"The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image. Otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them."
Thomas Merton
"I can't say any of us ever expected this," my mother laughed somewhat nervously as she eyed Thane at my side. It was clear his powerful presence wasn't going unnoticed, but considering we had been here for more than a few hours and were only just sitting down to eat, I was rather impressed. I had seen Thane's affect on low ranking wolves and it was intense. "But I'm thrilled nonetheless."
My father silently nodded his agreement at the head of the table, not really looking up from his plate as he continued to eat. Ever the talker as always.
He had barely greeted me when he arrived home, but I was relieved to see the happiness in his expression when he first laid eyes on me and the small smile that tugged at the corner of his mouth. While somewhat distant, and most certainly quiet, my father wasn't a cold man. I never felt unloved or had any reason to resent him. He showed me affection in his own reserved ways.
When he finally had returned home from patrolling, he didn't seem at all surprised to see the Alpha Male in his home. And he didn't hesitate to greet Thane in the appropriate manner when welcoming an Alpha, bowing his head in respect, and accepting Thane's hand to shake. My father hadn't needed to say much more; I knew he didn't disprove of Thane, and that he was happy to see me again, and that was that.
Thane hadn't found his silence odd - or rather hadn't addressed it - and didn't seem offended by it either. In fact I found it slightly alarming how similar the two males seemed to be, all too content to sit in silence amongst others. Both appeared surly and unapproachable on the outside, but I knew both to be incredibly loving males.
Even when my mother had to rush out towards the main house to cook today's pack meal, the only one that had seemed uncomfortable with the silence that fell between us was myself. Thane and my father seemed more than happy to sit in silence and wait for her return, despite my horrible attempts to strike up a conversation.
Margaret and Mitchell had also joined us, per our mother's request and much to my own irritation. They arrived about an hour before we sat down to eat and so far it surprisingly hadn't gone downhill. Having Mitchell with us seemed to keep the conversation between he and Thane going at the very least.
Thane was far quieter than he usually was in Colorado - as I had expected - but he wasn't rude. He'd been politely answering my mothers questions, offering small smiles and laughing quietly along with Mitchell's jokes.
"I'm surprised you were even able to recognise your mate Em," Margaret spoke up, now that the conversation had inevitably turned towards the subject of my mate. She was sipping on the red wine in her glass, staring innocently down at her plate as if it were nothing more than a passing comment. And perhaps it was. Only I didn't recognise it as such.
Wolves didn't often drink as alcohol didn't affect them like it did humans but being half human, Margaret and I found that we were able to feel 'a light buzz' - as our mother called it. Margaret was on her fourth glass now, and I knew the alcohol was probably giving her more confidence. Especially considering how quiet she had been initially, the presence of Thane's strong aura proving too much for her.
I felt Thane's hand find its way to my knee, and I welcomed the warmth.
"Well," I sighed, taking a larger gulp of my own glass of wine. Our mother was watching us both, her lips pressed together tightly as she shot us a familiar look that meant a reprimand was on its way if we didn't behave. "Truthfully, I didn't."
"Hmm," Margaret hummed thoughtfully. "That must have been... interesting. I can't imagine what it would be like to not recognise your mate. Have you discussed whether or not you're having kids?"
I saw Mitchell shift in his seat towards my sister, his hand reaching out for hers as his usually jovial expression turned to a frown. He never liked it when we argued. I knew the behaviour surprised him but he was an only child and probably didn't understand that this was how siblings could be sometimes. I wouldn't pretend that I was entirely innocent when it came to starting fights with Margaret but that didn't mean Margaret didn't frequently cross the line. She knew how cutting this subject could be for me. And there was no way in hell I couldn't recognise this for what it was; she was looking for a fight.
"Well of course they are!" Mom cut in before I had a chance to answer. "I want grandchildren!"
"You have grandchildren," Margaret reminded her dryly, referring to her two children currently being watched by another young mother for her.
"I know that," our mother snapped. "But I want more, is that a crime?"
"Well they might not even want any, what with Emily's messed up genes. Imagine an Alpha kid unable to shift."
