thumbs- lucy dacus
Sitting in the back of a taxi with Jace, I felt like we were runaways. The adrenaline hadn't given into dread yet, and I told myself to worry about the consequences of our collective outburst later. For now, his hand on my inner thigh was all I could focus on.
"We should check into a hotel and fuck," Jace said casually from beside me.
I coughed, choking on my saliva. "W-what? Right now?"
"I'm kidding, you idiot. It's you first time," he laughed, and I exhaled slowly. "By the way, how do you wanna lose it? Your virginity?"
I rolled my eyes. "You say that like it's a business proposition."
"But... do you wanna lose it to me?" He asked, suddenly sounding sheepish.
I blushed and shuffled closer to his warm body. "I originally wanted to lose it to my first boyfriend, but seeing as that isn't gonna happen anytime soon... yeah. I guess... I guess I do."
He raised an unimpressed eyebrow at me. "But I'm the best your horny ass has? Your least favourite person ever?"
I tilted my face up towards his and studied every inch of his beautiful features. "You're not my least favourite person. Not anymore."
He blinked at me, as if he wasn't expecting that. It should have been obvious with the way things had changed between us within a few weeks, but I knew Jace didn't find it easy to let people in. Still, he put his thumb under my chin and lifted it upwards to kiss me. My lips instantly reacted to his, letting him take control of the slow and sensual way our tongues melted together. I pulled away slightly to breathe. "We really forgot the no casual kissing rule, huh?"
"Fuck the rules," he mouthed into my neck. "Kissing is part of my... experimenting, anyway."
I nodded vigorously and wrapped my arms around his neck. "Then don't let me stop you." He didn't wait for me to change my mind. We smiled against each other's lips as it started to get more heated, our needy hands roaming over the other's suited bodies. As much as I loved what Jace could do with his tongue, I wanted more. He was right; I wasn't ready for sex yet, but every day I spent with him was making the craving worse.
An hour later, we were back in the green hills, stumbling out of the taxi, hand in hand. "You sure the hotel idea was so bad? I kinda want us to have a whole night together before my parents come back and murder us."
"If you keep kissing me like that, I think you'll be the one to murder me," I whispered, our noses brushing together.
I could have sworn I saw Jace's cheeks heat up before he rolled his eyes. "Fucking hell, John Green," he retorted, imitating what I'd said to him weeks ago. Laughing, it only took minutes for us to enter the front door and pile into Jace's room. Okay, we might have spent a few of those minutes fumbling on the couch because we were too impatient, but the thought of the Jackson's arriving earlier than expected and seeing me straddling their son and brother spurred us into action.
Once I'd been roughly pushed onto the bed and pounced on by Jace, I forgot everything about the night's drama. His frenzied kisses were almost too much to bear. "Shit," I panted as he nibbled my neck. "Are you still hungry?"
"As a matter of fact, yes. I didn't get to finish my meal because someone decided to start a social justice revolution in the middle of dinner. I won't be surprised if there's riots in the streets tomorrow."
I blushed and felt him chuckle against my skin. "I'm never being nice to you again."
"Noah," he said softly, leaning up to give me an amused but sincere look. "I loved it. I'm serious." All the humour vanished from his eyes, and he tenderly brushed a wavy strand of hair from my forehead. "No one's ever defended me like that before. I just never thought it would be you. But... even though I don't know how to thank you, I wanna say it anyway, because you're you. You're not my least favourite person, either."
I swallowed and tried to control the erratic beating of my heart. Our eye contact lasted for a few intimate seconds before he lightly kissed the tip of my nose. I was sure he felt the heat on my body and the hammering of my chest from where it rested underneath his own, but I managed to try and feign normalcy. "I... I think I know how you can thank me."
Jace flashed me one of his irresistible, lazy grins before kissing me hard, his hand trailing down to play with the tent in my pants. I gasped into his mouth when he pushed down on my crotch, and my own hands slipped under his shirt to feel the ridges of his taut muscles. I didn't know why there were butterflies throwing themselves from the peak of my stomach, but they were falling and then picking themselves back up, only to kill themselves again in the name of whatever this was. This thing between us. It was painful, how his touch made me feel. But then I decided I cared about him enough to stop him from continuing.
I actually cared about him.
"Jace, wait," I breathed, pulling his face away from mine.
