Chapter 34: Scare (Nicholas' POV)
When I was done getting dressed and I came back out, she was fast asleep. I didn't want to wake her so I just kissed her forehead and then left. I was going straight down to the library where I was planning on sitting and making notes for my first council meeting but I ran into my mother on the way there.
"Goodmorning," she smiled.
"Morning," I sighed, stopping and turning to her.
"Is something wrong? You seem worried," she frowned in confusion.
"I was until this morning," I cleared my throat, scratching my brow.
"How come? What happened?" she questioned.
"We had... a scare," I mumbled.
"A scare?" she frowned in confusion before gasping in realization. "A pregnancy scare?" she whispered.
I nodded. "But she's not pregnant. So... that's good. I guess," I mumbled the last bit under my breath.
She stared at me quizzically and I stood still under her gaze. "Oh, honey," she sighed, squeezing my cheeks.
I scrunched up my nose and pulled back. "What are you doing?" I rubbed my cheeks that were now sore thanks to her.
"You want to be a father," she sang, smiling widely.
"What?" I scoffed.
"You cannot lie to your mother. It's just not possible for you to do it. You want a baby, don't you?" she asked softly.
"No," I shook my head.
"Nicholas," she said sternly.
I looked down at her, refusing to admit it. "It doesn't matter what I want." I shook my head again.
"Of course it matters, Nicholas. Her thoughts just matter a little more. Ultimately, she'll be the one doing it all. Carrying the baby, delivering it, raising it for the most part, with your help of course. She has to be ready, right?"
"I know that mother," I sighed.
"God," she groaned. "It would be so much simpler if your father just died."
I stared at her, my eyes wide, my lips parting in shock. "Do not say that, because I will make it happen," I scoffed.
"I pray God does," she mumbled under her breath while I turned and started walking to the library.
I had been there for about an hour even though I finished the work within thirty minutes. I was thinking about it now.
Having my father killed.
Nobody would react. I know that. Because it has happened numerous times in our legacy. A newly made king having the former king killed. I know my father made it happen. But I would hate myself to be like my father.
I heard the doors opening and then closing softly. I stared at the papers in front of me while faint footsteps came nearer. I looked up when they came into sight.
"Hi," she whispered with a smile. "What are you doing?" She pulled the chair beside mine and took a seat.
"Thinking," I mumbled, tapping my fingers against the table.
"About?" she asked.
"Having my father killed."
Her smile faltered and she looked at me with calculating eyes. "Are you serious?"
I nodded, looking up at her.
"Why are you thinking about that, Nick?" She shifted her chair closer to mine.
"Because things would be simpler without him around."
She stared at me for a minute, both of us thinking silently. "Is it really that bad? That you have to get him killed?"
"I don't know," I sighed, rubbing my temples. "It has started getting intolerable for me. I hate having him around. Which doesn't surprise me in the slightest, I've never been close to him and I've always clashed with him. I don't know how to deal with him anymore," I groaned.
"So you want to get him killed? Think about it, Nick. I won't stop you if you decide that's what you want to do. But is it worth it?"
I thought silently.
"Would you tell our child that you made that happen?"
I looked up at her, seeing her raising her eyebrows at me questioningly.
Would I tell my child that I made that happen?
No.
My father told me that he made it happen and here I am thinking that having someone killed is the right thing to do. Even though a part of me knows in no circumstances would that be the right thing to do.
"Why are you tempted to do it?" she whispered.
"Because it angers me to know that we cannot have a child because of a third person. Who happens to be him."
"But we aren't even trying, Nick. We are not ready for it."
"That does not matter. The point is, right now we aren't ready, so we can manage. What happens when we are ready, Ella? How do we fix this then?"
"When we are ready, I'll let you kill him with your bare hands, okay?" she sighed.
"No, that is not what this is about. He is the problem, his thoughts, his mindset, it's almost like he's purely evil and selfish."
"But we cannot change that, Nicholas." She placed her hand over mine on the table. "We cannot change someone else and his thoughts or his behavior. So, why are we focusing on it?"