"Margaret!" Mitchell snapped from beside my sister, at the same time I rose to my feet, my movements so abrupt that my wine glass fell. The last of the red wine spilt across the tablecloth but I barely paid attention to it.
"Are you kidding me right now?" I hissed, glaring at her. "Can we not get through even one meal without you pulling this shit?" But she wasn't even looking at me. Instead her eyes were trained down at her plate, everyone's eyes were downcast, and I understood why when I finally turned towards Thane.
He appeared to be nothing but calm as he stared directly at my sister, but there was no other explanation to everyone's sudden submissive actions. While I couldn't feel the presence of a wolf, I knew his would be overwhelming right now. An Alpha wolf intent on making it's presence known, and demanding respect.
The room was silent and I waited for Thane to say something but he only looked towards me as if he were waiting for me to speak. I understood then that while he was furious, and while he wanted to say something, he didn't want to speak out against my family.
How considerate.
I smiled just as he reached for my hand, his thumb brushing against it gently. The smile he offered me in return was soft and tender - a smile I had grown used to in Colorado. It was an earth-shattering feeling to be on the receiving end of such a smile from such a fierce male. It filled me with warmth to know I had earned such a look from him, even now, when the actions of others had his wolf on edge.
I turned back towards my family, to find my mother watching the short exchange with wide eyes and a soft smile of her own. A heat claimed my cheeks knowing that she had witnessed that intimate moment between us.
"I think we should leave."
Instantly her expression shifted into something I could only describe as entirely heartbroken. She appeared appalled as she claimed, "You've only just gotten here! I don't want to say goodbye just yet."
The unshed tears in her eyes had me pausing. I didn't want to upset her, but I couldn't stay here a moment longer with Margaret.
"We have to help with the Mating Rotations this evening, anyway. But we can join you for breakfast tomorrow, if that's okay," Thane interjected. I squeezed his hand to show him just how grateful I was for it.
"You'll be at the Mating Rotation?" My mother asked, seeming to brighten up. "I'm cooking for it, I'll be able to see you both there? And of course you can come for breakfast tomorrow, we'd be thrilled, wouldn't we, Tom?"
"Of course," my father uttered politely, finally resuming his dinner now it was apparent the tension had disappeared. I nearly rolled my eyes at him. So easily distracted by food, and so rarely bothered by anything else.
"Okay," I murmured, looking towards my sister who was still staring at her food, and at Mitchell who looked nothing short of apologetic for his mates words. "I'll see you all later then."
***
"Daniels found his mate," Nero grumbled, suddenly appearing. He fell into the empty seat beside me with a heavy sigh.
I was sat on the outskirts of the main hall - the same hall the Alpha Meetings had been held in - on one of the few available table and chairs as the majority of the room mingled with one another. Most wolves would have found their mates by now, their scent alone within the building would have made it easy enough to locate one another. What was left were the wolves who had not met their other half, but were more than happy to continue the party. The food would be presented shortly too and I rarely knew a wolf to turn down a meal.
I had been sat here for most of the night, content to watch everyone. Across the hall at opposite sides of the room, the two enforcers stood keeping an eye on everyone. It wasn't unheard of for fights to break out at these things. Mates were usually awfully territorial creatures anyway but when they first met all aspects of that were heightened. It would take very little for a male or female to feel threatened by another wolf and attack.
"And your jealous?" I asked in a quiet mumble, distracted.
"No," he huffed. "That's not why I'm annoyed. I'm annoyed because his mate is my cousin."
"Oh... oh."
"I didn't even realise she was old enough to finally come to a Mating Rotation. I swear to the Gods if she brings that ass-hole to our family functions I'm going to rip my own eyes out."
"Nero," I reprimanded through smothered laughs, rolling my eyes and finally glancing towards him. He seemed incredibly irritated if the scowl on his face was indication enough. "Don't you think you're being just a bit dramatic?"
"You've met him, right? We're talking about the same male? Daniel Galaz: egotistical, arrogant ass-hole wolf."
"I'm sure he's just as thrilled to be a part of your family."
Nero scoffed, "I forgot you two are so buddy buddy now. What is the world coming to?"
"He's not that bad you know."
"He tried to kill you!" He almost shrieked. "How does that qualify as 'not that bad'?"
