Tanwir Sarker
When my sister said they were ready, she forgot to mention the details of what they were ready for. That left me looking like an absolute fool fumbling for the reason for my visit.
They were having a heart to heart, and I ruined it by knocking on their door.
It wasn't long until her family dragged us into the home, giving their hospitality and kindness. In front of me was a wide variety of assorted nuts and chickpeas paired with samosas. Though it all looked delicious, I didn't have a stomach to eat anything when I was consumed with nerves.
It was Kanza's father who broke the small chatter, maple eyes still weary from whatever discussion they were having before I arrived. "What brings you all here today?" he asked with a small smile. "It's been ages since we've seen your family."
My father chuckled, taking a sip of his tea. "Yes, we apologize for that. We've been too distracted by the newest member of our family," he said, gesturing to the baby in Damon's arms.
"Oh, of course!" exclaimed Kanza's mother, beaming at Damon and Yusuf. "You must be overjoyed at having a newborn in the family again. I remember how peaceful that time is."
Damon raised a brow at her, scoffing. "Peaceful? I think my ears need a lifetime to recover from the late night crying," he grumbled.
Kanza's father tried to hide his smile. "Wait until he becomes a teenager," he said, clapping a hand on Sami's shoulder. "Their mood swings will make you wish for the crying nights."
At this, everyone erupted in laughter, the previous tension slowly dissipating from the room. It was strange how a simple trip down the path of nostalgia led to a wave of euphoria. The past held dark secrets, painful memories, and often a strife too deep to bear, but the past was also filled with some of the brightest stars in one's life, full of merriment and joy, times that would forever be embedded into our minds as we aged.
We only gave the dark thoughts more respect than they deserved.
Once the laughter had ceased, I knew now was a good time to bring up the proposal. From the way Kanza fidgeted with her sleeves, biting her lip in nervousness, I knew neither of us had any idea how her family might react.
I cleared my throat. "I guess you might be wondering why we've come so unannounced," I lightly joked when all eyes returned to me. This was less scary in my head. I inhaled a deep breath, giving myself a vote for confidence. "I came to ask for Kanza's hand in marriage."
There. I said it.
A sudden quiet was instilled into the group, but there was no surprise there. Kanza's father merely sighed in response as if expecting the proposal. Adnan, Omar, and Sami were staring at me with wide eyes, glancing between their parents and I.
My palms felt clammy, my collar suddenly too constricting for my neck. I loosened the tie I wore, allowing some air to breathe through the heat that overwhelmed me. I prepared a speech to prove that I could be the husband Kanza needed me to be, yet my mouth felt dry as if the words were pushed out by a storm.
Ya Allah, please let her parents accept me.
I didn't tell my parents all the details about Kanza's incident with Dayyan, mostly because it was not my life to share. That was a deeply personal assault on her, and I would not invade her privacy by telling others, especially when the details were too painful for her to recount.
After what felt like hours, her father cleared his throat. "Marriage proposal?" he repeated, looking over at Kanza. Before she could speak, he held a hand to stop her. "It's okay, Kanza. Let's hear him out."
I smiled in relief, happy that my fears were not manifesting into reality. "I understand if now is not an ideal time, but I truly care for your daughter," I confessed, glancing at Kanza briefly before my gaze settles on her father. "She's so outspoken, passionate about her work, and she has the greatest sense of humor I've ever heard. Above all, I admire her strength in not only her faith but in herself as well. It would be an honor to marry her."
The look of pride in my parents face was unmatched. Their eyes wavered with diamonds that sparkled beyond their gaze, lips curved into the widest grins. It had been forever since I saw them smile at me like that, since I truly relished the joy they had whenever they saw me.
After cocooning myself in darkness for years, I forgot the warmth of my family. I punished myself and them by choosing to ignore their love.
Life was a fleeting dream, and some could never grasp the reality of life, could not fathom the duality between light and darkness. There was no need to hide anymore. There was no need to punish myself.
I was capable of love, of being loved. I always was.
The weight of my confession began to settle like snow dusting the dry, empty earth in a powder that shimmered like a frozen ocean. The smooth coat of white glazed over, and nostalgia began to overcome my senses. The cold used to be a realm of loneliness, yet that same wintry chill could find warmth with the laughter and smiles that love brought.
