table, muttering a few choice words under her breath. It was the second time today Harlow had mentioned Niall for no apparent reason. Mona didn't really understand why.
"Wow." Deepa whistled from the screen, and when Mona looked up at her she was looking a bit impressed. "You've got it bad, laadli."
"Yeah," Pari chimed in, "and I thought Deepa was the lovesick one." Harlow snickered at that one, and then both Mona and Deepa rolled their eyes.
"There's nothing going on between me and Niall," Mona bit out, and whatever dull throb that had started in the back of her head this morning had gotten a bit stronger. Maybe she could leave this conversation with the excuse of coming down with something because she didn't feel like she was in the best of states right now, but then Harlow would come after her with accusations of being a coward and, with her impending migraine, that wouldn't be great either.
Deepa huffed out a laugh. "Okay, I take it back. You've got it worse than me. And I'm the one about to get married."
Mona whined. "Guys—"
"Niall is your neighbor, right?" Pari asked, and Mona rolled her eyes because no one ever let her speak. "The cute, blonde one, right? I think I follow him on Insta." Pari took the opportunity to flash Mona a wink and Mona suddenly wished she hadn't let the waiter take her bowl of unfinished fruits away because she didn't have anything to distract herself from this unwanted conversation. "That boy is all types of fine, Mona, what's wrong with you?"
Mona slouched in her chair. She couldn't understand why Harlow even brought up the subject but there was that distinct feeling of being cornered into talking about something she didn't even want to think about sometimes and there was no way out. "Can we not do this right now?" Mona mumbled, ignoring the eye roll Harlow was sending her way.
"Mona, how long are you going to put it off though? You and Niall have been stuck in this limbo or whatever for almost a year." Harlow sounded all types of annoyed which was unusual given how bubbly she normally was. Mona couldn't even look at her. "It's not about just one of the two of you getting hurt anymore. If something goes wrong then it will affect all of us. Me, the boys, all of us. We've all been watching you two fall for each other for a year and if—if something happens—" she sighed, voice wavering a bit. "It'll hurt, Mo."
Mona's throat felt tight, like there was too big of a lump there for her to be able to swallow through it. She felt like she couldn't breathe, like she was trying too hard to float above a body of water but she was kicking too hard and sinking too fast. We've all been watching you two fall for each other for a year, was playing on a loop in her head and it wasn't true, no one was falling for anyone, Niall didn't like her like that, he didn't didn't didn't.
"I, um," Mona started, trying to sound strong but her voice did that stupid wobbly thing it always did when she was upset and she knew that she'd just given herself away. "I actually have a paper to write that's due in a couple of days so I should just," she gestured vaguely behind her, signaling that she should probably go, and she rushed to grab her bag from somewhere behind Harlow.
"No, no wait!" Deepa and Pari called in unison from the screen, both of them frowning significantly.
"We'll drop it, Mo, we're sorry," said Deepa, pouting at her. "Let's talk about something else, okay? Just don't leave."
Pari let out a nervous chuckle glancing at Harlow, and when Mona did the same she found that she looked more than just a little annoyed. "Anyway," Pari got out, eyes shifting towards Mona again. "Have you seen that new Salman Khan movie? The soundtrack is amazing, oh my god."
And Mona welcomed the topic change with a grateful smile, even when Pari started to stream the soundtrack for all of them to hear, though she wasn't too sure Harlow was very happy with it.
~
Mona was lying face down on her couch when he waltzed into her apartment, dazzling smile and bright personality in tow.
"Hi, darlin'!" he greeted cheerfully, leaning down to peck her hairline sweetly, and Mona had to suppress the urge to curl into herself when she groaned because that gesture was not helping her thoughts regarding her conversation with the girls earlier. Niall didn't seem to notice her inner turmoil though—not that she expected him to anyway because they were not a couple or anything—instead stroking the strip of skin left exposed by her ridden up t-shirt on her lower back soothingly, pressing more kisses on her hairline as he giggled into her skin. "Not feelin' well?"