He blinked in confusion but respected my wish. "What's wrong? Are you okay? I don't mind if you need to stop-"
"I-I don't wanna stop!" I exclaimed, fisting a hand in his shirt to show my eagerness. Fuck. Maybe too eager. "I... um..." He frowned and pulled me up so I was sitting in his lap and I played with the collar of his half unbuttoned shirt. "You need to know that I don't believe anything your Uncle said. I used to, but... I like to think I know you now..." His soft smile pushed me to continue. "What you've had to go through is cruel and unfair and I'm just sorry I didn't realize it until tonight. But... the thing he said about the cocaine... was it true?"
His smile fell instantly, and a flash of grave bitterness etched itself in his features when he looked away. "Noah-"
"Hey, I'm sorry, okay?" I said quickly, turning his face back to mine with both my hands. I didn't want him to get upset and leave, so I hugged him tightly instead. After a second, he hugged me back.
"It's true," he whispered, and though neither of us moved, we both tensed. "It was right after I left the team and deferred college for a year. I wasn't a regular drug user, or anything. Weed at parties, yeah. But basketball meant I always had to be strict with myself, y'know?" I nodded into his shoulder and let him continue, while his fingers played with the ends of my hair. "It was actually how I met Enzo and Marcy, at some party. He'd got her into coke that night too and he had a few lines left, so I went over to them. Marcy had just come out to her family and was going through a rough time as well so it wasn't her fault, and Enzo was probably really high. It was my choice."
"And... what happened?" I asked softly.
I felt him let out a shaky sigh, his hands dropping from my hair. "I snorted it all. Every last bit. And then I went and found some other guys to give me more, and I snorted that too. I woke up in my own sick. I could have overdosed."
I pulled back abruptly so our faces were aligned, my eyes wide and watery. "Oh my god. Are you okay?"
He smiled sadly and rubbed my cheek with his thumb. "It was over a year ago now, I'm fine. Facing my parents was way worse than waking up in hospital. But hey, at least I met two of my best friends."
"Don't joke," I choked, lightly hitting his shoulder. "You could have died."
"But I didn't," he reassured me. "I don't like bringing it up, cause Enzo and Cella still feel guilty. That's why you never knew."
"Well, it's definitely not her fault. She didn't know what you were doing, right?"
"Right. She would've never let that happen, but she was practically passed out."
Pain tore through my heart at the thought of what he had been going through without me knowing. "Did you do it because you... hate yourself?" I asked meekly.
Jace swallowed and looked away. "Yeah. Something like that."
Concern laced my tone as I responded. "And your nosebleed the other day. You weren't in a fight, were you?"
He was solemn for a split second before he covered it up with a weak smile. "For once. I'm not an addict, or anything. I only did it those two times. I was just sad." After our fight. It's my fault. He rolled his eyes and kissed the crease in my forehead where I was frowning. "And no, it wasn't your fault. I know what you're thinking."
"Enzo..." I mumbled, fiddling with his collar. "He should have stopped you."
Jace sighed again and entwined his fingers through mine, surprising me. "What he gave me wasn't lethal, so you can't blame him either. I chose to go off and do more with some other random stoners. So don't be mad at him, okay? He's... the guy you like."
My eyes snapped back to his in shock, but he was staring at our joint laps instead with an unreadable emotion. Usually he hated when I talked about Enzo, and now he was completely accepting my feelings because just maybe, he wanted me to be happy. It was probably because I stuck up for him. That was it. "I don't know how I feel about him anymore," I whispered. "I can't even reply to his texts. Everything's so confusing all of a sudden."
Another one of those infuriatingly indecipherable flashes of emotion shot through him when he nudged his nose against mine. "So... who do you like?"
My heart raced and I shuffled further into his hold, letting our foreheads rest against one another. My Mom always told me that when you loved someone, you just knew; that you cared about them more than you cared about yourself, and nothing else in the world made sense but to be with them. My sister Katherine on the other hand insisted that crushes weren't always easy to figure out. Some people got clammy hands and butterflies, but others could go years without realising how much they liked someone. How at any given moment, their one desire is to be close to the other person. Jace's hands drew circles on my back from underneath my shirt, and my mind wandered further. I felt like I was waiting for some big epiphany to slap me in the face. There was this answer on the tip of my tongue every day when I woke up, and yet I didn't even know the question. Maybe it was 'who do you like?' Or maybe, it was 'how do I stop being so afraid of falling?'
