Chapter 19 I want to run away from all my troubles
Her face goes blank. She goes pale. I freak out! What if she faints or something? I won't know what to do! I might be in worse shape than her if that occurs.
I calmly place my hand on her shoulder. "Sit, sit" I request to her. She follows as I asked. She sits in the grass a balanced distance from graves that are all around us. I slowly sit right next to her starting to think, I hope I'm not sitting where there is a decade body under me. But I shake the fear off.
I just look at her where I can see she's calming down. Her face is gaining its color back to normal. I start to feel a little better. After a while passes, she murmurs in such a low voice I have to lean in to where she is to hear her. Her face is tilted to the ground and she's fiddling with some grass beneath her. "How'd you know?" I can hear a pinch of crying from her voice.
A gush of guilt over powers me. I asked her such a personal question that I probably don't need to know. I just met this little girl. After the guilt settles into me another emotion comes to me, fear. Fear for this little girl, on what she's had to live through.
I can't even imagine.
I try to decide my words carefully, but I feel as either way I'm somehow going to say the wrong thing. "Because, when Damon and I were going out he told me something's about yours and his father. He told me an awful story one time, a true story, a story that he lived through. He told me something's that his dad to him. Some not so pretty things.
"He told me that if he ever found out that his dad was hurting you, or any of his other siblings, like he did to him when he was younger child or worse, he would fight for you guys. Especially if he sexually abused you. . ." I start to drift off to when he told me all his history. And then getting back into this century, I get scared I said too much.
"How'd daddy hurt Damon?" she queries looking up to face me.
"I don't know if I need to get into that with you, just I will say one time it got so bad he had to be in the hospital for two weeks."
"Really? Two weeks isn't a short time"
"Yea, really" I say dropping my face thinking just on how it was when Damon was still around.
"What are you going to do?" Natalya breaks the silence after a few minutes.
"I don't know yet . . ." I retort in full honesty.
"Don't get daddy in trouble!" she tells me.
"Why?" I ask confused.
"Because, I love my daddy, and I don't want him to be taken away from me."
"But, hasn't your dad hurt you!?" I raise my hands up trying to show her it's not a good thing.
She doesn't answer.
I place my hands over her little once and raise her head up. "What all has your dad done to you and your other family members?"
She shakes her head in no response.
"Please Natalya! I don't want him to be hurting you guys anymore" I plead.
"I've already told you too much" she tells me. She releases my hands and gets herself up. She slowly heads back to the tent.
I get up from where I'm sitting and head after her. I have to run to catch up with her because I had a little trouble getting up. I kept falling back down. Maybe I weigh a tad more because I'm bloated. Guess I'm going to start soon.
I get in front of Natalya and grab her hands once more. "How have you told me too much?"
"Because, you wasn't even suppose to know he did bad"
"Why doesn't your mom leave him if he hurts all of you guys?" I ask trying to spin my head around all of this.
"Because, she's scared" she falls in her place and cries.
I slowly walk over to where she is. I get right next to her. "Come here" I calmly tell her opening my arms. She comes to me like a lost puppy in search for love. I hold her and rocker her back and forth. "I will help you and your family as much as I can"
She clings on me tighter. Through her sobs she goes, "Thank you"
*****Space*****
After Greta and I leave the grave yard we head to Applebee's. We have been invited to eat there from everybody that was at the grave yard. Greta and I accepted to go.
We pull into a parking place and get out. "So, what did Damon's dad have to tell you?" I question.
"He was just asking how I was doing and stuff. What where you and Natalya talking about?" she brings up.
"Oh nothing really; I just asked her how school was and told her how much I loved her brother. . ." I lie.
She nods her head up and down and nothing is more said. We walk in and go get seated with other people.
As we approach I hear Natalya go, "Jaylin! I saved you a seat! Sit here. Sit here!" I grin as I see the little girl looking at me and pointing to a seat that is right next to her.
I glance to Greta and she goes, "Go ahead. Have fun! I'll be fine without you" she answers my look also grinning. I guess she's also pleased of how much Natalya likes me. As I get seated she goes, "Look! Isn't it pretty?"
