‘So’ Harry said as we walked back up to the castle ‘what did you wish for?’
I looked at him and grinned ‘if I tell you, it won’t come true’
‘Yeah…but…I saw the star too so it doesn’t count’
We both laughed and Harry slipped his hand into mine. I looked down baffled…I had no clue how to do this…my heart started to beat faster as my nerves started to take over. Harry Potter…the boy who lived was holding my hand and this meant more to me now I had read up on him ‘uh’ I stuttered nervously. My mind had gone completely blank ‘to be cooler than you’ I finally said
‘No one can get cooler than me’ Harry praised himself as we quietly re-entered the castle
‘I would like to protest on that statement Potter’
We had walked straight into the path of my dad
‘Oh damn’ I muttered but noticed that Harry’s hand remained firmly holding on to mine
‘Yes Lilliana, that’s twenty points from Gryffindor, ten each…Potter go back to your dormitory and do not leave it until the morning, Lilly, I would like to speak with you please’
Harry squeezed my hand before taking it back ‘good night sir’ he muttered before leaving me and dad alone
‘Follow me’ dad said coldly
I followed him down into the dungeons and into his office
‘Sit’
I sat down
‘Have I taught you nothing child? Roaming around the castle at night is dangerous enough without doing it with the likes of Potter!’
‘His name is Harry not Potter’ I glared at him
‘I don’t care’ he growled ‘now you listen to me and you listen closely, if I find you breaking anymore of the schools rules you will be going straight back home…you hear me?’
‘Yes’ I grumbled
‘What was he doing holding your hand?’
‘Being friendly’
‘I think he had a bit more than that on his mind…you watch your step around Potter’
‘HIS NAME IS HARRY!’ I roared making dad take a step back from me and stare blankly at me in surprise.
‘Do not’ every word shook with suppressed anger ‘speak to me like that’
‘I will speak to you how I like!’ I glared at him ‘Harry is my friend and he loves me more than you ever will!’ I stood up to leave but dad grabbed my arm
‘Sit down’ he ordered
‘NO’
He slapped me across the face and the force of it sent me sprawling onto the concrete floor, I banged my head as I landed and blinked up at him feeling dazed, confused and very upset. Tears leaked from my eyes as I shakily stood back up. ‘Lilly…’ he reached out for me but I backed away from him toward the door ‘Lilly, I’m sorry…’ he trailed off as I reached the door. I took one look at his anguished face before wrenching the door open and running back through the school and up to Gryffindor Tower…he had never hit me before…my heart plummeted…I was right, he doesn’t love me.
…
‘Lilly?’ Harry took one look at my face as I burst through the portrait hole and instantly knew that something was wrong…not that the tears and the red hand mark on my face gave anything a way…‘Lil, what’s wrong?’
I shook my head and ran up the staircase and into the dorm.
…
Severus Snape sat behind his desk with his head in his hands ‘what did I do’ he mumbled as he clenched his fists ‘dammit!’ He punched the table and stood up to pace the office.
How could he have done such a thing?
He had never laid a finger on the girl before now…what the hell was he thinking?
‘She is going to hate me now’ he thought aloud as his eyes watered, he could not stand the thought of it…he could not stand the thought of his own child hating him…but she wasn’t his, not really
…
‘Severus, it is very nice of you to come and visit’ Lucius Malfoy lead Severus through his large manor and up into the nursery where Narcissa was sitting in a rocking chair holding a bundle of white blankets
‘I thought you said…twins’ Snape looked around, he only saw one crib, one changing table and one child
Narcissa looked at her husband ‘it was a still birth’ she muttered ‘a little girl…’
Snape frowned ‘and this is…’
‘A boy’ Lucius said proudly as he claimed the bundle that was his son from his wife ‘meet Draco, he at least was strong enough to survive’
‘Yes’ Snape peered into the blankets and saw a rather ugly looking baby and reeled back ‘yes’ he repeated ‘strong’…and ugly
‘I need to speak with you Severus’ Narcissa looked pointedly at him and then at Lucius who nodded once and left with the child
‘What is it?’ Snape asked coldly ‘do hurry, I am in a rush’
‘I lied’ she stared at him and watched his face ‘I was pregnant before I came to you…I was angry with Lucius, he came home drunk one night…he doesn’t even remember’ she shook her head and sighed
‘You…lied to me’ he spat ‘you made me think that you were bearing my child!’