"Because he wants you dead, is why, Ella," I snapped.
She watched me for a minute. "Maybe we should just have a baby," she shrugged.
I stared at her, shocked.
What?
"I mean, if I'm killed, I'm killed right. But you'll have our baby with you."
"What the hell is wrong with you?" I leaned forward, grabbing her chair and pulling it closer to mine.
She sighed, "I am not stupid, Nick. You think I couldn't see the hint of disappointment on your face when I said I was not pregnant?"
I opened my mouth to argue but she beat me to it.
"Look, it is clearly important to you that we have a child. You want a kid, you want to be a father, why don't we just do it? We'll handle it," she shrugged.
"We cannot handle all of it, guaranteed, Ella," I argued.
"So? How will it matter when you have our baby?"
"It will matter because I'll have the baby but not you. And without you, I don't have anything. Yes, I want a child but not more than I want you safe and here with me. If anything happens to you, I will never be able to forgive myself. Understand?"
"But you-"
"What I want isn't more important than your life. And if you think it is, then you should know that what I truly want is for you to be safe, alive, and by my side for the rest of my life. Do you understand, Ella Williams?"
"You're not the only one who wants a child, Nick," she mumbled, looking down at her hands.
"Yes, but you are logical. Use your mind, you cannot think with your heart. Not right now, not as a new queen. You know we are not ready for it. I know we are not ready for it. So let us lead with our heads, not our hearts. Not until he's dead."
She looked up at me, "You cannot have him killed just so our path is clear to having a child."
"I know that," I mumbled.
She stood up and stepped closer, standing in front of me, in between my legs while holding onto the sides of my face. "Then forget about it. For at least a year, Nick. Maybe two?"
I let out a frustrated sighed, resting my head against her stomach while she ran her fingers through my hair.
"Maybe even three. But then I'll draw the line. Because I cannot wait longer than that," she whispered.
"And what are we supposed to do for these years?" I questioned, looking up at her.
"We're supposed to be married," she laughed, stroking my cheeks with her thumbs. "We enjoy that," she shrugged.
"Being king and queen? We enjoy something? Right," I scoffed, rolling my eyes.
"Okay," she cleared her throat, kneeling in front of me.
"What are you-"
"Shh, listen to me. There is more to a married couple than just have a baby, right?"
"Right," I nodded, pushing myself out of my seat and kneeling in front of her, mirroring her actions.
She chuckled, scooting closer to me. "So that is what we should focus on. We should... how do I explain it? We should dive into each other. Is that what they say?" Her nose scrunched up.
"I think so," I laughed, putting my arms around her waist and shifting closer to her.
"We'll do all that and figure out more on the way," she shrugged. "And regardless, we know nothing about being parents. So, maybe we can learn, do our fair share of research and when it happens, it happens. Nick, if I was pregnant today, I would still have the baby. You know that right?"
I nodded slowly.
"Can we stand up?" she asked.
"Yes," I laughed, pulling myself up and then helping her up to her feet as well.
"How much work have you got left?" she asked, looking down at the notes.
"Nothing until I get new things to work on," I sighed, watching her. "Hey, I have an idea. About the parenting situation."
She looked up at me with raised brows.
"Why don't we practice?"
"Practice what?" she laughed.
"Making a baby," I smirked.
"I thought you were waiting on more work," she smiled while I grabbed her waist, pulling her to the back of the library.
"No, I never said that," I grinned, pressing chaste kisses to her lips.
"Nick," she smiled against my lips. "Have you eaten?" she asked as I pinned her against the wall.
I sighed, looking at her.
"I'll get you something to eat, we can do this later." She kissed me long and hard before pecking my cheek and then rushing out to get me something to eat.
.
.
.
.
.
Chapter 34
I've decided to make the next chapter the epilogue cause this one is kinda dragging on a bit now and I keep forgetting to update this because frankly, I'm really into writing Born to be rn lol, so I thought we'd wrap this one up nice and sweetly
next chapter: epilogue