I tried to think of who I cared about most besides my friends. Or more importantly, who cared about me. Someone who would risk their life to save mine. Someone who wouldn't let me leave their bed just so I was the first thing they got to see upon waking up. Someone who made me feel like we were the only two people in a room, or in a house, or in a city.
"Blue?" Jace whispered, his eyelashes fanning shut as he waited for my answer.
I swallowed, and grabbed a fistful of his shirt. "I-"
Suddenly, there was a loud banging from downstairs. We sprang away from each other, and I heard someone shout Jace's name.
"Shit," I breathed. "Your Dad's home. How did they get here so fast?"
Jace looked desperately between me and the door. "Wait, what were you gonna s-"
"Jace, we need to go! Before they see us up here," I hissed, pushing him off the bed and stumbling after him. Before he could try to stop me, I opened the door.
And a very angry Darren glared back at me.
He stormed into the room and I stumbled back into Jace's chest. He put two hands on my waist to steady me, not even caring if his Dad saw. But looking at him, the only thing he could see was red.
"So," he said firmly. "Do you two have anything to say for yourselves?"
I opened my mouth to speak, but Jace reached down and squeezed my hand, out of sight from his father. "He's not sorry. And neither am I." Jace's voice was determined and hard, and I swallowed nervously when I glanced at him.
Darren clenched his jaw. "The men that were with your Uncle and I were investors in the company. And not only did you ruin our deal, you embarrassed us both. We've just been set back months, and all you can do is continue to defy me?"
"We embarrassed you? You humiliated me in front of them too and my own fucking friends," Jace snapped. "Those men clearly already knew how much of a failure I was seeing as they barely flinched the entire time that you were degrading me, so no. Everything Noah said is still true. Seeing as you care about being rich more than your own son, you should have left business until after dinner. Just like you swore you would."
"I'm not discussing this with you," said his Dad coldly, before turning to fix me with a hard stare. "You had so much to say before, so by all means, go ahead and speak now too."
I gulped, all the courage I had at the restaurant gone. Before, I was surrounded by people watching someone I cared about being torn apart. But now, it was just me and a man that had taken me in as his own. "Darren... I'm truly sorry for offending you," I stammered weakly. "I appreciate everything you and Monica have done for me so much, but I couldn't just do nothing while-"
"My brother went too far," Darren interrupted, looking between us both. "But he is your elder. If you had a problem, you should have raised it respectfully and in private. Instead, you insulted him and this entire family."
"Respectfully?" Jace scoffed. "He didn't seem to care about that when he was calling me a useless addict in front of the entire restaurant. Does that seem in private to you, Dad? Noah stood up for me more than any of you fucking cowards ever have, so I'll 'respect my elders' when they respect me. When I told him to go fuck himself, I meant every syllable. So run off, make your report, and tell me if he likes it. I'm shaking with anticipation," he finished with a sarcastic smile.
Damn. He's hot when he's all angry and mean. I don't know how I never noticed that at school when he was telling the principle to suck his dick right before he got suspended.
His father was so usually collected that it upset me to see him acting so harshly. All I felt was guilt for hurting the family that had been supporting me for weeks, but I couldn't regret what I did after seeing the emotion in Jace's eyes before he kissed me in the middle of the street.
All the anger left the silver haired man until he just looked deflated. "Jacob..." he said guiltily. "I don't like what he said to you. You're my son, and I shouldn't have..." He sighed again, and pinched the bridge of his nose with two fingers. "I need some time to think. And during that time, you're both grounded. Don't leave your rooms tonight." He gave us one last tired look before turning and leaving. He was less furious and it seemed like he understood what Owen had done wrong, and yet he was disappointed. Probably more in me than anyone. I wasn't used to that, and it hurt more than anything.
Jace and I stood in stunned silence. He turned as if to say something to me, and then the door burst open. Again. I hadn't even realised our hands were entwined behind his back until Lee came panting from the hallway, and I jumped from his older brother like he was carrying the plague. In turn, he glared at me. Weird. He didn't move away first.
"Noah," Lee wheezed, his hands on his knees. "That-was fucking-incredible." Managing to regain enough air, he walked forward and shook my shoulders. "Dude, what happened to you being all quiet and nerdy?"
"You're the nerd," I muttered defensively.
"Shh, and let me praise you," he whispered, putting a dramatic finger to my lips. "No one's ever talked back to that asshole. Granted, Jace is even more of an asshole, but he didn't deserve that."
His brother scrunched his face up. "I'm literally right here."
