Ever since the incident at the department of mysteries, Briar had been slowly improving. At first, her progress seemed minimal, if you could even say there was any at all. The first couple months after the incident felt more like survival than true healing, but Sirius and Lupin had promised her that getting through the hard moments was a part of her healing process.
Knowing this, she tried to feel proud of herself each time she made it through a crisis. Every time her old hurts bubbled to the surface in a catastrophic moment of misery, she used her coping skills and made it through the moment as best as she could.
Because surviving was still an incredible step in the right direction.
However, as time went on, Briar started to do more than just survive. She began to truly heal and make noticeable changes in herself, even as early as the beginning of September.
Sure, she was spending most nights in Neville's dorm, but it helped her sleep and associate the night with more happy memories rather than the isolation and fear that nighttime had been previously equated to.
So, when Neville's roommates teased her for being the 6th roommate, she took it with a smile. She was just grateful that she had been able to get away with this so long without Snape noticing. The man wasn't exactly her biggest fan, especially after the incident with the note in September, but she served her time in detention and steered clear of the menacing professor afterwards.
All seemed well for Briar. Her anxieties were starting to feel more manageable; she was feeling the most well-rested she had in ages, and her relationship with Neville was continuing to blossom into something beautiful.
So, when Briar was suffocating underneath the weight of unexpected panic one day, she felt a shock at the sudden reversion. However, her thoughts were echoing one solitary thought in particular.
Neville is in danger. Neville is in danger. Neville is danger.
This horrid thought echoed in her mind in an endless loop. She knew that this wouldn't stop until she saw him safe and sound with her own eyes, so she shoved shoes onto her feet with quivering hands and vision blurred. Her eyes were unfocused while her mind continued to spiral.
She needed to find him. She had to see him.
Fear strangled her heart in a vise-like grip as she stumbled from the Slytherin dorms and towards where she hoped Neville would be. She passed Dean and Seamus at one point and mumbled to them to wonder about Neville's whereabouts, but they didn't know. Her throat threatened to close when each boy shrugged at her.
Briar kept trudging through the corridors; she only stopped once she reached the portrait to the Gryffindor common room. Her echoing thoughts made it hard to focus, and she couldn't recall what Neville said was the password for the week.
She wrapped her arms around herself and tried to make a plan of what to do next, but her mind couldn't fathom planning in that state. Her focus remained solely on one task.
When the portrait swung open a moment later, she rushed past Ginny Weasley who had been on her way out. Briar hurried into the Gryffindor common room, and she rapidly climbed the steps that led her up the tower to Neville's dorm. She reached his room and faintly knocked before she pushed her way into the room.
Neville was sitting on Harry's bed and talking with him about something serious, and Briar's quivers slowly died down into the occasional twitch.
He was safe.
Harry and Neville both looked over when she had opened the door. Briar's cheeks were pale and her eyes still slightly unfocused, so Neville rushed to her side. He put a hand on each cheek and questioned, "What's wrong?"
His gentle question unleashed all of her earlier emotions that she had been just holding back. She crushed him in a hug as the tears began to stream down her face. She choked out, "I'm sorry."
Neville secured his arms around her and asked, "Briar, what happened?"
Her tears made it nearly impossible to express her unexplained fears from moments before, so she just clung to him and felt miserable that this was happening. Her old beliefs began to circle in her mind again, telling her that she was weak for getting this upset for nothing, but she didn't care if they were true. She needed him to just hold her as she came to terms with her own safety.
Everything is okay. Everything is okay.
She started to purposefully repeat these thoughts instead as she tried to calm down.
Harry quietly excused himself from the room, and Briar could only tell he had gone from hearing the door softly shut behind him. Guilt flooded her at the thought that she had kicked the boy from his own room. Her baseless anxieties weren't worth his discomfort, she was certain of that.
Neville ran his fingers up and down Briar's back for a few seconds. He gently inquired, "Did something happen? Or was it an anxiety attack?"
Briar nodded to the second option and caught her breath with her face pushed against his chest.
With his fingers still running up and down on her back, he suggested, "Would you like to do the exercise?"
Yes. The grounding exercise that Sirius had taught her. She could do that. She pulled away from him slightly and began to look about the room. She moved her lips silently as she mouthed out the five things she saw, and Neville's eyes carefully watched her while he tried to think of ways he could help her.
Briar ran through her exercise, and this helped. Her tears had stopped, and her heart had stopped racing.
Neville sensed that she was more calm, so he led her over to the bed to take a seat. He wondered, "Did you think about something in particular?"
"Yes," Briar muttered. She tugged on a loose thread on her sweater sleeve as she said this. She didn't know how she could explain her anxiety to him. Would he find her paranoia strange?
"Would you like to talk about it?"
She didn't know what to say. Part of her did want to talk about it. She wanted him to understand her; she wanted to feel less alone in her pain.
But she also felt afraid that he would think she's too much. That her suffering was too overwhelming for him to handle.
He waited patiently for her to decide, but she eventually whispered, "I just had a sickening feeling that you were in trouble. And it's silly because you're fine, but it just was...overwhelming... I can't imagine what I'd do if I lost you."
Neville brushed a few strands of her hair behind her ear and gently admitted, "I can't imagine what I'd do if you lost you either, Briar, but I promise you that I'm not going anywhere."
Briar nodded her head and twiddled with her thumbs in her lap. She confessed, "I've been doing so well, and it just...it felt like I really reverted back to a bad place today."
"Healing isn't linear, but it gets easier with time... I've had to face some of the same pain myself, you know," He murmured.
She looked at him then. She placed a hand over his and whispered, "I wish you never had to experience that. I hate the thought that you ever felt hurt."
He smiled and reminded her, "But our experiences help to make us who we are. That pain has made it so that this moment can occur, so that I could understand you."
"I guess that's true," Briar sighed as she stared down at her feet.
Silence passed between the two of them for a moment. Neville tried to decide what he wanted to say next while Briar processed his words. After a couple seconds went by, Briar swallowed and added, "I'm sorry I interrupted your conversation with Harry."
"It wasn't important."
She furrowed her eyebrows and replied, "It looked like it was. It looked serious."
Neville grew stiff, and this didn't escape Briar's notice. She licked her lips and slowly looked at him. "It was important, wasn't it? I'm so sorry. I'll leave, so that you and Harry can-"
"Stop," Neville interrupted with more force than either of them expected him to speak with. They both grew still. Briar was quiet as she waited for Neville to continue, knowing that he likely needed a moment to collect his thoughts.
Neville blinked for a couple seconds before he rubbed the back of his neck and acquired a full body flush. He stammered, "Well, it wasn't...it wasn't something important, really... I just-I just was getting some advice is all."
"Advice?" Briar repeated with a new curiosity. What was he needing advice on? His potions homework? Briar hoped that wasn't the case. She hoped that he knew he could always go to her with his questions about potions, just like she continued to get his help in Herbology.
He opened and closed his mouth a couple times before he squeezed them shut and blurted, "Advice about asking you out on a date."
A warmth spread through Briar's chest at these words. She breathed, "You want to go on a date with me?"
Neville nodded. He opened his eyes to assess her reaction with his features appearing even softer and rounder than usual.
"Yes," Briar cheered her response. She threw herself towards Neville and happily threw her arms around his neck.
He was stiff and shocked for a second, but he soon wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her closer. For a few moments, they just held onto each other, both feeling surprised and happy at the recent turn of events.
Everything was better than okay, Briar reminded herself that day, and it truly, truly was.
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