And no she wasn't. Because not only was that stupid conversation being the absolute bane of her existence right now, but she had a massive migraine that was almost unbearable and thinking about the morning she had just made it worse. She didn't think she could take Niall being all sweet in his weird Niall way at the moment because then she would have to accept that there was something there when there wasn't. "Go away," was what left her lips as a result of her thoughts, and her tone wasn't all that great but she couldn't really bring herself to care because she felt like her head was about to split open and all the pain reliever in the world didn't seem to dull the pain.
Niall, however—which really, Mona should've expected this—only laughed her off, shimmying himself onto the couch with her so that her head was pressed against his leg, and that only irritated her more. "C'mon, darlin'," he murmured quietly, fingers stroking through her hair, and Mona felt like she might cry from it all because this wasn't supposed to happen this way. It was just supposed to be a quick fuck. It wasn't supposed to turn into this. "Talk to me, yeah? What hurts?"
"Niall," she huffed this time, her voice wavering as she shifted to bury her head into the crook of her elbow. He wasn't helping. His soothing fingers and his deep brogue and his endearing nicknames weren't helping with the conflicting feelings swirling in her chest and she sure as hell didn't want to think about it right now because her migraine was almost blinding and there was a heaviness in her chest that wasn't really from all the feelings being bottled up there. "Please just go away."
He continued to stroke her hair for a while before he patted her shoulder and got up from the couch, and when Mona heard his footsteps pattering away from her she let out a whoosh of breath that she hadn't realized she'd been holding. She felt shitty for it but—it was easier this way. It didn't complicate things or leave them in that limbo that Harlow'd been yammering on about. This way they could just be Mona and Niall and not MonaAndNiall like everyone wanted them to be.
Mona didn't even know if she wanted it to be that way. She never knew what she wanted.
Her regulated breathing didn't last too long though because a few moments later, Niall was back with one of Mona's fluffiest blankets, draping it over her body before taking his previous seat again. He lounged back and made himself comfortable, his fingers back in Mona's hair, and this time, Mona really did curl into herself.
"Do you want me to make you soup?" he murmured, pressing his lips to the spot on her temple where it was throbbing the most and Mona clenched her eyes shut. She couldn't look at him right now because there was a tightness in her lungs that made her want to cry and she couldn't let anyone see her like that let alone Niall. "Or do you just want a cuddle? Talk to me, darlin'."
Mona pressed the heels of her hands onto her eyes willing the potential tears to stop because Harlow's words were echoing nonstop in her head and she didn't know what to do.
We've all been watching you two fall for each other for a year.
And Mona was just confused and scared because she's seen the toxic relationship between her mom and her dad and she's seen that weird love triangle thing happen with Harlow, Zayn, and Liam and she couldn't do it, she couldn't.
Because if she and Niall had something she wanted it to be real and tangible and free of doubts and fights and disagreements like she'd seen in all the other relationships she'd witnessed. And what they had right now...there was just no guarantee of it actually working out. So the way Niall was treating her right now, with his tender touches and sweet kisses, scared her because she liked it and she just...she couldn't have a repeat of what happened between her own parents with her own life. Because the truth was, commitment was scary and she didn't want to deal with it right now, not when she had an agonizing headache that she could barely think through.
"No," she mumbled, but Niall was already getting up and heading towards the kitchen. "Niall." With a sigh, she shuffled from the couch and followed behind him. She would roll her eyes but even that hurt at the moment. "Niall," she repeated. "I just—I can't. Can you stop please?"
Niall turned around then, a quizzical expression on his face. "What?"
Mona sucked in a desperate breath, twisting her neck upwards to keep the tears at bay. "I can't—Niall, can you please just go? I can't do this right now."
He chuckled nervously. "What do you mean, darlin'?" he asked and Mona really wished he'd stop calling her that. "I'll just make you the soup, yeah? And then we can talk about it."
He started to spin around on his heels again when Mona groaned, burying her face in her hands. "No, Niall, I just want to be alone. I can't." And she couldn't even explain herself without sounding like a complete idiot and she didn't know what to do.
"Babe," he laughed, and Mona couldn't even swallow through the lump in her throat anymore. "Let me just make the soup and I'll leave you alone, okay?"
"I don't want soup, Niall!" she whispered rather frantically because she needed him to leave. She couldn't take the echo of Harlow's words in her head anymore. "I just want you to go."
"Namona," he got out and Mona knew he was annoyed with her because of the use of her full name. "What's up with you? You know you can talk to me about it, right? You don't look too well right now."