"Yeah, and I'm being nice to you, dumbass!"
I watched them bicker back and forth in a quiet daze until I stepped in between them. "Lee, you should really go before your Dad sees you talking to us. We're grounded."
"Fuck, you're right. Hey, Enzo says he's sorry about what happened." Jace tensed beside me, but Lee continued obliviously with his usual excited grin. "Oh! And Eugene said that he's coming to every dinner that Noah attends from now on, and that it was the most entertainment he's had in months. That's all, bye guys-"
Jace tugged him roughly back by the jacket when he moved to walk away. "Gene talks to you?"
He stared in awe and disturbed curiosity at his younger brother, who only shrugged innocently. "Yeah. Whatever. No biggie." Before either of us could ask him a million more confused questions, he broke out into another smile and squeezed me tightly. "I don't know who you are and what you've done with Noah, but I love you," he whispered. I grunted and shoved him off until he bounced out into the hall with an excited wave.
I stared at the closed door and opened my mouth to comment on my best friend's idiocy, but before I could get the words out my feet were being swept out from under me. Jace picked me up with ease and carried me like a bride to his large bed while I gawked at him. "W-what are you doing?"
He set me down on the bed and took off his white shirt, revealing the body I both hated and loved to stare at. I gulped and tried to focus on his face so I wouldn't blush. Nope, doesn't work. That's perfect too. Fuck, he's annoying. "What?" He said with a cocky smirk. "We can't sleep in the same bed? Like we were doing for a week straight?" Oh. He wants to sleep.
"We were not doing anything. You'd collapse on me at 3am and I was forced into tolerating you," I retorted moodily as he climbed in extremely close to me.
"Mmm," he said with a disagreeing wince. "Pretty sure you once called me your 'blankey' and tried to suck on my thumb. But whatever you say, pretty boy."
I reddened with embarrassment and punched him in the chest, which only resulted in hurting my hand more than it would hurt him. Jace laughed and threw an arm around my waist. "Relax, I'm not gonna try anything. But you heard my Dad say we should stay in our rooms. And we both know I've done worse things than sleep next to you," he whispered in my ear.
I tried to elbow him in the ribs, but his chest was too flush against my back. When he chuckled against my neck, it didn't help the goosebumps forming like an army of mini-sexually-frustrated-Jace's on my skin.
Despite the fact that he was still being suspiciously nice and cuddly, I couldn't help but shuffle further into his hold. Knowing that we were only allowed to be around each other until Darren made up his mind should have scared me more, but I found myself half grateful. It meant I didn't have to keep making up excuses to spend time with him. For once, I couldn't figure out what was worse. Him staying, or leaving.
~~~
I wasn't even aware that I'd fallen asleep until a pillow slammed down onto my face. I scrambled up with a start, looking around me wildly in the dark to see a mischievous looking Jace looming over me.
"What the hell are you-" He slammed a hand over my mouth when I started to yell, before pointing at the door. I licked his palm and he jerked his hand back, quickly shushing me again.
"Shut up, and come with me." He threw some clothes onto my lap- his clothes- and tapped his wrist to hurry me up. "We can't wake up my Dad when we leave."
"Leave?" I whispered, shrugging on the outfit that smelled like him.
He started to move and dragged me to the sliding doors. He swung a leg up onto the banister and grinned back at my confused expression. "Live a little, Quinn," Jace said, before pushing himself off the side.
"Jackson!" I hissed with shock when he disappeared. "Oh my god, he's dead."
The second I heard a chuckle from below the balcony, I rushed over to the side. Jace was climbing the tree that was between both of our rooms and led to the patio. "I jumped onto this, you idiot. Did you honestly think I said 'live a little' before falling to my death?"
I glowered at his laughing face and swung up after him. "Not funny."
He was down on the ground now, but my heart was hammering. The tree would be easy to jump onto and climb, but I could easily slip, or-
"Stop overthinking it, dumbass. I'll catch you if you fall," Jace drawled. I'll catch you if you fall. Why does he have to act charming all of a sudden? Jerk.
My heart hammering in my chest, I ignored my fear of heights and pulled myself onto the nearest branch. I yelped with nerves and awkwardly shimmied myself downwards, barely opening my eyes. Only seconds had passed before I felt a pair of hands grab my waist and lift me onto the ground. Instinctively, I wrapped my shaking arms around the body and blinked up to see a smirking Jace. "Now that wasn't so hard, was it?" I instantly shoved out of his grasp and stormed forward. "You don't even know where we're going," he laughed quietly. I ignored him, so Jace rushed ahead to the gate that led to the front of the house. He stopped at his motorbike; and that's when I noticed the two helmets.
the emotion- børns
So that's why he's wearing a ridiculously attractive leather jacket.
