*****Enjoy!!*****
RIVER—
"Mine," the man growled through the bars, his eyes huge, wet, and so brown they were nearly black. They weren't the eyes of the man I normally saw, but the eyes of something much larger. Something primal. Something...
He had half-shifted, though I wasn't sure how that was possible, with the magic-binding collar around his neck. Both Cain and Lady Sera had assured the Emperor, and all of the guards tasked with his care, that Griffin would be completely unable to even access his magic, much less use it to shift. But here was the proof they were both wrong. Somehow, he had fought past the anti-magic qualities in the collar and was glaring out at me, nearly a foot taller than he normally was, his hands around the bars turned into claws each larger than my head, his eyes dark and furious.
I had been Griffin's guard for nearly six weeks, but I had never seen him anything less than calm and completely controlled, even if he was a righteous prick to pretty much anyone he came into contact with. He seemed to have a soft spot for me, for some reason. He always returned my greetings, never glared me down as he did the others if they came too close to his cell, and he was ever polite when he asked me for things. With the others, he demanded, bit out his words, was sarcastic, caustic, and rude. With me, he seemed to soften, his eyes warming, sometimes a smile even gracing his lips if I was careful enough and he found what I said amusing.
I tried to get him to laugh. He was a prisoner, yes, but I wasn't a torturer, I was a guard. He was allowed to talk, to read, even to go out and stretch his legs in the sun every couple of days. He was a man, no matter what he had done, and I would treat him that way.
"Mine," he snarled again, his claws tightening on the bars around his cell. His face was a rictus of fury, his shoulders tense, his teeth bared. They, too, were half-shifted, sharp and huge in a mouth that looked too small to hold them. The effect was horrifying, but I kept my breathing under control and my face passive as I met his eyes.
"What's wrong, Griffin? What has you so—"
"You are mine," he barked, his words bitten out through clenched teeth, his words snarling. "You're mine and you don't let others touch you. I'll kill him. I'll fucking kill him if he touches you again."
Flummoxed. I was completely, wholly, and unabashedly flummoxed.
"Griffin...?"
"You let him fuck you, didn't you? Get over here. Open this door. Now, mate. Now. You're mine, and no one touches what's mine."
I took a step back and his entire body tensed. He opened his mouth and roared so loudly my breath caught in my throat and my heartbeat kicked up. I slammed my hands over my ears and stared at him in shock, horror, and fear.
Had he heard us? I had only just come into the dungeon from speaking with Argon, another of the guards in the palace. Yes, we'd had sex the day before— really good sex, if I was being honest— and he had wanted to see me again the next morning when my shift in the dungeons was over. I had agreed, but laughed when he tried to drag me over into the weapons room.
"I have to get into the cell room, Argon, c'mon, don't tease. You're going to leave me hard all day."
"Good. Think of me while you're in there, bored all day."
I laughed and shoved him back, blowing him a kiss before ducking through the doorway and into the dark room that housed the cells. All empty now but for the one with the large, imposing bear shifter who now watched me as if he wanted to rip me apart with his teeth.
"Fuck!" I hissed when his roar had petered out and he was only standing, glaring me down, his eyes on fire with rage. "I can't let you out, you—"
"Please," he whimpered, his shoulders sagging, and I frowned at the sudden change to his demeanor. He looked beaten now, defeated, his eyes studying my body, up and down, as if searching for visible signs of my activities the day before. "Please, come closer. I just need... I need to see you."
I took a few steps forward, cocking my head at him, my confusion high. I knew about mates, had heard Cain and Prince Edon, and even Princess Lacy talk about them often enough. I had always thought the idea romantic and wished, in my most secret heart, that there was some man out there for me. Some wild mage that was going to sweep me off my feet, be completely smitten with me, be as possessive of me as Cain was of the Emperor. I had even had crazy dreams about the goddess Ravin, and being the mate of one of her mages.
Was that... Was that what Griffin was claiming, now?
"I'm sorry, Griffin, you know I can't—" I began, but Griffin's aborted growl cut me off. His hands shifted back to human and he reached through the bars, gesturing me forward, but I resisted.
"You're mine. Come to me."
"I'm..." I began, my chest clenching as his eyes, warm and dark and possessive, seared into mine.
"Please," he rasped, his fingers trembling as he reached out for me, beckoning me forward. "I need him gone. I need you... I need you, angel. You have to see that. You have to understand that, now, don't you? Can you... Can you understand?"