I didn't respond.
Beside me, Nero's elbow brushed my side. I ignored it, dismissing it as an accident as I continued to watch the crowd. When the second nudge came, a little more forcefully, I ignored it still. I continued to ignore him until his elbow surged into my side so hard I was jumping in my chair.
"What?" I hissed, shooting him a glare.
"What are you staring at so intently?"
He followed my gaze secured across the hall towards Jack. He was conversing with the Arizona Beta Female and the Montana Beta Male, laughing loudly at whatever they were all discussing. He was also steadfastly ignoring me. He had been the entire time since I arrived. And I had been sat here, watching him for the past hour. Coward.
"Oh."
I crossed my arms tightly against my chest.
"What even happened anyway? All I've heard are rumours."
"What have you heard?"
"That you're caught up in some love triangle between the Alpha's. You and Jack were caught kissing and the big bad Colorado Alpha went bat shit as a result."
"What?"
The young wolf grinned as he explained, "That was just one of the rumours. Another was that Alpha Athen is your mate but you rejected him for Alpha Harris. Then there's one that Alpha Harris is your mate but you're having an affair with Alpha Athen because you don't like Alpha Harris and he's too terrifying of a mate."
"So lot's of rumours and none of them true?" I groaned. "Brilliant."
"Don't worry, I've been setting people straight. I told everyone that you're actually my mate, but we're in an open relationship," he explained sincerely.
"You're so funny," I retorted dryly.
"I am, aren't I?"
"I'm going to go get another drink." I rolled my eyes at him. "Go mingle more with the other's or you'll never find your mate."
"I think if he was here I would have found him by now, but fine. Go abandon me."
"Dramatic little bitch," I muttered under my breath as soon as I took a single step away, knowing full well that he could still hear me. His loud cackle confirmed it; the sound loud enough to attract a lot of attention, including the Alpha who was so intent in avoiding me.
My eyes met Jack's for the briefest of seconds before he turned away from me.
Usually if he were behaving like this I would have no qualms about storming over there and forcing him to speak to me. But considering all that had happened, considering the rumours that were now circulating and considering the large number of wolves in the room, that probably wasn't the smartest idea.
But I would speak to him before we left. He couldn't avoid me forever and I demanded an apology for his actions. More than anything I just needed to explain everything to him.
I didn't stay in the hall any longer, heading towards the kitchen in search of my mother. I did promise that we would see each other this evening after all. What I didn't expect to find in the kitchen, was Thane stood at one of the counters chopping something.
I froze in the doorway with wide eyes, just as he turned to face me.
"I wondered where you disappeared to. Have you been in here the whole time?" I asked, eyeing the floral apron tied to his front and the knife in his hand with confusion.
"Your mum was cooking all alone. She said one of the males that usually helps had to go home because his mate was giving birth, and the other was only nineteen so was attending the Rotation," he explained simply.
"So you've been cooking with her?"
"I'm trying to win her approval," he grinned, not looking the least bit embarrassed. "Do you think it's working?"
"Almost certainly," I laughed. Anyone who wanted to win my mother's heart only had to show an interest in cooking, and yet here was the frightening Colorado Alpha offering to beher little sous chef. He was so unbelievable sometimes, completely smashing all expectations I had of him with ease. "I've never seen you cook before. Very hot," I teased, approaching him slowly and allowing my eyes to visibly scan him from head to toe.
Gods he was attractive.
He laughed.
"I've cooked for you before." Placing the knife on the counter, he untied his apron, and stepped towards me to close the last of the distance between us with that sinfully attractive grin of his.
"I was injured and asleep," I reminded.
"I've cooked for the entire pack on multiple occasions," he rebutted, pulling me suddenly into his arms and turning me to lean against the counter. My heart jumped. He was watching me with such rapt attention; I felt my stomach flutter.
"You have?" I murmured, barely able to concentrate on the conversation as his head dipped and his mouth grazed mine.
"We all take turns to cook, remember?" His nose brushed against mine, and a hand dance up the length of my spine to cup the back of my head. I leant into his touch, arching into him.