"Niall, please just go." She couldn't look at him, and that only seemed to set him off even more.
"Why can't you just accept the fact that someone might actually want to do something for you?" His chest was starting to heave in that way when he was trying to keep his temper at bay, an angry scarlet flush coloring his ears. Mona, with her blinding migraine threatening to rip her skull open, dumbly wondered how he still managed to look so stupidly attractive even when he's fucking pissed at her. "Why do you have to be like this every time I try to help?"
Niall's voice had dropped dangerously low, eyes narrowed and arms crossed across his chest but—honestly? Mona couldn't find it in herself to care about his potential raging anger at the moment. Because her head felt like it was about to explode, nerves throbbing along her temples until she really didn't want to listen to anything anymore. "Niall," she huffed, closing her eyes and clenching her jaw—which made the pain in her head ten times worse—so he'd take a hint and leave. "I really don't want to do this right now."
Niall scoffed loudly, lips twisting into something akin to a scowl as he rolled his eyes. "I'm just trying to take care of you, Mo," he got out, and it sounded a bit more on the exasperated side of things. "You don't have to be so goddamn pissy every time someone tries to show you they care about—"
"Niall, I don't want you to help me, okay!" Mona all but bellowed, the sound coming deep from her gut and something in the back of her head flared, the jolt of pain shooting all the way down to her toes, and she felt a bit lightheaded, like she just needed to sit down, but she also couldn't help but continue. "I don't want you to baby me and make me soup and cling to me like a fucking leech. I just want to be alone!"
"Oh my god, fuck you! Be alone then see if I fucking care," Niall shouted right back, the frustration tinging the column of his neck as well. He was livid, body reflecting every sign of annoyance from the tremble of his fingers to the lock of his jaw to the inferno in his eyes, and Mona didn't have to touch him, to trail her fingers over the words he left trapped in his throat, to know that she fucked up bad this time. There were no words to stop him from angrily stalking towards the door, shoulders squared in that 'don't fuck with me' way of his. She made no effort to reach out to grip his shaking fingers to calm him down and she didn't know if she regretted it or not. Before she could figure it out, Niall turned around again, eyes hardened in a way Mona had never seen before. "You can't keep pushing people away, Namona. Because one day, when you decide that you need someone, no one will be left to help you."
With that, he stormed out the door, slamming it shut behind him, and Mona didn't know what that feeling in her chest meant, didn't know if she felt relieved or emptier than she felt this morning. She didn't wait to find out, either, numbly making her way towards her bed to burrow quietly into the softness of her pillow, nuzzling into the warmth of her blanket with the hope that her aching migraine will disappear by the time she woke up.
And if a few tears slipped from her cheeks only to be absorbed into her pillow, well, that was her business.
~
Something seemed to be on her side today because, sure enough, when she finally opened her eyes to take in the fact that the sun had shifted significantly in the sky since she'd fallen asleep, her headache was completely gone, as if it wasn't even there in the first place.
That was the first thing she noticed. The second thing, however, wiped the content smile right off her face.
Because when the glee of no longer being able to feel the throbbing migraine that had nearly driven her insane faded, it was replaced by guilt settling into the pit of her stomach, the sensation pulling her skin tight in remorse and Mona had to bury her head into her pillow again because she really fucked up.
The realization only made her feel ten times worse, because all she could see when she closed her eyes was Niall. Niall and his big blue eyes behind those glasses of his, clouded over in anger and dejection and sadness all at once. Niall and his trembling fingers and the angry red flush that spread across his skin and his big big big heart that Mona broke because all he wanted to do was help her but she didn't let him.
She didn't deserve him. He was too good for her.
"Mo, you look like shit," was what had broken her out of her trance. She hadn't realized she'd actually gotten out of bed and walked out into the living room until her vision came back into focus and Harlow was looking at her quizzically. Her hair was still done up in the braid from this morning so Mona knew she hadn't been asleep for too long because Harlow had a tendency to undo Mona's meticulous handiwork little by little throughout the day.
"Harlow," she sighed, plopping down onto the sofa beside her best friend with a frown. "I'm a shitty person."