"I..." I trailed off, my breaths catching as I moved forward without conscious thought, putting myself in easy reach of the man who, moments before, had looked ready to end my life with a swipe of his claws. Now, his eyes were kind, gentle, passionate. The word he had called me— angel— he had never called me that before. "I think I do. Why didn't you tell me?"
His hesitation had me taking another step forward, grabbing his hand, his fingers entwining immediately with mine as he jerked me forward, into his arms, the bars of his cell digging into my chest and stomach. But I was able to feel him, hot and hard and solid, holding me as close to him as was possible with a wall of iron between us.
"I couldn't. I'm not a free man, River. I'm..."
I nodded, understanding his words, and shuddered against his touch. He kept our fingers entwined at the level of his head, but his other arm was wrapped tight around me, his hand against my ass, simply holding it, possessively, as if it was his and he was in no hurry to let it, and me, go.
"Please don't see him again tomorrow," he rasped, his voice nearly gone with how gravelly and deep it was. "I can't... I can't do anything to stop you, but the thought of him touching you, of tasting what I can't, I... I'll go crazy with it."
"I won't," I swore, Argon completely forgotten for the way Griffin's hold on me felt right. Right and whole and gods, so good. "I won't, I promise."
Griffin's eyes met mine, and I smiled up at him, bringing my hand that wasn't imprisoned by his fingers to his face and cupping his cheek, trying to see in him the man I had dreamed would someday find me. Trying to see in him the man who had held back the knowledge that I was his true mate, because he knew he had no control over his own future and he didn't want to hurt me. He turned his head in my grip and, his eyes never leaving mine, pressed a kiss to my fingers, then my palm. My heart stuttered and my eyes heated with embarrassing unshed tears, and I knew then.
I knew then that I had never had a chance against this man.
Now, nearly three months after he first told me I was his mate, I was already regretting going with the bastard. I was filthy, I smelled like horse dung,— worse, even— and I had brought the clothes on my back and nothing else. I was exhausted, though I hadn't been the one running from the palace. No, that had been Griffin, who had yet to stop his headlong race through the woods, out on the eastern plains of A'dir and then up through Kale'nyn Pass. I had no idea where he was heading, and after a while, I couldn't even recognize the landscape anymore.
Griffin ran through the day, the night, then through most of the next day. I watched sky, trees, and earth pass by, my head ducked down, my legs as tight around Griffin's body as I could make them. They ached, sore and stiff and numb in some places, and I was terrified of when I would have to release them and walk on my own again. I worried they wouldn't even work at all anymore.
"Griffin! Griffin, please!" I yelled over the sound of the wind in my ears. My face was chapped with the cold of the wind and the heat of the sun, and when I spoke, my lips split and I tasted blood. "Please, we have to stop! I can't hold on much more; I'm going to fall off!"
Griffin jerked his body, his head bobbing up and down in acknowledgement of my words. I sighed, my throat aching and dry, and gripped his fur as tightly as I could. He kept going for far longer than I had hoped, but within a few hours, he was stopped in a clearing just beside a small stream that led into a pond. Though pond was a generous name for the puddle of water the stream trickled into, but I was trying to be optimistic, and I was thirsty.
I fell off of Griffin's huge back, directly onto my shoulder on the earth, softened only by the underbrush from the trees. I grunted, closing my eyes and gritting my teeth against the bite of fire that raced up my legs and thighs. My muscles cramped and I nearly screamed, moaning as I arched my back in agony.
The path from my home in Ke'tiya and the capital was a nearly four day ride, and I had ridden it many times to visit my family. Each time, I and the men my family sent for me spent each day riding nearly ten hours a day. I ended each day exhausted and saddle sore, my ass aching, my thighs cramped and sore, and my skin sun or wind burnt, or both.
Those rides had been nothing to this. At least with my horses, I'd had a saddle to hold me aloft. On Griffin's broad back, not only had my legs been spread further than on a horse's, but there was no saddle to help my seat. I had used my thigh muscles until they were shredded, cramping and twisting as I moaned weakly on the ground. My skin was on fire, my arms shaking and unable to move, and my back feeling as if a dagger was shot through it as I tried to straighten from the curl I had pulled myself into.