"Nuh-uh. No way. Sneaking out like a delinquent is one thing, but going on that death trap is an absolute nope."
"Ugh, don't be boring," he groaned.
I glared at him and crossed my arms. "I'm not, you're just trying to be a bad boy."
"I am a bad boy," he grinned arrogantly, causing me to scoff with disgust.
"Then what's next?" I snapped. "Smuggling ourselves across the border? Robbing a bank? Committing murder as a fun bonding activity?"
Jace threw the helmet at me, which I scrambled to catch. "I was thinking sex, but sure. That could work."
I wanted to put the helmet over my face to hide my embarrassment, but instead I just aimed my disapproval to the view on my left rather than the tempting one in front of me.
"C'mon, Noah. There's something I wanna show you." That peaked my interest, and I looked back at him suspiciously while he put the key in the ignition. "Do you trust me?" He said, holding out his hand.
"Not at all," I said, before taking it. He smirked and helped a very reluctant me onto the back of the vehicle. Truthfully, I was terrified. But when he put on my helmet for me and his hands brushed my neck, that familiar feeling of safety flooded through me. I tightened his denim jacket around me- the one I'd stolen weeks ago that he'd surprisingly let me keep- and grabbed onto his shoulders.
"You know, girls usually grab onto my waist so they don't die. It would be a shame if you weren't as fun as them-" He hadn't even finished his sentence before I threw my arms around his middle. I could feel his muscles through his black shirt, and I squeezed tighter. Against all rationality, the thought of random girls sitting where I was irritated me; but that reaction seemed to be what he wanted. What we both wanted. After recovering from the shock of my willingness, Jace started to move.
At first, the terror was all-consuming. I was sure Jace was fighting for air in my iron grip, but after a few minutes, I trusted him enough to look up. We were already on the main road that connected nature to the city. Golden street lights blurred together as we flew by, casting shadows to dance like rainfall on the skin of our hands. On the gradual drive from the hills, we passed through a short tunnel strung with fluorescent yellow. I could feel our heartbeats blending into a single drum, bleeding through his spine and into my chest. With every pulse, the lights illuminated us. Grabbing a fistful of Jace's shirt with one hand, I raised the other shakily to my side. The adrenaline stopped most of the fear, but I knew where that strange peaceful feeling was also coming from. It flooded from his body, so close to mine that I almost forgot it was a separate entity. The guarded walls between us had been crumbling down so rapidly that it was hard to remember that he wasn't a part of me. Or maybe he was. I wondered if he also felt like he was flying, as I tipped my head back and looked at the flashing concrete ceiling, ecstasy and longing warring in my heart. So this is what eighteen is meant to feel like. This is youth to happy people. I wasn't used to being a happy person. But then we came out the other side of the tunnel back into the glittering night, and I couldn't hide the swell of joy inside me. I realised that bit by bit, Jace and I were changing each other. And maybe that didn't have to be a bad thing.
I waited for the sign that pointed towards San Francisco, but instead he swerved onto a secluded dirt road. Within a minute, he pulled to a stop and we took off our helmets. "We're not going to the city?" I questioned as I swung off the bike. My legs were shaking so much that I practically fell onto Jace, but his arm was around me in an instant. He chose to ignore me, and instead led us both up from the path and onto a hill. I mumbled complaints about how I'd rather be asleep all the way up, but the second we reached the peak, the words caught in my mouth.
a world alone- lorde
The long grass led to a small alcove of trees, in the middle of which there was a gap. Two swings hung from a tree branch tied with rope, a private corner of the world. Personal. Jace sat on one of the swings and I slowly joined him, taking in the city lights as they blinked in the dark and blended into the stars above us. Jace laughed softly when he looked at the side of my face, staring in wonder and awe at the view. My gaze flickered over to the tree we were swinging under, until it landed on the initials 'JJ' carved into the bark. He must have claimed this place as his own. I felt a pathetic pang of jealousy at the fact he had both a home and a haven, when the only real sanctuary I'd ever belonged to was long dead.
"Right there," Jace said, interrupting my pitiful thoughts when he pointed out towards the cluster of buildings in the distance. "Is the restaurant where I got disowned."