Kanza's father cleared his throat. "May I have a moment alone with Kanza and Tanwir?" he asked, standing. "In the other room please."
I'm so screwed.
* * * *
Following her father to a separate room, he closed the door behind us before he took a stand beside Kanza, hazel eyes as hard as stone, visage painted in gloom.
Kanza exhaled, tired of the silence. "Baba, before you throw a tantrum over a marriage proposal for your adult daughter, might I remind you that I have the right to consent and reject any proposal," she said, visage point-blank. "And I consent to this proposal."
Her father dragged a hand down his face. "Why do you kids always assume that I want the opposite of your happiness?" he muttered to himself.
"Wait, you didn't call us in here to yell?" she asked, power stance faltering. Kanza quickly recollected herself as she crossed her arms in a huff. "Well, I'm still saying yes."
"I already knew you were going to say yes," he sighed. His expression twisted into seriousness, tone lowering. "I'm assuming Tanwir knows about the Dayyan situation."
"I do, sir."
"Then you understand that my daughter's safety and happiness is my top priority, yes?"
"Of course."
For a few seconds, he stared at me intensely as if trying to read my intentions with his gaze alone. His posture was rigid, tense from worry over his only daughter. I could understand that protectiveness.
Hell, my father and I were the exact same when it came to Amira. We weren't protective because we thought she was incapable. It stemmed from our love, our need to be there for the women in our lives, to show our compassion. We wanted to be the shoulders they could cry on, a male figure they could always turn to.
And as Kanza's father stared at me with the same protective aura, I knew I couldn't fault him for anything that he said.
"I don't like the idea of Kanza being alone in her apartment either," I admitted in a quiet voice. "But she also shouldn't leave the life she built for herself because of a man."
Her father was taken by surprise, blinking at me. "Those are two contradictory statements. What are you suggesting?"
"After we're married, I'd like to move in with her. Our Nikkah doesn't have to be public or huge, neither does our Walima," I strategized. "Just as your priority is on your daughter, I would make it my priority to seek her happiness. If Kanza feels safer with a close-knit wedding and to continue her work, then I will stand beside her proudly."
Kanza was grinning so widely I was sure even the Cheshire cat would be challenged by it. There was no wiping the excitement from her dewy complexion.
When her father was still stunned speechless, Kanza's accusing eyes settled on him, clearing her throat in an exaggerated manner.
"Come on, Baba. Answer the poor man," she muttered to him. "He's laying his heart out for me and you're scaring him."
This snapped him right out of it as he scowled at his daughter. "You're too old for me to keep scolding you about manners."
She shrugged. "I call it as I see it. Right now, I'm seeing a marriage proposal I already said yes to."
He turned to me with an apologetic smile. "I'm sorry if I scared you. I wanted to verify what I already knew about you."
I furrowed my brows. "Which is?"
"That you are a true honorable man."
Kanza didn't even wait for my reaction as she ran out the room, bursting with energy and life. "I'm engaged!" she screamed into the hall.
Her father was shaking his head, half amused and half disappointed. "That girl will never learn."
The vibrant energy that sparked with Kanza's presence only rejuvenated me more like rays of sun splashing against my skin. The darkness was fading and the negative thoughts were blurry until they disappeared. Her light consumed me.
I could only hope that her light would never fade, that her flare would resist the constraints of time.
Hope, I thought. Never thought I'd say that again.
* * * *
Our families were buzzing with excitement, lips dripping with honey praises and thanks to Allah for our soon-to-be marriage. The engagement ring was prepared along with my brother-in-law's insistence that we take photos of everyone together.
Granted, Kanza and I wouldn't have a decent picture together until we were officially married. Watching from across the room as her three younger brothers teased and laughed with her, I knew that I could wait a lifetime if at the end we were together.
Her snowy skin glowed with noor (light), cheeks coated in an ember as if a pink tint flushed her visage. The mask of false serenity ceased to exist, and in its wake was a blossoming rose, the bud of a new story.