"Oh gods, River, are you alright?" I heard distantly, my mind nearly numb from pain. Then his hand was on my arm and that touch... Gods, for months I had wanted that, with nothing between us. No walls, no bars, no chains. I had wanted him so much, and now I couldn't be sure which hurt worse: my legs or the mangled heart in my chest. "I'm so sorry, you must be in agony, I wasn't thinking. I wanted to make sure we got far enough away that... I wasn't thinking, I'm—"
"No, don't— don't touch me! You don't—" I bit out, knowing I sounded like an immature, petulant child and not caring. Not then. Not when my world had ended, been taken from me. Not when I stunk, and my ass hurt, and my legs hurt, and my skin felt like it was on fire from the sunburn I could feel darkening my skin red. Not when I was all of those things and he still looked like a god, naked as sin, his body on full display for my idiotic heart and absolutely ridiculous cock. Not when he looked that good, and I was a lump of pain and stinking, sweating, aching agony. "You don't get to touch me, not anymore! Men who—who take everything from me don't get to touch me. You lost that privilege, mister."
I glared up at him as the cramps in my legs began to recede, leaving behind a fierce, terrible ache. I wasn't even sure I could get up and walk if I had to.
"We never could have been together there, River. You have to know that."
I wanted to hiss, to growl, to do all the things I had seen him and the other wild mages I knew do to show their displeasure. I wanted to, because it seemed such a pure form of anger. Such a right way to show him how much I hated him now. How much I wanted nothing more than to never see him again.
Lie.
How much I just wanted to go home, with or without him.
Lie.
How much I wanted him to leave and never come back.
LIE!
"Oh, and I'm sure that's why you used me as a godsdammed shield, because you love me so bloody much," I snapped at him, yanking my arm back and flinching when the movement sent a wave of agony through my body. I whimpered, and Griffin moved closer, his hand outstretched, just above my skin. I could feel his heat, his closeness, smell the mixture of sweat, dense fur, and warmth that was always so alluring. And that godsdammed marjoram smell I never could figure out. Why and how did he always smell like marjoram?
The bastard had the nerve to look hurt at my words.
"Answer me one question, just one," I bit out through clenched teeth as I tried to move my legs, stubbornly shoving back to lean against a tree sapling that barely took my weight. "No, no, two. Two questions: was it all for laughs, or did anything we said and did mean anything to you? Am I..." my voice broke. "Am I really your mate?"
Griffin flinched and it broke me. It... it did something to me I didn't think I would ever recover from, no matter how many years passed, how many consolation men, how much new love I was able to find. Oh gods, everything. My family, my home, my friends, my future. I had given it all up, and I wasn't even going to get the man, the happily-ever-after in the bargain.
"River..." Griffin began, but I silenced him with a palm held up.
"You—" I hissed, demanded, staring directly into those eyes that I had fallen in love with so, so, oh gods, far too quickly, far too easily. Why did I keep giving my heart to men who couldn't care less if they shattered it?
"You're going to take me home," I bit out. "You're gonna take me home, to my mama and my papa, and they're gonna get me a real good solicitor, and I'm gonna beg for Cain and the Emperor's forgiveness. I was young and stupid and I was tricked. The gods know the Emperor is merciful, so hopefully he'll let me live and won't imprison me. And you— you're going to leave and never come back. You hear me? I saved your life, and you used me for a patsy— you fucking owe me. You owe me this."
Griffin's eyes were wide as he studied me, his gaze moving from my eyes, to my probably raw and cracking lips, down to my mussed clothes, soaked through with sweat and covered in dust and dirt from tackling him to the ground in the courtyard of Swyer Palace, then the subsequent flight from danger. His eyes moved to my legs, still twitching and feeling as if they would be less painful if I just cut them off, and something happened then. He glanced back up at me, his wide eyes half-lidded, his lips thin, his jaw clenched, and he nodded.
"Yeah, River. You're right," he said, his words dull, lifeless, dead. "I'll get you home, and I promise, you'll never have to see me again, alright?"
He stood from his crouch and I steadfastly ignored the way his ass clenched as he turned from me, moving a few steps away before stopping and tilting his face back towards me, but not meeting my eyes again.
"I'm going to find shelter and hopefully some food and clothes. Stay here. I won't be far, but you're safe here."
Before I could open my mouth to argue, Griffin was shifting, so quickly I barely blinked, and I was staring at the back of a great brown bear, rather than the man I loved, and he was gone seconds later.
I sighed, leaned my head back against the sapling behind me, and let the sound of the stream beside me lull me into sleep.