*THIS IS A MESSAGE FOR ALL MY BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE WHO FEEL INSECURE OR UNWORTHY. PLEASE STOP TO READ THIS BECAUSE I LOVE YOU AND I SEE YOU.*
Hi everyone! If you're a new reader of mine and this is the first book you've read by me, you'll quickly learn that the author's note is my favourite part of my stories. So let's get into it.
This was my first attempt at writing a rom-com (because in the past I've been told that my sense of humour is always impressionable in my stories, thank you so much) so I thought I'd give a shot writing a story centred around my humour. I was so glad to see that this book made you guys genuinely laugh, which is all I'd hoped for!
Another major thing I'd hoped for—shedding light on mental illness. Both OCD and BDD but mainly BDD. Let's talk a little bit about that in case there are some of you who want to know more.
Body Dysmorphia Disorder is a mental disorder wherein you will see your body as something it isn't. At all. BDD is capable of making someone underweight believe that they are severely obese. They will genuinely see that in a mirror. BDD will make someone believe that they gained ten pounds overnight, and that isn't an exaggeration. This illness will literally convince you of it even though you know it's completely impossible. BDD is just that—it deforms your image of yourself to the point where you will see someone beyond different when you look at yourself because your brain is chemically altered to make you see yourself in the worst way.
BDD is very different than just having body image insecurities, so I don't want this book to come across as a way for you to self-diagnose yourself. If you believe these symptoms apply to you, please get yourself clinically diagnosed so that you're not living with false information. I don't want people to read this book and automatically take away that they have BDD. Speak to a professional if you feel that you need to seek medical help to receive a diagnosis.
I hardly see books that talk about body image, sad as it is. It's usually an age old cliché where the girl lost her once upon a time weight and is now totally secure in herself without a shred of doubt. I mean, that can totally be the case. Of course. But people everywhere are so unbelievably insecure about many things that I think those insecurities should be talked about as well.
Growing up, I was always made to believe I was overweight. My family members instilled it in me that I was a chubby girl. The truth is I'm not and never was. For a huge portion of my life I was quite skinny yet I used to starve myself because I remember, I sincerely remember, looking in the mirror and seeing someone overweight. When I look back at pictures I cannot believe how thin I was because I don't ever remember looking like that in my own eyes. It shocked me and made me realize there was something very wrong going on for me to be so off base about myself.
It's ruined a lot of things for me. Sometimes I'll eat a really big breakfast and decide that I had too much food for one day so I don't eat anything for the rest of the day. Sometimes I'll cancel plans when I know everyone will be dressed up and I'll have convinced myself that I'll just look big in all my outfits so I don't go at all. Sometimes I'll push away a guy with everything in me because I'm so convinced he'll hate my body. Sometimes I'll look in the mirror and think I look thin, and sometimes I think I look chubby, until I don't even know what I look like anymore because I can't depend on my own freaking eyes to see the truth.
The truth is I'm literally as mid-weight as it gets. "Medium," I call myself. I'm not skinny and I'm not chubby. My height (I'm very tall) makes me look skinny but my broad shoulders make me look big. I have thick thighs and a really nice ass but virtually no tits so there's an in between situation going on there too. I'm like smack dab in the middle, but in my own eyes I see someone who's overweight when I'm nowhere near it. But the thought of it owns me.
This book is all about self-love. My point was never to promote the message "go lose weight and everything will be better!" It's why I made Sierra struggle with her body severely even after losing all her weight. Insecurities don't just go away. You'll find new things to be insecure about when you lose the weight you've been wanting to or gain the weight you've been wanting to. You'll always see the worst in yourself because it's human nature. So what's the real message of this book?
Love yourself exactly as you are, because there's only one you in the whole motherfucking world and that's a fact.
Nobody is like you. Nobody. People can be similar but nobody is exactly like you. There is only one you so yeah, there could be someone taller or shorter or thinner or curvier or have more hair or less hair or have bigger boobs or smaller boobs or have a bigger ass or a smaller ass but SO WHAT. They can't fucking replace you, because only you are you. You can't be replaced. You just can't. And that's definitely something to feel powerful about.
Every single one of you is powerful. Wonderful. Beautiful. No matter your size or shape or colour, you're ridiculously ethereal. You offer something worthwhile to the world and everyone around you. Your presence matters. Maybe not always to yourself, but there will always be someone who needs you and thinks the world of you. I think the world of you.
Please love who you are. Please love those little things you hate about yourself. Please love those who love you for who you are. If you can love others unconditionally, you can love yourself unconditionally. I promise you, you can. And until you get there, I'll love you unconditionally. I'm just here waiting for you to catch up and pull your head out of your ass so you can see it.
I know believing these words is easier said than done. But I hope they made some kind of impression on you anyway. I hope you come back to this when you need to remember how to love yourself. And I hope you guys will always know that I'm here for you and that you can talk to me literally anytime you want. Think of me as your author mom. I just want to see my babies happy.
Thank you so much to everyone who took a shot on this story. Thank you for joining me in Sierra and Holden's wonderful and crazy and sickeningly adorable love story. Thank you for showing my stories love and teaching me how to love the part of myself that creates them.
My next project is the complete and total opposite of what you just read. I'm talking dark and fucked up romance with villain lead that you'll need to mentally prepare yourself for. As much as I loved writing a rom-com, dark romance is my calling. It's where my heart lies because I've always believed that imperfect characters deserve to be understood and loved. I love writing characters with flaws, and my next story will have my most flawed anti-hero yet.
Please follow my Instagram @thefeveredbookaholic as I will be doing promo a month before the release of my new story. Promo includes teasers, edits, trailers, character aesthetics, contests to win exclusive sneak peeks of my upcoming novel, and so much more.
And as always, happy reading!
— Amber Isabelle