I smiled and elbowed him in the side. "You know, I probably would have just let them tear you apart if you hadn't worked me up with that vibrator."
He tilted his head back to laugh loud and true, and the phoenix in my ashen stomach stirred, reaching out towards the melody of his joy. "I think we'll be telling that story for decades," Jace grinned.
"I didn't know we were planning on being frenemies with benefits for decades, but okay."
"No, you idiot," he said with an eye roll. "You and Lee will probably be annoying me with your friendship until you're both gross and wrinkly and suffering with arthritis, so I guess we'll always be in each other's lives, even if we go back to hating each other. I'll be in that unhappy marriage you predicted, remember?" Jace gave me a teasing smile, and I laughed nervously remembering the harsh words I'd spouted at the last party we went to.
"I didn't actually mean that stuff. I was just mad..." I muttered.
"That night ended with us cumming on Colton's bed, so I can't really complain," he replied casually. My eyes widened and I punched his shoulder in outrage, but he just laughed again and got out a cigarette. "You're so innocent, Quinn."
I glared at him, trying and failing to appear intimidating. "Am not."
"Oh yeah?" He leaned forward, his fingers grasping the rope that pulled him close to my face. He glanced down at my lips with that attractive, arrogant glint in his deep brown eyes and said two words that made my breath catch. "Prove it." I knew he didn't expect me to take the bait. Honestly, neither did I. But with one look at his mouth, I was already a sinner. I brought my hand to the side of his face, and without a second thought, I kissed him.
Jace didn't respond for a second in the shock of me actually kissing him first, but that second passed as quickly as it arrived. His tongue dove into my mouth like a bird to water, and I didn't resist, even if I was the prey. Even if he was the hunter. Jace pulled away slightly to take a drag of his cigarette, and then leaned forward again so our noses were touching. He connected our lips and exhaled, and smoke furled like silver from his swollen lips to mine. He bit my lower lip as I let the fumes waltz their way into my open mouth. When our bodies were connected, it was like nothing else in the world existed. It wasn't rushed. It was two lips, a hand in my hair, and the pulse of my wrist beating in time with the one echoing from his neck. I forgot about the city and the view and all of the consequences we were ignoring. The heat inside of me burned it all away.
Suddenly coming to my senses, I pulled back. Jace's stunned gaze lingered on my face for a moment even after I blushed and looked away, and I wondered if he wanted to continue as badly as I did. I took out my phone, just to have something to do with my hands when they weren't brushing against his skin. 2:30 AM. If I wasn't lying next to him, I would have been awake anyway to avoid my nightmares. Now, I still felt like I was dreaming.
"I bet you bring all the girls here," I abruptly said with a teasing smile, to break the tense silence that followed our strange act of affection. "First, you give them a ride on your bike. Then you take them to the swings, say some teen movie bullshit about how the sky is a graveyard of stars and then ask them to prove that they're not innocent while you smoke and act all... well, act like you. Obnoxious and evil."
He laughed, and right on cue took a puff of his cigarette before throwing it on the ground and smothering his foot over it. "I lied earlier."
"About what?" I questioned.
"No girl's ever been on my bike before. I just like seeing you jealous." Before I could protest, he carried on. "I don't let anyone in my bed or in my car because I'm, y'know, a possessive asshole. You're the exception, and I don't fucking know why." He turned to me, and the sincerity showing on both of our faces made my heart beat faster that it should have. "This is my alone place. The second I learned to drive, I came here and made a swing. To have somewhere where I can just... forget." I didn't have time to ask what he needed to forget before his eyelashes fluttered shut. "Try it. Just close your eyes and breathe." I followed his example and let my mind clear. For once, my parents and the bullying and the weight of water didn't cloud my thoughts. The music softly playing from his phone enveloped me in a veil of peace and forgetting myself, I blindly searched for Jace's hand. It seemed that his fingers were already on the way to mine when they interlocked. My eyes flung open to see him staring back, and something inside of me ached.
He coughed abruptly before I could make a choice that I'd regret. "So... did you like the ride?"
It took me a few seconds to reply, too focused on his thumb as it drew circles over my knuckles. "At first, it was terrifying. But I knew I was safe... because I had you."
Well, that was a very platonic thing to say. Fuck.
Jace's eyes softened, but before he could say anything, I looked back at the nightlife glowing below us. "You can see the whole world from up here," I breathed. "It's beautiful."