Harlow's eyebrows pulled together in confusion as she shifted to get a better look at her. And this, Mona thought, was why Harlow was her best friend. Because Harlow was her anchor on the stormy days and her sail on the good ones, their sisterly relationship as easygoing as a relationship can possibly be and also filled with understanding and care and calling-you-out-on-your-bullshit approaches. "I know that, Mo," she said jokingly to lighten the mood. "But what happened this time?"
Mona knew Harlow would be honest with her.
But, because Mona was a piece of shit, she could never have good things, or so she thought when Liam unceremoniously barged in through the door only to plop onto the other side of the sofa with a sort of defeated sigh. Harlow rolled her eyes. "Another one," she muttered before saying, a bit louder, "And what's up with you, Li? Am I everyone's therapist now? I thought that was Zayn's job."
Liam let out a disgruntled noise before shooting Mona a pointed look, and Mona immediately knew by the looks of it that it couldn't be good. "Got anything to say for yourself, Mo?" was what came out of his mouth, and then both Liam and Harlow were giving her the look.
Mona sunk into the couch a little more, thinking that if she wished hard enough then maybe it might swallow her whole and she wouldn't have to deal with the possibility of pissing Niall off all the time. "I fucked up," was what she said though, except she didn't know how to explain it. She couldn't put into the words the way the guilt swirled in the pit of her stomach because of Niall's sad blue eyes and disappointed, hunched shoulders.
Harlow was going to say something in exasperation but then Liam cut her off. "Yeah," he agreed, shrugging slightly. "Niall's proper mad. Locked himself in his room and won't come out." At that, the swirl of guilt turned into a tidal wave that Mona could feel ricocheting off every single one of her bones. "He also won't tell me what exactly happened so that's why I'm here."
"You guys fought?!" Harlow gasped, and Mona fully expected her to reprimand her for her idiotic and insensitive behavior towards Niall, and honestly, she thought she deserved it at that point. But instead, a slow grin crept across Harlow's already bright features, her body shifting to face Mona fully as if she was completely intrigued. Needless to say, both Mona and Liam were confused. "Like, this is your first fight isn't it?" Mona's features tugged downwards in confusion. That was debatable. "Oh my god!" Harlow squealed. "Your first official fight! You guys are totally a couple now!"
Mona didn't think she ever wanted to wring someone's neck off so badly.
She was saved the trouble though, because Zayn came walking in as coolly as ever, plopping down on the sofa right between Mona and Harlow, his arm automatically swinging to rest on the edge of the couch above Harlow's shoulders. Mona didn't have to look at Liam to know he had allowed himself to frown for a second, but she wasn't about to get into whatever sort of love triangle thing the three of them had gotten themselves into. "Niall's upset," was all Zayn said, eyebrows raised in Mona's direction, and she didn't even flip him off for that because she deserved all the disappointed looks anyone threw at her.
Harlow frowned this time. "Mona. What did you do?"
Mona curved into herself, pushing backwards as if it would press her deeper into the sofa. "Is he mad mad?" she asked Zayn, who only quirked an eyebrow in her direction. "Like. Holiday cabin mad?" Everyone knew that the incident at the cabin last Christmas—where Niall's anger blew up into a full-blown rage because of Zayn—was not to be spoken about because it was still a sore spot for Zayn, but he simply shrugged it off, shaking his head slowly. Mona almost didn't want to hear what he was going to say because if Niall was that level of angry then she didn't think anyone would be able to calm him down for now.
"Not that kind of upset, Mo." There was a crease between Zayn's brows that told her that he was slightly disappointed and trying not to show it. Everyone was frowning at her at this point. "When I went to go ask if he wanted to have a lads' night he was just...like, he wouldn't talk to me he was just frowning into his pillow."
Mona groaned, burying her face into a nearby pillow and muffling the sound into it. She fucked up.
"Namona Shaw," Harlow gritted out just as Liam, as confused as ever, whined out a 'But what happened though?' "What the fuck did you do to him?"
"I didn't—" Mona started to say until she was being interrupted—once again—this time by none other than Harry, who was rushing through the door with his lips tugged into a rather horrified frown, a strand of his long, curly hair hanging down in his face.