‘Yes’ Narcissa squeaked ‘I’m sorry Severus’
Severus growled at the woman and turned to leave the room with out a backward glance.
Narcissa sighed as she watched him leave and got up, she crept over to a secret door which was concealed behind a tapestry and slipped through it into another room with a cot. ‘Lumos’ she breathed into the darkness and blinked in the brightly lit room.
She walked over to the cot and peered into it ‘Dobby’ she called
‘Yes Ma’am’ a crack echoed around the room and a weird looking…thing stood before her
‘How is she?’
‘She is well mistress’ Dobby squeaked ‘are you sure you want to do this? If master finds out…’
‘Hush Dobby…your master wanted a son and had no interest for a daughter…I will leave with her tonight, you must cover for me Dobby, do you understand?’
‘Yes mistress’ Dobby bowed
‘Good’ Narcissa picked up the little girl and cradled her in her arms ‘ensure that your master is away until I get back’
‘Yes mistress’ Dobby bowed again
‘Good, she needs feeding’ she gave the child to Dobby and left the room, plunging it once again into darkness.
…
I lay in bed with the curtains around it shut, concealing me from the world and let the tears stream down my face and touched the hand print that stung under my fingers.
‘Lilly?’ Hermione entered the room quietly ‘you ok?’
I ignored her and rolled over to face the wall ‘this sucks’ I thought to myself ‘I thought things were going to get better’…things were only getting worse.
…
Morning came slowly, I didn’t sleep, I couldn’t…I didn’t even try.
‘Wow’ Ron gawked at me when I finally entered the common room to find that he, Harry and Hermione were waiting for me ‘you look like sh…ouch!’
Hermione had nudged him in his ribs and made an obvious hushing noise ‘shut up Ron’ she scowled and then turned to me ‘you ok?’ I nodded but said nothing
‘Well ok then’ Ron clapped his hands ‘lets go to breakfast because I am hungry’
‘You are always hungry’ Hermione muttered as she linked with me.
…
I was planning to go back to avoiding looking at the staff table but failed…dad wasn’t there anyway
‘Hey’ Harry nudged me ‘any idea where your dad is?’
‘Yeah’ Ron laughed as he shoved egg into his mouth ‘we are so missing his scowl’
‘No’ I mumbled as I set my fork down and pushed my plate away from me ‘I’m not hungry’ I got up from the table and walked away.
Being the weekend I didn’t have any scheduled lessons for the day and once again I found myself walking out into the grounds, retracing my steps from last night…I don’t know what it was about the lake that attracted me so but whenever I need to be alone, this is where I ended up.
But…like last time, I wasn’t alone for long. Harry (surprise, surprise) had followed me out
‘Hey’ he sat next to me and wrapped an arm around my waist ‘what’s wrong? You do look really ill’
‘I didn’t sleep’ I muttered as I wrapped my arms around my knees
‘What was that red mark on your face last night?’
I pressed my hand against the cheek that had been slapped and felt my eyes water again ‘it was an accident’ I heard myself say
‘What was?’
‘I shouted at him and he…hit me’
‘Snape hit you!’ Harry shouted ‘What the heck!’
‘It was an accident’ I defended…he did look very upset when I left
‘He hit you’ Harry growled again ‘tell me what happened’
I started at the beginning and Harry didn’t speak until I finished
‘You banged your head?’ He brought a hand to my head and felt the area that had hit the hard floor and found a rather tender area
‘Ouch!’ I gasped and shied away from him. I brought my hand up to feel my head and found a lump
‘Tell Dumbledore’ Harry said immediately ‘he should know about this’
‘No…I…’
‘Good morning Mr Potter’ once again, my father interrupted out conversation…it was as though he had a Potter radar or something
‘Professor?’
‘Please leave us’
Harry stood ‘see you later’ he mumbled to me before heading back off to the castle.
‘What do you want’ I muttered as I stared off into the distance, beyond the lake, ignoring my father as he took Harry’s spot ‘come back to hit me again?’
…
‘Lilly, what I did was wrong and I hate myself even more for hurting you, I have never done that before…I was angry’
I looked up at him and saw remorse leaking through his skin. I touched my hand to the cheek that he had slapped and felt the tears come again.