I look at the little picture she has colored on those things restaurants have for kids to keep them busy. I see she has kept in line most of the way, very neat. "How pretty!" I tell her in excitement.
"Really? You like it?" she goes sounding she's proud of herself.
"Yes! I love it."
"Yay! I'm glad"
I order my food as everybody else does and after the waiter leaves I get a hand offered to me. "Hi, I am Carry. I'm Natalya's mother."
I shake her hand back. "I'm Jaylin. Damon's girlfriend. . ."
As I say 'girlfriend' Damon's father turns and faces me. I look away. He scares me. I turn back to Natalya and chat with her. I hope he looks away from me; I don't want to be anywhere near him.
*****Space*****
I walk into the house and see all the lights are off. Good. I don't want to face anybody, especially my father. I want to just pretend I never saw what I did. I want to run away from all my troubles. . .
I go upstairs and take myself a quick shower. After I'm done I go downstairs and grab myself a little snack. Before long I'm back upstairs in my bedroom.
I turn on the TV and try to find something to settle on. I hardly ever watch television, but what the hey!
After going through all the channels about two to three times each I turn off the TV. Nothing appealed to me. I guess I'm not a TV girl.
I get my phone and text Chelsey out of complete boredom. As I wait and I guess no reply to me sending her hey, I hear that the open door has been just opened. I guess parents are home, great.
After I wait a few minutes I decide to go downstairs and greet them. I haven't even seen them in a few days. I wonder if they even want to see me.
"Where have you been!?" my mother orders on me the second she sees me coming down the stairs. She's dressed in a short sleeved flowery pink shirt, and light blue jeans with a belt that has flowers placed on it. Her hair is pulled back in a sloppy bun.
"In my room?" I say with question at the end of it. I extend my arm and point to my bedroom door that's been left open from where I just left it.
She doesn't answer and goes back to the magazine that she's reading at the table. Since she doesn't say anything more I go, "Where have you and dad been?" I add spice to my question, especially on dad.
"The store" she tells me not even looking off the magazine. I walk right pass her and open the fridge fingering all the things that are placed in it.
"You get anything?" I ask.
"Yep"
I close the fridge and open a few cabinets and also figure those. "Odd." I close and open a totally new set of cabinets. "I don't see anything new."
She looks off the magazine and look dead eye at me. I give her a mean glare back. "Why did you lie?" I question getting upset. I don't know why I'm getting upset, but I am. I normally never get upset, this is normal of my mother.
She doesn't answer. She just gets up and snatches her magazine with anger force. She gives me one more strong glare then storms off into her bedroom with no words followed.
I start to run back upstairs all in tears.
I slam stomach flat on my bed tears overflowing. I cover my face into the pillow and just cry.
I don't know how long I cried all together, but I will tell you a lot. I first started to cry over how I feel by my parents, unwanted, unappreciated me. And so much more! After I got calmed over that I would think on how all I want right now is for Damon to hold me comfort me. All I want, need is him.
I get out of my bed and glance out the window. I see my parents have left, again. Where, I have no idea but somewhere, and without me. . .
I take in deep breath and walk towards my bathroom. I walk in and again take in another gulp of air; nerves. All of a sudden I feel proud that my parents aren't home. They're not going to have to take part of what's about to come.
I fully walk in and go to my cabinet where I hold a knife. Why a knife, I have no idea. I guess I'm always scared and want safety.
I look at myself in the mirror and a gush of guilt comes, but I'm not backing down! "I love you Damon" I mouth to myself through the mirror.
I hold a tight grip on the knife that is now in my hand. "I can do this" I keep telling myself. Damon is dead, so why don't I die too so we can be together once again. There is nothing in this world I'm going to miss, except him. So why not join him.
I look down at my left wrist and my right hand that is holding the knife. I take in a deep breath and place the knife on my wrist. "I can do this" I whisper to myself again.
Just as I'm about to slide it, I feel a knot in my stomach. Maybe it's my cramps for this month, I think. But it hits me again.
Within that pain, I drop the knife and hear it fall to the bathroom floor with a "bang". Then I fall to my knees and hold my stomach.
I whine in pain and then I bend over and throw up in the toilet.