"Guys," he got out while sounding rather breathless, his green eyes flashing. "You won't believe—Niall. Niall is sad!" He sounded like just the thought of it was crazy, and in a way it was because Niall only came in so many forms, some of them being: impassively uncaring, dazzlingly happy, or ruthlessly angry. There was literally no in between. "Like proper sad too, like, broody and pouty and quiet sad."
Harlow, Liam, and Zayn turned their heads to shoot her simultaneous looks and Mona wished the ground would swallow her whole. "Namona," they said in unison, Harlow in particular looking as if she was holding back a rather mean choice of words.
"What did Mona do?" Harry asked in confusion, and Mona couldn't see him because she'd shoved her face into another pillow but she felt his hands on her shoulders, coaxing her up from her position so he could take a seat beside her, pulling her into his chest and rubbing her arm reassuringly. "What happened, Mo?" he asked softly, and while Mona was glad for him, she didn't really think she deserved sympathy of any kind right now.
Zayn shifted his position so he was leaning into her as well, fingers lightly playing with the strands of hair that had fallen into her face. "C'mon, Mo. How're we gonna help if we don't know what's going on?"
Mona sighed, allowing her body to melt into the cuddle, her head lolling onto Harry's chest and her hand laced in Zayn's. "I just—I'm just so shitty, like. I had this terrible migraine this morning after breakfast with Harlow and Niall was being really sweet trying to take care of me and stuff. And," Mona let out a shuddery breath, "like no one's ever really done that for me before? So I just—I reacted in a really stupid way and I said some idiotic things and he got mad and left."
Mona was talking into her hands by the end of her explanation, shame washing over her in these long, never-ending tidal waves, and she didn't think she was worthy to meet anyone's eyes.
"I'm so shitty," she mumbled, because it was like she was never really able to do anything right with Niall other than being there just for sex. She couldn't open up to him the way he did with her, she couldn't be honest with him about certain things the way he was with her, and she couldn't even allow him to show the least bit of concern for her when she needed it. She was so utterly pathetic.
"Hey now," Harry chided because apparently she'd said that last bit out loud. "Don't be so hard on yourself, Mo. You're not that shitty."
Mona allowed herself to smile at the playful lift of Harry's voice. Harlow somehow managed to wriggle herself in between Mona and Zayn, Liam coming over to sit on the arm of the couch behind Harry. "Mona darling," she whispered, resting her hand over Mona's, which was still being held by Zayn. "Why are you like this?" And Harlow wasn't wearing that 'Mona-you-really-fucked-up' expression as before. Instead, her features had fallen, eyes flashing sympathetically in Mona's direction, and Mona turned her face into Harry's chest so she didn't have to look at it.
"Mo, Niall lo—" Harry began to say until he stopped himself after a smack on the shoulder, and Mona didn't have to look up to know it was Liam. Though why he did it she didn't know.
"We all love you, Mo," Liam piped up from behind Harry. "And Niall loves you too. I'm sure he'll forgive you if you just apologize."
Mona sighed, nodding against Harry's chest. Liam was right. All she had to do was apologize. And maybe get him a few bags of his favorite candies.
It shouldn't be that hard.
~
Niall always apologized to Mona, even when it wasn't even his fault. And it was a part of the many reasons Mona had taken a liking to him.
Niall always asked before he kissed her and he always smoothed away that strand of hair that always seemed to stick up from her head with his baseball mitt hands and he always apologized. So now, Mona thought, it was her turn, and she was well-prepared too, with a teddy bear that read "I'm sorry" on the shirt and a bagful of Niall's favorite snacks, including the m&m's with peanuts in it and a brand new jar of Nutella.
She made her way into Niall and Liam's flat, shooting a grin at Liam, who was lounging on the couch watching re-runs of a 90s sitcom, as she passed him on her way to Niall's room. "Good luck, Mo," he said with a grin of his own, ushering her along with a gesture of his hands.
She plopped the bag down with the snacks beside the door frame, clutching the teddy bear close to her chest as she worked up the courage press her fingers to the cool exterior of Niall's door. After a moment or two, she gingerly rapped her knuckles against it all while trying to swallow down the nervous guilt that had been threatening to wrap around her windpipes all afternoon.