Dayyan may have shattered her progress, but Kanza picked up the pieces again. She was ready to conquer his looming darkness, ready to resist his threats.
My chest swelled with pride, knowing that this remarkable woman would soon be my wife. In Shaa Allah (if God wills it).
On the other side of the room, our parents enjoyed a cup of tea together, smiling in idle chatter as they ate biscuits. Warmth filled me as I watched our two families mingle and enjoy each other's company. My fears could have never predicted such a unity.
An elbow poked my rib, making me yelp in surprise. My sister's cheeky grin made me scowl. "You'd think motherhood would teach you to respect your elders," I mumbled under my breath. "Now, what's with that smile of yours?"
Her grin widened. "This smile?" she teased, tapping her chin in exaggeration. "It's totally not like you had this goofy look when you snuck a look at Kanza."
I averted my gaze, feeling heat creep up my neck. "S-Shut up. Shouldn't you be congratulating your friend?"
Amira laughed. "I can do that later," she said, still smiling. "For now, I'd rather make fun of my brother."
For a brief moment, her face flickered into a childhood version of her. Doe-like, curious brown eyes stared up at me, lips pulled into a pout as she used to beg to hangout with me. I would push her away, tell her that we'd play later. Instead of leaving me alone, she'd sit beside me and watch me go through my homework.
I blinked, vision blurring back to reality, her hijab coming to my view. Unknowingly, my shoulders relaxed from the blissful memory, a wave of nostalgia hitting me all at once and knocking the air from my lungs.
Back then, my mother would massage coconut oil into Amira's hair and then pull the inky strands into a braid. Amira would get so annoyed, and I would laugh.
Where did the time go?
My sister waved a hand in front of my face. "Did you lose your mind already?" she mused. "That wasn't supposed to happen until after marriage."
I nudged her. "No, Tubby." I used my childhood nickname for her, making her eyebrows furrow in confusion. Smiling, I gazed down at her fondly, still seeing our youth in her brown eyes. "I was just remembering you as a little kid."
"Oh, no," she said, horrified. "I was such a clingy sister. Don't remind me."
"We used to be so close."
"Who says we still aren't?" she challenged.
My gaze softened. "We are, Tubby. We always were."
She reached out to hold my hand, mine still larger than hers. Memories flashed one after the other, our childhood in pictures, glimpses of the struggles we endured, the times we fought, and the nights where forgiveness dawned.
"Some things never change, Bhaiyah (brother)," she smiled up at me. "Even though you're getting married, please don't forget that you have our family at your side."
"Hard to forget when you and Damon like pulling me out of the house," I teased, laughing.
The sound was so free, laughter rumbling from my chest. It wasn't forced or strained. I used to drown in the sands of time, wondering why I was stagnant in my life. Now, I found myself laughing to the tone of my family, adding the missing tune that was vacant for years.
She narrowed her eyes towards me.
"You know I could never forget about you," I said softly. "Allah made us siblings for a reason, so this bond," I gestured between us, "it's not going away that easily."
It was strange that Damon said those exact same words to me. He was right. Allah gave us these bonds in life for a purpose just like all things. Our lives were like yarn, all interconnected to each other and winding at every corner.
Those bonds led to blessings beneath an endless sky, a future filled with merriment, and faith engulfing our families in its warmth.
I gripped her hand tighter, the nostalgia of the past more welcoming than before.
We may have gotten older, life passing by with every winter's breeze, but there was still a familiarity in our bonds. Amira's whimsical eyes were still the same. Her laughter still brought me peace knowing that she was safe and happy, that I was still her older brother.
We changed as we aged. There was no denying that, yet underneath all the hardship and changes, we were still the same kids that argued over the last cookie. We were still the same brother and sister duo ready to take on the world.
And that would never change.
Assalamualaikum!
Gotta love nostalgia. Sorry for the wait, I was really trying to finish my other book before I drive back into this one.
But a lot of you missed this book, so I quickly put together this chapter. If you haven't, join our discord server!
You can remind me when I haven't updated a book yet xD
Is Kanza's reaction to being engaged the same as us fangirls? Let's not forget the tight bond between these iconic siblings.
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