"Yeah," Jace whispered, his gaze melting into the side of my face. "It is."
Jace
Half an hour later, I watched Noah attempt to shoot a basketball into the rickety old hoop. We'd gone searching for something to do until he spotted the court I used to practice on a few roads away from my hill. It had made my throat tighten with dread, but the excited look on Noah's face took all of the fight out of me. I was becoming soft around him, and it was a problem.
"He shoots, he- fuck. He's a failure." Noah's yell faded into quiet disappointment when the ball bounced pathetically in the opposite direction.
I shook my head to stop myself from watching him and instead grabbed the ball as it rolled toward me. My heart was pounding from holding it in my hands again, but the second I heard Noah laughing I was snapped back to the present. It's just me and him. It's okay. Even though I hadn't played in a year, I got it in the hoop with one flick of my wrist. That feeling used to make me feel like I had a purpose. Now, it just felt as empty as the echo of the ball hitting the asphalt. But then Noah grinned at me and stuck his thumb up like a little kid, and everything felt okay again. The world wasn't so dark when he was there to set it alight.
Shit. What's happening to me?
For ten minutes we fought with the ball, play fighting to get to it and laughing hysterically when I overpowered him every time. In my eyes, he seemed to move in slow motion, like he was running in a dream. His raven black hair curled up on his forehead, and the dark blue of his eyes glittered under the streetlamp. I got out my phone and took a picture, just like that day on the balcony. For once in my youth, I had something I didn't want forget. He's genuinely fucking beautiful, I thought to myself. I'd been admiring his pretty features my entire life, but I'd never truly realized why. I liked looking at him. I liked it. Suddenly, I didn't want to grow old. If I had one wish, it would be to stay playing basketball with Noah at 3am forever. I hated the sport now, but I didn't hate him. No matter how much I wanted to. No matter how much it pained me to be near him. I understood addiction, and this was it. Even if he killed me, I couldn't stay away.
I hadn't expected him to kiss me, but after he had (especially when I pulled that sexy fucking smoke thing) I couldn't deny the truth any longer.
He was the best kiss I'd ever had.
Noah was right about me being a manwhore. If you put forward any woman from the large area we lived in, chances were, I'd hooked up with her. But even with all that experience, I'd never felt so electrified when I was burying myself in his embrace. He was a fucking he, but I'd honestly stopped being bothered. Whatever the consequences, I had to keep kissing him. It wasn't a stupid crush, but everything he did drew me to him like a moth to a flame. Seeing him happy made me happy, like I was a dumb schoolgirl in a movie. I didn't just want to experiment sexually like I'd originally planned. I actually wanted to care for him. Like, bring him food when he was sick and kiss his gross, sweaty forehead. I wanted to sleep next to him every night, even when he unconsciously kicked me in the stomach. I wanted to have breakfast with him until we both got fat from all the pancakes and whipped cream. I wanted to see my clothes hang off his smaller frame, and I wanted to hold his hand. Nothing more, nothing less. I just really wanted to hold his stupid, fucking hand.
"Jay?" Noah asked suddenly after missing the hoop for the thirtieth time. Not that I was counting. I blinked into awareness at the comforting sound of his voice and tried not to look too much like I was having an epiphany.
"Y-yeah?"
"You said you put up a swing when you got your driver's license. So... why are there two swings?"
He threw the ball to me, but it bounced off my chest feebly. I couldn't even move. Why had I put another swing up? He cocked his head at me, and smiled that lopsided smile he always did when he was trying to figure me out. In my head he was kissing me again, and for the first time, I was realising why I wanted him to. I vaguely heard him repeat my name, but my mind was filled with haunting visions of his soft lips breathing life back into me. Like a bird hitting a window, everything came crashing down. So I did the only thing I could do. I picked up the ball and threw it straight into the hoop. When it hit the ground I looked at him, and then I knew exactly why two swings was better than one. I finally knew, and my heart sighed his name.
AN- AHHHHHHHHHHHH WHAT DOES THIS MEAN 4 THEM.... you decide folks what my cryptic metaphors actually entail
ik this was kinda a filler but we need soft chaps like this after dramatic ones to sort everything out ok!!! hope u liked it anywayyyy
absolutely hilarious that noah is the fully gay one and yet jace realises the obvious and blatant truth of their relationship before he does lmfao
thank you for reading babies <3 -bella
2021 edit- listening to hey there delilah during the second half of this chapter was not good for my health