She knew Niall was inside because she could hear him shuffling around, the sounds of his feet dragging against the floor getting closer and closer until he was opening the door. Mona didn't know what she expected him to look like, but she supposed she should've seen the blank expression on his face coming. His entire face was unreadable, like a blank slate void of any emotion, and his eyes, which were usually the most expressive part of his face, stared at her in indifference.
"Hi," she got out, her voice quiet even in the silence of the apartment, the sounds of the television in the living room probably louder than Mona was at the moment. She held out the teddy bear to him so he was able to read the writing on its shirt, the tiniest of smiles playing along her face. "I'm sorry that I'm a piece of shit."
Niall didn't even react. He simply stared at the stuffed animal, lips pulled into a thin line, and Mona couldn't help how exposed she felt, like a live wire, and a wave of vulnerability washed over her because Niall didn't even crack a smile and she wasn't used to him being so unresponsive to her.
"Niall?" His name left her lips in the quietest of whispers, and it was as if that alone was enough to snap him out of whatever state he seemed to have been stuck in, his eyes flitting up to meet hers and instead of the indifference that had reflected in the baby blues a few moments prior, there was a flash of annoyance with a hint of something else. And, needless to say, Mona was not prepared for what he did next.
He slammed the door shut in her face.
And. Okay. She deserved that.
"Ni, I'm sorry," she whined into the door, the bear being held close to her chest again. "I bought you a teddy bear!" she tried feebly, and she had to suppress the urge to roll her eyes at herself. "And I got you your favorite snacks. Like those m&m's you like so much. And mini Twix bars!" She was floundering, the fake tone of cheerfulness falling until her voice was probably barely audible through the door. "You love Twix," she mumbled into the cold wood.
She didn't expect the door to open again, but it did, Niall standing with his shoulders squared behind it. He wasn't looking at her this time. Instead, his eyes were trained towards her feet where the bag of sweets lay, and he wordlessly rustled through it to pull out the bag of mini Twix bars. When he looked at her it was only to give her a curt nod before closing the door again.
There was a lingering moment of silence before it seemed as if he had changed his mind, opening the door once more just to drag the entire bag inside. He didn't look at her again. Instead, he made a point to slam the door shut even louder, the force of it so hard that the wood rattled against its hinges.
And, okay, maybe she deserved that too.
Normally she would've walked away. She would've retreated back to her apartment and they would've ignored each other until one of them broke and came by with two pints of Ben and Jerry's ice cream. But she couldn't help but stay rooted in her spot, chin buried into the head of the stuffed bear she was clutching to her chest, because this argument was different from others in the past. Because this time she was the one that messed up. Because Niall was her best friend and he meant a lot more to her then she ever let on and she couldn't lose him, she couldn't.
Mona nearly jumped out of her skin when there was a hand that found its way to her shoulder, and when she looked over, it was Liam smiling reassuringly at her. "You've got this, Mo," he murmured before moving his hand up to rustle her hair. "He's just being difficult but he'll come around." He feigned a light punch under her jaw, shuffling past her to walk further down the hall to his own room. "Oh, and by the way," he said as if he'd remembered something, turning around to grin at her, "the door is open."
Liam turned into his own bedroom, then, leaving Mona alone in the quiet hallway. She glanced at the doorknob, mulling the thought over in her head.
It was worth a shot.
So she found herself turning the knob to the door and pushing it open, her thoughts fueled by a nervous sort energy. Niall was sitting on his bed, glasses drooping low on his nose as he typed away on his laptop. There were textbooks strewn about him, each open to a specific page that Niall used as a reference to whatever he was writing. He didn't even grace her with a glance as she walked in, closing the door carefully behind her before slowly shuffling over to Niall's bed. He was holding a mini Twix bar between his lips, the wrapper thrown haphazardly on his bed, and that was how Mona knew he was a little stressed out because not only was Niall was anything but messy, but he never ate in his bed.
She made her way to sit cross-legged on the other side of him, still hugging the teddy bear, but she wasn't able to meet his eyes. They sat in silence for a few moments, the only sound in the otherwise quiet room being of Niall's fingers tapping along the keyboard of his laptop. Mona didn't really know what to say. All she knew was that Niall wasn't going to be talking to her for a while, and that thought alone was enough to get the words flowing from her lips before she could stop them.