"Huh?" I released a shuddering breath, gripping his waist and holding his body tight to mine. I could feel his erection pressed against me just as easily as I could feel the heat igniting within me, pulsing, begging, desperate for release. It had been almost two days since we had last been together and yet it felt as if I were starved for his touch. I wanted him, all of him; I needed him.
"I'd be a bad Alpha if I thought myself above feeding my own pack. Perhaps I'll have to cook just for you one evening. We could go back to that patrol cabin, have a little privacy." His voice was low and husky as his mouth founds it's way to my neck.
I moaned breathlessly, neck arched towards him as he kissed and gently bit from the crook of my neck to the edge of my jaw.
"Thane," I hissed, as his mouth continued to tease me. Patience worn thin until I couldn't take the torture any longer and pulled his mouth to mine, capturing it in a searing kiss that had my toes curling.
He kissed me back fervently, devouring me in the privacy of the Idaho kitchen, only a room away from so many wolves.
"Oh dear." The sound of a soft, startled exclamation pulled us apart, and I was horrified to see my mother stood in the doorway. There was a distinct pink flush to her cheeks, one that I knew would mirror my own as I felt the heat in my face. "Not on the counters please."
I groaned, pulling away from Thane, barely able to look my mother in the eye. Especially as she started to laugh.
"I'd appreciate it if you didn't distract my helpful assistant Emily, Dear," she teased, "But I can understand the urge considering how handsome he is."
I hadn't heard anyone speak so casually about Thane outside of the Colorado pack before. And I certainly hadn't met anyone who could refer to him as her 'assistant'. But I suppose if it were to be anyone, it would be my human mother, who after twenty-five years of living amongst wolves, probably still didn't quite understand the hierarchy in a pack in the way that most wolves naturally did.
Thane only laughed, seeming all too at ease.
"Now, are you going to go make me some grand-babies or are you going to help me cook?" She asked.
"Mom!" I groaned. Gods she made me feel like a teenager again, so embarrassed by anything she said. If possible my face was even hotter, and that same pulsing heat of desire was present as I stood so close to Thane's side, completely wrapped up in his scent. "I'm going outside for some fresh air. You two enjoy your little cooking thing."
"Yes, you certainly look like you need to cool down," my mother couldn't help but tease on my way out.
***
The air was cold outside, and the gentle wind that swept my hair from my shoulders forced a shiver to tremble through my body. I was still wearing my shorts and a t-shirt from this morning, I hadn't thought to put on anything warmer.
It was quieter than usual out here, no doubt most wolves were tucked away in their cabins to avoid the Mating Rotation. But there were still a few Idaho pack wolves out, and some newly paired mates.
"You're sleeping with him."
Jack appeared out of the main house to fall into step with me as I strolled across the grass. I tensed at his sudden arrival, and hated the way my heart began to pound in my chest.
I had waited all night to speak to him, had wondered if he would ever speak to me again. And yet somehow I had still been caught off guard. He didn't offer any greeting, any apology for his previous behaviour. Instead he jumped right into the conversation with poorly hidden frustration behind every word.
"Jack-"
"You're sleeping with him."
It wasn't a question.
"Yes," I answered anyway with a sigh.
His features were tight, his mouth pressed into a flat line as he scowled off towards the trees, still unwilling to look at me. I could appreciated how handsome he seemed, even in his anger. I could see how easily it was for me to fall for him those years ago. But there was no question to how blinded I had been by my self-hatred, how desperate I had been for that intimacy when I had felt so alone amongst the rest of the pack. It had felt as if Jack was the only one who could understand me entirely.
I realised now he had not understood me at all.
"So that's it? You fall into another Alpha's bed and I'm forgotten? Were you fucking him in Nevada too?" It would be hard to miss the bitterness in his tone, and I nearly flinched at his sharp words.
He didn't know then. He didn't know that Thane was my mate. Had he not heard the news? Or had he only heard the countless ridiculous rumours?
"He's my mate."
Jack paused, turning to me abruptly.
"You don't have a mate," he stated so resolutely, head shaking. Yet his eyes fell to my neck anyway as if to check for proof. "You're not marked."
Did he not believe me? Did he think I was lying to him?