‘Lilly?’ I ignored him
I heard him sigh and get up, I thought he was leaving but he came and knelt in front of me
‘Lilly, I am truly sorry’ he put his hand over mine and with his other wiped my tears away with his thumb.
Wow, I stared at him…he is actually being sympathetic…I like this side of him.
I felt something explode inside of me, all those years of neglect came crumbling down onto me with such force that the howl that came from me sounded so wounded that I even surprised myself. I flung my arms around him and howled into his shoulder.
He was taken aback, I could sense it…he tensed at my touch but then slowly began to relax. He wrapped his arms around me and lifted me easily off the floor.
‘Here’ he sat me in a chair in his office…wait how did I get here? And handed me a vile of purple liquid
‘What is it?’ I muttered as sniffed it…it smelt good.
‘It is a relaxant’
‘Oh’ I downed it in one and instantly began to feel myself start to float ‘that stuff is good’ I muttered
‘I’m sorry’ dad muttered as he removed the vile from my hands ‘I am so, so sorry’
I looked at him with a puzzled expression ‘what…’
My whole body began to feel as though I had been lit on fire and submerged into an ice bath at the same time. The pain hit me like a hammer to the head and I screamed. Memories were whizzing in front of my eyes like a film and no matter how hard I cried, screamed or blinked it just wouldn’t stop.
‘Calm down!’ I heard dad’s voice echo around my head but it just merged with the pain. What the hell was happening to me?
…
The room was dark when I awoke, I was warm too warm, much too warm. I started to moan again as tears spilled from my eyes.
‘Shhh’ a voice came above and I became aware that someone was sponging my body…I was naked? I tried to curl up, to conceal myself but I couldn’t move ‘it’s ok’
‘Whose there?’ I managed to whisper between my sobs
‘Shhh’ the voice said again ‘it’s me, you’re safe’
‘Dad?’
‘Yes’
‘But you did this to me’
There was a sharp intake of breath ‘yes’ he sounded sad ‘but not on purpose’
‘Why am I naked?’
‘Your fever’ he dabbed at my forehead, it felt good against my burning skin
I sighed and closed my eyes ‘what happened?’
‘The relaxant I gave you, it was too strong…I brewed it myself for when I need to relax…but the dosage was too strong for your body and by the time that I realised, it was too late’ he sighed and I heard him dunk the sponge into water and I let out a sharp intake of breath as I felt ice cold water be dripped all over my body
‘I’m naked’ he hadn’t seen me naked in years…I was embarrassed
‘Yes, it was necessary’
‘Cover me up…please?’
‘Not until your fever is down. You were lucky that this was the only side effect’
I opened my eyes again and this time the room was light. I was in my fathers bed ‘I’m too hot’ I grumbled ‘why can’t I move?’
‘That is why you are naked love, you can’t move because I put a binding charm on you’
‘Why?’
‘You were thrashing about, I bound you so that you wouldn’t hurt you or myself’ he put the sponge down in the bucket of water ‘now you are awake I can undo the charm’ he flicked his wand and I felt the lead weight that was pinning me down remove its self from me. I sat up.
‘I wouldn’t do that if I were you’ dad told me looking nervous but I ignored him and remained in a sitting position.
‘Why not’ I frowned as a sudden gush of nausea rushed through me and a bucket was shoved at me just in time.
‘Because of that’ dad held my hair out of my face but sounded cold and annoyed. He forced me back into the cushions once I had emptied my stomach ‘next time, listen to me!’
I nodded and closed my eyes as exhaustion washed over me ‘sorry’ I mumbled as I closed my heavy eyes and drifted off to sleep.
…
Snape surveyed the body of his daughter that lay ill in his bed, this was his doing…and he felt so bad.
‘I’m sorry’ he muttered as he flicked his wand and was plunged into darkness
…
‘Dobby…is it safe to leave’ Narcissa hissed into the dark and largely magnificent entrance hall to Malfoy Manor.
‘Yes Mistress’ Dobby squeaked ‘Master is with the Dark Lord’ Dobby shivered but clutched a bundle of blankets tightly in his arms
‘Pass her here’ she held her hands out for the bundle and once received she cradles it in her arms ‘stay in the house Dobby, watch Draco for me, I won’t be long’
She disapparated with a loud crack appearing in a small neighbour hood called Spinners End. ‘Severus’ she whispered to herself as she hurried across the street. He would never take in a child that wasn’t his…so her daughter must be a doorstep baby.