"I'm really sorry for what I said," she mumbled, but she didn't really know if he understood what she was saying because she was basically talking into the bear. Either way Niall didn't even acknowledge her existence much less what she was saying, but she decided to plow on anyway. "I didn't mean any of it, I swear. I just—" she sighed, "it's hard to—like, no one has ever. I mean—like I don't know how to let someone—" she groaned in frustration. She couldn't explain it and she probably would never be able to and now she'd embarrassed herself in front of Niall—who still wasn't looking at her but his fingers had stilled on the keyboard so he must have been listening—and her head was now buried into the soft exterior of the teddy bear. "I'm just—I'm sorry. I'm sorry I fucked up and I'm sorry I'm insensitive and I'm sorry I hurt your feelings," her voice cracked embarrassingly but she kept on going, "I really didn't mean it, Ni. I didn't. I'm sorry."
There was silence again and Mona's head was still buried in the teddy bear, and though Niall wasn't typing anymore, she didn't dare look up at him. The moment stretched on until it was near unbearable, and Mona was about to accept that she'd have to try again some other time when she felt her hair being brushed away from her forehead, the touch being replaced by Niall's lips as he dotted one fleeting, barely-there kiss along her hairline.
Mona froze, because as soon as it had happened, it ended, and she had to wonder for a moment if it was real before she worked up the nerve to look at him again. Sure enough, his eyes were trained on the screen of his laptop. But instead of the blank expression he'd been wearing, the corner of his lips had quirked upwards the tiniest bit, and Mona felt a huge rush of air escape her lips.
"Oh, thank god," she breathed before she was propelling towards him, wrapping her arms around his shoulders and tugging him into a tight embrace, nosing her face into the crook of his neck. "I thought you weren't going to talk to me ever again."
Niall huffed out a startled laugh, resting a hand on her hip. "You're kneeling on my books," he muttered, but Mona didn't budge, instead hugging him tighter and pressing a series of butterfly kisses along the underside of his jaw.
"I'm sorry," she murmured into his skin, nipping at his earlobe playfully and Niall grunted before pulling her into him and returning the embrace, giggling quietly into her hair. "I'm sorry," she said again, except this time it was a whisper and she wasn't really apologizing for the books anymore. "I'm sorry I made you sad. You shouldn't ever be sad."
Niall snorted. "And you shouldn't ever be a dick but we don't always get the things we want, right?" And Mona knew he wasn't being serious but it still didn't stop the wave of guilt that crashed over her again, and she buried her head even further into Niall's shirt. Niall noticed, though, and he soothingly smoothed his fingers down her arm to rest on her shoulders. "Hey," he said softly, trying to coax Mona up to look at him. "C'mon, I was joking, darlin'." He nuzzled his nose against her shoulder before letting out a laugh. "You're not insensitive, babe. You're just too sensitive."
Mona sighed against his chest until he managed to pull her away. She couldn't look at him, her eyes falling to stare at his chest instead. "I'm sorry," she got out remorsefully, frowning.
She didn't have to look up to know that Niall was rolling his eyes. "Is there anything you can say besides 'sorry'?" he asked sarcastically and Mona slowly reached up to flick his nose, something she always did, just to see if he'd push her away. He didn't.
Her lips tugged down into a pout, and it was only then that she allowed herself to meet his eyes, the blue swirling with honesty and forgiveness and fondness. "I missed you."
Niall laughed at that, tracing the outline of Mona's lips with his blunt fingernail. "I'm just irresistible, aren't I." Mona smacked the back of her hands against his chest in response and he laughed even louder, the sound reverberating throughout his body and coaxing one from Mona's lips as well. "Alright, alright. I forgive you, okay?" He smoothed her hair behind her ears, a fond smile playing along his lips. "Just—don't push me away like that okay? Let me take care of you."
Mona hummed, her head falling down to his chest again as she smiled against his shirt. "So," she drawled out, peeking up at him through her lashes. "About that soup..."
And Niall only chuckled giddily before stacking his textbooks into a neat pile and lacing his hands into hers, pulling her up and out of his bed so he could lead her into the kitchen. "See? Now that wasn't so hard, was it?"
Mona couldn't deny it but she wasn't going to say that out loud. She just allowed Niall to press a kiss to her hairline before he tugged her into the kitchen.