I understood the confusion. Most mates would have completed the marking by now. But I was telling him Thane was my mate. Was my word not enough?
"He is my mate."
"You don't have to be with him." That familiar look of wild determination in his eye scared me. He did believe me, he believed Thane was my mate but he was so desperate to have me he didn't care.
"Jack!" I exclaimed, as I took a step away, utterly appalled by his suggestion. But he was there, stepping closer and grasping at my arm to keep me in place. His eyes were wide, urgent, as they locked onto mine.
"You're not marked. There is a bond between us. You don't have to be with him," he begged. "I love you Emily, and I know you love me too. Is that not enough?"
"Jack, stop it," I snapped, tugging at my arm in his tightening grasp.
"Tell me you love me, please," he begged again, stepping up so close to me I can feel every inch of his body pressed to mine. Where I once desired to feel him against me like this, now all I wanted was to be as far away from him as possible.
I had loved him, so much that it had felt like my heart was torn from my chest when he found his mate. But I had kept those feelings to myself. I didn't for one second dream of standing between Jack and Amy. I had respected the mate bond - that bond that we were taught as children to respect above all else. I had respected their bond even though I resented the very idea of a mate bond.
It was selfish for Jack to be unable to do the same.
"I did love you, I did. But not now Jack. You have to let go of me. You can't act like this." I ripped my arm from his grasp and finally put enough distance between us so that I no longer felt as if I were going to scream. Hot tears pricked the corners of my eyes, an overwhelming surge of despair and anger swirling within me as I faced the male who had once been my best friend and closest companion. "He won't forgive you so easily again. He doesn't want you around me alone again. Not when you're being like this."
"What, you have to do as he says?" He scoffed, his irritation morphing into genuine anger.
"I don't think that's a comparison you want me to make between the two of you," I spat, my voicing rising with every word; not for a second willing to let him criticise Thane, and not for a second allowing him to take such a tone with me. "He's not the one that forced himself on me."
"What choice do I have when I'm losing you to him!" He shouted. I didn't need to feel his wolf to know how close the beast prowled beneath the surface of his skin. His chest rose and fell in haggard breaths, his body tensed, each muscle coiled and ready to burst. He was so very close to shifting as he stalked towards me. Never had I seen such anger directed my way.
He wouldn't attack me, that much I knew. If my mother was right about the secondary bond I shared with Jack, especially as Jack confirmed there was a bond between us, I knew he would not hurt me - not physically.
But an Alpha that lost control of his emotions - enough to shift into his wolf - was a dangerous and unpredictable thing.
I hadn't heard it at first. The growl that sounded across the open field. It was a low, rumbling growl that seemed to shake the earth. It began deep and quiet, building up throughout that soil and shaking the ground beneath my feet until the growl was so loud, so vicious that it could not be ignored.
I saw the other wolves in the area - those who had once been my pack-mates, flinch at the power behind such a sound. I saw the wolves attending the Mating Rotations - easily identified by the new couples that stood so close to each other - tense and look towards the open doorway of the main house.
I saw the two enforcer wolves appear first, the male and female looking calm but aware as they scanned the area and locked onto me.
Another growl rumbled loudly; it's source neither of the two enforcers.
And when I finally saw it, the root of this bone chilling sound, I felt my heart lurch.
A wolf... fur as black as night, eyes glowing silver, larger than any wolf I had ever seen. The beast emerged, the muscle beneath the flesh and fur contracted and shifted with each slow, measured step closer. It prowled across the grass, nothing short of a deadly predator that needed to be feared.
I had witnessed Thane's wolf only twice. During my initiation; when it had been so dark in the woods and I had been too focussed on the initiation itself. And when I had been injured. He had been demure then, nothing more than a male in wolf skin. A protective addition to my bedside while I healed. This was not that same man.
There was little of Thane that I recognised as the wolf stalked across the grass towards us, flanked by his two enforcers. This was the actions of a wild wolf stalking it's prey, challenging it and promising death.
And this time Jack had not turned to run, had not hidden from the opposing Alpha Male's fury. This time Jack stepped out in front of me and faced the wolf.
Next chapter is already up on my Inkitt account!