…
‘Dumbledore’ Snape growled ‘Lilly is related to Draco Malfoy, can you not see the uncanny resemblance?’
‘I did notice’ Dumbledore nodded, he had his long hands entwined as he brought his eyes to face the potions master ‘twins?’
‘She told me that the child died at birth’ Snape muttered ‘she lied to me!’
‘Who lied to you?’
‘Narcissa Malfoy’ he said the name with such venom that it even unnerved Dumbledore
‘Severus’ Dumbledore said sternly, standing behind his desk ‘you have a very sick child laying in your bedroom and you are worrying about a lie that was told over eleven years ago? You have your priorities wrong’
‘No Albus’ Severus spat ‘I love Lilly, she is my life, it is my fault she is unwell but if this had never happened, if Narcissa had never left her on my doorstep her life would have been better than the life I gave her’
‘Maybe’ Dumbledore nodded ‘but I must protest. If she had stayed at Malfoy Manor with her birth parents then her mind would be just as warped as young Master Draco’
‘Leave the boy out of this’ Snape hissed
‘So’ Dumbledore moved to stand next to Severus ‘do we tell them or do we leave their relationship how it is’
‘They have no relationship…’
‘Then we leave it how it is…take me to Lilly, Severus, I will see if I can help her further.’
…
Cool hands probed my body, it felt nice…like being out in the blazing summer sun and then shoving your head in the freezer when you got home. I moaned softly
‘Lilly?’
I recognised the voice but it wasn’t my fathers. I opened her eyes and saw the headmaster frowning down at me looking concerned.
‘How do you feel?’
‘Hot’ she whispered but shivered under his touch…at least she wasn’t naked anymore.
‘Yes, that is the effect of the salve I have been rubbing into your skin. Your fever is down, you should feel normal again in a couple of hours’
‘Where’s dad?’
‘I’m here’ he was perched on the end of the bed looking extremely tired and concerned ‘Lilly, I am truly sorry’
‘I don’t blame you’ I sighed as I closed my eyes ‘is the salve meant to burn this much?’ I wondered out loud
‘Just for a few minutes’
And sure enough as I waited my body started to cool
‘Better?’
‘Much’ I smiled
‘Sleep it off Miss Snape, when you wake up Severus and I will return you to Gryffindor tower’
I nodded and sank back into a dreamless sleep.
…
‘Be careful with her Severus’ Dumbledore muttered as they both watched the girl fall asleep ‘she will be extremely weak for a few days, I will excuse her from lessons if she wishes but I urge you to try and not upset her until she is back to full health’
Snape glared at the headmaster ‘I don’t upset her on purpose!’
‘Certainly not’ Dumbledore frowned ‘watch what you say to her, a girl of her age is very easy to offend, especially when she thinks that you don’t love her’
‘She thinks that?’ Depression tried to overwhelm Snape, this girl was his life…how could she not know that?
‘You need to show her more affection, she seems to be starved of love’
Severus nodded, remembering some of the memories that flashed through her mind when it connected with his earlier. Every time she needed him…he shoved her away and left her to cry.
‘If you wish it…we can contact the Malfoy’s and they can claim her from you’
‘No’ Severus snapped ‘they didn’t want her’
Dumbledore smiled slightly ‘But neither did you’
Oh how Severus wished that those words were not true.
…
‘Lilly?’ Harry, Ron and Hermione leapt up as dad forced his way through the portrait hole with me in his arms ‘what happened?’
Dad almost threw me at them…the common room was crowded so I guess he didn’t want to seem like a sap in front of his students ‘make sure she rests’ he said coldly before retreating back through the hole.
‘What happened?’ Harry repeated ‘we waited for you but you didn’t come back’
‘He accidently poisoned me’ I muttered ‘with a relaxing potion that he brewed himself’ I saw their faces ‘he was actually trying to help’
‘Yes’ Hermione nodded ‘he wouldn’t poison his own daughter…on purpose’ but she looked a little unsure
‘I was recovering in the dungeons…in his rooms’
Harry nodded and glanced at me ‘did he…hurt you…again?’
‘No’…not intentionally I added as a side thought